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I’ve been reading a lot lately, so right now we’re just making a weird lateral shift to talking about books instead of transitioning, because w/e

That being said, I love the charactersin Danganronpa

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I’ve been getting into listening to chill/synthwave and dancing to it lately in my bedroom. I feel a bit awkward about it because I like bouncing around when I dance (hello lots of DDR) and I can’t because apartment, but it’s been a lot of fun. I’ve been pushing myself a little bit physically, by like squats and stuff while I do it. My knees have been sore in a DOMS way and not a painful way, and I kind of like it.

Also I tied someone up a couple nights ago, which was pretty dope.

Just write so much here that I have nothing to report to my therapist.

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Whenever I find a personal blog of someone, I always want to continue my own blog. I just like reading people’s personal stories.

I’m still transitioning. I’ve come out at work, which went smoothly, if not incredibly awkwardly. I’m getting gendered male over 50% of the time at this point, and that’s with longer hair and me barely changing my mannerisms and everything. It’s a huge relief, like one that I didn’t even realize was a problem. I am absolutely ecstatic about being seen as male. For a long time I never thought the “social” aspect was really that big of a deal to me, but apparently it is.God knows why, I don’t understand, but it does.

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Week 17

I just posted my 4 month update a couple days ago, nothing new’s happened since then lol.

I’m getting tirrrred of doing these. Apparently I forgot to do my week 17 video? I could have sworn I didn’t. Oh well.

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Week 17: Average is 107Hz

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Month 4 update!

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4 Month Update!!

Woo, and here we are!

Dose for this month: .4mL of a 200mg/mL solution per week--so that equals 80mg/week of testosterone. My last blood test puts my levels at around 420 ng/dL. That’s within a healthy range (which is like 300-1100, I believe?) but my doctor prefers to keep them within 600-900. I have the option of going up to .5mL/week and I think I’ll at least try it, though I’m pleased with the rate of changes right now.

I’m gonna try to keep the updates to just ones I’ve had in the past month and not just reiterate everything I’ve already said.

1. Voice drop is more intermittent this month, I think. I’d go a week without change and then a huge drop the next week. I started off at 120Hz, and my last test last Friday clocked in at 102Hz. I can hum down to a G2 (98Hz) with little strain. I still think my voice is “feminine”, but that’s more mannerisms, I think, and the fact that my voice isn’t very filled out and isn’t very resonant. I’m quite pleased that it’s down so far, and I’m curious how much lower it’ll drop before it settles down. It still cracks fairly easily, but I’m learning how to speak so it doesn’t crack. I still speak like 90% of the time in my head voice, which is also lower, but not as low.

2. I’m starting to get a little triangle shape in my body. I still have quite large hips, but I can tell that my shoulders are getting broader. I also have biceps, too. I find this strange because I barely work out, just swimming very casually about 1.5 hours a week. I’m very surprised because I wouldn’t think that would be enough exercise to induce any decent muscle gains.

3. Darker hairs are starting to grow in longer on the end of my chin and the underside. I shaved for the first time a couple weeks ago, and as everything’s growing back, it’s growing back in darker. I don’t think that has anything to do with the shaving, it’s just more obvious now maybe?

4. More body hair! I wasn’t sure (especially since I didn’t really check before for a comparison) but I’m pretty sure I have butthole hair now. Hair is longer on my arms and legs, and I’m getting hair in places I didn’t before, like on my knees, the backs and tops of my hands and feet, and around my nipples. I had a happy trail before, but it’s filled out a little more now.

5. I feel like I need less sleep. I’ve been trying to wake up at a consistent time every day (so... 6:00 because of my work schedule) and even if I don’t get to sleep until 1 I don’t feel that bad during the day. It’s pretty neat.

6. My face is... different? My chin--which I thought was pointy--it squaring out on the bottom, and my jaw kind of sticks out sideways a little more (?). It’s very subtle, though, and I still pass effortlessly as a woman.

I don’t think there’s a lot of extra changes vs the last month. I’m still feeling more confident, and I’m more able to set boundaries and manage my emotions. I’m not perfect, but I try my best.

I’m starting to pass more, which is neat--or at least get clocked. I’ve had some people act weirdly masculine around me (shaking my hand, calling me “dude” awkwardly), so I think I got clocked. I consider that different from being gendered correctly, but I think it’s a sweet sentiment anyways. I’d say my passing rate is probably 3-5% based on other’s reactions. It’s definitely not 10% yet, but it’s more than 0%.

I haven’t made any efforts to change my name just yet. My grandmother passed away and I need my name to not change so it doesn’t fuss with the plane ticket. I feel like going through airport security is going to be weird, and I’m going down to Florida which makes me nervous. I’m going near Tampa, so not super conservative, but I’m still antsy. I might try to angle to use male bathrooms while I’m there.

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Find you a dude who can do both

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I've been playing with that Picrew thing, and here's me in increasing levels of girliness

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Week 16 Update

Shot song: My ex loitering obnoxiously outside the bathroom door. Grr.

Holy cow, 16 weeks already...

People are starting to gender me correctly, which is pretty cool. Or at least clock me and keep their mouths shut. It’s not frequently, maybe 2-3 times per several hundred interactions per week, but I’m taking it.

I think my voice might be done “dropping” for now and might settle for a little bit, which I’m looking forward to. My voice still resonates strongly as female imo even though its pitch is super low.

I’m starting to get little dark hairs on the backs of my hands and feet, which I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t investigating a possible wart on the back of my hand. My feet are also veiny, but I can’t remember if they were like that before I started T or not.

My bras are starting to get tighter despite me losing 15 pounds. I was looking in the mirror and the reverse-V/dorito look is starting to become more prominent. I'm also getting biceps even though the extent I'm working them is light swimming for an hour and a half a week. My pants are also looser so I guess I'm mostly losing weight in my lower half.

I’m getting up in people’s business more often, and by “business” I mean “junk”.

I had another blood test on Monday, but the results aren’t in yet so I can’t check to see what my levels are. My nurse was surprised that my voice was low and it was like, lady, you’re the one who prescribed me this shit. You should know what was going to happen.

Um, pffff, nothing else new. Lol.

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Week 16

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I was wondering when my voice was gonna stop dropping and start leveling out!

Week 16: Average 102Hz

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Oh, a couple of correctly gendering stuff from Saturday!

I work front desk at work on Saturday, and so I get to interact with a lot of other adults. Generally kids more adamantly call me a guy--I had one today tell another kid to “listen to him!”, so that was neat. But yesterday I had two ADULTS refer to me with male language.

The first was a dad with his kid asking to buy something from the snack shop. I could tell that he looked a little awkward but I couldn’t place why until he asked my name. I told him (”Charlie”), and he held out his hand and said “Nice to meet you, Charlie”, and I’m like wtf. Parents 100% do not introduce themselves to me, especially when I’m just being a cashier. So I shake his hand feeling bewildered, and he introduces his son. His son holds out his hand and I go to shake it, then he suddenly gives me a high-five instead, and I’m laughing cause I’m feeling weird. After checking him out, he leaves saying, “Thanks, dude!”.

In hindsight that might have been more being clocked rather than being gendered correctly, but I’ll take it.

The second was with a mom and her child, and the kid’s staring at the snacks for a long time until their mom nudges them and goes “Tell him what you want!”, and the kid finally speaks up.

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Week 15!

Shot Song: ASMR, lol.

Hair is growing in, and I’m continuing to love it. I find it weird that I’m loving my body hair so much, because I remember being so embarrassed about it when I was younger. Maybe the T changed my mind? Or maybe I was embarrassed at the possibility of being a hairy lady but I’m 100% okay with being a hairy man? Not sure. But it’s super cool.

My clit is starting to chill it in a major way, thank god. I can start to touch it more directly, which is a godsend for all my masturbating ways. I’m also starting to prefer using it rather than my coochie for masturbating, which is kinda neat. I can’t wait to get to the point where other people can touch it without hurting; it’s easier for me to tell how gentle and light the touch needs to be.

I shaved for the first time last week; I’m not sure if it’ll show up in my weekly video. It was funny because I shaved in the shower and checked my work afterwards only to realize that I had some hairs on the underside of my chin, not just at the end. I’m getting a neckbeard, which I would be less embarrassed about if there wasn’t near constant mockeries of neckbeards (the actual beard, not the person. But there is constant mockery of the person as well).

I was going to make a comment about how my voice doesn’t actually sound that low, but I just checked out my video and it actually does sound like, at least, a guy’s voice. I’m not sure it’s ~100Hz low, but it could be that my voice is that low but it’s missing a sort of resonance to go along with it.

UM. New and shiny changes have definitely slowed down, and I think it’s just a slow change haul from here. My hands are definitely a modicum more veiny, so that’s cool.

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Week 15

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Week 15: average is 101Hz

It's kind of interesting that it's so low yet I don't feel like I sound male. Admittedly I rarely speak this low in day-to-day life; I still tend to pitch my voice up

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I shaved my face for the first time!

There’s just about no difference whatsoever visually, but I think learning how to shave before my face is visibly hairy is probably a good thing