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Love the Elpis dynamic cause it was like

Emet-Selch: I am in control, I will be giving the instructions here, if you so much as put a finger out of place I will launch you out of a fucking cann

Hythlodaeus: So anyway, here's Wonderwall.

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“I was wondering when you’d show up,” the exorcist said with a shake of her head. (She personally preferred the term incorporeal entities removal specialist, but it was impossible to advertise with.) ��It was common knowledge your place was infested by the time you bought it.”

“Haunted,” the tired young man corrected. “I have ghosts, not bedbugs.”

“Good thing too,” she winked. “I wouldn’t know how to get rid of the latter for you.” She gave him a reassuring nod. “But your problem I can solve. Give my team twenty-four hours, or twelve if you’re willing to wait until the next full moon, and we’ll have your house cleansed top to bottom. Tell you what. If it turns out there’s more than four in there, I’ll give you the bulk discount too.”

“There’s six,” the young man replied. “But I do not want the whole house cleansed. I only want you to remove three of them.”

The medium-turned-businesswoman looked up from the form she had wanted to hand him. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t want the whole house cleansed, I don’t want it to be spiritually uninhabitable.”

“You-” She gaped. “Why on earth wouldn’t you want to sweep the hole house?”

Even through the fatigue on his face the young man looked indignant. “Because there’s kids in there!”

Her lips moved silently around unspoken words. “There’s…”

“Kids in there!” he repeated. “Children! Three of them. Two little ones and their older sibling, I think. They haven’t talked to me yet.”

“Sir, you’re talking about ghosts,” she emphasized.

“I’m talking about children,” he said stubbornly. “And I’m not throwing them out. They’re more scared of the others than I am!” He shook his head. “No, the wailing one in the attic and the two who keep scratching at the windows and leaving wet footprints on the carpet definitely need to go, there’s no reasoning with them. But the kids stay. If you can’t guarantee their safety during your procedure I will find someone else to help me.”

Never in her twelve years on the job— “Well,” she said hesitantly, looking at her potential client rather more nervously than before. “I suppose I could call in a colleague to…I presume some sort of personalized ward would do it.” She crossed her arms. “But this is highly irregular! It means a custom job. I won’t be able to give you a reliable estimate of the price, and it’s certainly going to cost you!”

The young man smiled the smile of a man who had very recently bought a twice cursed, triple haunted house both willingly and gladly. “We all live under the spectre of capitalism,” he said wryly. He dragged the form towards him and began to fill in his address. “The kids stay. Whatever the costs.”

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I got blood inside my phone charging port and now it only works 50% of the time

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Ah, yes, I see you’ve taken notice of the fine knight I keep dangling in a big gilded cage above my evil throne. Quite the pretty little ornament the would be savior makes, wouldn’t you agree~?

What? No, it IS a big cage. That’s- it’s the standard size for a knight’s cage I’m pretty sure. NO I’m not going to invest in 500 square feet of dungeon, it’s ONE knight! I’m pretty sure knights live in hovels in the wild anyways which is basically the same- Look, the cage is quite literally gilded. He loves the cage! He loves obediently preening in the cage! Yeah well, when you capture your own knight you can keep it in whatever size castle you want to, but this one’s mine. Especially since you’re so obviously jealous of me and my cute and awesome knight anyway.

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OH THESE ARE SO CUTE OMG (from here)

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Jinshi was wrong. Lihua should've been allowed to clock this bitch.

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You bought a cheap mirror from an antique store, not knowing it was enchanted. The mirror shows the reflection of the viewer 60 years in the future. You didn't realize it was magical because your reflection is... exactly the same.

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Well a heel turn for Cena in his last year was not on my bingo card.

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behold a powerful spell of eld

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July Morning Joys by Dmitry Alekseev

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Solkzagyl: Well done on passing my t-- WoL: Were it not for the laws of the land, I'd of drown you in an Aurum Lake by now.

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Ah Shamus one of the few people possibly paler than me.

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Cody Rhodes still throws me. I first started watching in 2010 and I begged the TV for him to get fired. Then he left and came back good on a mic and hot? The hell?