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[clr0]

The Flower Full Moon is gracing us with their presence today. In the sign of Sagittarius.

I’m exhausted but still excited. Still running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Spirit guides say “drink water” and I listen but only half way.

I’m in the tub, giving myself a good spiritual cleanse but I still have dirt on my face from the yard work I did at Muddy Heaven this morning.

My mood? Bossy. Vivacious. Alive. Silly. Confident. Sure. Wanting to connect. And connect I did.

Day 4 of bleeding. I like my smell.

I prepared harmonies for choir today. We sang some songs in rounds and my heart felt truly content. I want everyone to experience the inner warmth of such a grounded community. I want to protect the whole world and somehow I know that song needs to be part of the equation. Sound and dance are the medicines we all need.

Harmonizing together feels like it can save the world. When I take a breath, you hold your note. We keep the sound alive.

[clr0]

This is day one of tracking the moon.

To become closer with Barnell.

To become closer to myself. Familiar with my cycles. Of bleeding and beyond.

This is supposed to open me up to myself in new and profound ways.

Right in this very moment the moon is a waxing gibbous. The moon phase I was born under. The moon is in Scorpio. In a couple hours, it will be a full moon in Sagittarius.

I feel horny. And happy. And really content spending time alone with myself. I’ve been practicing new ways of accessing the ether this evening. I’m completely by myself but I don’t feel alone or afraid at all.

(Even though I was just rejected again. I feel unphased. Like I know the very best is yet to come. I can barely fathom the unlimited pure joy that is to come.)

It’s a foggy night and I feel warm inside. I can’t see the moon but I can really feel her power tonight. I feel excited with anticipation. I have to actively quiet all the electricity happening in my mind and body. My brain is going a million miles a minute but I can hardly get anything done. The ADHD is real tonight. Honestly, I probably just need to exert physical energy….

I’m bleeding. Day 3. The flow is beginning to mellow. My leg muscles are kind of burning.. and my body has a dull pain throughout it. I need to stretch.

I didn’t hydrate enough today. A liter only. And definitely feeling dehydrated. I didn’t eat enough either, but I’m too physically tired to cook. I want something healthy and hearty.

Horny. Happy. Mentally restless. Excited. Physically tired. Satisfied in some ways. Keeping faith.

[clr0]

Tonight I watched Fallen Angels. I was supposed to watch it with you. I was watching it through your eyes. Next to a warm body.

No one could ever replace you.

[clr0]

Today tears stream down my face in the car.

The sorrow always hits like a brick to the stomach and a grip around the heart.

I miss you and the ways you always made me smile. I miss your silly nature.

The sky is such a beautiful combination of cobalt and navy blue. The clouds are a swirl of the very same color with white; the very bottom cloud is yellow and orange. It’s incredibly beautiful, just like you. And like our love.

I hope you think of me too. Nothing is the same without you. Love is missing you.