coalescecreative

[coalescecreative]

Maybe I wasted too much time on me

Missed my opportunity at a climax

The pacing is off

Story should’ve ended a couple chapters ago

Yet it continues

Without a point

Or purpose

As if only to say

“Look at me,

I’m still here,

I’m still hurting”

No enlightenment in sight

Just the shortest instances of stability

Followed by days of derangement

[coalescecreative]

You were always so Puzzling,

So hard to gauge

And I spent day after day

Unraveling Myself for you

And maybe one day

We could’ve held each other close

pat each other on the back

To distract from the similarities in our insecurities

But instead I find myself un bound

Exposed

Vulnerable

In front of an ocean of your choices

Pondering how deep it could be

Flinching as my fingers graze the surface

Cowering as the waves crash

And submerse me

I can’t swim

I never learned

It’s dark

And cold

[coalescecreative]

Love should be all encompassing

Like the snow in Detroit onJanuary 28th

It should be full of joy

Like 34 days prior

Love should be constant

Like the sounds of the city

It should be full of life, energy

Like the people within it

Love should be

Love

Not 39 missed calls on your phone

As you press ignore again

Not the 3am text from your other lover

Not the 3 am

pleading

Not the begging

For you to stay

Not the breaking

Not the broken

glass

home

people

We became

Love should be

-Love

[coalescecreative]

I’m sorry

I’ll change

I won’t do this to you anymore

I’ll be better for you

I’ll fix this

You can trust me

I want this

I want you

I love you

-A list of the lies you tell

[coalescecreative]

I only write when I can’t hold the tears in

When I can’t keep up with the anxiety

When I can’t release the anger

When I can’t get rid of the dejection

When I don’t want tomorrow.

[coalescecreative]

Begging for a love that’s submerged in an ocean of inconsistencies.

Pleading for a chance at a forever that will never be.

[coalescecreative]

Some nights I’d prefer silence,

Some nights I’d prefer the emptiness of an unmoving chest cavity.

Some nights I’d prefer stillness,

Some nights I’d prefer a spill of crimson in an ocean of unwanted apologies

Some nights I’d prefer…

I’d prefer decay

And the thing that comes before it.

[coalescecreative]

You find yourself here again

Begging

Pleading with yourself

Just to feel something

Struggling to see the point of it all

And for what?

Another day,

Another week,

Another year of disappointment

Here’s to 24

with nothing to show for it

8794 days

And not a single one holds significance

[coalescecreative]

I wish you were next to me

Next to me so I could roll over and plant a kiss on your forehead

Pretending I know what you’re talking about, because its 5am and I’m half asleep and you look so happy to be here

I’d tell you I want it to stay this way

I’d tell you that our love is real and that there isn’t a thing that could stop me from wanting this, with you

Because I see the possibilities

And maybe it ain’t like the movies, maybe love has never been simple enough to portray on a screen. And I know you’ve seen relationships falter, but we’ll be the exception

As long as I can make you happy, I will

Cause every time I hold you there’s a fire in my chest

Before you came along my heart had never experienced warmth

Love should always be this way

And I know I’d rather die than to give up this feeling

[coalescecreative]

You’ll sit around forever, waiting on an apology you’ll never get, and for what?

Do you actually think you’ll feel better? Do you actually think it’ll be fixed?

Or is it that you’ve convinced yourself that an apology means they still want you?

Cause if they did, they wouldn’t have done the things you want them to apologize for.

[coalescecreative]

I have no clue why I keep wasting my time exaggerating my role in your life. I know you only see me as a temporary fix for your lack of validation, and yet here I am anyway, pathetically waiting for your attention. But once again you’re leaving claiming you found substance in your solitude, no concern for this life you left a hole in.

Well here’s a band aid for your insecurities.

[coalescecreative]

And if you were here tonight

I wonder

Would we love unconditionally

Or let the sins of the past

Run rampant

Would you hold my hand in yours

Or leave me here

With the pain of your absence

[coalescecreative]

Angels

I found you in a casket

A broken thing with illustrious wings

That I gave the gift of uncertainty

And the horns,

how they grew even more menacing

[coalescecreative]

It is not your obligation to fix broken people and it is not their obligation to fix themselves for you

[coalescecreative]

I waste so much of my own time telling myself people are different than what they show themselves to be. Always second guessing my first impression out of hope that people are inherently good.

I’m wrong every time.

[coalescecreative]

It’s 1am and I’m picturing myself on a beach somewhere, warm light caressing my skin.

It’s 1am and I’m picturing myself running towards the water, the sunrise is to die for.

It’s 1am and I’m picturing myself surrendering to the ebb and flow, the smell of the ocean enticing.

It’s 1am, I never learned to swim and I can’t feel the sand beneath me.

[coalescecreative]

I keep finding myself halfway avoiding places we’ve been together. I don’t know if it’s because I’m trying not to see you or because I’m pretending I don’t want to. Either way this morning has been harder than others. Some days I miss your laugh, some days I miss your lips but today in particular I miss the way you made me feel whole. Today, nothings left in the tank and I don’t know how to refill it without you.