chromatophoria

[chromatophoria]

During morning coffee on a visit to the Addams family manor.

Enid: Hey babe, do you remember that time we did a body swap like from Freaky Friday?

Wednesday: Regrettably. Why do you ask?

Enid: I was just wondering if that’s the deepest we’ve ever been up in each other.

Wednesday: *thoughtful pause*

Wednesday: That was the second deepest.

Enid: Huh? Oh yeah, you’re right! Wow, I still can’t believe we managed to fit the entire—

Bianca/Morticia: ☕️😨 😌☕️

Bianca: *turns abruptly to Morticia* On second thought, I will take that arsenic with my coffee.

[chromatophoria]

Tyler: I want her screams to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Wednesday: You’re right.

Tyler: 😈

Wednesday: Considering their pitch, decibel level, and generous frequency, her screams will most certainly haunt me—

Tyler: 🤨❓

Wednesday: —as I take great pride in wringing them from her pleasure-wracked body every single night.

Tyler: ☹️

Wednesday: Thinking of you rotting away in this cell in anonymous celibacy, while Enid and I fornicate as though the very apocalypse were nigh, that…

Wednesday: …is the best revenge.

Tyler:

Tyler: *trembles with emotion, inhales, and—*

– In the nearby security room. –

Dr. Fairburn: *watching the security feed*

Dr. Fairburn: Well, I suppose crying is an improvement.

[chromatophoria]

Pre-Wenclair. Just some casual party planning at University.

Bianca: Everything’s good to go, and you’re all invited.

Yoko: Nice! Yo pup, wanna hit up the Siren party?

Enid: *not paying attention*

Yoko: Don’t mind her, she’s in. So when is it exactly?

Bianca: It’s going down on Wednesd-hrkt!

Enid has Bianca pinned against a wall by her neck as shards of plaster shower the floor.

Enid: *snarls* WHO?! I WANT A NAME!! *literally frothing*

Bianca: Hkkt. Hrrrrkt!

Yoko: Enid! ENID!! She meant the PARTY! On Wednesday, as in the DAY of the WEEK!!

Enid: *gasps and lets go* It is!? Oh-em-GEE! I gotta go invite Willa. Maybe she’ll go this time! Eeeee, I’m so excited!!

Enid: *runs off* Thanks, B! Love ya! 😘

Yoko: 😬

Bianca: *wheezing* Not… gonna… survive more… of this… shit…

[chromatophoria]

In the vampire dorms at Nevermore University, a very exhausted Enid is freaking out in Yoko’s room.

Yoko: Whoa there, pup! What’s going on? And why do you reek of sex?

Enid: Yoko, you have to hide me. Please!

Yoko: Sure thing, mi casa es tu casa. Now can you tell me what’s going on?

Enid: *hurriedly closes the drapes* I-I was dumb, Yoko. I was so fl-fliipping dumb a-and— do you have anything t-to like, drink? I’m so thirsty.

Yoko: Yeah, water and juice in the mini. Where’s short, dark, and loathsome?

Enid: *fetches a drink and chugs it in one go*

Yoko: Damn, girl. You weren’t kidding.

Enid: *gasps* Willa’s— ugh. This is so embarrassing.

Yoko: Bitch, I love you, but imma need you to wolf up and talk!

Enid: Fine! Fine. Okay. So. You know that like, stuff you got us?

Yoko: The medieval sex toys?

Enid: No, the other stuff.

Yoko: The uncensored 3rd edition of the Necronomikama Sutra?

Enid: No! The other other stuff!

Yoko: *thinks*

Yoko: The bottle of XXXtra-strength succubus extract from Great Uncle Tepes’ personal reserves?

Enid: *nods emphatically*

Yoko: Talk. Now.

Enid: Okay, so like, it’s been a super tough semester. I’ve been stressed and Willa’s been extra stressed, what with the investigation, her double major, and that new book deal.

Enid: *fidgets* So we uh, decided to let off steam. Have a night to ourselves. But, see, Willa has this crazy mad tolerance to poisons and drugs, so we thought it couldn’t hurt for her to have a little extra, and—

Yoko: How much, Enid?

Enid: Uh, like, um…

Yoko: How. MUCH?

Enid: H-Half—

Yoko: HALF the DROPPER?!

Enid: —the bottle.

Yoko:

Yoko: *shrieks*

Enid: Shhh! SHHH!!! She might hear you!

Yoko: *shakes Enid* A human dose is two drops, Enid! TWO!! DROPS!!!

Enid: Oh… uh, how much is in half a bottle?

Yoko: Something like three fucking hundred.

Enid:

Enid: Oh flip. Oh flippity flip flip. That explains why she’s so crazy horny right now.

Yoko: YA THINK!?

Enid: Uh. Um. How long will it take to wear off?

Yoko: How should I know?! No human has ever had more than maybe ten drops. Ten-uh!

Enid: And uh, how— how long did that take to wear off?

Yoko: Three days.

Enid: Oh no! Oh nononoooooo.

Enid: There has to be something we can do. I’m like, so tired and hungry and sore right now. I… I need to hide. Get some sleep. Recover.

Yoko: Okay, okay, look, I’ll try to contact Great Uncle Tepes. Just lay low here. And uh, maybe it isn’t that bad? I mean, it’s just ol’ Enidsexual Addams! How hyped up can her demonically-enhanced sex drive really—

Wednesday: *distantly* Enid? Where are you, mi lobita deliciosa? I still crave you. I still need you.

Enid: Ohgawdohgawd— mmmffftt!

Yoko claps a hand over Enid’s mouth and yanks her down into a huddle.

Yoko: 🤫

Enid: 🫢

Wednesday: *growing closer* We have yet to finish playing, my dearest delectable wolf. As I promised, this does not end until we’ve turned your clitoris…

Wednesday: … into a clitorwas.

Enid: 😭

Yoko: 😨

[chromatophoria]

It’s evening at Nevermore University as the girls study for their midterms.

Enid: *stomach growls*

Bianca: 😑

Yoko: 😒

Wednesday: Enid, I will retrieve dinner. What is your desire?

Bianca: On thank fuck. I’m starving.

Yoko: Oh oh! Get Chinese!

Bianca: Girl, you don’t even eat food.

Yoko: But the smell! I need it.

Enid: Kay, howabout Panda Sexpre— *coughs* I mean Panda Express?

(Long one again, so here be a break.)

Bianca: *squints* Yeah… okay. Panda works of me. Get me the teriyaki chicken with half noodles, half super veggies. Sauce on the side. No drink.

Yoko: Oh gawd, yes.

Wednesday: I did not offer, Barclay.

Bianca: Uh huh.

Wednesday: Enid?

Enid: Oh! Uh, I want you to scissor-me chick— I mean I’d like the sex-with-me chi— SESAME! GIMME SESAME CHICKEN!

Enid: *hides face* Please.

Wednesday: With?

Enid: Nudes— *bites back scream* Noo-DULS. Noodles.

Wednesday: With your usual passion mango black tea?

Enid: *face still hidden* Mm hmm!

Wednesday: *nods* I will return promptly.

The moment Wednesday leaves the room, the two others level Enid with intense stares.

Enid:

Bianca: Sex bet?

Yoko: Oh totally. No sex till after midterms. First to break loses. Stakes?

Bianca: *taps chin* The usual bragging rights. Probably some kinky costume stuff. Why’s she losing?

Yoko: Hmmn.

Yoko: *counts off* Midterms. Clubs. Date nights.

Bianca: Planning a mixer. Addams’ latest investigation.

Yoko: And her blog.

Bianca: So it’s just stress?

Yoko: Nah, our girl’s tough and Addams is like wet tissue for her. Something’s missing.

Bianca: Oh. Oh ho. I know what’s up. She’s been distracted and happened to lose track.

Yoko: Wait, oh shit! She forgot?

Yoko: *gapes* Enid, you forgot??

Enid: *throws up her hands* Yes! I forgot about my heat! I made the sex bet for when I would be in heat!

Enid: *plants face in open book* I did a dumb and it’s torture.

Bianca: Whatever. Stop whining and lose already.

Yoko: Yeah, just go geddit. Easy peasy.

Enid: *leaps to her feet* Heck no! I’ve never lost one of these to Willa, and I’m certainly not starting—

Enid’s phone chirps with a notification. She checks it.

Enid: —now. I. Uh…

Enid: *blushes*

Enid: Imma start now.

Bianca: Girl’s drooling. Spicy pic?

Yoko: Has to be— HEY! You don’t have to shove!

Enid: Out! Both of you! Out-out-OUT! NOW!!

Bianca: What about my dinner?!

Enid: You can pick it up when we’re done! *slams door*

The two gaze forlornly at the closed door.

Bianca: *sighs* There goes dinner.

Just then, Wednesday stalks up. She shoves a bag of food into Bianca’s arms.

Bianca: Oh thank fuck. I owe you, Addams.

Wednesday: Obviously.

Wednesday walks up to the door, knocks twice, then turns to face the others. The door opens enough for Enid to reach out and grab ahold of Wednesday.

Wednesday: Don’t wait up. *yoinked away*

Yoko stares as the door is slammed shut. Again.

Bianca: *already stuffing face*

Yoko:

Yoko: But… that’s my dorm. 😩

[chromatophoria]

In a celebrity AU, Wednesday is confronted by a torrent of flashes cameras and slavering media. She scowls as she locks eyes with a single reporter, then nods.

Reporter: Miss Addams! Is it true that you had a salacious tryst with actress Enid Sinclair?! The same Enid Sinclair who is starring in the highly anticipated film series based on your books?!

Wednesday: I just declared as much on national television.

Reporter: One more question! Aren’t you worried about saving face?!

The frenzied roar dulls in anticipation as Wednesday identifies a mass of cameras and glares menacingly into them.

Wednesday: I don’t SAVE face.

Wednesday: I RIDE it.

[chromatophoria]

At Nevermore University, while Enid hangs out with her wolf pack himbo buddy.

Enid: Because even though Wednesday is literally the tunnel at the end of my light… I cannot imagine my life without her in it.

Bruno: I think it’s cool how you’re ride or die.

Enid: Emphasis on ride.

Bruno:

Bruno: You’re talking about your strap game, aren’t you?

Enid: I call it my lightsaber!

[chromatophoria]

Bianca and Enid are seated side by side, looking thoughtful.

Bianca: Fine. Don’t tell her this, but your girl’s cheekbones look like they could cut glass.

Enid: *off-handidly* They can’t, but they definitely leave bruises when I clench too hard.

Bianca: 🤨

Enid: 🫢

Enid: *looks across table*

Principal Weems: 😨

Principal Weems: When I said to speak freely about about Miss Addams, this is most certainly NOT what I meant.

[chromatophoria]

At Nevermore University, it’s movie night with the girls and only Enid is missing.

Yoko: What can I say? I’m an ass girl, and you’ve all seen Divina’s divine ass.

Divina: Oh stop. *playfully shoves Yoko*

Bianca: How about you, Addams? What’s your favorite feature on a woman’s body?

Yoko: Enid still isn’t back with snacks, so dish.

Wednesday: If you must know, I am rather fond of Enid’s blood gutters.

The girls: 😟😟😐

Wednesday: Surely you’ve seen them. The grooves, here? *gestures towards her hips*

Yoko: Oh! You mean Wolfy’s cum gutters!

Wednesday: *hisses* Watch your vulgar tongue, Tanaka, lest you wish me to deprive Divina of your only useful attribute.

Divina: *covers Yoko’s mouth* We also call it the sexy V.

Yoko: Mmmf. *nods*

Bianca: I know I’m going to regret asking, but why blood gutters?

Wednesday: It should be obvious. They are thusly named for how blood naturally flows down them during coitus.

The girls: 😧😧😑

Wednesday: To where I may drink it as I—

Bianca: NOPE. I’m out. Tell Enid I’m sorry, but I can’t even.

Divina: I’m with B. I’m all Addamsed out. Let’s go, Yoko.

Yoko: Wait! I wanna know! I HAVE TO KNOW!! *dragged out*

— Minutes later. —

Enid: I’m back! Sorry for taking so— huh? Where is everyone?

Wednesday: It saddens me to tell you that they had to cancel.

Enid: Saddens, huh? *pouts and flops down next to Wednesday* Well, now what are we going to do for the night?

Wednesday: We… still have another gallon of cherry syrup.

Enid: Roleplay night? Oh-em-gee that’s perfect! Okay, so this time I’ll be the dashing Hyrulian that just rescued my princess from the despicable Galpindorf.

Wednesday: Yes, and you are drenched in the blood of your vanquished foes.

Enid: Obvi!

[chromatophoria]

Wednesday: Why rail against the wealthy, when you can instead rail the wealthy.

Enid: Huh?

Wednesday: I’m saying to put your mouth where your money is and eat the rich.

Enid: Whut?

Wednesday:

Wednesday: Tanaka called me your sugar mommy, which I now know implies that I am your primary source of financial wealth. Ipso facto…

Wednesday: *eyes Enid expectantly*

Enid: *owlish blink*

Wednesday: 🤦‍♀️

Wednesday: Enid, I demand that you seize the means of reproduction, divide my legs equally, and commence putting the come in communism.

Enid: …oh.

Enid: OH! Um, uh…

Enid: 🤔

Enid: 😲💡

Enid: *strikes a pose* ¡Vulva la revolución!

Enid: 🤗

Wednesday:

Wednesday: *resigned sign* I suppose that will have to do.

Enid: *pumps her fist, pounces on her girlfriend, and proceeds to liberate all of Wednesday’s woefully oppressed orgasms*

[chromatophoria]

Yoko: Congrats, girl! I heard Addams finally played you like her cello. Was it everything you imagined it would be?

Enid: *embarassed flush* It sure was! Ha ha ha. Best thing ever, just like I predicted.

Yoko: So… it was that good?

Enid: Yup. Mmm—so, so good. Like totes good. The goodest. Anyhoo, gotta go!

Enid: *gingerly waddles away*

Yoko: 🤨🕶️🤏

– The previous night. –

Enid: Babe, what’s that?

Wednesday: Rosin.

Enid: Uh. What’s it for?

Wednesday: Friction.

Enid: Wait, why—

Enid: 😖

Enid: *SCREAMS in cello* 🎶

[chromatophoria]

Bianca: You WHAT?!

Yoko: I suggested to Enid that she and Addams should spice things up with some roleplay.

Bianca: But why did you suggest THAT?

Yoko: For the lols! Can you imagine Addams being a super soft needy bottom?

Bianca:

Bianca: Fine, I’d pay money to see that. But you did explain to Enid what omegaverse is, right?

Yoko: Eh. I just told her to be the alpha to Wednesday’s omega, and to do it biblically.

Bianca: Oh no you did NOT.

Yoko: What? What’s wrong?

Bianca: Fuck. We have to stop them before— *panicking* Yoko, when did you tell—

Enid: *pops up* Hi!

Bianca: —OHshit!

Yoko: Bitch, the fuck’s with the halo?

Enid: I dunno! But like, oh. Em. Gee! Yoko, your idea was totes fab! I’ve never seen Willa so into something before! Thankyousomuch!

Bianca: *shook* Fuck. Oh fuck fuck FUCK. It’s too late.

Yoko: What’s too la—

Wednesday: *descends from above* WE ARE THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA. THE BEGINNING AND THE END. SO SAYETH WE.

Enid: Hiya babe! Yes we are and yes we do!

Yoko: WHY THE FUCK IS IT RAINING FIRE?!?

Bianca: You fucking idiot! You just had to say biblically, didn’t you?!

Yoko: What’s even happening right now?! WHAT IS THIS!?!

Enid: Oh! It’s…

Wednesday & Enid:

THE WEND OF DAYS

Bianca:

[chromatophoria]

Bianca: Worst part about summer heat - it dries out my scales.

Divina: Ugh. Same.

Enid: Sometimes it’s like you just can’t take off enough clothes.

Yoko: Blood pouches go bad super fast.

Wednesday: Nothing. It is perfection, as is everything about mi lobita.

Bianca:

Divina:

Yoko:

Enid: 😳

Wednesday: Am I mistaken? Must I complain? I do suppose procuring new bedding is—

Thing: *rapidly gestures*

Enid: Why YES, Thing! It IS horrible that they don’t make shoes in your size. All that hot pavement sounds like, TOTES painful for your FINGERS!

Enid: *whispers to Thing* Thanks, buddy.

Thing: 👍

Wednesday: Hm. Fingers… fingers… ah! I find the worst part about summer heats to be the aching fingers. Thank you, Thing.

Enid:

Original image source from Neverscreens

[chromatophoria]

Wednesday: —then she screamed “I died because of you” and began to strangle me.

Bianca: *wide-eyed* Christ, that’s some nightmare. I’m guessing the first thing you did after waking up was call Enid to warn her?

Wednesday: No.

Bianca: Excuse me? What the hell did you do instead?

Wednesday: Change the sheets.

[chromatophoria]

Enid: Really? Well, I never noticed. Can’t say that I care.

Wednesday: But Queirda, when they address you as such with envenomed barbs veiled by faux smiles, they seek to degrade you.

Enid: Willa, Babycakes, it’s okay. I’m used to it. Sticks and stones, ya know? This wolf’s got thick skin.

Wednesday: Even so, they will come to regret ever—

Enid: Nope! Nuh uh, stopping you right there. You are not getting yourself expelled. Besides, it’s not like you’re bothered when they make fun of you.

Wednesday: Please. None have the spine to dare disparage me. I would know and my retribution would be swift and brutal.

Enid: Oh sweetie. You’re kidding, right?

Wednesday: I do not kid. My awareness is sharper than even—

Random Fur: *shouts* There goes ’Mega Cum Loudly!

Wednesday: *retorts* It’s pronounced mahg-nuh koom laude, you imbecile!

Enid: Uh.

Wednesday: Don’t give me that look. I will not suffer incorrect pronunciation, even if it is a compliment.

Enid:

[chromatophoria]

Yoko: Divi. I have a confession.

Divina: Oh Babe, you took your shades off. This is serious, huh?

Yoko: Dixie Chicks serious. I uh, haven’t been totally truthful about my history.

Divina: Oh gawd. Do you have some weird vampire STI? Like a VVD?

Yoko: What? No! I meant my ancestry. I’m not a- I mean, I’m not like the other vampires. I’m half manananggal.

Divina: Yeah, you’re part Filipino viscera sucker. So?

Yoko: Wait- you knew?! How?

Divina: Babe, the first night we ever had drunk sex, you bet me that you could make me come with just your tongue.

Yoko: Uh. How’s that—

Divina: From across the Quad.

Yoko: Oh. Well shit. So uh, did I?

Divina: Win the bet? Mmm, I’m still here, aren’t I?

Yoko: Divi, you are the best. I love you.

Divina: Mm. As you should. *kisses Yoko*

Yoko: Say uh. Do you also know that at night I can pop wings, split my top half from my bottom, and like, fly around?

Divina: Yup. Before last break. Nightshade party. Everyone got wrecked and Kent dared you to go down on yourself.

Yoko: Oh shit. And I did, huh?

Divina: Why do you think Kent started therapy?

Yoko: That. That checks out.

[chromatophoria]

It’s the anniversary of the one (and so far only) time I’ve written something more sexual than smut-adjacent. 😅

I made an Incorrect Quote-ish thing that went smuttier than expected. This one was written specifically for AO3 and won’t be posted directly to Tumblr, so I figure I’d link it here. Be warned, this was written with my silly floaties on.