clitorya-blog

[clitorya-blog]

*fangirls over this account tbh*

     THANK YOU!

[clitorya-blog]

VERSE: MAGIC MIKE FALLS ON HARD TIMES

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    sms » i gott a lotta $$$ (in 1s)     sms » cool i didnt wanna offend u by not getting a boner     sms » ummm do u know kitt? pit?     sms » i mean i slept w him 1 time but i dont think itll get me any points     sms » cuz my ass is not going there again i cant bribe him w it

          [ TEXT ; mom bro ] you realize how much money you’re             therefore putting on the table?????           [ TEXT ; mom bro ] we might be biased. also i don’t want              to deal with giving you a boner as part of our friendship.             we need an unbiased judge. that likes me more.

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     “It depends what you think is good dancing. I’m rusty on anything that isn’t like, contemporary, modern, pop and lock type shit. You pick a good song and I’ll rustle up something that doesn’t involve humping the floor.”

   “What’s your best move. Not necessarily your sexiest ‘cuz I don’t mean your best lapdancing move I mean your best move, overall. Make my day. Prove white men can jump.”

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     sms » rock my world baby      sms » u win and ill buy u a nights worth of drinks      sms » w8      sms » how is this gnna work??      sms » r we gnna dance up on each other? some1 else?      sms » do we need a judge??

   [ TEXT ; mom bro ] if i actually cared about the mystery of     emojis i’d have gotten a smart phone already, dumbass.    [ TEXT ; mom bro ] you’re fucking on, meatball. just because     i haven’t gotten paid for my shit doesn’t mean i don’t know     what i’m doing.

[clitorya-blog]

     Why did he put his shirt back on if he’s just gonna take it back off!!! “ –– I call ‘em like I see ‘em, dude. And I see good things on your chest. You’re welcome.”

There is literally no need for him to take his shirt off at this point in time but it feels kind of revelationy when Mike tells him his nipples are beautiful on like a burgeoning bisexuality level and a self-image level. Who knows about a good male body better than the guy who makes bank on his good male body, right? This has gotta mean something. That’s worth celebrating. With your shirt off.

   “You, are a true bro.”

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     “Oh, my god. M’am, please don’t shoot me. I’m a male entertainer.” Beat. “Stripper. I’M A STRIPPER. One of the guys gave me this address, told me I had a good party, a private gig, he told me hey go right on in and I guess either the address was wrong or you have friends who way overestimated how open you’d be to getting a lapdance.”

“No trick. Just making sure you know you’re trespassing and that I’m very, very comfortable exercising my second amendment rights.”

         A little too comfortable, maybe, considering she hasn’t even risen from          her desk. Hell, she’s barely even glanced up at him, beyond a cursory          analysis that put the odds in her favor in a fight, despite the size disparity.          Besides, there’s a gun within arm’s reach. 

“Now, do you have a legitimate reason for being in my living room?”

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     “Yuh-huh. Personally, I enjoy it. I have fun with it. I get to dance, which I’m good at, and I get to make girls smile. It’s totally different for male entertainers, anyway. It’s way harder on women – I don’t have to worry about being stalked by some drunk, fat straight guy on my way home, for one.”

     What? Can’t a guy be conscious about women’s issues?

★— “And you get PAID for this? Don’t you feel objectified in the least? I mean c’mon, when I was back in the day I know the fellas used to enjoy the shows that the ladies would put on for ‘em but I’d always feel bad..” 

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     “Footay? What the fuck is footay?”      Mike stands up, dusting himself off, spreading his arms.

     “I am not afraid to die.”

   “I’m four beers in and I used to do ballet, you’re either gonna lose or get killed in a gruesome fouetté related accident.”

[clitorya-blog]

like this for a starter when i make my way home from campus in a couple hours.

[clitorya-blog]

@scriveren!

     “Hey, dude, if you really don’t want a dance, it’s cool. I’m not about forcing anyone.” Spying the liquorice on the table. “I don’t dance for filthy liquorice-eaters anyways.”

[clitorya-blog]

    “I dance. To music. And I take my clothes off as I do. Every     night is ladies’ night. Except when I’m dancing for dudes.”

clitorya started following you

★— “Okay, so I’m still trying to PROCESS this. What IS it that you do exactly? One more time, just to make sure I’m hearin’ this right.” 

[clitorya-blog]

   sms » 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩    sms » i hope the mystery of my emojis torments u    sms » dance off ? show me ur skills lady

    [ TEXT ; mom bro ] i’m still better. fame ain’t shit.     [ TEXT ; mom bro ] also, did you just try to send me emojis?      because - flip phone. i have a flip phone. i do not see your      emojis so thanks.

[clitorya-blog]

we’re like healers or something

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    sms » u realise i’m basically famous     sms » u realise every1 who cares abt strippers knows who i am     sms » u wanna go there ??     sms » 👀👀👀

      [ TEXT ; mom bro ] why don’t you just text it all again I DON’T        THINK THE NSA HEARD YOU       [ TEXT ; mom bro ] besides that wasn’t the only thing just        what i’d share with you.       [ TEXT ; mom bro ]  don’t you get bored of giving those????        besides i’m better at it.

[clitorya-blog]

Channing Tatum in “Hail, Caesar!”

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     “Uh.”

     “Yes – ? This feels like a trick question.” hhhhoooo boy if Big Dick Richie gave him the wrong address and Mike gets shot – well, Richie’s nickname won’t work anymore once Mike’s done with him.

“You are aware trespassing is a crime, right?”