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[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

this image can only be shared on Thursday, Sept. 12

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

😍

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

Somewhere in Panem with the victors the 74th year

Katniss climbing the tree

Gloss: Really Haymitch, this is the girl that got an 11 as a training score??

Cato falls

Haymitch: At least she got up the fuckin tree.

Cashmere: It’s fine someone else will get her.

None if the carriers climbing

Enobaria: You gotta be kidding me.

Johanna and Finnick join on the couch

Johanna: Even Finnick’s kids could climb a fucking tree,

Finnick hiding laughter

Brutus: At least our kids made it past the blood bath, can’t say the same for either of yours.

Johanna: I bet you wish they’d kept one of mine around right about now.

Gloss: its fine, she’s a sitting duck, they can just shoot her, its not like she can dodge it, or move.

Glimmer misses shot

Haymitch: Did that girl ever hit any target with her arrow? Because mine did.

Cashmere: We told her to grab a short distance weapon, she has no aim.

Enobaria: that’s embarrassing, for the careers. Cato will get her, he doesn’t miss.

Cato fires arrow and misses

Brutus: Oh my god, I can’t watch this, im getting second hand embarrassment.

Haymitch: Can none of your kids climb a tree???

Cashmere: I guess not.

Marvel throws spear and misses

Finnick: None of them can aim either, this is just sad

Peeta: lets wait her out, she has to come down at some point.

Haymitch laughing hysterically,

Some time later

Katniss starting to cut down tracker jackers

Gloss: Did all our kids seriously fall asleep,

Cashmere rubbing her temples: Yea, they did

Johanna: Who sleeps that heavily in the arena??? Shes making so much noise how are they not awake?

Enobaria: She’s gonna die from those jackers before that nest falls,

Nest falls and careers scatter

Brutus: I need another drink,

Glimmer dies

Johanna: HAH HOW DOES IT FEEL HAVING YOUR CAREER BE TAKEN OUT BY THE DISTRICT 12 GIRL!

Cashmere: no comment,

Some more time later

Katniss plots with rue to blow up food

Gloss: they aren’t gonna fall for that.

They fall for it

Haymitch: you were saying?

Enobaria: This year sucks

Katniss kills Marvel

Johanna (drunk) : HAH BOTH OF YOUR TRIBUTES TAKEN OUT BY THE 12 GIRL!

Gloss: Ok im leaving now.

Cashmere: yea i think im also gonna head out…

Johanna (drunk): LOOSERS HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Finnick: ok Jo, come on, that’s enough for you,

Takes her alcohol

Johanna: no fairrrr, you never take Haymitch’s alcohol

Haymitch: he knows not to mess with me

Finnick: Every time you get drunk, you end up in a fist fight, or breaking something, or both, Haymitch just passes out.

Johanna: OH WHAT YOU WANNA FIGHT LETS FIGHT!

Finnick picks Jo up and carries her to the elevator as she continues screaming and fighting

Haymitch to Brutus and Enobaria: Haha, your tributes arent as cool as mineeee,

Brutus: at least our girl doesn’t look like she wants to vomit getting close to her supposed lover.

Finnick returns

Enobaria: that was fast?

Finnick: I locked her in her bathroom,

Haymitch: Didn’t she just break down the door last time?

Finnick: I handcuffed one of her hands to the pipes and the other to the door.

Elevator doors open revealing Johanna, drenched in water, still handcuffed to a pipe, and the door.

Finnick: I give up. *sits down*

Brutus: what the fuck is wrong with you.

Both Finnick and Jo simultaneously: A lot.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

😍

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

Incorrect quote

Sejanus: Just trust your gut!

Y/n: babe, I have anxiety. My gut is literally always telling me to abort mission.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

I think something a lot of other people can relate to is the way that you get so conditioned to discomfort that you stop registering it.

I remember sitting at the table with my family, eating dinner as a child. I’d try to eat, because of course I was hungry. But sometimes the flavor or texture was so repugnant that it moved into a category of Not Food.

“Two more bites before you can leave the table.”

“I can’t,” I’d say, trying to explain the impossibility.

But because I was a child they heard, “I won’t,” and made me sit at the table. I’d sit in dull agonized silence, bored and hungry for hours until bedtime when they’d give up. I’d hate myself for not eating and my parents for forcing me to sit there. The few forcefeeding moments ended in vomit.

They’d say, “If you don’t eat this you can’t eat a snack later,” and I moved past trying to communicate my discomfort into accepting that I’d just be hungry.

That state of affairs didn’t last, because my parents realized nothing could force me to eat so they catered to my palate, worrying they’d starve me. But the message stuck. If you can’t do anything about a situation, just accept the suffering.

A few years later my mother called me off the playground to ask, “Are you limping?”

I shrugged. My feet had hurt for a long time, but that was just the way things were now. My mom pulled my socks and shoes off and gasped. The soles of my feet were covered in huge painful planters warts.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” She demanded but I could only shrug at her. I’d learned a long time ago that saying things about my discomfort didn’t matter, so now I had no words. Sometimes things hurt and sometimes they don’t. I simply accepted and did my best.

Now as an adult trying to learn to improve my own conditions can be hard. If I make food that I can’t eat I’ll force myself to sit at the counter still, full of guilt and self loathing, trying to will myself to eat it.

At first I needed my betrothed to gently take it away to present me with something I could eat. Now on my own I can usually admit that it’s not happening before too long and get something else, but I still feel guilty.

Laying in bed at night waiting for my betrothed to finish getting ready I let out a huge sigh of relief when they turned the lights off.

“Why didn’t you turn them off if they bothered you?” they asked the first time it happened.

“I didn’t even know it was bothering me until it was gone.”

Assessing my physical state now to see if I can improve it is something I’m still relearning but I’m relieved to finally have the space and support to do it.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

masks and helmets that hides someone's face in such a way that they become the face themselves my beloved

these are all creatures to me

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

ADHD at night: I could write a book. I could get my Master’s Degree. I could go to the club and come home with 12 new friends. I could get a job at that club and meet the mother of my children. I could cure every disease and use my wealth to bring world peace.

ADHD during the day: Fold laundry too hard :( Come back next week

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

We need a digital archive of LGBTQ+ works of art, science, and every other conceivable work we can share between each other because we are beyond the genocide warning level in most countries in the west and they're already trying to purge us from libraries.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

Imagine pretty boy Steve trapped in a mirror for his vanity.

Except he grows as a person so much that his sole purpose becomes boosting self-esteem of everyone looking into the mirror (unless they're being an asshole in which case, bye any semblance of personal worth).

"Looking great, Dustin, go and get them! Oh wait, move your tie slightly to the left, that's it, good job buddy, go go go!"

"Seriously Robin, there's no way your lady isn't all over you the moment you step in that restaurant. Did you wear smudge-proof lipstick? Time to test it."

"No, Nance, it's not weird to ask your ex-boyfriend if you look presentable, I mean, who else is better qualified? Good choice of dress for the interview, you're going to ace it."

"El, it doesn't matter how long your hair is. Yeah, it was so pretty, but it will grow back. But you know what else? You have gorgeous eyes, a wonderful smile and the way you say "mouth-breather" is everything. As long as you have that smile you'll be the prettiest girl around, so don't you dare worry about it."

"Mike, stop looking like someone stepped in your birthday cake, you're a handsome young man and Will is going to love the new haircut. If I'm wrong, feel free to come back and spread mustard all over my frame, but I've yet to be wrong. Yeah, you're a bit of an asshole too, now go and get your boy!"

"Joyce, you're as beautiful as always, but from what I know about Hopper, he'd think you're the most beautiful person alive if you were wearing a potato sack. But this dress is perfect and you look so happy. I wish you all the best on your date!"

"Yeah Jason, looks aren't the issue here...nothing I can do to help you all the ugly stuff on the inside buddy. Sure, smash the mirror if you want - good luck by the way, it's fucking cursed for a reason - but that won't make the truth hurt less, huh?"

And then Eddie accidentally steps in front of him and Steve has never seen anyone so unaware of his own beauty. And Eddie seems to be the only one apart from Robin who realizes how lonely he sometimes gets so he often takes Steve with him no matter where he goes (the big van is handy) and Steve makes sure to shower him with compliments, gradually finding exactly the right doses and right words to make Eddie understand how special he is, how radiant his smile looks, how he's so animated when he talks about things he loves-

And on the day when Eddie looks into the mirror and finally sees himself just as Steve sees him, the mirror cracks and Steve falls out, disoriented and kind of terrified, what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck-?!

But Eddie just smiles at him and hugs him, the first human touch in such a long time it makes Steve tear up. "Finally!" exclaims Eddie and pulls him even closer. "No shame at all Stevie, but that frame was fucking heavy!"

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

So in the last of us I know the outbreak begins in September of 2003 which is a year before American Idiot by Green Day comes out but I cannot stress enough how Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day is an absolute perfect anthem for Joel and if everyone can just bare with the unfortunate timing and ignore it a little bit it’s an absolute perfect song for him and also perfectly encapsulates the early 2000s. I’ll copy the lyrics below for anyone who doesn’t believe me or just wants to cry.

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass

Seven years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again

Like we did when spring began

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass

20 years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

Every year, for every random holiday, Eddie winds up with a present in his locker. He has no idea where these come from.

They're not random "this could be for ANYONE" gifts either. They're themed, so it's not like someone's just mistakenly put them into his locker.

Valentines day usually gets him a little bag of homemade chocolates shaped like dice and a random mini fig theme painted for the day, meaning he has a good few random minis painted in reds and pinks with funny heart motifs, he has a human archer painted like cupid!!

Easter gets him another basket full of homemade chocolatey goodies, one time he got a half a chocolate egg filled with a delightful creamy substance that hid more dice chocolates and reeces pieces within it, but packaged in a little homemade treasure chest nestled atop a little red cushion and Eddie maybe swooned a little that time.

His birthday always got him the good shit. A new monster manual one year, a fancy dice bag another, a cool chalice thing he'd definitely be using to drink Mt Dew out of that he later found out to be actual silver

Christmas, however, the presents didn't turn up at his locker. School was out! They turned up on his porch. Like some Santa Clause bullshit. He got paints, he got sketch books, and he got more homemade goodies like chocolates, brownies, alcohol infused homemade fudge, and cupcakes!

This goes on for years, Eddie is unable to find out who keeps doing it, who keeps leaving these presents for him, and when after surviving hell, he finally graduates without an answer he figures with a deep sadness that he'll probably never know. Until his brand new gaggle of trauma bonded friends drag him to a gods' honest sleepover at Steve’s house. Until he sneakily steals one of the tasty looking chocolates from Steve's fridge and promptly freezes as it melts on his tongue because he KNOWS that taste, he knows it by heart.

Until he corners Steve to find out where he got those chocolates only to find out from a surprisingly bright red Steve that he made them himself.

And oh. Oh.

Oh.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

When you learned your mother was a goddess, things finally seemed to fall into place. The other demigods laughed at you, the only child born to the goddess of the hearth, Hestia. But your power was so much more than they could dream of.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

the "eddie feeds trailer park raccoons" posts made me remember my tags on this post so i cleaned them up and made this ✨

wayne takes him hunting one season and while eddie doesn't particularly enjoy waking up before the sun and bundling himself in camouflage and traffic cone orange on a saturday, he does enjoy a good homecooked meal made with meat you hunted yourself. makes him feel good about what's going into his body (though you'll never hear him pass up burger king, especially if someone else is paying.)

eddie's got himself a hefty prize pile going in the sled they brought, made up of smaller game.

(he's only a little disappointed it isn't deer season.)

wayne's grumpy about it and says eddie's got an advantage because of his age and his eyesight being better. normally, they'd be in the woods from sunup to sundown, but wayne's gotta work the next day, a rare day shift, so they call it quits around three pm. wayne gets his last shot in and he goes to pick the animal up, lamenting the lack of a retriever dog as his knees crack and pop, when he hears a rustling in a nearby tree trunk.

ah shit.

a tiny, furry grey head pops up and wayne doesn't figure it's old enough to fend for itself yet. he motions for eddie with a flick of his fingers and puts them to his lips. he drops the body in the sled as eddie scruffs the raccoon kit and lifts it from the tree so it doesn’t put up a fight and scratch or bite him. they're strapped for cash enough as it is and rabies shots are expensive.

"what do we do with it?" he asks, holding the thing up to eye level. it can't be more than a couple months old, still completely dependent on its mother for survival.

wayne sighs and starts packing their gear. "got a buddy who works at the rehab center. we'll take it there and see if they can do anything."

the drive there, eddie keeps the little thing tucked into his coat. the middle of january still brings cold snaps and snow and the animal is shivering despite its thick winter fur. eddie thinks it's kind of cute.

they were right about the raccoon's age; around three months, wayne's buddy estimates from her weight. she's a female, which delights eddie for a reason he can't explain. after she's got her shots, he tells them that, legally, they need a permit to keep her, but since he and wayne go back a ways, he can let a few things slide.

so they go home and dig out an old cage to keep her in until she stops growling and hissing at them when they get close to her. she lives off a diet of eggs mixed in milk and has to be bottle fed. it's eddie's favorite part of the day because he gets to hold her and he thinks she's getting used to it because she stops trying to squirm out of his arms and doesn't bite him as often.

he calls in a favor to nancy and asks if her mom has any of holly's baby onesies and she is rightfully curious.

"it's for a raccoon."

"....right."

he dresses her up and thankfully, nancy brings diapers (he doesn't ask how awkward that particular shopping trip was) because the baby has started treating the trailer like her bathroom and wayne's already threatened to throw her back out into the woods if he has to clean up another mess. so she walks around the place in her little onesie and diaper like the little trailer park princess she is and everyone knows who she belongs to. max has already claimed the spot for cool aunt.

eddie has to stop himself from buying a secondhand stroller.

unfortunately, eddie's spent the last couple weeks so caught up in the thrill of being a single parent, he forgets that he's not actually single at all.

steve pulls into the trailer park on a cold, cloudy day and before he can even get a foot out the car, he's greeted by a raccoon wearing a pastel pink baby onesie with white lace frills that's clearly meant for a human baby. he blinks down at it, visibly confused, and looks around to see where it came from.

the trailer door opens and his boyfriend is yelling with all the energy of an exasperated parent, hands on his hips and a dish rag thrown over one shoulder, a baby bottle in one hand,

"jezebel munson, you get your furry lil hind end back inside this trailer right now!"

as if the raccoon understood, it toddles toward the porch steps and eddie moves aside to let it pass, pointing inside. "straight to the couch, little missy!"

steve slowly follows behind her and stops at the last step, watching as the animal climbs a jerry rigged set of steps next to the couch.

"eddie. what the hell."

eddie turns to grin down at him, hands still on his hips. "stevie, we're parents now! meet your daughter, jezebel."

steve can only sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose before accepting his fate and going inside for father daughter bonding time.

[cluelesswithadashofsmartass]

I made a baby blanket for a pregnant woman at work and I went back and forth about it like “is this weird? To like hand make something for someone when we’re like friendly acquaintances not like bffs. God why are you so fucking awkward.” Anyway I gave it to her and she said she loved it and in the back of my head I’m like yea she’s nice and probably just humoring the weirdo. Well she texted me a picture this weekend of a scrunchy faced newborn at the hospital wrapped in the blanket I made her. And I’m like. Wow. She loved it so much she took it with her! To the hospital! To give birth! She wrapped her newborn it! I am just so filled with love and joy right now.

People will love the things you make them. Because you thought of them and you cared.