chroniclingcate

[chroniclingcate]

It’s so crazy that suicide prevention is just people going awwww don’t!! Awwww come on noooooooooo stopppppp

[chroniclingcate]

Yeah I'm into phrenology but I don't like, really believe in it. it's just for fun. could you tell me the dimensions of your brow? oh that makes so much sense you can be really aggressive haha. wow your nostrils are really wide too are you capable of empathy? Idk I just don't want to date anyone with your head shape it gives me the ick

[chroniclingcate]

A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.

I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.

All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."

But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.

It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.

[chroniclingcate]

One of my favourite things in the world is how my dog hears me lay in bed and immediately gets off the couch and comes into the bedroom. My heart swells every time I hear her approaching. And then she curls right up into me. Sometimes I wake up to her being the little spoon and on my pillow.

And as I’m laying here, listening to her settle in contently, I’m thinking about how happy I am I never succeeded in killing myself years ago. I would have never met her. And she is my entire world. I can’t imagine never having met her.

I’m so happy I stuck around for this. I’m so happy I stuck around to meet my partner. And get married. I’m happy I’m still here.

It isn’t hopeless. You have people left to meet who will love you. Things to experience. Maybe it won’t be a dog, but I hope that one day you can look back and think “I’m so happy I stuck around for this”. And I believe you can get there.

If you’d told me five years ago it would get better or that I would be happy I stuck around, I’d say you were lying. I spent a decade hurting myself, being suicidal and in and out of the hospital. But here I am. Laying in my bed with my dog curled up next to me and my partner sleeping soundly.

And I am happy to be alive.

[chroniclingcate]

we know due to conducted studies on lives experiences that psychotic symptoms and disorders prevent differently based on the culture and society a person lives in.

i'm so tired of seeing "schizophrenia would still exist under communism you idiots" when discussing the impact of mental health under capitalism. it's always brought up.

while psychosis will always exist schizophrenic people raised in hyper-capitalist, individualist societies have a more terrifying experience with the condition. their voices and delusions are more violent. they are rejected by their peers and end up homeless because they can't function in the only environment capitalism cares about--a work environment.

i've been in and out of treatment for psychosjs for years now and nothing helped me more than loved ones accepting me. for accepting that i'll never function the same as them and that's okay. for making sure i'm in a safe environment when in a delusional state.

so please consider it's not just things like depression that can be better or worse based on your environment.

[chroniclingcate]

we know due to conducted studies on lives experiences that psychotic symptoms and disorders prevent differently based on the culture and society a person lives in.

i'm so tired of seeing "schizophrenia would still exist under communism you idiots" when discussing the impact of mental health under capitalism. it's always brought up.

while psychosis will always exist schizophrenic people raised in hyper-capitalist, individualist societies have a more terrifying experience with the condition. their voices and delusions are more violent. they are rejected by their peers and end up homeless because they can't function in the only environment capitalism cares about--a work environment.

i've been in and out of treatment for psychosjs for years now and nothing helped me more than loved ones accepting me. for accepting that i'll never function the same as them and that's okay. for making sure i'm in a safe environment when in a delusional state.

so please consider it's not just things like depression that can be better or worse based on your environment.

[chroniclingcate]

to be honessssst I don't relate to many posts on here trying to be progressive about mental health conditions involving antisocial behavior.

if you live experiencing limited amounts of empathy, guilt, and remorse, you're left with the part of your brain that tries to justify everything you do and there's nothing to balance it out. I went a LONG time engaging in behaviors I knew were wrong but never thought to stop because my only concern was consequences it would have for ME. then I would somehow be outraged when someone behaved the exact same way...as if I knew deep down I have no excuses but can't admit it. and if you have such issues, therapy only helps you become self aware. this is still helpful because then you can realize how ridiculous your thought patterns are and recognize harm you cause, but changing your behavior is really not a guarantee, you have to try HARD and want to, so really it's just useless to say "you're valid uwu" about everything.

it's hard for people to acknowledge the 'darker' sides of mental illness because they think they'll have to throw out their mental health support. but you don't have to. you can say "I hope this person can be helped/rehabilitated" without saying "I condone what they've done". it's not that hard.

you don't have to justify everything on the basis of mental health, and you look ridiculous describing objectively bad behaviors and claiming you're fine with them. i've also seen this type of mindset used to defend people expressing bigoted beliefs, like "what if they didn't know it was socially unacceptable because of xyz disorder" (no joke someone said this to me when I pointed out you shouldn't fandom roleplay in serious political discussions) which is ridiculous and in case you didn't know there is no mental health condition that causes a certain political belief system.

ok rant over 👍

[chroniclingcate]

the sims 4 bpd expansion pack introduces a new feature where you can change your relationship with a beloved sim to "enemy" with one social interaction

[chroniclingcate]

people on here are anti psychiatry until it comes to cluster b personality disorders which is hilarious because cluster b personality disorders are such an obvious example of demonization of adverse responses to trauma in psychiatry. "you shouldn't say narcissist outside the context of npd" npd shouldn't be a fucking diagnosis. you legit just invented a mental illness called "bad person disorder". every time I discuss narcissistic traits in therapy I want to kill myself. i'll never view myself as a bad person for what an adult did to me when I was too young to know right from wrong. I can acknowledge that I have a mindset in relationships that is toxic and something to work on, but i'm not evil, and neither is anyone else in this position.

[chroniclingcate]

someone: hi

me: did you know the narrative that school shooters in the US are all bullying victims is false and originates from inaccurate coverage of one of the most infamous school shootings, the columbine shooting? in reality the columbine shooters were reactionaries who isolated themselves deliberately and followed an ideology that positioned them "above" the rest. so, a lot of school shooters are actually ideologically motivated rather than revenge motivated. no one knows this and the media paints these murderers as victims. do you want to know what the columbine effect is? also I have a lot to say about "stranger danger" as a conservative fear campaign to promote the isolated nuclear family

[chroniclingcate]

the thing about living with mental illness for decades is that occasionally your brain will be like hey you're useless and should kill yourself and your only real reaction is cmon man right now im in the middle of something

[chroniclingcate]

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

[chroniclingcate]

I think people would armchair diagnose bad people with cluster B disorders much less if psychiatric disorders hadn't all been given names by ableists who of course picked the traits most unberarable to "sane" people to name them rather than, you know, the ways it affects the people that have them. It's like, when doctors are all "this disorder gives you extremely low self esteem. and it's called the Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder" or "this disorder makes you want to die so bad. and it's called the Hysteric Bitch Disorder" or "this disorder disconnects you from your peers. and it's called the Insane Evil Cunt Disorder" and so on and so forth, so of course you have people going "oh, this person is a selfish fucking asshole, they MUST have Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder! this further proves that all people with this disorder are like that in the first place!" Do You See It

[chroniclingcate]

Having ASPD in today’s society is weird, because like… you actually feel like a fantasy creature at times. The media treats ‘sociopaths’ like some scary legend that’s out for blood, not like… people who actually exist. Kids grow up with the word ‘psychopath’ being synonymous with ‘monster’, and everyone knows that monsters aren’t real. You look at movies about us and you see urban legends, things meant to scare you, but certainly not real people. Not someone you could actually know. Certainly not you. Because psychopaths aren’t normal people, they’re the serial killers you see on TV. In theory real, but so detached from your daily life that they might as well be fiction.

[chroniclingcate]

I don't trust parents who think their young children are narcissists, sociopaths, or schizophrenic

[chroniclingcate]

“And I don’t think anybody should feel bad if they get diagnosed with a mental illness, ’cause it’s just information about you that helps you to know how to take better care of yourself.

“Being bipolar, there’s nothing wrong with it. Being bipolar is like not knowing how to swim. It might be embarrassing to tell people, and it might be hard to take you certain places. But they have arm floaties. And if you just take your arm floaties, you can go wherever the hell you want.

“And I know some of you are like, ‘But Taylor, what if people judge me for taking arm floaties?’ Well, those people don’t care if you live or die, so maybe who cares? Maybe fuck those people a little. I don’t know.”

Taylor Tomlinson, Look At You (2022)

[chroniclingcate]

Dear kids: sometimes, self-care is ridiculously unsexy. It's cleaning your filthy bathroom after weeks of ignoring it. It's washing your bedsheets and vacuuming your floors. It's forcing yourself to take a shower and brush your teeth. When that temporary motivation strikes, RIDE THAT WAVE as far as you possibly can. It's the kindest thing you can do for yourself sometimes.