clownakin

[clownakin]

[clownakin]

It's interesting to think about orv as this like, world governed by a child. Like, of course, hsy wrote the actual world of twsa into existence, but she did so as a gift to a young kim dokja i.e. oldest dream. Everything was designed to his liking, and the very fabric of the world relies on od actually liking the story lest he like, blow up himself and the world with him. And od gets this eldritch horror component to him from this, because he's like, really not doing anything, right? Like od is effectively just a child enjoying a story, just kind of existing, but in the logic of orv having your story watched is not...that good. This is of course *the* thesis of orv, that stories keep us alive and that you're not evil for wanting to stay alive, etc, etc. but it's also interesting to think about the system of probability within this world governed by a child reading a story. Because nobody really sits down to explain probability, at least not off the top of my head, but it can be pretty easily inferred that probability is. Well. How probable something is to happen, but specifically how likely it is for a certain event to happen, under the constraints of a story from a particular genre. So it's not about what's physically possible, it's about maintaining suspension of disbelief. And, despite what it says on the tin, od is not actually omniscient, he can overlook things, he can be distracted, his attention can be purposefully called to things. So really it's about what you can get away with in this cosmic-level game of make-believe. And of course this is a system made for a reader, for kim dokja, where knowledge of tropes will make surviving through the apocalypse way easier. So how come kdj, with such a big advantage, has so much trouble getting by? A big part of this I think is because od, being od, cannot actually imagine an older version of himself. Od can't think of a world where he gets to be 28 years old, much less be even remotely happy or stable at that age. And this is also why kdj's face has to be blurred, because to od, kdj is both a self insert (like he is to us, the readers of orv) and an impossibility. Because kim dokja does not allow himself happiness, not even when he's little

[clownakin]

[clownakin]

did I tell you guys how much my boss spent on food delivery apps last year

[clownakin]

Me, watching my kitten hold still for a suspiciously long time: Ollie, are you peeing on my floor?

Ollie: Not

Me: Are you sure?

Ollie, grunting through time and space to push out a chocolate mcmuffin wider than he is tall: Not

[clownakin]

[clownakin]

staying up until 1am with your friends is like. wow we’re so fucking cool we’re so fucking badass we should go on a road trip or become famous or maybe hang out here forever because i dont wanna be anywhere that isnt with you guys im so full of love and joy and a live fast die young mentality. and staying up until 1am by yourself is like. for the third time this year i am genuinely contemplating suicide. good thing i dont have the executive function to clean up my room

[clownakin]

[clownakin]

what happened to hello. what happened to good morning.

[clownakin]

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

[clownakin]

just shed an electron

[clownakin]

the state of retail in america is abysmal... we need to start incorporating more sex and violence into the customer experience

[clownakin]

just realised i never actually posted the magnus archives mug i painted on here (the mugnus archives?), so here she is!!! 👁️☁️🌀📼

thank you to @pestopasta626 for reminding me about it because i straight up forgot skdjskjdks

(btw i very sadly can’t sell these since it’s a hand painted piece so it took a long ass time to do :”)) i’ve briefly looked into producing some of these but im not sure how the legality of it works since tma belongs to rusty quill ofc)

[clownakin]

When you are posting on tumblr, do not add your commentary to the text of the post, in case others disagree with you and the original poster may come and say to you, "Make your own post," and then you will be in disgrace. But when you post, add your commentary to the tags, so that when the original poster sees them, they may say to you, ‘Friend, do not hide this in the tags'; then you will be honored in the presence of all who blog with you.

[clownakin]

unhealthy codependency is really a top tier dynamic. like they need each other to survive but god. should they.

[clownakin]

i can tell by the way you successfully manage your emotions and reactions that you’re never experienced trauma, because i personally have never even considered the idea of learning how to manage and deal with my trauma response rather than stew in it and bring it up every time someone tries to tell me im acting out of pocket

[clownakin]

em dash is so fucking sexy. puts her in a paragraph 8 times.