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Au where dr doofenshmirtz and Jonathan crane teach at the same school

Bonus points if they are teaching the teach the same class together

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Dr crane: "This is ichabod, she is my companion" Dr doofenshmirtz: "Where's her hat?" Dr crane: “Huh?" Dr doofenshmirtz: "You know, the little fedora that secret agents have" Dr crane: "… what "

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Dr doofenshmirtz: “ah, Perry the platypus! What a surprise!”

Dr crane: “Why is there a teal semi-aquatic mammal in my classroom”

Dr doofenshmirtz: “our classroom”

Dr crane: “Yeah, right, whatever. Why is he here”

Dr doofenshmirtz: “Perry the platypus is my nemesis!”

Dr crane: “your nemesis is a platypus?”

Dr doofenshmirtz: “What’s your point?”

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Dr crane: “what do you MEAN you purchased your degree online!?”

dr doofenshmirtz: “how else would I get one?”

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More under cut:

Bonus:

GET SOME THERAPY

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gonna take a hot shower and put on a big t shirt and my undies and i’m gonna sit on the floor and color at my coffee table like im 6 years old again and then i’ll feel better

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thinkin abt babyre … 💭

🍼 being bottle fed in a carer’s lap, slowly falling asleep while being rocked and hushed

🧸 soft toys and games like plush blocks, sensory pads, mobiles, tummy time, rattles, peekaboo, silly songs and lullabies

⭐️ being put down for a nap in a crib or in a bed with rails, getting back / belly pats and rubs

🍼 crying when carer isn’t around, always wanting to be picked up and held / carried

🧸 nonverbal cues (including crying) to communicate wants

⭐️ tickles, snuggles, and lots of laying down because sitting up isn’t a favorite just yet

🍼 being called names like “baby”, “honey”, “poor thing”, “little one”, “cutie”

🧸 onesies, booties, mittens, binkies, and bottles galore <3

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I don’t believe tsw*ft is a revolutionary or even interesting artist but she *is* the only artist who has her own folder on my phone dedicated to lyrics that make me incandescent with rage so from a perverse conceptual perspective I guess something is working

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They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

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At long last, somebody has finaly created the Springlock Suit, from the hit game series "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUILD A SPRINGLOCK SUIT"

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Papyrus using Twitter

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Shel Silverstein predicting ChatGPT in 1981

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just saw a birth announcement thing that was like "3 inches went in. 19 inches came out" and i am on the floor in tears i'm laughing so hard what is wrong with heterosexual people

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BURN THE WITCH BURN THE WITCH BURN THE WITCH

"I know a spell that can summon hot lesbians"

RELEASE THE WITCH RELEASE THE WITCH RELEASE THE WITCH

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well. it’s the middle of june. and one could say we’re in a heatwave.

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somewhere out there right now is a kid with curly hair being raised by people who have wavy hair at best and those people are giving them 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner and telling them to dry brush it. and that kid is gonna spend all of middle school and high school hating their hair and moping over the flat iron. they're being told right now that if they don't dry-brush their curl pattern into oblivion every morning it means they're unkempt and gross even though they naturally have the kind of ringlets that a thousand bridezillas would commit horrible murders for every june. it's happening right now it's an absolute epidemic and a tragedy every time

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Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

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happy pride month DELTAJUNE everyboney 🌈