cmerysdfyghksj-blog

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

when i make an important phonecall

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

@theoworthington

     barring the little voice in his head telling him he shouldn’t be doing this, emery’s spent the last hour with theo enjoying himself completely. it’s not exactly like it used to be, maybe, but it’s close. closer than he’d have believed could happen after the way things had ended just a few short months ago. they’ve had a little bit of wine but nothing that’s given emery more than a very light buzz--no, the way his heart is racing and the fuzziness he feels in his head is due almost exclusively to the negligible distance between them on the couch, plus the way theo’s been smiling at him all night. behind him, he can feel winnie’s warmth where she’s sleeping with her back pressed to his. between all of that and the blissful lack of any anxiety, emery can’t remember the last time he felt so at peace. “you know, i’ve--i’ve been driving myself so crazy trying to figure out if this has been a bad idea. hanging out with you and...you know, whatever we’ve been doing.” he laughs softly and shakes his head, but before he speaks again he scoots just a little bit closer. “i don’t think it is, though. a bad idea.” he walks his hand shyly from his own knee onto theo’s where they’re touching and finds his fingers, skimming his own over them like a question. “i think if something feels good, then...it’s probably good, right?”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

lusilvas‌:

“If he was smart enough he would have already asked the janitor for the keys to the roof but he probably gave up on us,” she assumed carelessly as her eyes scanned the view slowly. “The closest anyone would get to calling the police would be the people down there in fear we’d jump down,” she remarked when fixing her hair a little from the quick run. “But I doubt anyone will see us at this height,” she added shortly after, a proud smile curving up on her features at his admittance. “See, you just gotta trust me,” she mused as she bumped his shoulder lightly, brows raising a little challenging. “ Well then, sitting at the edge won’t be much of an issue for you, right ? ” She questioned, sauntering over until her feet were at the very edge as she turned to look at him. “I’m staying here until you join me.”

     he giggles when she nudges him, flushed with pleasure over the accomplishment this is for him. he’s grateful to lu for pushing him out of his comfort zone and perhaps even more grateful to himself for allowing it. he wouldn’t, in fact, with most people, but luana’s always somehow been able to make him dig inside and find those hidden wells of courage. “i do trust you,” he insists, nudging her back with a little wrinkle of his nose. a small thrill of fear makes him feel lightheaded a moment, though, when she steps up onto the building’s ledge, subsiding only when he takes a deep breath. “running from security wasn’t enough for you, then?” he asks wryly, but he’s stepped forward nonetheless, joining her with the tips of his toes lined up at the edge. it’s impossible not to think of falling, but there’s no panic. and he’s attuned to the feeling of panic by now. “i went on this really big ferris wheel once when i was pretty young,” he tells her a little breathlessly. “i mean, really big, you know? i thought it was the most amazing thing in the world, looking down and seeing everyone so tiny, and you’re a hundred-and-fifty feet up in the air, just...” he shakes his head. he can feel his heart pounding, but not in the bad way. “it’s nice. peaceful. you know what i mean?”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

@lusilvas

     emery isn’t actually sure that there’s ever been a time he was with luana when he didn’t ask himself upwards of ten or fifteen times what the hell he thinks he’s doing. or what they’re doing, to be more accurate. today is no different, although to be fair, the end result of their shenanigans had afforded them quite a view. it was some corporate building they’d snuck into downtown, certainly no skyscraper but tall enough that, being on the roof now, the people down below look like ants. if it hadn’t been for the security guard they’d had to outrun to get here, it might almost have been a tame outing all things considered. “he could call the police if he thinks we’re still in the building,” emery says, though his eyes are round and shining with delight at the view of the city bathed in pink light from the sunset. “but i will admit this is pretty cool.” he pauses. smiles. “really cool. can you believe i’m not scared of heights? just everything else.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

     it’s no secret to anybody who knows emery that making day-of plans is something he almost never does--he needs at least a day, multiple it feels like sometimes--to mentally prepare himself for anything social. with jinhee, however, it’s always been a little different. her presence is a comforting one and therefore some of the anxiety is usually quieted, allowing him to relax where he might ordinarily be inclined to work himself into a panic. besides, he hasn’t seen her in a while--he’d grinned from ear to ear the moment he’d gotten the text. “persistence not necessary,” he says as he opens the door, going in immediately for a hug. seeing the snacks and tablet in her hands, he lets out a short laugh. “but you’d have been prepared if it had been, wouldn’t you?” he ushers her inside to the living room, where his own wine glass is sitting half full beside another empty one. “i’m willing to share my alcohol with you,” he says, folding his legs beneath him on the couch and indicating the bottle, “if you promise to tell me everything about where you’ve been lately.”

closed for @cmerys

during her little extended holiday to paris, jinhee had really not kept in touch with majority of her friends and was hoping that she could make up for it by trying to make amends at least? truth was, the girl she was before she left–was someone who was just too consumed with her own things and it wasn’t a good feeling. this jinhee was someone who wanted to be a better friend and she was going to start that with emery. she’d already texted the other and was now waiting outside their place, “i’m not going to go away even if you don’t let me in you know. i can be very persistent.” and this was true, she had come prepared with a book, some random snacks and her iPad so if she was going to stake out in the hallway, she was prepared for the long haul.

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

hello bbs! i’m back from my hiatus and i’m gna be on very soon to hit up the starter tag but also if you’d like to plot stuff/a thread give this a like and i’ll come hit up ur dms 💜

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

legvcys‌:

TEDDY  NODS  SLIGHTLY ,  eyes  drifting  from  the  boy  before  him  to  the  beer .  it  feels  weird  to  see  emery  drinking  beer ,  but  teddy  keeps  his  observation  to  himself . “ that’s  too  bad .  but  hey ,  at  least  you  didn’t  have  to  do  any  work .  i  figured  you  were  here  on  a  hot  date . ”  teddy teases  with  a  smile ,  hands  fiddling  with  the  empty  glass  in  front  of  him . “ what  a  jerk .  i’d  switch  partners ,  if  i  were  you . i  don’t  know  what  to  tell  you ,  emery . ”  teddy  sighs ,  and  it’s  hard  to  hide  from  his  friend  how  tired  he  really  is . “ i’m…  living .  don’t  worry  about  me .  i’ll  be  fine .  always  am .  what  about  you ? ”

     “that’s where you’re wrong,” emery says wryly, taking a sip from his beer and wrinkling his nose a bit at the taste. it’s not bad, necessarily, just...also not good. he supposes he might acquire the taste if he drank it more often but has no desire to do so under regular circumstances where the anxiety isn’t making the choices for him. “i’ll just have to do it all myself this weekend. at least this way i know i can get a good grade without having it compromised by somebody else. next time i’ll ask for someone different.” he finishes the sentence with a smile--he’s not trying to be arrogant by insinuating somebody else would bring him down, but thus far in his educational career it seems to have been a trend. “worrying is my default state,” he jokes, “but if there’s anything in particular going on, you know you can talk to me, right?” the question being turned around on him isn’t exactly ideal: life has been stressful lately, with just a few ( or rather, one ) notable exceptions. still, he answers truthfully, “i’m okay. no better or worse than usual? i’m just really glad that whole valentine’s day thing is over. i was driving myself crazy over the blind date. it was some guy who’d already slept with my brother.” he rolls his eyes--not at marley, not even at the guy in question, but rather at the cosmic irony of the universe. “think of the most awkward you’ve ever felt and multiply it times a billion.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

opinion on your brother's sexual life, pretty please.

     “i’m not sure anyone but marley should have an opinion on his sex life? that’s really his business and no one else’s. i think he should do whatever makes him happy. anything that makes him feel good about himself is exactly what he should be doing!” ( @mvrlcy )

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

what do you love about yourself the most?

     “i’m a really patient person, and having grown up with a stutter i found out that not a lot of people do have much patience. i like that about myself a lot.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

what's your greatest weakness?

     “probably that i don’t really stand up for myself much? it’s hard for me, i don’t like confrontation and i really don’t like disappointing people. also rocky road ice cream! i’m especially weak for that.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

+ DAMON

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

mvrlcy‌:

marley gravitates towards emery with some kind of internalized need to ease the stress and tension out of his twin’s posture. they’re attuned to each other in such a way that even if he hadn’t said anything, marley would have known that emmy needed him. hell, he knew that before he even opened the door – that need was enough to overpower his desire to avoid his brother and the memories of the gala being around him conjured. “sorry, emmy,” he trills in sympathy. “i must have left my crowbar at the studio. your kneecaps will live to support you another day.” he perches beside his brother, glancing first back at the clothes surrounding them and then, semi automatically, over to a mirror across the way. “think about it this way, everyone’s in the same boat as you. we’re all feeling pretty stressed about these dates and the whole gossip girl shtick so you’re in good company. no one’s expecting anyone to get romantic so it’s more like hanging out with a new friend! a friend you just need to find out five facts about. should be easy, yeah?” he opens his arms for a cuddle, wishing he could squeeze the anxiety out of his twin or at least absorb it into himself. “you can text me the whole time, ems.”

     in spite of himself, emery gives into a small chuckle at marley’s words, playfully nudging his twin with his shoulder. “the trick is to bring your crowbar with you everywhere. just in case you need it to break my kneecaps and get me out of a bad date.” marley’s right, though--it doesn’t have to be a date, let alone a bad date, if he doesn’t want it to be. the whole of the upper east side was roped into the same thing, after all, and so far all of them seem to have managed it just fine. then again, they don’t have debilitating anxiety to contend with simultaneously. “yeah,” he agrees with a sigh, leaning into marley’s embrace and nuzzling himself into the crook of his neck. they’ve been distant lately--or, rather, marley seems to have been distant lately--but even that can’t take away from the comfort emery gets from being close to his twin. “maybe not easy, but...i can do it, i guess. least he knows i’m not you now, right?” it’s a lame attempt at a joke that’s steeped in self-deprecation, but in some sense he does mean it. he’s made it through everything else life has thrown at him: he can survive a stupid date. “what about you?” he pulls back from the hug and searches marley’s face for a sigh of something that’s off. more off than usual, anyway. anything to explain why there’s been a rift between them since the benefit. “you’ve seemed kind of...busy lately.” which is his roundabout way of asking why marley’s been avoiding him, or seemed to be avoiding him. “i thought you were alright with your date?”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

legvcys‌:

TEDDY  FEELS  A  RAPTURE  OF  AFFECTION  COURSING  THROUGH  HIS  BODY  WHEN  EMERY  TALKS . was  he  alright ?  no .  he  wasn’t .  but  the  fact  that  the  boy  is  the  only  one  asking  that  question  makes  teddy  want  to  hug  him . “  i’m  okay . thanks , dude .  i’ll  make  sure  to  give  you  the  money  back  once  i  have  all  my  shit  sorted  out . ”  the  male  gives  him  a  smile ,  that  he  hopes  emery  understands  as  being  a  grateful  one . “ uh . yeah . ”  he  mutters  awkwardly .  it’s  always  a  bad  time  when  you’re  caught  drinking  alone . “ are  you  alone  too ?  because  that’s  a  little…  unexpected ,  is  all . ”

     “don’t worry about it,” emery assures him, shaking his head at the suggestion. he doesn’t mind paying, not really. it feels worth it for the fact that at least he isn’t alone here now. besides, teddy truly seems grateful for it and at the end of the day, that’s all emery ever wants from anyone. “oh,” he laughs a little at the question, cheeks filling with a light shade of color. “no, i’m...i mean, yes, technically, but i wasn’t supposed to be.” he takes a seat next to teddy on a stool and when the bartender tries to hand his card back, emery asks instead for his own glass of beer after a moment of deliberation. he’s never been very fond, but he’s not entirely sure it’s normal to order wine at a bar and he’s too anxious about being judged for it to try. “this guy from my music theory class asked me to meet him here so we could go to the library and finish our project.” a small shrug, and when the drink is set down before him he reaches for it so he has something to do with his hands. “never showed up. figures.” he looks back over at teddy and smiles again, softly. “you’re sure you’re okay? getting plastered by yourself at a bar isn’t usually indicative of emotional wellbeing.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

THE REDD TWINS – a family snapshot ( @cmerys​ )

you were born together, and together you shall be forevermore but let there be spaces in your togetherness. and let the winds of heaven dance between you –  Kahlil Gibran

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[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

     emery has already taken half a xanax and he hates doing that where social situations are concerned. for one thing, while it does give him the relief of dulled anxiety, it also manages to make it slightly more difficult to stay connected to conversations thanks to the fuzzy edge it gives his mind. for another, he can’t have any alcohol now; it’s a maddening thing, having to decide between the two. usually he’d opt for the alcohol but he’d felt himself spiraling into an anxiety attack the moment he’d begun getting ready for his date, and if that happened a panic attack would follow shortly after. so he’d taken the xanax, and when marley peeks his head in while emery’s laying his clothes out on his bed, he looks around a bit owlishly and blinks a few times before a half-hearted smile finally finds his lips. “do you think you could just injure me instead?” he sits down on the edge of the mattress and runs a hand through his hair, still damp from a shower. “i went to the benefit, isn’t that enough? gossip girl can’t fault me for not going on my date if i’m mending a broken bone in the hospital.”

@cmerys.

he doesn’t mean to avoid his brother – it’s actually quite a feat, considering their close quarters. it’s just difficult to look at him and not think of the blatant flirting he thinks he saw at the gala. so it’s extra practice hours and getting up at ridiculous times to start his day and generally making himself unavailable. that works, until his protective instincts kick in – marley could never really stay away from emery forever. the day of emery’s arranged date, marley pushes down all his jealous feelings and wills himself into a positive demeanor. he’s taken off from rehearsals early, to make himself available to help emery get ready. he knows the kind of nervous wreck his twin works himself into before these kinds of things; even dates with a steady boyfriend could be enough to send him into a panic. knocking a few times first, marley lets himself in. “y’decent?” he chirps playfully, closing the door behind him. “i’m here to doll you up, emmy.”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

     ordinarily, emery wouldn’t have been caught dead in a bar, let alone by himself. there are too many people, far too much noise, and the pressure to socialize is enough that he can feel the anxiety tensing every muscle in his body from the moment he’s so much as stepped inside. the problem is that he’s supposed to have been meeting someone from class so they can go elsewhere to work on a project and he’s similarly too anxious to have told them he can’t handle it. and of course now they don’t show up--were he a more assertive person, he might have called and chewed them out for making him run around the city. the relief of hearing teddy’s voice is so great that, even when emery realizes what’s going on, he doesn’t mind handing over his debit card for whatever teddy’s failed to pay. “are you alright?” he asks teddy as the bartender runs it. “you’re not here alone, are you?”

TEDDY  HAS  SOME  EXPERIENCE  WITH  THIS ,  but  at  the  present  moment ,  he’s  pretty  sure  he’s  drunk  off  his  ass .  the  bar  owner  is  looking  at  him  like  he’s  dead  meat ,  and  he  knows  that  if  he  doesn’t  get  out  of  there  soon ,  he  might  as  well  be . “  i  swear ,  man .  this  never  happens  to  me . ”  ironically ,  he  was  telling  the  truth . “  i  must  have  forgotten  the  damn  wallet  inside  of  the  car .  i  don’t  mean  to  con  you ,  you  know … ”  he  feels  the  black  eye  coming ,  and  it  won’t  take  long  now .  teddy  sighs  in  relief ,  however ,  when  a  familiar  figure  approaches .  “  they  can  vouch  for  me !  i ——— uh ,  just . they’ll  take  the  tab . ”

[cmerysdfyghksj-blog]

     “eating ice cream all the time sounds like a really good perk,” emery says with a laugh, hand subconsciously going to his own stomach as if he’s trying to understand what it might feel like to have a baby inside him. he can’t imagine it, and maybe that’s a good thing. it doesn’t look all that comfortable. he vaguely remembers his mother being pregnant with his and marley’s little brother, but the memory is mostly associated with getting even less attention from her than usual. “i’m not a very good source for updates,” he jokes, offering viv a self-deprecating smile. “don’t leave my house much either except to walk my dog and go to class or work. i’m sort of hoping the benefit gave gossip girl enough entertainment to leave everyone alone for a while.” he rolls his eyes and pitches a small sigh. “wishful thinking, though, i suppose.”

“being pregnant has it’s drawbacks,” viv mused as she patted her growing belly lovingly before cracking a smile at the other, “but it also means i can eat ice cream all the time and not get judged for it. it’s freeing yet confining all at the same time.” her hormones had been all out of whack as of late and giving her crazy mood swings but as of right now she was in a decently cheery mood. “so anyway, enough about my eating habits. what’s new? i’ve been house bound since the benefit and gossip girl news is just not cutting it.”