clefspeare99

[clefspeare99]

[clefspeare99]

i treat people how i want to be treated until i notice a lack of reciprocity

then i begin to treat them how they treat me

and that’s when people usually notice that there’s a problem

“you acting different”

yeah

[clefspeare99]

Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?” Client: “Is e-mail internet”? Me: “I beg your pardon?” Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?” Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.” Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.” Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?” Client: “Open what?” Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?” Client: “My…my…?” Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?” Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.” Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?” Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?” Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?” Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.” Me: “No, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?” Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?” Me: “We…okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?” Client: “My what?” Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?” Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.” Me: “An error message?” Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.” Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?” Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Move it for me.” Client: “Move it?” Me: “Yes. Move it.” Client: “My e-mail!”

[clefspeare99]

They’re a team. They’re the team….

[clefspeare99]

A representation of my thought process at all times

[clefspeare99]

Octopuses can fit through any gap larger than their beak.

[clefspeare99]

pokemon gets deep

[clefspeare99]

If playing video games for more 20 hours is unhealthy then surely working 20 hours is unhealthy (source)

[clefspeare99]

The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight.

[clefspeare99]

The first weeks of Pokémon GO was probably the closest thing to world peace we’ll ever have. (source)

[clefspeare99]

hahahaha best prank i’ve seen in a while

[clefspeare99]

Art by Ironshod

[clefspeare99]

[clefspeare99]

Scumbag Aunt ripped off my Grandma for years, I put my nose in her business and had the IRS financially ruin her.

This is going to be long, so TL; DR; Aunt screwed over my Grandma for years, I put my nose in her business, got parents wise on the fraud and eventually reported her to the IRS. The long dick of the IRS bankrupted her and her husband and now they are destitute and too old to work. 

This happened about 5 years ago. My Grandma was getting old, late 80s/early 90s. She had one wish, to not die in a senior home. Easily done as my Grandpa sold some assets way back when, then invested the money and let it ride for 30+ years; he never touched it and collected a pension.

Way back when my Grandpa died, (about 10 years before this), my Grandma appointed my dad, this shitty aunt and my uncle as the Trustees of the trust. Basically the trusted advisors for her and her care for the foreseeable future. All was well in the beginning, then my dad (Willy) moved further away and couldn’t take care of the day to day upkeep as the Trustee and to see that my grandma was ok. My aunt (Rebecca) told her that she and my uncle (Fred, who lived in Arizona) could take over and all would be fine. It was fine for a while.

Keep reading

[clefspeare99]

oh boy i just had an Adventure™ in minecraft 

so, i was exploring the map and i was pretty far away from my home base, basically using a boat to cross deep ocean biomes and investigating islands and smaller landmasses and such 

one of the islands i came across had an ABSURD amount of wolves roaming about. “holy shit,” i thought, “this swamp biome is full of free dogs.” 

so of course i go on a wolf-taming spree. i wasn’t paying attention to how many i was amassing. by the time i’d covered the island, i had a pack of about twenty dogs in my entourage. 

i think, ok, perhaps it’s time to go home, at least so i can leave some of these pups in a safe place while i keep exploring. 

problem: there’s a huge fucking ocean between Dog Island and the continent my home base is on. 

my stubborn ass thinks, “ok. ok. dogs can swim. we’ll FORD this river ocean.” 

this, obviously, did not go well. the dogs are v good swimmers, but also very slow, and if i get too far ahead of them, they don’t catch up, because they can’t teleport to the player if you’re not on land. it took forever to get to the nearest small island, and i’d lost about a third of my dogs. 

“i need a better plan,” i think to myself. i mean, i could abandon this ridiculous ‘transport 20+ dogs at least 5000m across multiple deep ocean biomes to my home base’ idea and find some free dogs closer to home. i mean, they’re not really that hard to find. but these are my dogs. i gave them bones and now they love me. i must not abandon them. 

…and that’s how dog water skiing was born: 

ishouldhavejustdonethisinthefirstfuckingplace.jpg

anyway, by the time i got to the next landmass, i hadn’t lost any more dogs. success!

and not only had i not lost any more dogs, but this new landmass was ALSO full of free dogs. and i still had some stacks of bones, which obviously trumps my own sense of self-control. 

fast forward ten minutes:

look at all these pups! and also a really rude spider.

still more pups!

…oh jeez. 

this is basically Homeward Bound, but instead of two dogs and a cat, it’s just me and like thirty goddamn dogs. they were continuously teleporting in front of me, i was tripping all over them. it was chaos. 

now, i should mention, this was a long-ass trek home.  at some point my sword AND my backup sword broke, because frankly i just was not expecting my expedition to last this long and i did not bring a backup backup sword, so i was flailing at creepers with an axe. i definitely lost some good pups, especially since at least half that travel was at nighttime peak monster spawn time. AND i have the Mo’ Creatures mod installed, so not only do i have to worry about the standard monsters, but also lions, tigers, bears (which are usually pretty chill but apparently can become hostile when thirty dogs suddenly teleport on top of them), manticores, ogres, SPECIAL wolves that instead of being tamable are just Very Angry All The Time, etc. 

but the thing is, i kept finding more free dogs. and, sometimes when i’m walking, two dogs will just breed out of nowhere, so occasionally i’d turn around and there’d be a puppy. who did this. we’re, like, climbing a mountain here. control yourselves  

anyways, by the time i got back to my home base, i counted forty-eight doggos. 

just look at these Good Dogs. i couldn’t get them all to fit in the frame. 

i have nowhere to put them. i feel like Roger and Anita at the end of 101 Dalmatians. 

all i know is i love every single one of them.

[clefspeare99]

I could just see his eyes, and I was like that’s a moment where he could see her. I thought in this moment, because he’s at this point where he’s kind of energy, he’s about to die, when he’s more one with everything than he’s ever been…you’d have this clarity, where things like physical sight, it just doesn’t matter.

[clefspeare99]