clownmilkshake

[clownmilkshake]

You see the thing I hate about workplaces with specific work dresscodes is that what if instead of my plain white shirt that I always wear that is in the exact same place every time I get ready for work I'm actually accidentally wearing a neon green shirt that says "I will fuck your grandma" (I own no such item of clothing)

[clownmilkshake]

the greatest cultural impact of the sims series is just how many artists theyve gotten to record simlish versions of their hits. theyve got everything from chart topping stars to weird indie darlings. nobody is safe from the simsification.

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having an oc you love dearly but you created when you were very much 15 and going through it is rough because you realize you forgot to give him a personality besides being depressed

[clownmilkshake]

i worked as a bartender for one (1) summer and in my first month, had the most surreal fucking night?

i'm making small talk with the 30-something men at the bar who had all gotten off work together, and they ask me what i do normally, and i tell them that i go to university in a different city but i'm home for the summer. one guy asks me if i've ever been to a certain bar and i tell him no. he then proceeds to tell me a tale of the one time he went to that bar.

he tells me he saw two guys making out and was being a dick to them and then got kicked out of the bar.

that was the story. he was being a dick to two queer people and rightfully got kicked out of a (not gay) bar for it, and is now informing me of this for some reason? he then tells me about "all them queers in [city name]."

which is wild because i am, in fact, a queer who spends most of the year in that city. and i had to stand there and nod politely rather than telling this guy that he can fucking shove it because he's trying to entertain one of those queers he looks down upon.

but if i did that i'd out myself to my extended family (i was related to the bar owner) so i kept my damn mouth shut. anyways there's no moral to this story i just thought it was unhinged. i got some strange people at that bar i tell ya.

[clownmilkshake]

If you're fifteen or older an still sleep with a stuffed animal please reblog this.

[clownmilkshake]

Hi, I noticed your story has conflict in it, and I was wondering why you didn't just write people who are right doing everything correctly with a note saying "I enthusiastically co-sign everything in this story"? Must be some kind of mistake haha

[clownmilkshake]

[clownmilkshake]

my dorm shower used to secrete this mysterious red substance that i'd have to clean off the walls every so often. we referred to this as my shower bleeding.

i still don't know what it was.

Having to clean the shower is so fucking annoying. It’s clean in there. That’s where I go to get clean. It’s clean dude trust me. Stop fucking growing bacteria and stuff man this is the clean locale. You’re embarrassing me in front of the sink

[clownmilkshake]

The fun thing about hockey being co-ed until you're literally an adult is that there's always at least one girl on the boys team who can and will hold her own. I'm a little insulted that people think "real" (see: cis) women are too fragile to be around A Man in any capacity, even if that "man" is not a man.

What happened to this whole equality thing?

[clownmilkshake]

the fates are knitting as fast as possible and you're yanking yarn out of their hands and knitting something different

I am the seamstress of my own fate. Those Greek fuckers can keep their hands out of my business

[clownmilkshake]

here's my twenty-five step skincare routine and "morning shed" and i will never age until i do and then i am worthless. run don't walk to buy the latest Thing™️ that will magically cure your acne unless it burns your face off. try this no-makeup makeup. try this workout routine and this limited diet and rub beef on your face because you gotta lose weight, isn't that the point? dress for your body type and only wear colors and shapes that make you look skinnier. don't drink from a straw you loser, that gives you yucky ugly wrinkles and if you get them you need botox immediately. don't you know you're supposed to stay a child forever? try these supplements to make your hair and nails stronger and prettier and they definitely work, 100% effective. here's a treatment for an insecurity you didn't know you should have! fuck your strawberry legs and hip dips and the weird bags under your eyes. don't you know you're meant to look plastic? get rid of your dark spots overnight! get rid of your eyebags overnight! get rid of your acne overnight! get rid of your eczema overnight! get rid of it get rid of it get rid of it gET RID OF IT GET RID OF IT GET RID OF IT

are you cat pretty, fox pretty, deer pretty, bunny pretty, jellyfish pretty. are you gonna get rid of your hip dips or your strawberry legs or your baby cheeks. what’s your seasonal color, have you had a personal color analysis. what’s your kibbe body type. what’s your aesthetic, what kind of vibe are you tryna give. have you tried the butt pencil test. have you tried the charcoal face mask. what about the charcoal toothpaste. are you following the glass skin routine. have you tried sleeping with mouth tape on to get a better jawline. are you saving up for veneers or a BBL or a boob job. are you beer tanning this summer. have you optimized your shower routine. did you know that not making facial expressions keeps you from getting wrinkles. do you wanna learn how to be “That Girl.” do you wanna get the fox eye surgery or buccal fat removal. are you a girl boss or a bimbo. have you tried the hair identifier spray. are you gonna hide your double lip line. are you gonna get that liquid nose job. is your face card serving. does your pinky overlap your thumb when you wrap them around your wrist. how big is your nose gap. what’s your canthal tilt. did you know you can treat smile lines.

[clownmilkshake]

Yippee!!!!

A short animation I made the other day to remind myself that animating is fun, actually

[clownmilkshake]

frogz we are going to get canceled

IF YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE ME A PLAYABLE AD LET ME PLAY THE WHOLE FUCKING LEVEL BRO I’M SICK OF THIS PLAY HALF OF IT AND DOWNLOAD FOR THE REST

[clownmilkshake]

RJ NOOOOOOO THAT WOULD KILL ME (absolutely we should do this)

IF YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE ME A PLAYABLE AD LET ME PLAY THE WHOLE FUCKING LEVEL BRO I’M SICK OF THIS PLAY HALF OF IT AND DOWNLOAD FOR THE REST

[clownmilkshake]

we are at the stage where we are now blackout poetrying each other. god bless this accursed friend group

IF YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE ME A PLAYABLE AD LET ME PLAY THE WHOLE FUCKING LEVEL BRO I’M SICK OF THIS PLAY HALF OF IT AND DOWNLOAD FOR THE REST

[clownmilkshake]

it is also important to have ocs of both types

It is absolutely vital in any fandom to have a favourite character who you want to wrap up in a pile of blankets and give sweet treats to and a favourite character you want to beat on the head with hammers.

[clownmilkshake]

this room was designed for someone who doesn't live here anymore. there are posters on the walls for movies i haven't watched since i was 13 and pictures of people i haven't spoken to for two years. she used to like making paper chains. there are so many paper chains. old drawings and paintings cover the place, half of them knocked down while mom and dad were storing things in here while i was gone. would she be happy? to see the decorations she put up at 13, 15, 17, still standing? she painted that when she was 15, a shitty crown on a purple background. that was from a painting class, that beach scene. those were her beloved ocs, hung up on a clothesline. that shitty eiffel tower from when she was 7 is still on the dresser. the string from a balloon that was popped 15 years ago is still tied to a doorknob. she doesn't live here anymore but it feels like i'm in her space. i'm not her anymore. i shouldn't be in her room.