chthonicisms

[chthonicisms]

                     WELCOME ! to the Go To The Corner, shop !

                     load of bread ? pack of smokes ? eye of newt ?

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“DO NOT go looking at me like that, little miss TA-LU-LAH. you went asking for your horrorscope that day, okay. YOU, SO you died, you’re dead, puh-lease, just move on. AND, it’s not like you had to move on, by moving on in with me. if anything, i should be telling ya’ a big fat I TOLD YOU SO. cause i did tell you, that this would happen. WHATEVER. 

          “now, how much do you think we could get for your halo on ebay? too soon?”

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“DO NOT go looking at me like that, little miss TA-LU-LAH. you went asking for your horrorscope that day, okay. YOU, SO you died, you’re dead, puh-lease, just move on. AND, it’s not like you had to move on, by moving on in with me. if anything, i should be telling ya’ a big fat I TOLD YOU SO. cause i did tell you, that this would happen. WHATEVER. 

          “now, how much do you think we could get for your halo on ebay? too soon?”

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i would pay someone to make me a promo post just so i can rest my eyes

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threads where muses talk about things that confuse them

threads where muses talk about things that have hurt them in the past

threads where muses talk about their deepest fears

threads where muses talk about sexual and romantic orientation and relationships (past and present !!)

threads where muses have deep conversations and are vulnerable with each other !!

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like this post !! so i can write !! you a starter !! lemme at it !!

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          “honey, i’d be colored surprised if he actually even bought that, here. or bought, that. but i’m just glad you got him gone, before we’d end up having to make fertilizer outta him.” there’s too much honesty in that, like it’s a promise. hades here, for all your burying needs. y’know gabe might even be able to squeeze a family discount outta him. 

“jesus. i don’t even remember that guy. maybe he showed up when kyara was working or something. but - yeah. i know. have to stay calm even when people are fucking idiots.”

          a little bit of actual emotion leaks into those last two words. but he glances over at hades with a very small grin. it’s not precisely bad advice.

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do not date people like me…i will take you to art museums and laugh at all of the private parts on the white marble statues

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Who You Should Fight: Greek Gods Edition

Zeus: Don't fight Zeus. You'll only end up sleeping with him. On second thought, do fight Zeus.

Hera: Look, I'm not saying anyone is really going to try to stop you, but I am saying she is petty as shit and will dedicate the rest of your life to destroying you in other ways. Your call.

Poseidon: You could probably fight Poseidon. Dude is built like a brick shithouse but he'd think it was a good time and buy you a beer afterwards.

Demeter: Are you fucking kidding? She created a new season the last time someone really pissed her off. Do not fucking fight Demeter.

Hades: Fight Hades, but only in spring, and then ask to see pictures of his dog.

Hestia: Are you Satan

Aphrodite: Arguably the lowest reward to risk ratio on this list. What is even the point here. Might as well save us all some time and punch yourself in the groin.

Athena: If you must, a sneak attack is required, and even then you’re still probably boned. Alternately, distract her first with statements such as "Mozart is an overrated hack" and "Garfield is not funny."

Hephaestus: You could beat Hephaestus. You could not beat Hephaestus' robot army. Do not fight Hephaestus.

Ares: Absolutely fight Ares. This is a no-brainer. Literally everyone wants you to kick Ares' ass including Ares. You might feel bad when he starts crying but only if you are weak.

Artemis: Do not fight Artemis. Do not talk to Artemis. Do not look at Artemis. Do not think about Artemis.

Apollo: What did I just fucking say

Hermes: You could beat him if you could catch him, but you can't, and even if you did, he would convince you to talk it out instead, buy you a drink, and be gone before you noticed your wallet was missing. Avoid.

Dionysus: Dionysus is an easy fight until he decides not to be. You could fight Dionysus but under no circumstances force him to give a shit.

Persephone: Don't fight Persephone. She will beat you up. Her mom will beat you up. Her husband will probably also be unpleasant and disapproving in some way. Listen to trash pop with Persephone instead.

Hebe: Idk man, she bites.

Iris: Yo have you ever tried to punch a rainbow?

Heracles: Dude has seen some shit. You may think you're bad enough but you really aren't. There is literally no way this could end well for you. Do not fight Heracles.

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@solarveined @traumeriin i hurt my back at work !!! but they gave me the good drugs and. hopefully ! i heal sooner than later

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guess who got to !! spend all night !! in the hospital 

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me: [doesnt get attention for fifteen seconds]

me: [drapes self over the lounge] it is fine. i am Okay. i suppose it is simply my destiny to die alone. Abandoned. Without a soul in the world to care for me. [delicately wipes a glistening tear from my eye] i'm not bothered. i Understand why you all Hate Me and wish me dead. after all, maybe it is all for the best....... [i stare forlornly into the middle distance, allowing my limbs to go slack as i lie back and wait to wither away, ignored forever]

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          “what an ugly thing, and that poor plant. breathe. or don’t. i mean whose to say we won’t get infected by those bad vibes. no but do breathe, blue is not your best color.” from his perch on the counter he got the whole nitty gritty of that ordeal, he might have even stuck his tongue out too. bring your tío to work day and leave him with your boyfriend’s going swell. 

“we don’t do refunds or arguments here, thanks.” 

          he’s talking to the customer who has an unhealthy looking plant as well as a displeased expression. but when they do finally leave, gabe takes a minute to just settle down, inhaling and exhaling slowly. he is a professional here. he does not get angry at people.

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jeez louise do i ever just ! wanna write my gal now ! but i’m tiny tim AKA a wimp !

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i need to find a music player for the new blog. and music. but ! i also need to laugh about TPing hades house being one of his party activities. and ‘guess the murder weapon’ gosh 

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solarveined

          “so i tell him, the only way he’s drawing me, is like one of jack dawson’s french girls. long story short, percy loved the present, and i have another fan. but how’ve you been? done anything seasonal yet, you know, like rob a grave? drink any pumpkin spice lattes?”

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alright here goes ! a starter call