clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog - Tumblr blog

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Ive been hecking up at work more and more frequently and it's getting so bad to the point that my dad's losing more faith in me, though it's not like he had much to begin with.

the other day i completely messed up a big name tape order and made all 24 in the wrong thread color, and since the customer was deploying, they couldn't afford to wait until I remade them. name tapes are pre-paid so they wanted a refund, which is acceptable since it was my mistake because i wasn't being observant enough despite having made the same mistake several times before

i keep making the same mistakes and get shit from both my coworker and my dad it's too much for me to handle but i endure it and get really stressed out. it honestly makes me feel awful about myself, that I'm useless

i don't even have an excuse im scatterbrained and can't remember basic things

but you know, i have my strong points. i've gotten over some of my own anxiety and know how to handle the customers well now and since ive been helping my dad since i was little, i know how to run a business more or less. i have my own experience and intuition to help too, and so far most customers are pretty happy with me and even miss me when im out of work. it makes me feel better.

but then when something happens and i try to explain it to my dad, he doesn't believe me. the seamstress has to talk to him for him to believe any word i say.

he doesn't trust me enough to know how to handle a situation

he takes pride in the fact that i'm smart and a quick learner

but when it comes to practice, his faith falls short and he's quick to deny me of any pride in my own work.

and the seamstress has noticed all of this in the year and a half ive worked here so far. she sympathizes with me and wishes my dad could stop being such a pig headed person and realize that im trying my best despite all of my own personal problems (which my dad doesn't believe i have).

i want some recognition for my work

i want to be seen as a competent person in my dad's eyes

i think that's all i ever wanted from my dad even from when i was younger

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

goomymon replied to your post: As much as I’d like to get counseling ...

we’re sorry your parents are forcing you to do stuff you don’t want to do again and are stressing you out really bad u m u we wish they’d fuckin Stop if we could we’d Eat Them. if u need us at all we’re here for you and we have our phone for Texting

i'm pretty sure this is why i got bell's palsy in the first place they've been subtly stressing me out and building it up until it was too much and welp that the topped the cake so to speak

and of course they deny that i'm stressed out at THEM and instead blame the internet and the computer and chatting with friends because Oh Technology Is Bad

if my phone would actually send texts i'd be sending them but it's very grump and works when it feels like it. for being near an air force base this area has no phone signals wth

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

As much as I'd like to get counseling and mental health care, I'd rather not have it done by force and I would definitely not have it be an older korean man

Which is what my parents are trying to do???? AGAIN???

They outright refused to let me see a doctor whom a friend of my recommended simply because he was white

Bullshit

I'm pretty fucking sure I can't get out of this either

It's like 2012 all over again i'd rather vegetate in a state of emotional and physical death than seek help from someone who won't understand shit about me because they are too biased towards my parents' way of thinking

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Spoid's definitely avoiding me

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

o<-< well. i confronted him. let's see how well this goes.

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Rubs eyes yeah everyone is busy we have lives even i do i can't do much more than chat with you on skype i have prior commitments and if you're going to whine and cry over that then tough

You have it easy being homeschooled and not having a job and generally being sheltered

Why can't you get it in your head that other people don't have the liberty to stay up til 5 every day to do what you want to do

o<-<

I should be talking to Spoid about these things but he's already upset at me

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY ANGRY NOW

HE'S ACTING JUST LIKE PICO NOW AND I'M GETTING SO UNCOMF

IF I MENTION THIS HE'LL JUST BECOME SO UPSET AND CRY AND MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE

AUGH I'm stuck in a web of emotional manipulation

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

GRUNTS AND PUNCHES THE WALL

FALLS OVER

o<-<

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

OH MY GOD JUST BECAUSE I'M TAKING TO TORI DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE LEFT OUT WTH

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Spoid really needs to learn when I'm joking around and not get pissed so easily holy heck

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

VIBRATES INTENSELY

SPOID IS UPSET BUT HE'S BEING UNAPPROACHABLE SO I'M ????????????????????????????????

I FEEL SHIT BUT HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Ah I wanna keep the siegoom icon on my main but spoid hates goomy for a personal reason so I can't

Sigh sigh sigh

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Spoid should really be saying "I'm not interested/I don't have interest in [X]" instead of using dislike vs hate so that people wouldn't misunderstand

But eeeehhhhh idk if he'd listen to me he doesn't seem to wanna talk about it more he feels bad now :T

[GRUNTS]

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

I talked to Spoid about his habit of saying I Don't Like [X] while everyone else is enjoying [X] and he said he'd back off. He wasn't aware that he was coming off as rude/pushy/passive aggressive so he said he would try to keep to himself.

Well

Let's see how this goes cuz I've told him about this once and he didn't remember the next he did it shrugs

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Sometimes I wish he'd stop whining so much and be so demanding

As a joke once in a while it's fine but when he does it just about every day it's v off putting

He's gonna lose more friends if he keeps this up and trying to console him is tricky...

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

Go away go away go away don't talk to him don't interact with him

You're a terrible person don't influence him

Ugh

[clockworkcandlelight-blog-blog]

I like thinking broadly. I like thinking about what could be and what could have been, just to amuse myself. I like thinking beyond what's apparent.

I dislike people who can't or are stubborn and refuse to thinking beyond what they are given and scold me about being too "airheaded" or get angry with me for even thinking of ~possibilities~

Spoid and I were talking about 2 yolk eggs and were discussing how I thought it was unfortunate that 2 yolk eggs wouldn't be able to produce twins if fertilized the one chick would just have extra food and he flat out told me it's not fertilized so he doesn't see it as bad. If it's fertilized it's sad if it's not it's just food w/e. Okay so I tried to say but IMAGINE IF IT WAS and he just stubbornly went BUT IT'S NOT SO W/E and I got really pissed off.

Sometimes I just really dislike how he thinks...