clarajulia

[clarajulia]

i really took my time with these haha

1. What would the happiest and best version of yourself look like?

all connected to the earth, aligned, happy, feeling free and having people around me that i love. feeling secure and settled within myself

2. What message/advice would you give to your past self?

to be more aware when going into a relationship not to lose myself, to still be in touch with my feelings and my own sense of self. but on the other hand, i think it was necessary for me to have experienced that or else i wouldn’t be so strong in that today, i wouldn't have learned my lesson so i guess everything works out the way it does. 

3. What is your happy place and why?

going to bed at night with my cat awaiting me.

alternatively, the company of my best friend @incompletedolphin because she just makes me feel so happy

4. Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? How did you get out of it? Any advice?

i’ve experienced toxic friendships like i guess most people when they're growing up. it was hard for me to bring up the nerve and self respect to walk away from that but in the end, like i said, everything shapes you to be the person that you are now so i wouldn’t change anything about the way that happened for me.

5. If money didn't matter (if you earned enough money from it) what job would you want to have and why?

musician, singer but i guess everybody knows that that’s the path i’m already taking so other than that:

be a free painter, artist, expressing my mind and feelings in art

6. Do you have your happiest memory? If you don't mind sharing please tell us about it.

one that immediately pops in my head is when me and my friend group at the time were sitting in the hallway of our school and i had just finished recording and producing my first song that i had worked on foreverrrr and i showed it to them and we all cried

7. Do you have your saddest memory? If you don't mind sharing please tell us about it.

i think when i was nine and my rabbit died that i loved unconditionally and my grandma came over to cheer me up (that was shortly after my cat had died too first). i played a song on the piano for my rabbit, sobbing, and my grandma sobbed too and hugged me tight. i just remember feeling so incredibly sad like i had just lost a family member. i missed him so much for such a long time.  

8. What is the movie/book/tv show that made you think a lot or made you change something about yourself?

bojack horseman is the best, deepest, most thought-provoking tv show that i know

9. If you ever were to write a book what would it be about?

i guess art and the way i see the world. the way in which i experience life. and how to me every notion, every cell, every breath, every moment and emotion is art and something to be cherished. and also how easily we get lost in our heads. 

10. Do you have a strange habit?

watching films half and never finishing them

11. Have you ever met a person that drastically changed your life?

yes i have, meeting my best friend in 5th grade has forever changed my life, meeting my boyfriend has drastically, suddenly changed my life.

12. How would you describe yourself in 5 words ?

messy head in cloud mind

13. What is your idea of a perfect day?

spending it with someone (maybe even a person i don't know so well) just us two, not in a group, spending all day outside, making tea, having unforced deep talks, doing things i don't usually do! go swimming, make a fire maybe, play basketball things like that

14. Do you have any embarrassing stories from your life?

i have so many embarrassing videos of me at 12 years old it’s not cool

15. What is the strangest thing you've done or seen ?

honestly, frankfurter hauptbahnhof.

16. What is your gender identity? Do you think you do a lot of stereotypical things that are assigned to your gender?

i think there are crazy high expectations to fit as a female, mostly to please men or to be seen as “sociaty-ly pretty”

17. If you could bring one character from a book to life, who would it be and why?

i hardly ever read so this question is hard for me to answer but i’m sure i’d have a lot to learn from the boy in “the alchemist” which so far is my favourite book i’ve read

18. Do you have a person in your life that makes you feel special or a person that you feel like you're soulmates with?

i do. there’s a couple people that make me feel really special. but my favourite person on this earth is my best friend lilén and i believe friends can be soulmates, maybe even more than lovers.

19. What has been the hardest thing you had to deal with? Do you have any advice on how to deal with a similar situation?

heartbreak. 

i have no advice because i’m still figuring it out. but what i’ve learned so far is the importance of letting yourself hurt, really allowing yourself to feel everything that there is because that’s the only way for things to really get better. 

20. What are you currently waiting for?

summer. and my first tattoo that i’m getting tomorrow.

[clarajulia]

i started a new blog, basically moving from here to @cherrypalace

i’ll still keep this one for the memories but i felt like this is old and outdated & i want sth new :)

[clarajulia]

i missed tumblr 

[clarajulia]

AHH i feel like i cause you so much pain and so much worry and that im such a fucking drama queen and attention seekerrrrrr

[clarajulia]

2.33 am.

i drunk text you once

and you call me to check if i'm alright.

but i've already fallen asleep to the bright phone screen.

so i miss your call and you text me that you're worried about me.

you call again and i wake up from the vibrating phone pressed against my face.

we talk for 4 minutes and i fall asleep again with you on the phone.

you whisper 'good night my love' and hang up.

and my last thought is how much pain and worry i cause you and that i'm sorry.

i'm so sorry

[clarajulia]

for the first time since we're together i thought about the possibility of it ending

[clarajulia]

life's sucking my blood while i sleep, like a vampire

[clarajulia]

tiny moon shines through the covers of my mind

so thin it barely illuminates my room

bake some bread and leave this town

auf nimmer wiedersehen

[clarajulia]

i feel like being human is a longing, a missing. missing something you've never experienced, longing for a place that you have never seen, that probably just exists in your mind.

a certain vibe that you can't let go of. sometimes the missing becomes so strong that i can't think about anything else for days. i drive around and try to look for the place that i'm searching for. and some places feel more like it than others.

but they only remind me of the one i'm looking for. i don't even know if it's a place.

it could be a time or a scent or even a person. but right now it only feels like the most distant memory that, no matter how hard i try, i can never quite reach.

that's why i love exploring new places, coz i hope that maybe one of them is what i'm looking for.

and i can't put it to words either so whenever i try to explain it i look like an idiot (:

it might take a lifetime to find. or i might never find it.

...and i think if i found it there'd be nothing left to live for. but if i never found it this lifetime would be wasted.

[clarajulia]

nur haut

[clarajulia]

[clarajulia]

Sometimes i feel like my head is a pimple on god's face and im screming "pop me! pop me!"

[clarajulia]

how insane is it

that everything is art

every little living cell, every blink, every moment in time. every breath of life a being takes.

human connection, from one soul to another.

garbage, pain, despair, rage, frustration. sunlight. air. expression.

dripping with desperation, fear, sex. hair.

i'm so excited for my life. there's so much to come, so many experiences, so many feelings, tastes, winds.

souls to meet and feelings to feel and places to be in

and i'll be there. isn't that fucking cool,,,,

[clarajulia]

escaping my mind by getting high has never solved my problems

[clarajulia]

no idea what i’m doing anymore. why not fuck it all for the moment.  

[clarajulia]

At least i don't have to be worried about you being worried about me anymore

[clarajulia]

i love brown eyes. imagine swimming in a pool of honey every time u look at someone!!!!!! that’s what it feels like!!!! i love brown eyes! each and every shade i love u ur all beautiful