chubbibunnii

[chubbibunnii]

“Maybe I’ll see you in another life, if this one wasn’t enough.”

— Florence + the Machine

[chubbibunnii]

#4

Aking Irog,

It's 2:51 am and I'm lying wide awake.. alone.. in bed. I couldn't sleep.

Mainly because I was taking naps all through out the day - but I have this thought in my mind that I cant seem to shake off.

I dont know what it is exactly but I do know that it's making me feel vulnerable and just all broody.

You know how I am.

I dont like visiting that place anymore. It makes me feel like..

A total piece of shit.

Specially with this global pandemic happening around me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm...

lonely.

Fuck. I hate to admit this but I'm lonely as fuck. Sure i talk to a lot of people but how many of them actually knows me? It's just a surface conversation.

Just something to pass the time.

Meaningless conversations.

Something required to keep the civility between acquaintances.

I'm actually seeing(?) this guy.

I mean I know that he told me that he's serious about me but there are times when our conversation's a little bit forced.

I dont know if it's because he have some.. other things that needs his urgent attention.

Or I'm just ovethinking this again.

Our situation isnt exactly ideal yanno.

First off, we're LDR.

Second, he still have some.. stuff goin on over his side.

Third?

I'm an overthinker.

I know, i know.

I've seriously got to stop this horrible habit of mine.

But i cant.

There are times when i feel like people are just talking to me for the sake of it. Just because i'm the only persom that's available to talk to.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

I've never felt so despensable.

Yeah.

Despensable.

Lol. After months of not writing to you and this is the first thing i talk about?

Rude right?

I'm sorrry.

I'll just try and watch cute and funny videos in hopes of drowning all these voices in my head away.

I hope you are safe.

Wherever you are.

...

Please come to me already.

Please?

❤

[chubbibunnii]

#3

Aking Irog, 

I am currently watching a show on Netflix and i suddenly received a text from a very old friend. If I’ll be honest, i thought that that old friend is you - i still think that he is you. Wait no, no thin, i guess you could say that i am hopeful that he is going to be you. 

You see, we go way back. He was there during my ups and down. He was there when i was doubting myself, my whole self worth. He was just a call away from all my breakdown and always know what to say. 

I’ve been living a very sheltered life. Thinking out of the box is just a big no-no when i was a young girl. It was either following the instructions of my parents or nothing at all. Sure, ranting about how sheltered i was is just plain wrong but I was lost. I didn't know who i was. I was scared. I was clueless. I didn’t know anything around me. 

He was there and shed some light on the things that seemed like a dark space. He opened up my world and look at things on a different perspective. He taught to be able to look at both sides of the story and not just one side.

My vision of him might be biased and some of my friends think that he’s just manipulating me to his desire, but he felt like a knight in shinning armor who swooped the damsel in distress inside of me. 

These are the times where i wish that i know you. To have you in my arms and ask you questions - reassurance that you will never leave me. That you’ll always be by my side.

I am honestly scared of the day that i we will meet. Will i still have that longing etched in my memory - for him to be you? Will i be disappointed to know that you’re not him? Happy that you’re someone else? 

I’m sorry if all i do is just nag, but i’m confused.. and lonely.

I hope you are doing well.

❤

[chubbibunnii]

#2

Aking Irog, 

I was able to get four days off from work which is highly unusual considering the nature of my career - which is by the way very demanding. I had also been given the position in which I had been aiming to attain for years. 

Everything seems to be falling in to place. Everything started to made sense - as if a light had finally shown from above and a voice started speaking to me saying, “Here are your reward for all the years of your hard work. Congratulations, you’ve finally made it.” and I’m actually happy. I’m on bliss. 

or so i thought i was. 

I started hearing people talking behind my back, saying things like  how i don’t deserve my position. How i only got my position is because i am the  “favorite” child in which i think i am not.

I believe that all my long hours at work doing papers that i shouldn't be doing, planning and organizing all the things that are needed so that everything will run smoothly when the day of the event comes, leading and guiding everyone efficiently, facing the clients and their organizers whenever they ask for special requests in which i immediately attend to... these are the things that i think what made me qualified to get into the position that i had been currently given.

It sucks because it really hurt my feelings. I feel like people started to drag me down just when i finally had enough confidence about myself - professionally and personally. 

I hope that you wont be able to face these kind of things by yourself. I hope that someone’s out there for you giving you constant support and guidance. oh god. Thinking about that makes me smile, and a bit jealous if i might add. 

I also hope that you wont be the cause of someone’s anxiety - that you would actually be happy for someone who had finally been able to reach their goal.

I believe that we should set as an example of as a good human being wherein we start to support each other, give them strength when in need, be their lighthouse on a cold, stormy night. I’m not saying for us to spoon feed them everything that we know, I’m just saying that a little love and support for someone in need (and deserving) will go a long way. 

It’s pretty rare to find those kind of people nowadays.

What about you? what do you believe in?

❤

[chubbibunnii]

[chubbibunnii]

[chubbibunnii]

Love me. – Lukas W.

[chubbibunnii]

#1

Aking Irog,

I saw a married couple at the bus who looked like they're in their late 50's. I watched them as they tease and nudge each other's side. The man was whispering something to his wife and his wife just smile silently and held in her smile. A few mins later, both of them went quiet and the wife just looked out the window while the man tries to woe her. The woman gave in eventually and they teased each other all throughout their bus ride just like teenagers - without a care in the world.

 Like they have their own little world.

 I was so jealous of them. 

I want a love like that when I get married. I wanna fool around with you much like how these old couple does, and tease each other during our golden age as if we're still teenagers. Maybe have a few fights with him here and there then kiss and make up afterwards  and act like we never fought. I wanna be comfortable in my own skin around you. 

No insecurities. 

No hesitations. 

You’ll be the source of my strength and hopefully I am the source of yours too. I wanna  be able to walk around the park hand-in-hand with you and hear the people say "awh! What a cute couple! I want my marriage to be like that." 

I want people to be jealous of you, of our relationship. I'll show you off to the world and say "hey world. This man right here is my wonderful husband. Be jealous of him 'cause he's absolutely perfect." -even though you have your flaws. 

You’ll be my best friend. 

My adviser. 

My partner. 

My one true love. 

❤