cobaltkestrel

[cobaltkestrel]

Tim: have ore want wheat Jason: nope Tim: Tim: *holding up a settlement* trade with me and I won’t place this in the middle of your hastily-constructed, gap-riddled Longest Road Jason: you motherfucker Damian: *leans over to Steph* is this allowed in the rules? Steph: I mean. Dick: no but I’m enjoying it Steph: we’ve unlocked a new level of Catan called Catan Blackmail

[cobaltkestrel]

“Oracle, I pulled this guy out of containment, but I’m not getting any vitals!”

“Then it’s a good thing you know what to do, and how fast you have to do it”

[ continuation of this ]

lol tim his heart isn’t supposed to beat and ur abt to retraumatize this boy w that shock

[cobaltkestrel]

[cobaltkestrel]

Your friends watching something for the first time and getting to that scene VS you, the knower.

[cobaltkestrel]

The Robins meeting their future selves:

---

Robin Dick: So we didn’t kill the man that killed our parents?

Nightwing Dick: Ah, Damian was cosmic justice for what I put B through, got it. That makes so much sense.

---

Robin Jason, craning his head back and looking up at his older self: Oh, I became an asshole

Red Hood Jason, mentally: he's so small, how was I ever this small? When did I ever smile like that?

Red Hood Jason, verbally: Watch it twerp

---

Robin Tim: We are as bad as B was, and why are we still even in the cape business??

Red Robin Tim: first off, rude.

---

Robin Steph: So we finally wore B down completely?

Batgirl/Spoiler Steph, with a bat symbol on her chest: Didn't even have to get adopted like the other idiots

---

Robin Damian, disappointed, with sword drawn: We are the blood son of the bat, and heir to the al Ghuls! We shed blood for others, not heal it.

Doctor Damian, equally disappointed: Was I really the angry and tiny? No wonder Timothy didn’t take my murder attempts seriously.

---

Bonus, Duke:

We Are Robin Duke: We really get to work with the Batman? With the Robins? Wear the symbol?

Signal Duke, who has seen the disaster that the Batfamily is, but wants his younger self to have to suffer figuring that out for himself: Yup, we're the first day time vigilante too

[cobaltkestrel]

Hey guys. DCxDP where Danny is tormenting Damian on social media for literally no reason because it’s funny

Danny, Sam and Tucker are scrolling through Bruce Wayne’s Twitter account for whatever reason (trying to find an announcement from the company, trying to find a stupid tweet, etc) and accidentally find a picture of Damian.

Cue everyone freaking out, because they look almost (aside from Damian being a bit darker than Danny) identical.

Even better, Danny is wearing a (much cheaper) near identical version of the outfit that Damian is wearing in the picture.

The group stages a quick picture in the same poses as Damian’s (Tucker, playing Bruce, is on a step stool) and post it in a reply.

They think nothing of it, find whatever they were looking for, and move on.

Except… Danny continues doing it. For months. People start following him on Twitter. The GiW have visited his house twice now because he keeps breaking through the media blackout to post (before being turned away due to lack of warrant).

Damian is not amused (Jon absolutely is, but this isn’t about him). He’s in deep Twitter beef with this random scrawny white boy for responding to every single photo of him with his own poorly done copy. He doesn’t even have an account, but he’s still finding ways to argue with Danny. He’s gone viral for blinking threats to Danny in Morse code during an interview.

The worst part is, this can’t possibly be a clone, so Damian isn’t allowed to attack him physically. Danny is fifteen, three years older than Damian. He’s not related in any way to Ra’s Al Ghul, or anyone who might have cloned Damian before. They just look remarkably alike.

Danny goes viral when, after a clip of Damian fleeing a rogue is posted to twitter, he responds with his own clip of him fleeing a ghost (probably Vlad). It’s clearly a genuine emergency, but Danny still put in the effort to move in the exact same pattern that Damian did (aside from a few quick dodges to avoid ecto blasts).

Damian is enraged.

He’s got to put an end to this somehow.

And so, he steals one of B’s private jets, and takes a quick flight to bumfuck nowhere, Illinois.

[cobaltkestrel]

Danny is sitting inside Jitters sipping his coffee and watching Flash get his ass absolutely handed to him across the street by Captain Cold. He thinks Flash is having one of Those Days cause this is honestly getting really hard to watch.

And that’s Danny ‘King-of-scrappy-I-will-throw-sand-in-your-eyes-for-an-advantage’ Nightingale saying that. Alas there is no sand here. Only concrete. 

Oh, those ice beams are getting awful close. Oh wow, okay, maybe the Flash is going to actually die right now. Is Danny about to witness murder? Huh.

Okay. Maybe he should…help. Now.

[cobaltkestrel]

Danny wakes up in a cage in the Batcave as a human and thinks to himself “well that’s not a good sign.”

Big bad bat encountered him in the caves near the Batcave by finding him half dunked in the Lazarus pits under Gotham during a routine check. He put the boy in a cage as a precaution, but was otherwise planning on investigating then returning him to his rightful place.

Danny does not know that.

He proceeds to search his pockets (phase his hand into his body disguised as reaching into his pockets) and pulls out a tool kit, systematically disassembles, exits, then reassembles the cage.

And walks out.

Now the bats are hunting the streets for this engineering escape artist while Danny is just hanging out at a newsstand reading up on the universe Clockwork had sent him to check out.

"Woah! What happened here?" Duke gasps from the staircase. He is wearing his school uniform, but upon checking his backpack, he realizes his chemistry textbook is missing, likely somewhere in the Batcave after his latest monitor duty.

He had been multitasking by shooting out questions to the rest of the bats as they patrolled. Due to an injured wrist, Duke had been benched from his regular day shift (Jason offered to cover for him), and watching screens had been the only way Bruce had been willing to let him participate.

That quickly became boring, however, since Oracle was much faster than he was, and Duke had a tough time focusing on screens. He's never been one to enjoy too much screen time - he didn't have the attention span for it.

This meant that Duke had not been in the cave for the past three nights, after he struck a deal with Bruce to let him catch up on some much-needed rest instead, provided he could continue his civilian work during the day.

Imagine his surprise to find the Batcave in disarray, with almost everything taken apart, piece by piece, including the Batcomputer and the dinosaur. Bruce, Damian, Dick, Jason, Tim, and Cass were currently attempting to gather the pieces and reassemble everything, which seemed hard given all the little pieces that had shattered about.

"Some kid with a screwdriver," Jason grunted, holding up various nails towards the light. In front of the anti-hero were five distinct piles of nails and bolts, each separated by type and size, which he carefully sorted from a large bucket.

"What?"

Tim looked up from a mountain of wires, some of which were dropped over his shoulders, around his head, and a few were entangled with his leg, as he tried to untangle everything. He looked as crazed as he did the year he decided he was going to put up all the Christmas lights by himself, only to realize how large Wayne Manor really was. "Two nights ago, we found a civilian unconscious in cave sector T-Y13. He was practically radioactive with Lazarus pits water, so Bruce had the bright idea to put him in a cage as a precaution. The civillain woke up while Bruce was away so he couldn't explain that he was not kidnapped, realized he was in a cage, and deassimbled it with a tool set he pulled from his ass-"

"Tim. Laugauge" Dick scolds, leanign over metal tubes to cover Damian's ears. The twelve-year-old huffs, but doesn't shake off Dick's hands as he stares at a different buckets of lightbults, sorting them like Jason was doing to the nails.

It was a little darker than what Duke was used to.

"-And then, he decided to reassemble the cage once he was out." I'm continuing as if he weren't interrupted, nodding his head to the only part of the cave that looked normal. The contamination unit seemed to shine in the untouched spotlights. "Then the civilian thought he was going to take apart everything in the cave. He systematically disassembled everything and mixed up the pieces. The only things he left alone were the railings!"

"It's pretty impressive," Bruce praises. He was checking over technology boards with a critical eye. A headlight strapped to his forehead shines brightly on the pieces as he smiles. "I wonder where he is now."

"If he has any brains, he's probably applying for a position with a pit crew in NASCAR," Cass laughs, picking up different boards of metal. "He took the whole place apart in less than twenty minutes."

"He even got the Batpens" Dick sighs. "Why was he so passive-aggressive about pulling out the pen's springs?"

"If I woke up in a cage, after unfair imprisonment, I would also cause my captors as much chaos as possible," Damain comments casually. "We are lucky he decided to leave nothing harmful behind."

"He just took everything else!" Steph's voice calls out from a dark patch of the cave. Duke knows it's in the direction of the showers and the changing room. "Does anyone see any shower heads over there? The kid took them off every shower!

"I have one!" Cass calls back, holding up an item in her hand. "Are any pipes missing? There are five long metal cylinders that I can't figure out what they are for."

"No, he left the pipes along, but I think he took the mirrors and the doors."

"Which door?" Bruce yells back. There is a moment of silence before Steph replies.

"All of them! "

"Of course. That's what these ones are for." Jason says in an Ah-ha voice, holding up a few black bolts. "They're the ones from the shower heads!"

Duke stares, then sighs. He lets his backpack slide off his shoulders, landing on the stairs with a thump. Looks like he's calling in sick to school again.

Rolling up his sleeves, he moves over to Cass and helps her lift the long cylinders she had mentioned. "Do we know anything about this civilian?"

"Before he took the Batcomputer apart, we were able to get that he wasn't in any of the local government records. He isn't from Gotham or this state." Bruce says while carefully placing pieces back on a large computer board with a pair of tweezers. "My guess, he's not going to be in any system, either."

"Why?"

Bruce looks up, his eyes shining. "His DNA matched eighty-five percent with Themyscira's genetic make-up. No proof of cloning either. We may just have a genius male Themysciran on our hands."

Duke didn't like how excited Bruce sounded when he made that statement. He opens his mouth to snap, "You can't adopt him, Bruce!"

It's validating that his voice wasn't the only one that said it, but that it echoed by literally everyone else in the cave. Bruce purses his lips but doesn't agree or disagree with the accusation as he turns back to his computer board.

Duke hears him mutter under his breath, but he's too far away to figure out what he said. "

How long do you think this will take us to put back together? He asks Cass as they compare metal pieces- he's holding a triangle-looking thing that he can't figure out where it came from.

She kicks aside a circular metal slate, raising a brow at him, then nodding her head toward the left side of the cave. Duke turns to look in the direction of the third Robin, who was wiggling around.

"What are you!?" Tim screams at a blue wire, shaking it like he was strangling someone's neck. Somehow, in the time Duke looked away from him, Tim had his right arm tied to his left knee, with a red wire thread running through his shirt, and his right leg was no longer visible because the rest of the wire pile had consumed it.

"Oh, so it's going to be a few hours," Duke sighs as Cass nods sadly.

"Does anyone have any eyes on the light switches?" Dick yells out. "Damian and I almost have all the pieces to turn the lights back on."

"Oh gods -He took the lockers!" Steph screams in angst. "I had a snack stash in there!"

[cobaltkestrel]

i think a really funny project that a statistics professor could have their class do is like. put a bunch of random, patently untrue demographic statements into a hat. "the most popular tv show among white men ages 24-27 is Bluey." "the majority of business majors are middle children." "bisexual women love hot chips." and each student picks one out of the hat and you gotta like. design a whole study and survey a group of people to specifically achieve that result. you have to prove it true. by whatever means necessary. you have to construct the most biased study possible and wrangle in your exact demographic to make that statement a statistical reality. i think people would learn a lot.

[cobaltkestrel]

dean winchester, sexy antifa

[cobaltkestrel]

This as the monster trio 😆

I hope this idea tickles you as much as it did me

It does indeed tickle me, thank you so much

[cobaltkestrel]

Accidental love confession

[cobaltkestrel]

buffyverse meme // (3/5) quotes

[cobaltkestrel]

Ok breaking containment for this one because I need everyone who will listen to hear this.

Women who suffer bad cramps are told cramps shouldn't affect school/work/etc, but no one ever investigates further because no one can possibly know if what someone experiences is just typical pain or something much worse.

Well after 15 years of stage 4 treatment-resistant endometriosis that came with pain as bad as, if not worse than, actual labor contractions every month, all the while being told I was 'typical' and 'just had bad cramps', I've finally been healed (another post for another time). I have had what everyone describes as the elusive 'normal period pain' for several months now, and I am begging you to look me in the eyes and listen because I need everyone who can hear this to hear this.

I have been on both sides of this. I have the hard-earned knowledge of what a period 'should' feel like.

If you have to put in any effort to hide your cramps, you need to get help.

Even during of the PEAK OF CRAMPING (i.e., as bad as your cramps possibly get), you should still be able to stand, speak, walk, eat, work, and sleep with no problems. These tasks should require very-little-to-no extra effort beyond what you would normally do when you aren't on your period. When you do these things, you should feel grumpy and a little bit icky and maybe a twinge of nerves and NOTHING MORE.

If you have to sit in the corner and hope no one approaches you because you can't speak or stand without showing pain, even slightly, you need to get help. If your pain is showing on your face, you need to get help. And most importantly, IF YOUR PAIN DOES NOT RESPOND TO 1-2 TYLENOL OR IBUPROFEN, YOU NEED TO GET HELP.

Your period cramps should make you grumpy. Your period cramps should make you feel a little icky and tired. Your period cramps should make you feel your insides existing/moving a bit and a twinge of nerves that makes you groan slightly then the "pain" should stop there, NOTHING MORE.

If your cramps put you on the floor but you make believe you're the captain of a ship who has just been stabbed and has to hide it to fight on, and you force yourself to power through the day, please understand: you are not okay, that does not make you okay. Just because you can power through the pain doesn't mean you aren't sick. If you have to force yourself through any basic task beyond the effort it takes you to do when you aren't on your period, and I am holding your face and looking you in the eye as I say this because I need you to hear me: You aren't normal. You don't 'just have bad cramps'. You are sick and you need to get help.

Now most people will tell you if your cramps are beyond a 3 out of 10 on the pain scale, you should see a doctor. While this is usually true, you have to consider chronic pain CAN AND WILL BREAK YOUR PAIN SCALE. Most people will only compare pain they currently feel to pain they may experience one day but probably never will. "Sure these cramps feel bad now, but if I had a leg amputated with no anesthesia, that would hurt WAY worse, so this pain can't be that bad-" No. Your pain is what it is, objectively, full stop. My cramps were at a 10 out of 10 every. Single. Time. And nobody told me claiming they were a 6-8 because I thought to myself 'what if I lose a limb one day?' was completely wrong. 10 pain is 10 pain. And if there's something that hurts worse than that, guess what. The thing you are experiencing right now is still a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale. Just because you experience it every month doesn't mean it's magically not as bad is it is. And if your pain is worse than a 3 out of 10, you need to get help.

Now when I say get help, I mean find the root cause of your pain. You can't just throw drugs and hormones at it without knowing what it causing your pain. Endometriosis, fibroids, pcos, cancer, adenomyosis, polyps, thyroid issues, there is always a cause. And if you leave it untreated, it will grow and get worse to the point where it resists treatment and the drugs and hormones you've been throwing at it for years don't work anymore. You have to find a doctor that will investigate. If your doctor tells you you 'just have bad cramps' get a new doctor. I know you've been told that but please hear me: no one ever just has bad cramps. A healthy human body doesn't spontaneously cause itself pain so bad you can't stand up; there is ALWAYS a cause.

I was sick for more than 15 years. My entire life was put on hold and now I'm in my late 20s trying desperately to play catch up for everything I missed. I want to pick up 12yo me, spin her around, and tell her she doesn't have to die before she finally stops hurting. I don't want anyone to suffer the same fate I did simply because everyone told them they were normal. A little twinge of pain here and there is normal, suffering is not. I promise you your pain is real, it is not normal, and dear heavenly day I am begging you you need to get help now.

TL;DR: There is no such thing as 'just bad cramps.' If you feel anything more than grumpy, icky, and pain greater than a 3 out of 10, you need to find out what's wrong with you before it gets worse.

[cobaltkestrel]

Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

[cobaltkestrel]

[cobaltkestrel]

Short DPXDC Prompts #837

Danny was just relaxing doing his homework on the moon. (It was quiet and had minimal distractions. Perfect for studying). He didn’t expect to see anyone during his studying but after seeing movement out of the corner of his eye he went to check it out. To his surprise: Superman was just sitting on the moon looking down at earth. Chilling.