cindycisnuts

[cindycisnuts]

Dear diary,

It’s 4/12 (or 4/13 now since it’s midnight). I never want to allow another person‘s success make me feel terrible about my “unsuccessful“ track record. I want to remember this moment, though, and allow it to be motivation for me to value myself more than others seem to value me in my profession. Always undermined, always doing too much. 3 years working under bosses who were too focused elsewhere, I am so sick of this Feeling.

oops I just let it get there. Oh well :)

<3

work hard cindy beans, let your success speak for itself. Don’t cry to make yourself heard. You’re not like that.

[cindycisnuts]

King virus 3/21

Hi Diary,

If only you knew how crazy it’s been lately... I went from binge watching chinese dramas and half zombie-ing it at work as it result to being cooped up at home, sleepless, half frantic about work and half not giving a crap.

First I’ll start off with the drama. I finally decided to watch autumn’s concerto featuring the hottie Vanness Wu (are all Wu’s this hot or something? wink wink) and the girl from the outsiders (she was very pretty in this drama btw, and i actually liked her in it!). After it ended, I felt a void in my soul until one day Eric was scrolling through dramas on Netflix and found that Vanness Wu starred in another drama called Princess Weiyoung. It’s a period drama (i had no idea that that was what it was referred to) - basically those old school dramas - and has sort of that game of thrones feel, but a little less intense, way more dramatic, and it got me HOOKED i tell you. Autumn’s concerto had about 20 - 30ish episodes tops and Princess Weiyoung had 54! Ridiculous, I would have never opted to watch something that long. But I did, and although the drama was at times very repetitive....i loved it with every ounce of my heart - and my gosh, when it ended, i was still obsessed. I was listening to the soundtrack, which consists of only like 5 or 6 songs, on repeat. Shoot, I am listening to it now! After that, Vicky told me about Ashes of Love but I haven’t been able to get into it yet....

Then it’s work. Sleepless nights - at first it was due to watching way too many chinese dramas into the wee hours of the night. Then, it just became frantically trying to get shit done for this new VP of ours. I have never seen a leader so frantic, and sporadic with his requests/decisions. It’s pretty bad, and has added to some WAY unnecessary stress onto this already pretty stressful ass time. To give you some background, back in the CES days, we were hearing about this illness that came about in China. I didn’t know much about it at first, but then my coworker said that he would need to make it back to Asia asap due to his wedding and right after that he shared that they were going to be staying at home. blahblah. Then during Chinese new year you hear more of this virus outbreak from Asia (China - WuHan) and how people were frantically buying facemasks and asking people in the US to ship it over. This was actually around the same time when Kobe passed away, because I remember learning of this more in depth while we were in Vegas for the Gigi concert (oh no, i think that was her name).

I remember that day when I had to fly back home early for work, that Christine gave me a face mask just in case to be on the safer side. Christine is such a sweet friend for sure. Gotta love her.

So yeah, fast forward a little over a month, and we are officially under quarantine in Los Angeles. Is this even real life?

[cindycisnuts]

Legacy

2/1/2020

“What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you don’t get to see.”

I wrote a lot about this in my last blog but I also wanted to gather my thoughts together for a proper instagram post dedicated to Kobe and Hamilton. even though probably no one cares lol, it’s fascinating to me okay?!

Just getting this off my chest...

This last week has been an off one for sure. So many blessings coming my way and so much to prep, and yet I chose to obsessively scroll through endless video clips hours into the night in hopes to get to know you a little bit better. It’s true what they say - you were a special kind of human being. I’ve also been re-listening to songs from Hamilton (it’s been almost 2 years and I’m still in love) during my long drives and can’t help but notice the similarities between you two. 2 men who were insanely passionate about something, highly influential in their individual fields, flawed humans, great fathers, great husbands and oh so inspiring to the rest of the world. Although I did not know you personally, nor was I ever your greatest fan, I’m so grateful for what you mean to this city, and to have been alive the same time as you. You have inspired me - this is the inspiration I haven’t had in a while.

Legends. May you live on forever.

<3 RIP Kobe Bryant & Gigi

Love,

Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

Life, my thoughts.

1/13/19

I can’t seem to comprehend how relationships so quickly go sour. How strong is love? Sometimes I feel too tired to fight for it.

He knows that getting contacts from her ex optometrist gf bothers me. Coming from a highly jealous person who nearly never gives you a hard time in an unreasonable way, just give me a break here. You can totally get contact lenses or glasses or whatever elsewhere. Instead, you decide to drive all the way to vegas, visit your ex in the middle of the night at almost 2am to grab it. And it doesn’t stop there. You continue to message her pictures. Money saving is great if you want to force me to think of one positive out of this situation - but please tell me, why do you even want to see her? 

I get it. You want to be friends with your ex. Life connections like that are hard to come by. That’s weird, though, because I remember when we first dated, you saying that you broke up because she was "not a good person.” Was that just a line?

You ask me if I’m upset. What the fuck do you think? Regardless, feeling any type of way doesn’t do crap for the situation because it’s not like I can control it. You ask me how I would have reacted if I knew you were going to see her, or if you had told be after the fact (before I found I myself) -- um, at least you were honest so it’s not that big a deal. Guys are so fucking stupid.

Now, I just keep thinking of how quickly you are to anger and how easily you can just use curse words with me when you’re feeling defensive. How does love go sour? Let’s just say it does, too easily.

And on the other hand, I have an angel in my life. Someone who I have highly compatible conversations with. Even though at times the prying bugs the shit out of me, and having someone reveal my true self scares the crap out of me, I can’t help but feel grateful and truly touched and someone in this world understands a part of me. A part that is so often misunderstood, or looked upon erroneously as “weak.”

Thank you for the friendship, Jeff Park. F U for making me cry, Eric Wu. I love you, but I can’t forgive you for putting me in this situation. It hurts, and it sucks. For trying to hang out with your ex who was so “horrible.” How you can so easily dismiss our relationship and make it appear so fragile by entertaining your ex. I guess guys are just assholes after all.

And lol we just moved in together.

[cindycisnuts]

Just writing whatever comes to mind

1/13/19

Here is my first post of 2019! I just got back from a full week of CES that consisted of working super long hours, attending meetings, hosting “booth tours” and entertaining customers/partners. I have to admit, although each morning I dreaded the day, it was a lot of fun - definitely a memorable trip for the books. I feel like I got closer to my coworkers which is nice. My roommate was Tania and it was a good thing because we got to know each other better. I also got to see some very important people so that’s always a plus.

Day 1

- Flew in, visited the booth, Chargifi, team dinner, end

Day 2

- Worked all day, KB Home, dinner at Lotus of Siam, Omnia with Irene

Day 3

- Worked all day, dinner with Yvonne, Lance (CIO), Herman Miller, Chargifi, met with Jai + Heidi, met with Christine for UAG party, ran into Chester! my old boss

Day 4

- Worked all day, saw Kunsung, lunch with Ty i think, Ray from Newegg, Alex Nguyen (TP-Link)

Day 5

- Worked all day, missed my flight. lol, took a 6am flight out the next morning

onto the next post!

[cindycisnuts]

Merry Christmas 2018

Hi Diary,

Trying to find my voice again... sometimes I feel alone and not like myself. Also, I just realized that it takes me much longer than before to write out a post. I remember I used to just write without a filter. I miss that side of me. I miss being able to write down every single thought that came to my mind. I know things take practice and I just need to get used to doing it again. It’s all about consistency...right?

Let’s start off by talking about my weekend! This past weekend I went to Vegas with Mama, Baba, Yo, and Nio. Tracy, Johnny and Evan stayed in Norcal this year, so it felt a little quiet but no big deal. We stayed at the Rio in this huge room, watched a lot of forensic files (lol) ate at odd times and ate a LOT, and also had boba + 7 leaves. The first day in, we ate at the Ellis Island Hotel and ate prime rib. It was pretty good, and the portions were huge. At night, we drove to the Bellagio to walk around, look at the decorations, take pictures, and then saw the water show. Afterwards we walked around Cosmo before we headed back to our hotel. I also played lots of Cup Pong and Crazy 8... basically virtual beer pong and Uno through computer. It felt oddly antisocial since we were on our phones yet more social since we were still playing all together.

The next morning we woke up early to make it to the M hotel to eat at the buffet. I haven’t been to that buffet in ages but I’ve always remembered their Chow mein. And they amazingly haven’t changed the recipe since 5 years ago. We stayed at the buffet for 2 and a half hours....insane, but it was pretty yummy. We then took our food coma selves back to the hotel for some rest. A couple hours later, we went to go eat beef noodle soup. LOL. After dinner, we went to MGM to walk around, visited the M&M store, coca cola store, then walked around outside before heading back to the hotel again. 

This morning we woke up early to go eat at this taiwanese breakfast place that we also have in Rowland Heights (Yi Mei Deli). It was aite, Nio’s chair broke and the old lady who worked there just laughed....typical.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

Changes are happening btw.. and I don’t know why I’m scared. I just wish that there was more that I could offer.

Love,

Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

It’s almost my birthday

I feel nowhere near secure with where I am sometimes. But at the same time I do feel grateful for what I have. Need to appreciate the moments and not think too much about what I think I lack.

I’m living, I’m breathing, I’m thankful

I have to be

[cindycisnuts]

Write something

Hi Diary,

Today is October 23rd, 2018. This year hasn’t been the easiest, and honestly over the years I’ve learned to just suck it up when things don’t go my way. Not exactly in the mood to write something inspirational at the moment but here are some things going on in this defining, life-changing year... particularly in those around me:

- mama moves back to Missouri

- Mosanim eboji’s mama passes away.. <3

- baba ditches his own bday surprise part (60th)

- a really emotional and fun birthday party without the main person there

- yuchiao’s MS diagnosis

- ashley’s marriage

- nai nai, praying for her wellbeing

- belkin layoffs....this is probably the lowest but there were a lot of great people who i met with families who were impacted....sadly

It gets tougher, but we also get stronger.

I’ll try to sound more eloquent in my next post. Praying for better things ahead for everything i love

Love, 

Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

Best friends

I love my friends, period. The Cindy today doesn’t like making friends but I’m glad I have my best friends with me forever.

Even if it’s just a handful, or less. I love you, and I’m grateful for you.

Love,

Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

Love yourself

Love yourself

Take care of your body, eat well, stay positive and stay active. Spend time with loved ones and friends. Work hard but just know that one day you’ll realize that the things that stress you on the daily aren’t that important. Balance your life and live each day as if you had limited time. It’ll get tough and you’ll have to get better at prioritizing. Understand what’s important and what could wait. Don’t flake, it’s disrespectful. Make meaningful choices and appointments, then stick with them. Love those around you, and care for them but showing them. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow and even if we are blessed with healthy lives it doesn’t mean the people we love will be as fortunate. Never miss a chance to make someone smile, tell someone you love them. Be joyful, laugh, live. Live. Don’t take the joy out of living by worrying over nonsense. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and focus on the bigger picture.

Love,

Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

Love is the beginning and the end of the good life, however, and it's in love that our lives must be centered.

Charles Cousin, The Good Life

[cindycisnuts]

Hi diary

I really need to change this back to my original account, but anyways.. today I had lunch at Thai specialty in brea. As I took my medicine (for my sad uti symptoms) out, he waiter came by and said "sorry no free joys around here" while smiling. I was confused because a) this guy thinks I know what the heck a free joy is? After I was almost done with my meal, the guy came back with a box and started boxing my food for me while I was taking care of the check. I said "thanks!" And he said, it's the least he could do after making that sick joke, and that he's never been to a rave before. He just assumed I've been to at least one because I'm Asian. I told him it was fine, I thought it was funny. Then he came back with my change (all ones) and told me "sorry, I only have ones available from my job last night. LOL this guy.... Made my miserable uti day that much better!

[cindycisnuts]

Reminder to self

Small wins!!! Get it together and clean your room

[cindycisnuts]

Reminder 11/4/16

Just because they aren't loving you the way you want to be loved doesn't mean that they don't love you. Often times we create conflicts on our own in our minds. It's so dangerous, and can potentially ruin a great thing. Also be very careful of what others have to say. Listen with an open mind but also be cautious. Only you and your boo know how you are. Right now the feelings I get when I'm with you are so perfect when we're intimate. I'm still a bit shy at times but it's because you make me feel that way. I don't think I've met anyone quite like you before and that itself is amazing. I admire you baby. Don't be selfish. Love with all of your heart. Be vulnerable. That's the beauty of it All. Love, Cindy

[cindycisnuts]

September 23 12:59am

You don't just give up on something because it's hard.