cnism-blog

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190713. Lee Woo Joy Music Concert

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multilingual people, rb this with what you call your mom.

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a snack

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i’ve worked for the past 8 days in a row with very minimal time to myself and i still have two more to go

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phayse:

he’s up with the sun  ,   as every day   -   but it’s not until he pulls himself out of bed  ,  turns on his hearing aid  & steps into the hallway that he hears the noises outside his bedroom.  ( how strange. )   sure,    he knows there’s someone there ,   he remembered offering eungsoo a place to  CRASH  for the night ,  but he’s also used to being  the first person up  every morning. 

another early bird,   perhaps  ?   it didn’t make sense considering  the state  eungsoo had been in last night  ,   but still     —-       ❛   you up already ?   ❜     voice floats softly down the hall   ,  arms stretching out above his head.        /    @cnism    ;      ♡

                              the  events  of  last  night  were  hazy  to  say  the  least   ,   his  memory  of  what  went  down  leaving  out  roughly  around  eighty  percent  of  it  all   .   he  could  remember  arriving  at  jae's  place  late  the  previous  evening   with  a  bottle  of  booze  in  hand   ,   his  system  already  struggling  to  process  what  he  preferred  to  call  appetizers        ━━━━━━        a  mix  of  pills  popped  in  his  mouth  before  exiting  his  own  apartment   ,   a  bag  filled  with  another  dose  ready  to  go   ,   hidden  in  the  pocket  of  his  jeans   .   but  what  happened  after  was  a  complete  mystery   .   next  thing  he  knew  it  was  dark   ,   his  ass  parked  on  the  floor  of  the  other's  bathroom  with  arms  hugging  the  toilet   ,   vomiting  over  and  over  again   .   then  it  went  blank  again   ,   his  memory  coming  back  into  play  the  following  morning   .   woken  up  roughly  around  seven  am   ,   he  was  no  longer  wearing  a  familiar  set  of  clothes  apart  from  his  underwear   ,   a  blanket  thrown  over  his  body  as  he  laid  on  the  sofa  with  a  bucket  near  by   .   and  the  first  thing  he  knew  to  think  of   ,   was  the  drugs   .

body  thrown  over  the  edge  of  the  couch   ,   it  didn't  take  him  long  to  realize  that  none  of  his  belongings  were  there  by  him   .   his  phone   ,   the  bottle  of  alcohol  he  clearly  remembered  bringing   ,   not  to  mention  his  very  own  clothes   .   hand  reaching  for  the  blanket  he  lifted  it  up   ,   moved  it  to  the  side  and  back   ,   but  it  gave  him  no  answers   .   rushing  around  the  other's  apartment   ,   his  next  location  was  the  room  he  had  spent  most  of  his  night  at   ,   fingers  rummaging  through  the  dirty  clothes  in  their  laundry  basket   .   bingo   .   black   ,   ripped  skinny  jeans  covered  in  sick  got  pulled  out   ,   eungsoo  shaking  them  in  the  air  first  before  reaching  for  it's  pockets   ,   but  with  no  results   .   the  man  could  be  heard  mumbling  out  questions  and  swears   ,   the  pants  soon  on  the  floor  as  it  was  time  to  move  on   .   long  legs  lead  him  with  quick  steps   ,   eyes  impatiently  going  through  the  space  as  he  made  his  way  to  the  kitchen   ,   the  only  explanation  making  sense  being  that  he  would  find  what  was  his   ,   in  the  trash   .   at  least  that's  what  he  wanted  to  believe   .        ‘        where  is  it   ,   jae   ?        ’

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achingblushs:

                                           worn - out  soul  made  it  easy  for  toxins  to  creep  in  past  its  crumbling  exterior  ,  a  simple  explanation  for  the  current  state  of  her  life  .  bomi’s  been  notorious  for  her  ghastly  decisions  as  of  late  ,  fame  pushing  her  to  rely  on  her  manager  for  nearly  everything  in  order  to  keep  her  head  on  straight  .  and  yet  ,  she  finds  a  way  around  this  much  needed  precaution  .  nights  are  spent  in  hiding  ,  dimly  lit  bars  being  home  to  a  girl  put  on  display  as  clean - cut  and  polished  ,  bloodshot  eyes  and  current  company  kept  hush  .

slipping  from  the  confines  of  warm  sheets  ,  movements  are  swift  and  quiet  ,  but  her  efforts  to  leave  unnoticed  fall  short  .  a  sigh  tumbles  from  red - stained  lips  ,  rubbed  free  of  the  day’s  color  ,  head  canting  back  some  to  create  an  inkling  more  of  space  between  them  .    ‘    i  don’t  remember  asking  for  your  permission  .    ’    it’s  not  like  she  wants  to  go  ,  but  she  has  a  schedule  to  abide  by  ,  a  persona  to  uphold  .    ‘    you’ll  be  alright  without  me  .    ’   low  timbre  is  flooded  with  mockery  ,  honeyed  hues  rolling  .

                              the  way  she  tried  to  push  her  boundaries  was  nothing  but  entertaining  in  the  eyes  of  a  man  whose  only  desire  was  power   .   given  his  past   ,   the  way  he  went  on  about  developing  what  they  had  wasn't  healthy   ,   but  he  didn't  know  any  better   .   though  it  was  driven  by  loneliness  and  the  need  for  some  sort  of  validation   ,   there  was  no  way  he  would  ever  let  her  in  on  that  valuable  piece  of  information   .   at  the  end  of  the  day   ,   he  could  barely  name  the  basic  emotions  running  through  his  mind  after  being  numb  for  so  long   .

mimicking  her  actions  he  also  shifted  backwards   ,   but  the  hold  he  had  on  her  hand  never  disappeared   .   if  looked  at  closely   ,   a  hint  of  a  smile  could  be  seen  creeping  up  on  his  swollen  lips   ,   a  taste  of  her  with  a  drop  of  alcohol  still  lingering   .        ‘        you  should  have   .        ’        a  set  of  blunt  words  were  given  as  a  response   ,   but  the  smug  grin  on  his  face  truly  gave  it  a  whole  different  vibe   .        ‘       'cause  you're  not  going  anywhere   .        ’        the  tip  of  his  finger  found  a  place  on  the  edge  of  her  chin   ,   raising  her  head  to  level  with  his   .        ‘        right   ,   bomi—ah   ?        ’

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a  starter  for  mia.

                              fingers  grasping  the  hem  of  her  sweater   ,   the  soft  fabric  of  it  gliding  off  her  petite  figure  with  a  simple  pull   ,   revealing  the  plain  shirt  underneath   .   the  first  layer  got  tossed  to  the  side  leaving  him  with  empty  hands  that  soon  found  their  spot  against  the  mattress   ,   between  his  parted  legs   ,   more  weight  put  on  them  as  he  leaned  closer  to  her   .   emerald  eyes  gazing  into  the  one's  of  his  partner   ,   it  was  moments  like  these  that  made  him  feel  like  life  was  worth  living   .   every  struggle  was  worth  it's  trauma   ,   when  at  the  end  of  the  day  he  had  her  to  come  back  to   .   he  adored  her  with  every  inch  of  his  being   ,   and  though  it  wasn’t  always  obvious   ,   the  closeness  they  now  shared  was  a  perfect  opportunity  to  express  that   .   lips  searched  for  soomi's   ,   lids  falling  shut  as  he  let  his  mind  slip  into  a  state  of  peace  and  quiet   .

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soomi  and  eungsoo   ,   for  mia.

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lovesonfire:

                          not many would dream of crime being their life’s path but for anna, it was all that she craved. it was why she left in the hands of danger & not her brother — she could handle what’s thrown at her, use her power to her advantage & have no mercy in return. it was pitiful; the sight before her was one she had seen many times before. it was why anna had scoffed at his words, emerald eyes rolling as if by instinct while she had knelt down to him. manicured nails tucking under his chin to have their gaze locked, tilting her head before pushing his face down.   ❝   you’re so desperate, it’s pathetic beyond relief,   ❞   her voice was nothing but menacing & emerald eyes didn’t falter much less. addiction had its demons — demons that brought even the best criminals down on their knees before her. how could she resist ? limited down to nothing, unable to make a career & a needle becomes your best friend. the things people were willing to do to ’ save ’ their best friend from killing them entirely.

                            ❝   and what exactly makes you think i’m easy ?   ❞   there’s a deceiving look of innocence on her features, tilting her head at the male before her. all that could be heard was a snap of her & it was just them. the room all to themselves. enough for anna to figure out what her price would be & honestly ? he might have been right on the ball. a finger motioned for him to get up, shaking her head at him. she had moved aside to grab a small bag containing a brand new needle & the drug that came with it. playfully wagging the bag as if he were a dog & she was his owner.   ❝   you want this ? clean yourself up & come to see me back in ten minutes. by then, i will notify you of your payment whether it be lust or greed.   ❞  

                              if  one  was  to  tell  him  what  his  life  was  going  to  be  like  after  his  release   ,   it  would've  sounded  like  nothing  but  a  made  up  nightmare   .   the  plan  was  to  get  clean  before  ending  his  sentence   ,   just  to  have  it  easier  on  the  outside   .   but  a  new  opportunity  to  fill  his  veins  with  what  made  him  feel  a  sense  of  relief  always  arose   ,   the  poor  guy  always  telling  himself  that  next  time  would  be  his  last   .   it  never  was   .   a  man  once  filled  with  pride  now  hopelessly  on  his  knees   ,   begging  for  an  opportunity  to  find  that  ecstasy  again   .   green  hues  no  longer  staring  at  her   ,   but  the  cold  ground  instead   ,   letting   her  humiliate  him  without  a  simple  fight  back   .   she  was  right   .   it  was  pathetic   .   he  was  pathetic   .

his  lazy  gaze  eventually  returned  to  take  in  the  sight  of  her   ,   the  expression  on  her  sharp  features  when  opening  up  a  discussion   .        ‘        i  never  said  you're  easy   .        ’        but  the  tales  circulating  about  her  told  a  whole  another  story   .   it  was  hard  to  forget   ,   the  jokes  he  had  heard  about  her  weakness        ━━━━━━        if  only  one  was  up  to  her  standards   ,   a  payment  different  from  cash  was  a  possibility   .   it  seemed  as  if  he  had  gotten  lucky   .   now  back  on  his  feet  from  her  demand   ,   he  followed  her  every  movement   ,   this  spark  lighting  in  his  eye  the  moment  he  saw  what  he  was  there  for   .   the  need  for  a  rush  through  his  veins  so  bad  it  almost  made  him  reach  out  for  it   ,   movement  coming  to  a  stop  when  he  realized  it  wasn't  his  to  take   .   though  alone  in  a  room  for  now   ,  he  never  lost  the  rational  part  of  himself  that  knew  what  would  happen  if  he  fucked  up   .

lower  lip  locked  between  sharp  teeth   ,   it  didn't  take  long  for  eungsoo  to  follow  her  instructions   .   a  barely  open  door  in  the  corner  of  the  room  invited  him  in   ,   a  toilet  with  a  few  necessities  for  him  to  do  what  needed   .   shirt  pulled  over  his  head  he  threw  it  over  his  shoulder   ,   trembling  hand  grabbing  a  few  pieces  of  toilet paper  he  then  proceeded  to  wet  under  running  water   ,   the  coldness  of  it  dragged  along  his  neck   ,   chest  and  arms   .   with  heavy  breaths  he  continued  on   ,   reaching  for  more  paper  to  go  over  his  face  next   .   he  saw  a  glimpse  of  a  man  in  the  mirror   ,   a  man  he  no  longer  recognized   .   the  hurry  he  was  in  came  to  a  brief  stop  as  he  stared  at  himself   ,   this  inner  monologue  going  on  in  his  mind   ,   telling  himself  this  had  to  be  the  last  time   .   the  life  he  had  in  that  moment  wasn't  a  life  worth  living   .   a  snort  left  his  lips  as  he  slowly  shook  his  head   ,   throwing  away  the  last  of  paper  left  in  his  hands   ,   fingers  brushing  through  his  wet  hair  one  last  time  before  finally  opening  the  door  again   ,   stepping  out  to  hear  her  verdict   .

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a  starter  for  morgan.

                              it  was  obvious  the  two  did  nothing  but  toyed  with  one  another   ,   their  only  similarity  being  the  feeling  of  lust   .   there  was  plenty  to  choose  from   ,   but  somehow  they  always  found  themselves  getting  drawn  back  in  like  magnets   .   she  was  his  sweet  escape   ,   almost  like  an  addiction   ,   the  poor  girl  now  so  wrapped  around  his  finger  it  was  impossible  to  find  a  way  out   .   he  knew  her  secret   ,   in  fact  he  was  the  secret   ,   the  one  capable  of  ruining  the  empire  she  had  built  for  herself  with  a  simple  snap  of  his  fingers   .   what  was  once  hers  was  now  also  his   ,   and  he  made  sure  she  knew  that   .   

the  moment  of  calmness  came  to  a  quick  stop  as  he  felt  bomi's  sudden  movements   ,   catching  the  sight  of  her  slowly  swinging  slender  legs  over  the  edge  of  the  bed   ,   seemingly  trying  to  take  his  minute  of  rest  as  an  opportunity  to  sneak  out   .   as  if   .   naked  body  arose   ,   now propped  up  against  a  few  pillows  with  a  hand  reaching  out  to  grab  her  wrist   ,   a  strong  pull  causing  her  to  get  back  to  square  one   .        ‘        where  do  you  think  you're  going   ?        ’        hot  breath  hit  her  blushing  skin  as  he  inched  closer   ,   lips  barely  touching  hers   .        ‘        i  told  you  not  to  do  it   .        ’

[cnism-blog]

lovesonfire:

                    ❝   i know why you’re here & i’m sure you’ve been notified that my services don’t come with gradituity.   ❞  

                              twenty  —  four  hours  since  his  previous  dose  of  heroin   .   he  knew  the  small  amount  of  money  he  had  was  not  going  to  last  forever   ,   but  the  cruel  reality  of  it  all  hit  him  in  the  face  faster  than  expected   .   though  staying  at  the  cheapest  motel   ,   limiting  his  meals  to  only  one  a  day   ,   his  wallet  was  slowly  running  out  of  cash   .   the  endless  restlessness   ,   strong  spasms  running  through  his  shaking  body  and  the  anger  building  up  inside  him  was  no  longer  bearable   .   eungsoo  needed  a  way  to  end  the  misery   ,   fast   .   already  receiving  threats  from  his  previous  dealer  for  not  being  able  to  pay  what  he  owed   ,   it  was  clear  he  had  to  come  up  with  another  plan   .   the  thought  of  committing  a  robbery  seemed  like  his  best  bet   ,   until  it  clicked   .   the  hazy  memory  of  his  ex  cellmate  telling  him  about  a  girl  located  in  seoul        ━━━━━━        the  so  called  princess  of  a  ring  ran  with  violence  and  drugs   .   she  wasn't  one  to  mess  with   ,   the  chances  of  him  getting  in  trouble  with  a  person  of  such  power  being  high   ,   but  in  a  moment  of  desperation   ,   it  felt  like  his  only  solution   .

droplets  of  sweat  rolled  down  the  contours  of  his  face   ,   the  man's  uncomfortable  state  clear  from  his  physical  appearance        ━━━━━━        his  top  drenched   ,   cramps  going  through  every  inch  of  his  being  one  at  a  time   .   he  was  willing  to  do  anything   ,   anything  at  all   ,   just  to  feel  the  sense  of  relief  one  last  time   .        ‘        what  do  you  want   ?        ’        he  questioned  with  jade  eyes  locked  on  the  figure  in  front  of  him   ,   raising  a  brow   ,   spilling  out  his  first  guess   .        ‘        sex   ?        ’        a  pause   .        ‘        tell  me   .        ’

[cnism-blog]

kim mooyoung and his kitten 🐈

[cnism-blog]

tearfest:

                she observes him through his reflection in the wall - length mirror , warm brown orbs trying to make out the words on his phone screen though it’s to no avail .. maybe she should stop being so stubborn & wear her prescription glasses .  “ not feeling it ?? “  she echoes , the scoff his words elicit practically being inevitable as she moves a little closer to him .                the text on his phone is still practically unreadable , but she feels as though her suspicions were confirmed .  “ is just not feeling it the name of your new girlfriend ?? “

                              cap  now  abandoned  on  the  floor   ,   wonjae  ran  fingers  through  his  freshly  dyed  hair  while  typing  out  a  lengthier  response  to  the  girl  on  the  other  side  of  the  line   .   he  never  forgot  what  happened  between  him  and  soyi  the  last  time  the  two  of  them  got  together   ,   but  what  was  he  supposed  to  do  after  a  simple  hookup   ?   put  his  life  on  pause  just  in  case  she  suddenly  grew  an  interest  in  him   ?   no  way   .  

the  screen  of  his  phone  went  black  with  a  simple  press  of  a  button  once  she  got  closer   ,   shoving  the  device  back  into  the  pocket  of  his  jeans   .   unamused  eyes  turned  to  face  her  again   ,   a  brow  soon  raising  out  of  pure  curiosity   .        ‘        you're  jealous   ,   huh   ?        ’        he  took  a  step  closer   ,   leaving  barely  an  inch  between  the  two   .        ‘        your  little  fantasy  about  me  finally  came  true  .        ’        he  started  with  a  murmur   ,   pretty  lips  nearing  her  face   ,   tucking  a  strand  of  hair  behind  her  ear   .        ‘        and  now   ,   you  can't  stop  thinking  about  it   .        ’

[cnism-blog]

scaryloveds:

           it’s  another  late  night  at  the  diner  and  kian’s  sitting  at  the  counter  ,  doodling  in  his  notebook.  there’s  a  group  of  obnoxious  teenagers  in  one  corner  ,  an  elderly  man  in  the  other ,  and  a  middle-aged  couple  at  the  bar.  it  was  nearing  midnight  and  kian  just  wanted  to  close  the  damn  restaurant  already.  but  they  still  had  another  few  hours.  time  passes  and  customers  leave  and  go  and  soon  enough  it  was  three  in  the  morning  and  the  diner  was  closed.  a  breath  of  relief  emits  from  his  rosy  lips  and  he  locks  the  door  ,  preparing  to  close  down  everything.  he  walks  over  to  the  back  and  smiles  as  soon  as  he  sees  the  other  boy.  eungsoo.  kian’s  had  this  silly  little  crush  on  the  boy  for  some  time  now.  king  of  pining  over  his  coworkers  !   “   hey  you.   “   the  boy  mumbles  ,  cheeks  already  a  permanent  dusty  pink.   “   crazy  night  right  ?  i  thought  it  would  never  end.   “   then  he’s  propping  himself  on  the  kitchen  counter  ,  ignoring  the  closing  duties  he  had  to  do  because  he  wanted  to  just  talk  to  eungsoo.

                              after  finishing  his  ten  year  sentence   ,   eungsoo  could  not  afford  to  be  picky  with  what  to  do  for  a  living   .   with  a  stained  record  like  his   ,   not  many  employers  were  willing  to  risk  their  reputation   .   he  hated  waiting  tables   ,   he  no  longer  had  any  other  choice   .   the  job  did  come  with  a  few  perks  though   ,   such  as  good  hours  that  allowed  him  to  stay  at  home  during  the  day  time   ,   doing  his  best  to  care  for  his  grandmother   .   and  well   ,   kian  was  also  a  nice  added  spark  of  positivity  to  it  all   .  

popping  a  leftover  olive  into  his  mouth   ,   the  male  grabbed  a  few  of  the  dirty  plates  left  laying  around   ,   moving  them  to  the  sink  for  a  quick  little  rinse   .   though  just  a  waiter   ,   eungsoo  did  a  lot  more  just  to  keep  himself  as  a  candidate  for  employee  of  the  month   .        ‘        crazy   ?        ’        his  response  came  out  with  an  amused  snort   ,   taking  a  quick  look  at  the  other  before  his  focus  moved  back  to  the  flowing  water   .        ‘        maybe  it  wouldn't  have  been  so  crazy  if  you  focused  on  your  job   .        ’        he  turned  off  the  faucet   ,   now  moving  the  plates  to  their  next  destination   ,   the  dishwasher   .   as  he  had  been  working  there  for  a  few  months  at  this  point   ,   he  knew  his  way  around   ,   making  the  whole  process  look  a  lot  smoother  than  what  it  originally  felt  like   .   a  few  steps  to  the  side   ,   he  soon  stood  in  front  of  kian   ,   looking  straight  into  their  eyes   ,   the  slight  smile  from  his  lips  now  fully  disappeared   .        ‘        do  better  next  time   .        ’   

[cnism-blog]

                              tag  drop   :   kim  eungsoo   .

[cnism-blog]

                              anyone  looking  to  plot  more  with  their  female  muses   ?   i  recently  added  a  few  new  male  muses  and  i  would  love  to  develop  more  possibly  romantic  relationships  with  them   .   one  is  an  ex  prisoner   ,   the  other  a  corrupted  idol   .   as  i  don’t  have  pages  up  for  them  yet   ,   i’ll  make  sure  to  fill  you  in  in  case  you’re  interested   !