ofanya / anya casiraghi
– “C'MON,” SHE LAUGHS, NUDGING HIM BACK WITH HER OWN ELBOW, “ i’m just teasing you. ” she makes a face, scrunching up her nose, “ you know i don’t mind whatever you have to say. i like hearing what you’re thinking about. all of it. ” so, she thinks she’s earned the right to tease him because more than anyone else, she wouldn’t mean it. anya bottles up her personality a lot of the time around people, tries not to stand out or be too memorable in case the impression she leaves is unlikeable. but with charlie, it spills out over the edges, and she doesn’t mind if she leaves a bit of a mark behind because she’s comfortable with the impression. she can’t help but be herself around him. “ it’s not your fault, ” she repeats firmly, leaning into his touch as his fingertips brush over her cheeks. it was a big part of her life, so she was bound to think about it, and money is something that comes up more often than she’d like. it’s funny how you don’t really notice money until you don’t have any of it. “ but thank you, that’s kind of you to say. ” he’s being polite. she appreciates it, though, and she knows the puffiness will subside momentarily as long as she can distract herself. for all of charlie’s bravado in proposing this now, he’s going to have to bring it up again because anya won’t. she’ll be nervous that he didn’t really mean it about paying for her, and she won’t want to be the one to push it if it was just an offer made after a couple drinks. still, it’s not the first time she’s thought about seeing more of the world with him, all the times that he’s brought up his travels with her she’s wondered what it might be like to be there, right alongside him. there’s the usual voice in the back of her mind that tells her not to get her hopes up, but she can’t help it – she’s beaming, caught up in his smile and the sweet way that the corners of his eyes crease when he’s happy. her expression softens for a beat. “ i always worry about things, ” anya reminds charlie, because it’s practically a personality trait of hers though a therapist would just call it anxiety. “ but okay, we can talk about it. i want to know everything. ” basically, she just wants to be included, and surely she’ll be excitedly sending him ideas once she’s more comfortable.
once, when anya was fifteen, she’d written this : “i’m so frustrated with my parents. it feels like i could stand in the center of the room and scream and scream and they wouldn’t even look up. my mother would probably say something like, “ that’s nice, honey. ” i just don’t know what to do. i feel like no one here notices me and i don’t know what i’ve done wrong.” it’s essentially the dramatic diary entry of a teenage girl, but anya is still trying to grow out of that. most of the time she has felt overlooked, unnoticed unless she did something absolutely drastic, something like nearly getting herself killed. charlie has never overlooked her in such a way, and even now, his eyes meet hers in a way that makes her feel like he really SEES her. she doesn’t feel forgotten or misunderstood in the slightest, in fact, she feels so completely at ease. it’s impossible not to adore someone who impacts your life like that, and the way she feels for him runs so deep that she doesn’t think she’d ever be able to get it out of her. she has never had a friend like him, and she probably never will again. she wonders if back then there was some intrinsic part of her that knew how special he was, some instinct that drew him to her – but even as the thought crosses her mind, she knows that’s not true and there’s no need to overcomplicate it. as a child, it’s much more simple than that, you gravitate toward comfort and the things that make you happy. she chose him because he looked at her like he saw her, spoke to her like he knew her, and that hasn’t changed over the years.
anya notices how quickly he finishes the glass of water in his hand, and she hopes she’s subtle about the way she trades their glasses, casually replacing his with hers while he’s speaking about the terrace. “ okay, let’s walk, ” she agrees, “ but i can carry my own heels, charlie, it’s okay. ” she instantly feels a little more free when they can head out the door onto the path, undoing the strap on her heels so she can carry them while they walk. it takes her down a few inches, even shorter in comparison to charlie’s lankier stature. however, she feels more free, more relaxed, and maybe a bit pleased with the thought that her mother would hate how completely unladylike this behavior is. the only regret she has is that she doesn’t have a free hand to hold his. it’s lucky the stars are bright tonight. “ i’ve never taken my heels off at a party before, ” she says, holding them up, “ i feel sort of rebellious. ”
“ i know, ” charlie starts, shaking his head with a flutter of his eyelashes. “ just be careful what you wish for — it’s going to be a long summer, and we’re allowed to text now. i can’t promise i won’t spam your inbox a little bit — but i’ll spare you anything past midnight. ” it’s meant to be a joke, though perhaps there’s some truth there. charlie’s been known to text rather unashamedly, and it’ll be no different with anya. he reckons tommy should thank her — she’ll be getting all the thoughts that don’t go into letters, now. the tinier things he doesn’t have time to ruminate on or forget. it’s a domain they aren’t quite used to, and he hopes the illumination of daytime anxieties won’t discourage him from reaching out to her. anything beyond midnight will be savored for letters, regardless of whether he’ll actually send them. “ you don’t have to thank me, ” there’s a small breath of laughter at the thought, and charlie doesn’t know that she understands he isn’t saying it to be polite, or to make her feel better. rather, it’s because he means it ... he hasn’t ever said anything to her that he doesn’t mean. there’s no should be no question of whether anya casiraghi is beautiful — she always has been, always will be. from the smallest fibers of her soul bared onto parchment, to the way her eyes glitter, and the way she just shines without ever having to try. it’s impossible not to recognize her radiance, even when he’s only reading her through a thin page of paper. it’s the kind of beautiful that doesn’t dim with time, for it’s so well-ingrained in her bones in a way that spans beyond mere looks. he tilts his head at her softened expression. “ i can’t blame you for worrying ... but i don’t want you to feel like you have to, ” charlie starts, though he knows all too well you can’t simply shut off anxiety. “ i just ... i want you to enjoy yourself, is all. no weights, nothing to stress over. i know i haven’t got the best track for staying organized, but it isn’t my first time planning something like this. i’m plenty capable, you know. ” he says it with an amiable grin, to show there’s no malice in his tone. charlie doesn’t always do a great job of showing it, but he’s thoughtful. even despite every destructive tendency, he couldn’t mess something like this up. “ i’ll keep you updated, but you can’t know everything. there’s got to be some surprises. ” charlie’s got the upper-hand of having spent six months in greece prior to his first year at blackthorne — he knows enough of the language, and all the best places to eat, to see, to experience. he wants to share it all with anya, to watch her feel the joy he can never quite shake when reflecting on his adventures.
the glass of water is switched so seamlessly, charlie hardly registers it’s a different cup as he brings the chilled rim to his lips again. it’s an easy flow to fall into when you’re with someone you trust so completely — anya could talk him into anything, even without trying. he’s too entranced by their interaction, anyway, his gaze devoted to her features. the blue of her eyes, and the way they’re more cerulean than his. he gets tired of the grey of his reflection — but hers is something he could get lost in. there’s the slope of her nose, and the curve of her lips ; the way her cheeks turn rosier when she laughs, as if the sheer act is something to feel shy about, no matter the joke. in all his twenty-some years of knowing her, chalie’s never wanted anya to feel she has to shrink herself when she’s around him. he’s always preferred the opposite — getting to know her in a way that’s unapologetic, as if he’s got a front row seat to the cinema of her imagination, her deepest, innermost musings. he wants to devour what little time they have left together, for tomorrow, they’ll be back to nearly four million feet separating them. back to letting weary days and hazy nights quiet the sound of her voice, blurring the candidness of her features, the delicacy of her touch, and the way his fingertips seem to buzz as they trace her skin. he wants to enjoy these six inches while they’re still a luxury they can afford — it’s only inevitable the summer will be less sunny without her around, and perhaps it’s embarrassing, but he’ll count down the days until she’s breathed into existence once more. separation will be easier to bear after greece, knowing there’s a shorter span of time between their next encounter. in all his years of academia, he’s never once looked forward to standing at the foot of another long school year ; but as he stands in this ballroom, he thinks there’s a thousand tiny things that’ll make it all worth it — and anya casiraghi is worth more than all of them, combined.
“ well, you should’t have to, ” charlie argues, finishing his water and discarding it onto a server’s tray before they exit through the ballroom’s french doors. he lets her lead the way until they’re beyond the terrace, stepping onto a stone path that leads toward the gardens. having been wrapped so closely in her embrace only moments before makes things feel emptier — as if he’s missing something he’s otherwise yearning for. it’s natural to long to be closer to her, his shoulders brushing past hers like a light breeze kissing their cheeks. charlie would hold her hand, too, if he had the chance. he’s distracted from the thought as she speaks again, a light chuckle escaping his lips. “ oh, it’s very rebellious, anya, ” he teases lightly, feeling playful — as if they’ve snuck away into their own pocket of the universe, a land with no rules and far from the patronizing gaze of judgmental parents and brothers. “ promise i won’t tell anybody ... it’s our secret. ” he smiles cheerfully, lightheartedly. it occurs to him that it doesn’t matter what they’re talking about ; this feeling is consistent in her presence, and perhaps some of the only consistency his emotions have known. and though the night is threatening to come to a close, he’ll elongate these moments for as long as he can. he isn’t ready to say goodnight or goodbye, no matter how brief it may be. he wants to be here, there, and everywhere that anya casiraghi is.
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ofthomas / thomas black
THE SLIGHT SMILE ON TOMMY’S LIPS IS HUMORLESS, because there’s nothing really funny about stella being a constant in his brother’s life, even if it’s arguable that it’s something he deserves. charlie pointing out that tommy will only have questions is annoying, because obviously he’s going to have even more questions if he’s told NOTHING. there’s nothing more annoying than someone dangling missing information in front of your face, and sometimes he feels like charlie does that on purpose, to get him to bite, so tonight he’ll let it lie. “ you don’t know ? ” it doesn’t seem like a question that’s very hard to answer – but this is charlie, and tommy’s seen how complicated he’s made his relationship with sloane in the past. he won’t point out that it’s a yes or no question, and tommy ALMOST lets him off the hook and changed the subject — but god, he HATES when charlie gets self-deprecating. “ i mean, if you like her, i’d say it matters. ” his words are gentle, because he knows it’s not charlie’s fault his brain seems to tell him otherwise. “ just because you’re… going through things right now doesn’t mean you should shut yourself out to something that could be good for you, you know. you deserve to be happy. ” whether it’s sloane, or anya, or anything else. it’s not lost on tommy that they seem to never be able to NOT have a heavy conversation, but this is so not the place for it ; with a tired laugh, tommy takes a long swig of his drink. “ christ. ”
it’s hard for charlie to fathom what he’s truly deserving of, unsure of whether everyone's equally entitled to feeling good and nurtured. he’s put too much destruction into the universe to feel he can deal in terms tommy speaks of. if you believe in karma, you’d think he’s hardly begun to repent his crimes, and he’s got enough rotten fate left in him to last for at least another century. if you believe in redemption, you’d think he’s still got a second chance or two left in him. charlie doesn’t quite know what he believes in, but he thinks a heart is perhaps the last thing he should be trusted with. maybe he’s too hard on himself, or maybe it’s payback for all the times he’s been self-centered. whatever it is, he isn’t apt to figure it out tonight — not when they’re at a party, not when they’re meant to be having a good time. so he gives his brother a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, wrapping his arm around tommy’s shoulder as a playful gesture. “ er, right. thanks tommy. let’s just go and enjoy the party, yeah ? ”
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ofanya / anya casiraghi
– ANYA SUPPOSES THAT IF ANYONE’S GOING TO BE UNCONDITIONALLY IN HER CORNER, it might as well be charlie. he’s already been offered every warning label that she could possibly come with, knows all about her family, her past, and the things that scare her. he’s the only person in the world that knows how she got the weird scar on the back of her left knee when she tried to climb out her bedroom window, just to see if she could ( it’s in one of her letters, the angle she’d fallen at illustrated with a diagram. ) so to speak, he’s best suited for the job. charlie always speaks in such absolutes, and there’s a pull at the corner of her lips only because he’s so dramatic. anya just shakes her head slightly without the energy to argue with him because she doesn’t think that’s true, she just isn’t a burden because she tries so hard not to be. she’s made herself small to the point of invisible sometimes to keep from troubling others, and she hopes one day she will have the confidence in herself to believe she is the person that charlie seems to see in her.
“ alright, alright, ” anya concedes, “ i just had to push a little to be sure, i know you’d tell me if it was genuinely irritating to you. you do love to complain, ” she tries to lighten the mood, though the fond smile on her lips might betray her a little bit, it’s almost too soft. unlike herself, charlie isn’t exactly subtle when he isn’t the biggest fan of someone, but that has always been good for anya to be around someone where she never has to worry where she stands. if there is room for interpretation, insecurities will have her assuming the worst. anya cringes slightly at the sheer volume of charlie’s voice, announcing to everyone in the nearby vicinity that she’s a sensitive baby. she tries to blink the tears back but they wind up running down her face as charlie’s fingertips wipe them away. “ yes, i know, ” she says with a laugh, because his reaction was so amusing to her that for a moment she nearly forgot why she was starting to cry in the first place. “ i just…i thought about last summer and i just got sad for a moment. i’m okay, though, ” she adds with a sniff, “ i’m trying not to look like a mess. ” charlie pulls her close quickly and she wraps her arms around him, welcoming the initial comfort that comes from it. the smell of his cologne lingers along with the scent of alcohol, and it occurs to her for a moment that maybe a holiday alone with charlie for such a period of time might not be the most positive thing for her. there’s also the thought that makes her feel like it’s not fair, that other people wouldn’t have to worry about things like that, and she’s tired of not doing what she wants out of fear. she puts it out of her mind for now and listens to his advice. “ okay, ” she nods, pulling back from charlie’s embrace and so that she can look up at him properly, “ yes. ”
charlie has a luxury anya doesn’t have right now, and it’s the liquor coursing through his bloodstream. it gives him the ability to not overthink every move he makes, to act on instinct. anya is keenly alert and not afforded the same luxury, aware of each idle movement of charlie’s hands, the way his touch lingered on her for so long. she’s sure it wouldn’t have if he were sober, but that doesn’t offer an explanation as to why she feels so affected. they talk about everything, and normally he would be the first person she’d turn to in order to work out a mess of her own thoughts, but she won’t bring this up. he’s still her best friend, though, and maybe that’s exactly why. “ i was thinking the same thing, ” she agrees, features lighting up in response, all too quick to not allow this to end. tomorrow, she has a plane ride back to italy, full of daunting prospects : looking for a job, breaking that news to nico, visiting her parents…it’s going to be a much different summer than ever before, and that’s partially why she’s in no rush for this night to end. she’s also just having a good time. she’s light on her feet as she makes her way back toward the bar, two glasses of water in hand when she turns back to him, pushing the cup into his grasp. “ to the terrace ? or should we walk ? ”
he shakes his head at the comment, though it’s in good nature. he might be offended if it was anyone else, but this is anya. he has no reason to feel insecure with her. “ you think i love to complain ? blimey ... you’re starting to sound like tommy, ” charlie jests, giving her a light nudge with his elbow. it makes him feel better when he sees her smile again, though he can’t help feeling a little guilty for getting her to that memory in the first place. “ that’s my fault, ” he frowns, though he doesn’t want to dwell on the bad right now. they’ve got all summer for that. he wants to enjoy their last night together. “ but you look lovely, really. tears and everything. ” it’s another attempt at making her feel lighter, although he does truly mean every word. he doesn’t think anya could look like a mess if she tried. as their embrace ends, his hands drop to her arms, grasping them lightly as he grins at her acceptance. a bystander might think he’s out of his mind, merely proposing the idea because he’s had a little too much to drink and he’s feeling impulsive. but in spite of his tendency to be spontaneous, charlie’s truthfully been thinking about this for a lot longer. he always raves about his travels, recounting stories and imagery seemingly straight from a painting ... but like the shared adolescence that was stripped from them when they were young, spending holidays together is another thing they never had the fortune of experiencing. he thinks they’ve earned it. for the year they’ve both had, and for the sake of getting to be someplace where it’s practically impossible to feel low. “ perfect. i’m truly so happy, ” he smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling as a breath of laughter falls past his lips. “ i can pick you up in tuscany, and we can take the ferry ... i’ll work out all the details. you won’t have to worry about a thing. ”
their entire interaction has charlie thinking back to his conversation with tommy from earlier in the night, when his brother asked him if he’d ever looked at anya as more than a friend. it caught him off guard in the moment, a frown turning onto his features as he combed through the few physical memories they’ve shared together. there’s enough that he can’t help the fondness he feels when thinking back to the family gatherings that brought them together — but they’re also distant. scarce. prior to last school year, the sound of her voice ringing in his ears was that of a faraway melody, muffled enough that if he wasn’t careful, he could lose it to radio static and the scratch of a warped vinyl record. it’s changed since then, the image of her features no longer a mirror of the girl from those memories they made so long ago — but anya casiraghi the way she is now. the way she is standing before him, with her curled brunette locks, and her glittered white gown. initially, he’d answered that he didn’t know ... that it didn’t matter. charlie couldn’t bear the thought of it, not wanting to veer into a treachery where he’d have to take into consideration the notion that she truly is too good for him. that’s the way it always goes, when romantic feelings become involved. but nothing is ever the way it is with everyone else, when it comes to anya. when he’s with her, he isn’t worried about how he measures up against her. she doesn’t make him question his worthiness, or whether he’s deserving of the love and companionship she yields him everyday. it’s never been one-sided ; they’ve both done so much good for one another. if he were to really think about it, he might have a different answer the next time tommy asks him the same question about the girl. it isn’t because he’s drunk — he looks at her in a way a friend wouldn’t, and his touch lingers in a way a friend’s wouldn’t, because perhaps in some ways, they’ve always been just a little bit more than a word like friends can define. she’s half his soul ; like twin flames, forged from the same fire. there’s so much of her inside of him. charlie doesn’t know what this means in the terms of which tommy posed the question ... but he knows it’s at least a little more special than friendship. they’re too well entangled.
he brings the glass to his lips carefully, the rush of liquid feeling cool in contrast to the red of his cheeks. he hadn’t realized he was dehydrated until that moment, and he downs the drink rather quickly. he considers her proposal, his eyes moving toward the french doors on the edge of the ballroom. “ the terrace is always so busy, ” he muses, the decision all but made up in his mind. charlie looks back at her with a grin. “ but it looks really nice outside ... we should walk. ” he could use it — he’s been in one place for too long. “ c’mon. i’ll carry your heels and everything, if you need it, ” he laughs lightly, an attempt to sway her, though he isn’t sure she needs any convincing.
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julixneaton / julian eaton
“Yeah, I am. No complaints here, either.” Parties and events are not his thing and he’d rather skip them, yet he has attended most of them this year (thanks to Aylin leaving him no choice and the fact that he can never say no to her), but he’s more noticeably in better spirits tonight, too, after everything that happened with her and coming together tonight. He’s actually going to let loose (only a little). He’s still Julian. Unfortunately. He nods. “She’s very cute. Thanks. She actually helped me pick up the blazer.” Anyone who knows Julian well knows he has the most basic ass clothing style. He reaches to take a good sip of his drink. “Did you come here with anyone?”
“ that makes sense, ” he jokes, an attempt to poke fun at julian. it’s a lot more stylish than either of them are used to, but charlie knows virtually nothing about fashion — only that he likes what he likes, and that’s what he wears. “ are you two dating, or did you just come as friends ? ” shaking his head at the question pointed at him, charlie shrugs a little. “ i didn’t really think it was that kind of events. ” the kind where you’d need to stress about bringing a date. charlie’s been too caught up with himself to think about something so trivial. he takes a sip from his drink before piping back up. “ tonight feels weird, i think. the last night always is, but there was berlin last year. it feels strange to just ... leave everyone behind for a whole summer, ” the boy muses, blue eyes fixed on the crowd in front of them. he doesn’t know that he’d call it bittersweet ... it feels more like the former.
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monilanchest / monique lanchester
“Just--” they shrugged. “-- nervous. About leaving Gallagher and going into the real world.” Gallagher has always been home, even before they attended the school. It was always talked about while at home, listening to stories of old professors and nir family’s experience at Gallagher. All of their memories became Monique’s instantly. “It’ll become official once I walk across the stage and get my diploma. And, I don’t know, I’m second guessing myself on it all.”
“ i get it, ” charlie shrugs, nodding his head. at least he thinks he understands. “ change is scary, and it bloody sucks most of the time. but i dunno. ” there’s a shift in his tone, expression perking back up. he cant help but feel optimistic for monique — he’s always seen them as strong, as smart. someone who’s meant to make it. “ you’re monique ... you’re great. surely you’ve got plenty of job offers and plans waiting for you after tomorrow. ”
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ofthomas / thomas black
“ MARTINA IS STELLA’S BEST FRIEND, ” tommy wastes no time feeding THAT piece of information to his brother, “ so maybe think twice before dating her. and that’s different. ” there’s definitely a difference between dating two people who share blood, and two who… don’t. though in charlie’s defense, nur and fallon were probably close enough to be sisters. but he’s known fallon forever, and they had been friends for a long time before dating and deciding they weren’t right together. on the other hand, he’d never date stella’s best friend, and not just because she doesn’t like him. “ you could just tell me, but that’s fine, ” he says, in a tone that implies it’s not REALLY fine, but he doesn’t want to argue with charlie tonight. but it is very annoying to be told he wouldn’t understand, when tommy thinks he’s been nothing but understanding towards his brother this entire year ( which hasn’t been easy to do, for the record ) . he had expected some kind of reaction from him calling anya lovely, so tommy smirks a little in satisfaction. “ do you see her like that ? ” first sloane, now anya — perhaps charlie has a type.
charlie can’t help a bit of laughter at that one, eyes fluttering to the ceiling. “ of course she is, ” he sighs, because it’s just another example of how inescapable stella is. she’s everywhere. “ yeah, but we’re at a party, and i know you’re going to have questions. ” he’d certainly have a list, if he was in tommy’s place. but it’s that last bit that gets to him a little. “ i don’t know, ” the boy starts, the corners of his lips falling into a frown. when you know someone best through lead pencil and scraps of notebook paper, doodles in margins and stamps on an envelope ... you aren’t thinking about them in a way that’s tangible. in charlie’s adolescent years, his last physical memories of anya were the ones that’d been forged when their families got together. during mealtimes and playdates, picking the seats closest to each other at the dining room table, or exchanging made up stories and tea parties in the girl’s childhood bedroom. after that, she was rendered a voice. she became his conscience. he’s gradually begun to look at her differently since she’s come to gallagher, things like touch and proximity bringing them closer together, in a new way ... but he tries not to think of anyone like that, let alone anya casiraghi. she’s just another person who’s much too good for him. “ it doesn’t matter. ”
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riaflicke / ria flicke
“You have to try someday to prove to the world that there’s an ounce of fashion hope in there somewhere.” Ria’s hand dropped from the chain, looking up at him with a giddy smile. “Perfect!” Plan successful. “Uh, I don’t really know. In the past I’d pick a city and get a vacation house or airBNB or something.” On dad’s dime, of course. Kept her out of their hair. “There’s a few people I’m planning to visit, so, I don’t know. Hotels in between?” It sounded worse now that she said it, voice soft. Sounding pitiful was not the plan!
“ i can’t say i’m really concerned about proving that to anyone, but i’ll take your word for it, ” charlie settles. considering he couldn’t even properly describe the color turquoise, he’s probably the last person on a very long list of people to turn to for outfit advice. “ i think that sounds kind of nice. who are you visiting ? ” the last time charlie traveled long term, he never went in with a plan. he just went where the day took him, and usually found friends along the way to give him a place to stay. it was good for someone who prefers a bit of spontaneity.
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sylphidstella / stella manchesi
The worst part of not knowing whether Charlie will initiate conversation is not knowing if she wants him to, or if she would even engage. In real time the moment is smooth, moves with the wind around them but in Stella’s head it feels like a ticking clock. She can hear the clicks of every second, like she’s running out of time to make a decision on how much she’s willing to give him. This night feels like the last night to write epilogues. Time moves faster when concluding if she can settle with disfavoring him forever. This might be her last chance to decide. They’ve crossed paths so few times this year and she knows the odds they’ll never speak again are higher than a stranger’s, and while Charlie might consider Stella an enigma she’s under the impression she knows him as well as she needs to. He brings up the only reason she has to think otherwise. “I did.” Stella exhales quietly, over the ledge her fingers pick beneath her nails. She can’t help the faint laugh that finds escape in a breath at his description of Anya, sensing his reservation. “She’s wonderful, yes. But you don’t need me to tell you that.” Or at least Stella hopes he doesn’t, but he lacks a shiny track record in mutual respect for those who care for him. Contemplating silence, she glances over at him. “We’re good friends. Anya and I.” She’s not sure if Anya talks to him about her, but she assumes she doesn’t.
charlie’s cigarette is lit before she even answers him, the boy taking a drag in an attempt to feel a little more sober. he only nods at first, because of course he doesn’t need her to tell him that. he’s too well ingrained in anya’s being to not know it himself. smoke falls past his lips, and he can’t help a light breath of laughter — it’s barely there, but it’s matched with a tiny grin that lasts only a few seconds. “ she’s told me. it’s a little funny, ” charlie starts, though he’s certain that isn’t the right word for it. ironic maybe. tragic, for both of them. stella might feel he’s avoidable, but he wouldn’t agree. he’s spent the past year with her shadow in the backdrop of nearly every conversation — in passing for the most part, but spotlit in every piece of advice he’s dealt his brother, in the only tricky conversation he’s ever had with the eldest casiraghi girl, in conversations of his character with others. his words flow out in a sigh, “ she’s ... my best friend. oldest, too. our parents used to be mates, so we saw each other a lot as kids. played dolls and dress-up ... stupid little things like that. ” but charlie bought into it, because he liked being around anya. he liked smiling and laughing with her, and playing pretend. it’s easy to pick your friends when you’re a child. there’s no prejudgements, or the thought of consequence ... you go where your beating heart takes you. his still leads him to anya. “ it was different after tommy got sick. her parents didn’t want to be associated with ours anymore, but anya isn’t really like them. i dunno. you can’t unknow her, i guess. ” he doesn’t know why he’s telling stella this, when he’s sure his voice alone is enough to make her want to check out. but charlie’s drunk, and he’s tired, and he’s had a strange night. rambling comes easier in this state ; it makes him sound more sure of himself. and though he doesn’t like to let the lens other people see him through bother him, he almost feels he owes it to both tommy and anya to try. to not take the easy way out by pretending stella manchesi doesn’t exist. “ we weren’t supposed to talk anymore, so we wrote letters instead. i’ve never told anyone that. ” he’s always kept their little universe separate from the charlie most people know — but stella doesn’t know that charlie. she doesn’t know any iteration of the man. telling her about their secret correspondence doesn’t make him feel like he’s clouding this universe, but rather helping her understand why a person as good as anya casiraghi would ever want to be associated with someone like him. it isn’t just that they’re old friends. they’ve grown together in a way he hasn’t with anyone else ... like two halves of the same soul.
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but you dream of some epiphany ; a brief and slightly vague glimpse into the post-gallagherian future of charlie eaton, detailing his journey during fourth year, through medical school, and into the spy world beyond ! pinterest. playlist. para.
fourth year
during charlie’s fourth year, he completes his medical training coursework, passing with a 3.6 gpa. his major’s the only topic he’s ever been happy to be immersed into, and when career awareness courses start, he feels his first real sense of clarity in what he envisions for himself and his post-graduate career. though fears of failure threaten him, he’s been working on not letting intrusive thoughts weigh him down. with a sturdy support system, a consistent therapy schedule, and medication helping combat his now-diagnosed depression — charlie makes the decision to apply to medical school. he doesn’t tell anyone right away ; at least, not until he receives his first acceptance. several more arrive swiftly after, and by the end of his fourth year, charlie commits to attending the university of virginia school of medicine.
medical school
after gallagher, charlie attends the university of virginia school of medicine in charlottesville for four years. here, he studies to be a physician with a focus in emergency medicine. of course�� it isn’t easy — but he isn’t drinking anymore. he isn’t turning to his vices when things feel unbearable. he’s learning to cope and to live with himself, letting a newfound drive push him toward a future he finally wants to be alive for. it’s a stark contrast from his days at gallagher academy, where he could hardly see himself making it five days into the future, let alone five years. but he’s been working hard, and he wants it all to mean something. he wants to find his direction and purpose. though his journey is not without conflict and plenty of missteps, he’s confident he’ll get it down eventually. medical school is his turning page. and in 2026, charlie eaton graduates with his doctor of medicine.
career and retirement
though he never thought he’d see the day where he finally grows homesick, charlie misses europe. he misses his family. while he made friends and a life for himself in charlottesville, he yearns to be surrounded again by the people who have known him the longest. for the first time, charlie eaton is proud of himself — and naturally, he’s eager to show off the person he’s become. when he returns to london, he begins a residency program with the mi6 secret intelligence service. it’s the perfect occupation for a man with both his m.d. and a degree from gallagher academy ; and with his emergency medicine specialty, he thrives here.
due to the fast-paced nature of the mi6, charlie’s residency and fellowship programs are expedited, and he quickly becomes board certified. as a physician for the british secret intelligence, his job is to provide medical care and aid to spies working in the agency, using his clinical expertise to act as a consultant to the mi6. he has the opportunity to travel frequently while working on missions, with a comforting freedom that wouldn’t exist in traditional medical practice. he makes six figures. he retires by age 60. he lives out the rest of his days somewhere in southern europe with the love of his life and his children.
all is well.
bonus: future headcanons
at some point, charlie will legally change his last name to eaton-black ! it’s a show of brotherly solidarity and something tangible to convey how much the boys have grown together <3
he takes a pledge of sobriety halfway through medical school and starts seeing someone about his addictive tendencies. he struggles with it for a while in fourth year and beyond because he doesn’t view it as a problem — he assumes that if he’s in therapy for his depression he’s fine ? but he’ll eventually recognize alcohol and his lows coincide and he’ll want to get help to get better !
since he’ll be sober in his later adulthood — instead of being the kind of dad who makes his own wine, he takes up the craft of making his own homemade strawberry jelly. it’s very wholesome and he probably brings jars around as housewarming gifts the way you would a bottle of wine <3
his summers are spent vacationing in southern europe, where he has a chateau that neighbors his brother’s. i wanna say when they each have families of their own and have children, they become little first cousin besties !
speaking of children ... at first, charlie will struggle with the idea of having kids solely because he thinks he’d be a terrible father, incapable of raising a tiny human :( it just makes him super anxious and he doesn’t want to bring a child into a world that doesn’t feel perfect ? but he’ll work through this and eventually it’ll be the best thing he’s ever done, giving him unmatched fulfillment, happiness, and the domestic au he deserves !
on particularly warm days when the tide’s low, charlie and his family set up a dining table in the shallow end of the ionian sea where they eat dinner, much like this inspo pic.
they also go to the town’s farmer’s market every sunday and probably take idle drives in the mountains, the radio playing and the windows down. they have a picnic with croissants and fruits and cheeses. they are happy <3
he totally brings his wife fresh flowers from a local merchant every friday, and their house definitely always smells like florals and baked goods. probably grows lavender and takes an interest in gardening !
in his retirement, he shares the wealth by funding local artists and their exhibits around town <3
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ofthomas / thomas black
“ SAVE THEM, ” he rolls eyes, mostly because this entire conversation is tired. where was charlie a month ago when he had actually asked nur out ? “ you know fallon and i are friends, so it’s not weird. i double checked with her before anything happened. ” except for him and nur making out in the astrology tower, but that one wasn’t on him. he’s not even sure what charlie is saying good for you about, because it’s very obvious it’s pretty clear that there’s nothing going on between him and nur anymore, but he’ll chalk it up to how much charlie’s had to drink tonight. “ it was just one date, ” he adds, since apparently charlie must know the whole story. “ why did you get into a fight about it ? ” if his brother can be nosy, then tommy can, too. it wouldn’t be the worst thing to try to understand his relationship with the casiraghi girl a little better, especially if she’s apparently charlie’s best friend. it’s hard to believe charlie when he says it was his fault, because he’s always the one that’ll take the blame. “ what ? it’s a valid question. she’s very lovely. ” from the way his brother chokes on his drink, tommy’s a little insulted on anya’s behalf. surely charlie could do a lot worse.
“ that’s so weird. it’s like if i went on a date with ... i don’t know, martina, or something. ” although cousins would probably be a little worse than best friends, charlie still can’t imagine being with someone so close to an ex. but he doesn’t mean to judge tommy ! he just finds the situation interesting. he’s very excited to meet nur for obvious reasons. “ i said it was nearly an argument, and ... it’s complicated. you wouldn’t understand. ” it’s a history lesson charlie isn’t sure he’s equipped to teach — he doesn’t know what his brother would even think, learning how long they stayed in correspondence without him ever knowing. he gives tommy a side eye. “ i know she’s lovely, i don’t need you to tell me she’s lovely. ” pardon charlie for getting a tad defensive, but he’s insulted tommy thinks he needs someone to point that out to him. this entire conversation is just very uncomfortable for him ! “ it’s just ... she’s my friend. she doesn’t see me like that. ” or at least, he never thought about her seeing him like that. he thinks it’d be impossible — she knows too much. anyone who’s seen that much should surely be scared away.
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SEVEN. — a charlie self para
click the source link to be redirected to a google doc. content warnings include light alcoholism, depictions of depression, mentions of therapy and religion, hospital imagery. playlist to capture the vibe.
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ofthomas / thomas black
TOMMY ROLLS HIS EYES, because of course charlie would let himself be the victim. “ it’s common sense to know what the color turquoise is. she’s definitely not. ” he suddenly doesn’t want to talk about nur anymore, and is beginning to second guess the two brothers spending time with her in turkey, if charlie’s going to be like this. “ she’s fallon’s best friend. ” who can forget tommy’s model ex-girlfriend ? “ but we’re friendly. we’re friends, ” he corrects. “ why does that matter ? ” there’s something about the word ENEMY that rubs tommy the wrong way, as if stella’s the one that screwed charlie over. “ stop that. ” guess who doesn’t like hearing about his own feelings out loud, for anyone to overhear them ? “ don’t be dramatic, she’s not your bloody enemy. ” charlie might be her enemy, but that’s a fact he’ll choose to ignore. “ are her and anya really that close ? ” somehow they’ve cycled back to the beginning of their conversation. his eyes glance over to where the girls had once been, but now they’re out of sight. it’s funny that tommy is surprised at anya and stella’s friendship, when not too long ago it had been anya and charlie’s friendship that had surprised him. why charlie had wanted to be associated with any of the casiraghis had been beyond him, but it’s impossible to deny that anya is good for him – and when charlie enjoys so little that’s actually GOOD for him, tommy knows not to question it. the friendship is still no to him though, so he’ll have to trust charlie when he says it, not really sure what he means. he squints a little at his brother. “ have you and anya ever… ? ” he’ll be a gentleman and not finish that sentence.
charlie’s rather certain he was never wrong about his perception of the color turquoise, but now a part of him won’t be able to rest until he sees the dress. he isn’t going to trust tommy’s judgement on it, because while it isn’t saying much, he does reckon he’s always had a slightly better sense of style than his brother. surely he’d be a more proper judge. he isn’t enough of a prat to mention that tommy looks like he went for both saint and sinner, but he surely thinks about it as he eyes his brother’s suit. “ she’s fallon’s best friend ?? i have a few choice words about this, and i don’t think you’ll like any of them. but good for you, i guess. ” charlie isn’t sober enough to comprehend the fact that tommy’s ex would be okay with him going on a date with her best friend. it just sounds messy. “ it doesn’t matter, i’m just curious. if we’re going to be traveling with her, i should probably know the whole story. ” in other words, charlie is nosy. “ no one knows who i’m talking about, tommy. it’s fine. ” he rolls his eyes at his brother, because he doesn’t know what else he’d call her. he doesn’t even know that it matters, to have a proper title. using a word with less bite wouldn’t change the situation. he just thinks he’ll have to live with it, hoping there’s no future birthday parties they’ll have to be at together, or worse ... a wedding, if tommy and stella ever decide to kiss and make up. the thought nearly makes him ill. “ yes, tommy ! we nearly got into an argument about it, when she told me ... though that sounds a lot worse than it actually was. it was my fault, really. ” he’s rambling a bit, having never reflected on any conversation he’s had with anya out loud. those moments are typically reserved for quiet nights, or the other end of a lead pencil. his brother’s next question makes charlie choke on his drink a little, letting out a small cough before looking to tommy with raised brows, “ excuse me ? no ! blimey, tommy. ” charlie feels like he’s literally going to die right now.
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ofthomas / thomas black
“ I DON’T KNOW ON WHOSE BEHALF I SHOULD BE INSULTED FOR, ” tommy snorts. maybe he’s a little insulted on his own behalf, that charlie thinks so little of him that he wouldn’t want him around. maybe he should be insulted on charlie’s behalf that having charlie on the trip hadn’t been his first thought. maybe he should be insulted for both of them, but instead he’ll just have another drink. “ it’s blue-green. and it has little flowers on it. i’m pretty sure she’s not going for a sinner. ” it’d be pretty ironic if she was, because tommy only thinks the best of nur. it’s easy to do so when you barely know someone beyond surface level. he glances at his brother for a moment, before rolling his eyes. “ you’re happy to hear about that, probably. ” not said with hostility or judgment, though perhaps he’s a little peeved that charlie can find enjoyment over something tommy’s not looking forward to. it’s clear enough when his brother says that it could be GOOD. “ yeah, maybe. ” he’s unconvinced and it’s clear in his voice, although on a better night tommy would be the first to say that it’s for the best. “ it’s your last night having to dodge her, you may as well go over there and talk to anya if you want to. i’m sure she’d like it. ” anya, not stella.
“ mine for sure, ” he nods sardonically, a testament to the woes of being charlie eaton. “ sorry, i didn’t realize you were so advanced in color theory. she could be going for both. how well do you know her, again ? ” he thinks it’s worth asking, though he’s mostly just being a dick. “ i’m not exactly happy, but it’s hard not to feel a little relieved. i mean, you imagine it. your brother’s in love with your enemy, your cousin’s closer with your enemy, your best friend’s best friend is your enemy. should i keep going ? ” he realizes the term is highly dramatic — he’s never once loathed stella, regardless of how his actions may portray it. he’s fascinated by her in pure honesty, and there’s the thought that if so many people in his life get along with her, surely he would have too. having so many people he cares for rave about her presence ... it feels like some big secret he’ll never be let in on. there’s shame in never getting the chance to know what he’s missed. to show himself as the person everyone tells him he is. but in stella manchesi’s world, he’ll forever be the boy who waged the end of a world, and in charlie’s, she’ll be another open ended regret — something he’ll never forget. and though the price of walking cautiously around these halls is hardly anything compared to what he’s put her through, he won’t act like her leaving isn’t a giant sigh of relief, straight from his chest. he shakes his head, “ she’ll be fine. anya’s seen enough of me to last her a lifetime. you don’t even know. ” he really doesn’t.
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ofanya / anya casiraghi
– “WELL…” ANYA TRAILS OFF FOR A MOMENT, and maybe if she had proper sense she’d have more shame about the rambling pages of writing she’d sent to charlie in her early teenage years, something about a crush or frustrations with her parents and siblings, a horrible dance practice, or the cutest things her cat does ( ranked. ) but she doesn’t have proper sense at all, and there’s no shame when she looks up at him, the memory of running to the mail slot in her eyes, “ you’re a bit biased, i’d say. ” anya was always writing for him, anyway. she nods her agreement, “ i think so too, but…well, you know cecilia, ” she smiles softly, “ or, at least you know what i think of her. she’s always been stubborn. i’m just going to take whatever i can get at this point. ” anya also doesn’t think her sister ever had bad intentions, she can remember the look on her sister’s face when the book came out – she’d been the FIRST person to check on her, a stark contrast from the teenager that ran away all of those years ago. she furrows her brow, puzzled at charlie’s reply, but she’s not in on the joke. maybe she just feels too much loyalty to stella to laugh, or she doesn’t know tommy well enough to piece together the particular humor. she’ll take his word for it, though ! anya doesn’t think she’s ever felt so speechless as when charlie lifts her head up, in a moment where she feels so vulnerable, so ashamed that she can’t even look at him…he actually reaches out for her gaze, telling her that it’s okay with so little words. she’s comforted by the softness in his gaze, the warmth that she didn’t know was possible to exude from eyes so blue, and a gentle, almost bashful smile lifts the corners of her lips. “ i just…it’s new to me, i guess. it’s never a problem i’ve had before, so…i just don’t want it to be another way that i’m a burden on people, ” she admits, “ and i don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything either. anything i did, that was just because we’re friends and i care about you. ” the look on his face implies that he’s doing the same, and she wishes there weren’t tears pricking in the corners of her eyes because that’s embarrassing – it’s just hard not to think of her financial situation, her once awe-inspiring mother who walked the halls in expensive designers sitting behind a cell in a jumpsuit. more than anything, she wants what charlie is offering : an escape. “ of course i want it, ” she laughs weakly, “ don’t be silly. ”
there is something so…different about this dance, about the way he holds her, fingers laced together like they were made that way. “ of course you did, ” anya laughs at charlie’s remark, just because it’s so completely CHARLIE, leaning her head against his chest for a beat as she catches her breath. anya thinks back to the early spring, when she talked to stella about the idea of having a spark with someone…a specific moment of instant chemistry, or how sometimes that moment is instant and sometimes it’s not. it’s not something you can create or engineer ; it’s just there or it isn’t. anya wonders if it’s possible for that to be delayed, if you can know someone for a while and still feel a sort of shift in your world, and if it can still be just as instant as it would if you’d just met them for the first time – it’s something she hadn’t thought to ask until now. anya’s the first to let go of his hand – but only to reach out to fix a fold in his collar that had been bothering her. she already sort of wishes she hadn’t let go, but what else was she supposed to do ? there’s a smile that she isn’t holding back when she adds, “ there. ” they’re both just standing there, smiling, and while anya doesn’t feel particularly inclined to break the silence, the way he’s looking at her makes her feel suddenly shy. blushing, she ducks her head slightly before she looks off into the crowd. “ want to get some water ? ” she won’t say it, but…probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for charlie to have a glass or two.
he kept every letter she sent him, some tucked away at the bottom of a desk drawer, others scattered in storage boxes under his childhood bed. he’s too sentimental to ever throw them away — the type to hoard ticket stubs and old papers, christmas cards and grocery store receipts. his own letters became anthologies to his youth, and anya’s are just another volume of the same story. he thinks he’ll want to read through them again, when he returns home for the summer. it’s the sense of comfort charlie seeks when he feels like everything else around him is changing. of course the luxury of knowing her so intimately makes him fairly biased — he holds her in such high regard she’s all but become the standard, and though he used to be concerned about doing something wrong to drive her away, he’s never once considered she might be capable of the same. he figures anya could hold him at the wrong end of a knife, and he’d still think the world of her. this year has proven there’s enough trust to forgo these insecurities — hurting each other would only mean hurting themselves, anyway. “ maybe, ” he shrugs, because she’s probably right. but charlie’s happy he’s got the privilege of bearing that bias. when anya speaks again, he looks at her more pointedly, a frown on his lips. “ — you could never be a burden, ” he cuts in, thinking it’s absurd she’d even suggest the idea. he wishes anya could see even a fraction of the person he’s looking at ... perhaps she might not see a human at all, but something ethereal. angelic. his voice is steadfast as he continues, “ and i know i don’t owe you, but it’s just ... i care about you, too, and i want to do this. ” he means to reassure her — his intent is purely selfish, acted on because he wants to spend time with her this summer, without having to worry about nico and cecilia, or sal and his girlfriend. it’s no offense to them, but things have always been rather personal with anya. he cherishes time alone with her. he also knows it’ll be the first summer since her parents were incarcerated, and surely that warrants some yearning to get away from everything. when he notices tears brimming at her eyes, charlie’s own eyes widen a little. “ anya, you’re crying ! ” there’s surprise in his tone as he wipes his thumbs at the corners of her eyes — gently, so he doesn’t ruin her makeup. there’s a fleeting thought that he should have stayed away, for she shouldn’t be dealing with this in the final hours of her second year at gallagher ... but he doesn’t let himself have it. he doesn’t regret asking anya, no matter her reaction. in haste, his lips find the top of her head, planting a kiss before he pulls her into a cradling hug. with his arms wrapped around her, he shakes his head, resting it on top of hers as he speaks up in reassurance. “ then just ... say yes. don’t worry about anything else. ”
a hand idly strokes her hair as she rests her head on his chest, his heartbeat in tune with hers. charlie doesn’t overthink it right now, though he’ll feel the hangover of her touch in the morning, lingering in stride with the spinning headache he’s sure to be greeted with at sunrise. he’ll probably question himself, wonder if this was okay, or if she’ll think it was strange. it’s anya, sure, and it’s only dancing ... but there’s a shift in their laughter, in their smiles, in the way a simple gaze becomes so focused it’s as if time has stopped moving completely, and they’re not amidst a crowd in the ballroom. there’s new light, and though charlie’s always been too caught up in himself to see it even now, their hearts have gradually grown beyond mere old friends. a fluttering chuckle escapes his lips when she smoothes over his collar, and he no longer knows where to place his hands, so they fall at his side. the ballroom feels warmer as crystal hues drag up toward the ceiling just to lessen the tension of the moment, and he doesn’t blink back at her again until she speaks up, making a suggestion for a refreshment he didn’t realize he needed. “ water sounds good, yeah. i could use some air too. ” an invitation to join him outside, or a chance for her to return to prior entanglements, if she’d prefer it. he hopes for the former.
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casiraghis / nico casiraghi
“ you’re very welcome. ” he’d always found charlie a little … odd, but he finds him more personable tonight. probably because he’s drunk. “ i am, indeed. though i don’t feel great about leaving anya behind, but i suppose that’s life. ”
“ you look nice too ! the white suit was a good choice, ” charlie comments, paying it forward. he supposes nico always looks very put together. it’s almost admirable. at the mention of anya, his face lights up a little. “ oh, right. i think she mentioned you’re staying together for the summer ... in your brother’s flat, or something ? you’ll have time together then, at least. ” and since he’s already rambling, he figures he may as well continue to overshare his thoughts. “ i’m really glad she’s coming back. i didn’t think she wouldn’t, but so many people are leaving. i would’ve missed having her around. ”
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ofthomas / thomas black
TOMMY CAN ONLY LAUGH AT THAT, because charlie’s not exactly wrong. “ who do you think will get sick of the other first ? are you going to ditch me halfway through because my drink choices are shit ? ” he’s keeping the conversation light, because he doesn’t want his brother to actually think that tommy will just get sick of him and leave him behind. part of him is glad that charlie will be traveling with him ; after everything charlie’s been through, he’s glad to have him close in his view, to see for himself how he’s doing. not to mention that tommy doesn’t entirely trust HIMSELF alone. he hasn’t entirely been making smart decisions lately, and he’d hate for that to bleed into the summer. charlie’s words are cheesy, and tommy can only snort, rolling his eyes a little. “ i am happy. ” it’s all of a matter of perspective anyway, happiness, and in this moment and at this party, tommy is happy enough. right now it’s all he can really strive for. “ are you kidding ? everyone here is dressed in red or white or black. you do know what color turquoise is, don’t you ? ” he’s thankful for a relaxing back-and-forth with his brother, although the drink in his hand certainly doesn’t hurt. the mention of stella has him taking a sip from said drink. “ probably. i may as well say goodbye, since i don’t think she’ll be back in the fall. ” charlie can rejoice over that one. tommy glances at him curiously at the last comment, arching a brow. “ you’re really not going to talk to her all night because she’s with stella ? i don’t think she’ll slap you during a party, you know. ”
“ i think you’ll want to jump off the plane before we even have a chance to get to a bar, ” charlie jokes along, because even with all his overthinking, he doesn’t think tommy has it in him to leave him behind in a foreign country. he thinks he’s polite enough to suffer through his antics — and charlie knows there won’t be another stella situation happening any time soon, even if he would be the type to try to nudge tommy toward nur. he won’t, not after their conversation tonight ... but it’ll cross his mind ! “ just checking ! ” it’s nearly defensive as charlie shrugs, brows raising before he drops it. “ don’t be a prat, of course i know. it’s like ... green. and that’s one of the seven deadly sins, tommy. ” this is a saint’s and sinner’s party, duh ! he takes another sip of his own drink, though not before scanning the ballroom in case he can spot any trays of that grenadine cocktail tommy spoke about. “ right ... ” his voice trails, and he’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t make him rejoice just a little. there’ll be no more dodging, at least. no more worrying about whether he’ll get stuck in a course with her, or matched for sparring during bootcamp. “ maybe that’s good, then, ” he says almost optimistically. he doesn’t think time away from it all is a bad thing, per se. it could offer perspective. he rolls his eyes at his brother’s last comment. “ i know that. i just don’t want to be a bother, if it’s her last night and all. i can say goodbye to anya another time. ”
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ofanya / anya casiraghi
– “WELL, I’VE NEVER BEEN MUCH OF A WRITER,” SHE JOKES, because if anyone would say so, it’s him ! though she doesn’t think of herself as extremely eloquent, more rambly than anything once she gets going where she’s comfortable. though this is probably a result of holding back so many thoughts on a daily basis, filtering herself for polite company or out of fear of offending or even burdening others with her thoughts. but if anyone called anya quiet or someone without much to say around charlie, he probably wouldn’t know what they were talking about. “ i don’t know, i wish she would – it would be nice to go to school together, but i don’t think she’s thrilled about coming back to a place where so many people don’t hold her in a favorable light. i suppose i understand that. it will be sort of strange, if i’m the only one coming back. ” usually, anya’s reputation has been defined by her siblings, people hold her in association with nico or cecilia. without them around…it will be more of an opportunity to make her own impression. “ you really think it’s that funny that tommy would have a girlfriend ? ” anya asked, an amused smile on her lips, though she of course has no idea where tommy stands on the stella situation, but she hopes that he isn’t lingering for stella’s sake. she just worries because it’s been a hard year for her friend. this train of thought falls off the tracks when charlie starts to ask her a question. at first, she’s thrilled – an obvious smile on her face, like the idea that she’d say yes would be no question at all, he’s her best friend and she’s always listened with stars in her eyes when he’s talked about his travels, it sounds like a dream come true to get to explore places with him, and to not have to miss him as much as she knows that she’s going to when they’re apart. but then, there’s crushing reality, a thought that makes her hang her head a bit in shame as she hesitates : “ charlie, i would love to, but…i don’t have the money to travel like that, ” her cheeks burn in embarrassment, it’s something she’s never experienced before, wanting something that she cannot AFFORD. it’s been an obvious separator between her and her friends this year, and it shines in this moment. because of her pride, it would never occur to her to expect him to pay for it. “ but i’d love for you to come see me, if you can…cecilia and i are talking about trying to find our own place, ” doesn’t even mention that she’s considering working retail or food service to get by this summer. “ i’m really sorry, ” she adds apologetically, but it’s actually a selfish sort of sorry because now that it’s an idea within her reach, she wants it very badly.
this sort of intimacy is new to them, and that’s probably what makes her nervous. it’s not a bad sort of nervous though, it’s the kind that makes her feel energetic and alert, maybe it aligns more with excitement than anything else. anya’s nervousness is usually ever-present, manifesting itself in anxiety that’s hard to shake, but charlie’s presence has always come with a sort of peace and acceptance that would make it impossible for her to be uncomfortable. if anything, charlie is the PROOF that she should be more confident in herself, in all of her decisions, because the ones that she seems to make for herself are the ones that make her happiest. anya feels almost hyperaware of everything around her, the way his fingertips ghost over her bare skin, the weight of his touch on the small of her back. there’s not really anywhere else to look except back at him, and she’s sure that her heartbeat can be attributed to the circumstances of the moment, any girl would feel at least a little enamored under these specific conditions, especially if she enjoys a good period piece. though there’s no denying that…well, charlie has always known how to look at her in a way that makes her feel special, and it’s no secret that she adores him right back. “ well, if you do, i’ll be sure to let you know, ” she tells him, both true now and in the context of their future, but it’s easy for her to say that because it’s hard to imagine that he would disappoint her and if he did, that he wouldn’t try to fix it. call it her blind optimism, but either way, she can’t not believe in him. giddy laughter is on her lips when he spins her, and though it’s a little clumsy, there’s no question in her mind that he will catch her. she’s an experienced dancer, can adapt herself easily to his movements and with charlie, it’s almost automatic, following his mismatched footwork effortlessly. she’ll look up at him with a breathless smile when he dips her back, the usual expression of unbridled trust. the room is loud and full of people, but it feels like they’re the only ones there, and it’s not until he pulls her back up that she’s suddenly aware of everyone again. still, even as the song fades, anya hasn’t yet made an effort to move away.
“ i’d say otherwise, ” charlie counters, because having read her writing for so many years, he thinks that’s far from the truth. it’s true that he doesn’t read enough literature to know, but even in the carefree form of journal entry letters to a close friend, he reckons she’s always been good with words. she knows how to paint a picture that’s hundreds of miles away ; she knows how to make him feel something. granted, charlie prefers tangents and rambling, but he doesn’t think it makes a difference. “ i can’t blame her, but i dunno ... surely people can’t be angry with her forever. ” it could be wishful thinking, and maybe charlie’s alone in the way he believes in people. but even despite never being close with cecilia, he can’t imagine her intentions were ever evil. and charlie’s all too well acquainted with the grey area between good and bad to try to place anyone in either category. on the subject on his own brother, he tilts his head in mocking thought, “ it’s a little funny. ” but he doesn’t expect anya to understand. they don’t often get into the business of discussing tommy’s love life. it’s better that way, given anya’s allegiance to stella. as her cheeks turn rosy, her head hangs, and charlie suddenly feels terrible for proposing the idea of traveling in the first place — if only for the way it appears to make her feel. but the boy’s no stranger to financial struggle, even if not to the casiraghi’s caliber, and he didn’t bring it up to make her feel ashamed, or let down. “ anya, please don’t say you’re sorry, ” he starts, a hand moving to lift her head up by the chin so they’re looking at each other again. seeing the blue of her eyes makes things better. “ i don’t mean to overstep or sound rude, but i wasn’t asking you to pay ... i invited you, and i wouldn’t want you to feel bad about that. you’ve done so much for me this year. it’s honestly the least i could do. ” he’s so earnest, his eyes glitter, and he doesn’t drop her stare the entire time. the whole situation’s some degree of comical, because while anya’s embarrassed, it’s charlie who feels like she’d be doing him a favor by saying yes, providing him with a distraction and a means for comfort at a time when he knows he’ll miss her most. but he’s got enough in his savings to afford traveling, and he’s shockingly good at managing his money, even with the drinking problem. he doesn’t mention that his dads would likely help him, either, for he doesn’t want to push it. pride isn’t a familiar term between the two of them, and charlie doesn’t want it to be. “ but it’s up to you. just know the offer’s there, if you want it. ”
the song turns, but charlie doesn’t try to move away, either. he stays paused with anya, one hand still cradling her back, and the other laced with the girl’s manicured fingers. a beat passes just like that — his eyes stuck on the upturned corners of her smile, and it’s only natural to blink into light laughter at the thought of his dancing. “ i always wanted to try that, ” charlie says daintily, the apples of his cheeks blushing red. he’d learned a little, through gallagher’s dancing lessons last winter ... but it was different. he was clumsy and so unsure of himself. he felt guilty with amanda, being her date when she had no idea what she was getting herself into with him. but anya knows, and she loves him anyway, and it’s truly a feeling he never thought he’d know. if charlie makes anya feel confident for knowing he’s all hers, anya makes him feel that way just by how she’s accepted him. though he’s beaming amidst his giddiness, he doesn’t feel foolish. he feels lighter, in a new way. it’s something he hasn’t quite felt before, and for the first time that entire night, he isn’t dreading the end of it. he isn’t even thinking about tomorrow. charlie’s here, with anya, and he thinks this might be the sort of happiness that people chase ... the happiness that reminds him why he wants to get better in the first place.
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