cluttered-thoughts-21

[cluttered-thoughts-21]

[cluttered-thoughts-21]

I am trying But I don’t know how to be What you want Or need

How can I be Smart enough Or pretty enough Or funny enough for you?

How can I make you smile That smile that I adore That takes my breath away That helps me forget all the bad And revel in all the good?

How can I make you feel What I feel when I look Into your eyes

Eyes that see through the facade Right down to my very core Eyes that see me

The me that I try so hard to keep hidden The me that you know so well

The hurt The pain The emotion

You can see it all While simultaneously Seeing nothing at all

You know me so well But at the same time Don’t know me at all

For if you did You’d know

That all I want All I need Is for you to feel for me What I’ve felt since the very beginning

- Brianna Nicolas

[cluttered-thoughts-21]

"I will continue to fight. No matter how deep the water gets, I will not sink. I refuse to let my past, present or future demons get the best of me. I might create my own flames and burn in them for a little while, but then I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes over, and over and over again." - Brianna Nicolas

[cluttered-thoughts-21]

"All I want is to be good enough.
I want to be skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough.
All I want is to be able to look in the mirror and not hate everything I see.
I want to wake up in the morning and not wish that I were still sleeping.
Because when you sleep, you escape reality.
And in reality, I am never enough.
All I want is to be good enough." - Brianna Nicolas

[cluttered-thoughts-21]

“The way I fell for you wasn’t beautiful. It wasn’t elegant or graceful like they make it seem in the books or the movies. It was cold, dark and lonely. Because as I fell, you let me crash and burn. You made me think it was something real. Something worth fighting for. Something worth losing myself for. You allowed me to believe your lies. The same beautiful lies you told over and over and over again. You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew your words weren’t sincere, but you said them anyway. You were my joy. You were my light. My happiness. My safe haven. My favorite person. My serenity. At least I thought you were. Now you’re just my biggest mistake. My most regrettable choice. The reason for the darkness that still lies inside of me. I was too naive, blindly hanging on to your every word, making you my everything. That was my mistake. But I learned, and I will never give someone that much power over me ever again. As I fell, you let me crash and burn. But like a Phoenix, I rose from the ashes. You didn’t win. You don’t hold that kind of power. You didn’t break me, but you sure as hell changed me.”

- Brianna Nicolas