cistematicchaos - Tumblr blog

[cistematicchaos]

I feel guilty sometimes when I visit doctors. Largely because of money but also because most doctors don't seem to like me much, or at least treat me badly and some part of my brain still believes that must be my fault.

After all, I've been going to doctors for years. How is it so many of them treat me like shit? How is it I am fighting for bare minimum treatment every time I see them? I guess part of me thinks since I'm the one involved every time, it has to be my fault.

I've been told frequently by others that I'm off-putting, strange, a pain to talk to-Hell, I had a doctor suggest I was "too dumb" to be in his office. It wouldn't greatly surprise me if there was something about me that just put all of these people off.

But I don't really think that's it anymore. I think neglect and abuse from doctors is actually far more common than people think. I think tons of people dislike people who need accommodations because of their disabilities, even (and some times especially) medical professionals. I think people look at "unsolved medical issues" and immediately jump to liar, and then mentally ill and let's just say that train of thought doesn't have good intentions.

I think I'm visibly Black and gender-weird, which also goes over badly. But I also think that no matter any of these things, even if I was faking, that those medical professionals made the choice to treat me like shit. And that's on them. It just takes time to actually accept that.

[cistematicchaos]

hi my storage is a week late and i need $50 by today to make my afterpay payment. afterpay is more important atm but my stuff in storage is also at risk of being auctioned off 😔

ppal | vmo | cshapp

oh and also i ordered the wrong size of catheter securements. i need $50 for that too - uti might be brewing and im having a lot of bladder pain and my tube being unsecured is just making it worse 😔

[cistematicchaos]

If you exclude aro and ace people from the lgbtq+ community I hope you get run over by a truck btw

[cistematicchaos]

hi my storage is a week late and i need $50 by today to make my afterpay payment. afterpay is more important atm but my stuff in storage is also at risk of being auctioned off 😔

ppal | vmo | cshapp

oh and also i ordered the wrong size of catheter securements. i need $50 for that too - uti might be brewing and im having a lot of bladder pain and my tube being unsecured is just making it worse 😔

[cistematicchaos]

i do it for the lesbians & only the lesbians

[cistematicchaos]

I rly hate the Satanic Panic & the moral panic surrounding violence in video games in the 90s, coz it's now impossible to talk about the social implications of violent video games in a realistic sense.

No, violence in video games does not create serial killers in the way most people imagine it would.

However, it's very important to notice how after 9/11, a lot of violent video games pivoted their content from silly gratuitous cartoon gore to more realistic military shooters set in the Levant from a US American lens. It's also important to notice the connection of these games & their toxic online multi-player voice chats to Gamer Gate in 2014.

It's obviously not as black & white as it was presented in the 80s & 90s, I dont think everyone who played early Call of Duty games is a white supremacist who wants to join the military to kill people in the middle east, but I think it's dangerous to pretend like video games or any media can't have an impact on the way people think about violence.

I think what makes all the difference here is how that violence is portrayed, what the message behind it is, what the motives are behind the people who crafted that message, who the victims of that violence are, how they are portrayed & the greater cultural context that surrounds it.

[cistematicchaos]

Can someone please please help.

The power will be off 5/1 if I can't pay $426.30.

I'm a black disabled lesbian and my wife is a Trans lesbian. We both work but can't get ahead bc of my medical issues.

It's Lesbian Visibility Week, please show up for multimarginalized lesbians.

pypal: sailorsylvie@gmail.com

zlle: sailorsylvie@gmail.com

vnmo: Serena-Manning

cshapp: $sailorsylvie

[cistematicchaos]

I hate this whole needing money to live thing

[cistematicchaos]

I got accepted onto long-term disability through my employer/the state, but that doesn’t take effect until August 1st because it’s based off of my resignation date with the district.

I’m making monthly $672.01 COBRA payments to keep my insurance until then, which I need for 100% of my nutrition and hydration through feeding tube and central line.

I’ll need $2016.03 to make it via COBRA alone until August. That’s on top of all of our other bills and my spouse working full-time.

If you can’t donate, please support me by reblogging and following my other socials so I can monetize my content on other platforms.

@ paralyzedguts on TikTok and Instagram, I make educational content about disability and other social justice topics. I’ve been featured on NowThis Impact and work with organizations like The Oley Foundation and G-PACT.

$0 / $2016.03

Cash.app: $forcewielder

Message for PayPal and Venmo

LinkTree

Amazon Wishlist (medical supplies)

Feeding tubes and port under the cut!

[cistematicchaos]

i got cut off my health insurance without warning yesterday. there are meds i can't go without while i'm trying to get back on it. so things are going to get very expensive.

if you like my art and wouldn't mind helpin out with that a bit, here's my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/neonbuck

[cistematicchaos]

This is going to be short bc i already have a post up explaining this situation, but I started having seizures, which led to medical costs I couldn't handle bc I have an autoimmune disorder that's been going untreated for years. I got the appts covered bc of an extremely generous friend on here, and had some additional medication costs which I thankfully had enough for. I've been applying to at least 10 jobs a day and had tons of interviews. I'm going through interviews and assessments for several jobs (got more scheduled for tomorrow) Then my card got stolen, and now I am screwed as far as rent goes, even if one of these jobs comes through like today we will still fall short because rent is due on the 1st and we don't get a grace period. I am trying to get the money that was taken when my card was stolen back, but I have been told to wait to hear back after submitting all the details, and have yet to hear back.

Dm me for proof or more details. I will do art for anyone who helps with this and you can commission me at my art blog @theartistrans I just desperately need to get rent. My roommates and I have a huge food garden planted and are working towards self-sufficiency, which we have no hope of if we can't pay rent.

PP -- $C -- V -- kofi

$45/$650

[cistematicchaos]

why is pride always in summer. what about the dykes that can't tolerate the heat huh. what about us. I mean them.

[cistematicchaos]

[cistematicchaos]

hope everyone in my phone is ok today. or surviving at least

[cistematicchaos]

if u cant describe ur own stuff on tumblr u can still help ur visually impaired followers with 2 quick things:

look in the notes to see if someone already wrote a description. a lot of the time, someone already has

if theres no description in the notes or u cant write ur own, please tag the post as undescribed, so we can avoid inaccessible posts!

[cistematicchaos]

if you don’t like how queers of color write theory you can look away (like you do anyway if it doesn’t aggravate your egos enough to provoke mockery)

[cistematicchaos]

people b saying things so definitively. like man i think it depends