clayism

[clayism]

『LEE TAEYONG ❙ CISMALE』 ⟿ looks like CLAY CHOI is here for HIS JUNIOR year as an EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION student. HE is 24 years old & known to be MAGNANIMOUS, POLISHED, SELFISH & IMPRESSIONABLE. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ bells. 20. pst. she.

U ARE… twenty four, berry stained pout puckers in concentration. waiting. blue light emanates from dual monitors. patience. sharp nails clickity clack against a keyboard as punch flavored caffeine surges through veins. almost there. BEEP! a bellow of relief as fingers settle down in their resting spot. you’ve successfully printed yourself a doctorate in fat cockology. 

anxiety & medication tw.

clay grew up as the eldest in a household as full as a corny 90's sitcom, (4 brothers and a dog, to be exact) so getting away with mischief during his adolescence proved almost too easy. think processed cheese powder in orange juice or brad pitt’s face plastered on any flat surface.

the chois had always struggled to make ends meet, and it was the arrival of their youngest that clay's parents made the tough decision to leave him in charge and take up more shifts at the family restaurant.

caring for all of the babies when he was still practically one himself quickly became the norm (he always coddled his siblings when he had a chance anyway), and not once did he complain about a dirty diaper - though the spitballs that he'd fling at the boys when they wouldn't listen did help ease some stress. 

eventually he started helping out at the mandu shop in between school & chores, too, hard work paying off soon after as the chois managed to find good fortune. 

their newfound riches made it so they could move closer into the city and clay could focus on his studies, but he’d soon discover the biting, aching feeling at the pit of your stomach that was severe anxiety. the sheer panic of intrusive thoughts and insomnia ridden adolescence, trying to make sense of the world around you while it crumbles on your very shoulders. remind him again why he wasn’t home schooled?

he was prescribed a cocktail of meds and that was that. 

on the bright side, having so many siblings was a big factor in sharpening his social skills, which was a huge advantage when he entered high school and started getting mercilessly ridiculed for his appearance. don't listen to them, clay, they're just jealous of how cool our big bro is!

and what's one to do when their youth flies by in the blink of an eye? when you're no longer needed to pack lunches or solve a homework problem. when everyone's moving onto bigger plans, and you have no idea how to keep a stable job but you sure as hell can dress a gnarly wound?

trading in crayons for calculators for cigarettes, memories of playing football in the rain becoming just that. memories. emptiness. sleepless nights in a haze of flashing lights and bad decisions, self destruction would come in waves, each longer and more intense than the last.

he needed a purpose.

it was almost like it was written in his stars to be around kids, how impressionable and bug-eyed they are, how it’s always been in his second nature to nurture. once he'd found his major and his passion, packed his bags and textbooks, the rest just clicked.

maybe he is literal vermin but there's something very tender about him. it's hidden behind every overachieving dick joke and charming guffaw. a little voice if you listen closely pleading accept me, praise me. tell me i'm enough for you, goddammit. want me.

rly at the end of the day clay is just? a giant tetris enthusiast & swiftie extraordinaire looking for someone to play and eat butterscotch ice cream with. but if u ask him he fucks hard.  

uhhhh ya wcs below:

flirtationship, good/bad influence, confidant, frenemies, RIVALS?! blast from the past fwb study buddies etc etc etc. thx <3