coffeelovers-stuff - Tumblr blog

coffeelovers-stuff · 1 year ago

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DISAPPEARING ACT . rindou often disappears for weeks at a time, showing up at home as if it's nothing. a brief exchange triggers a factory reset in him, but you're not as open to it as he expected you to be...

prompt used "better than me disappearing for good. / is it?"

with married!rindou + fem!reader

warnings cursing. a lot of cursing. angst? rindou is an idiot and possessive.

you never got to see your husband anymore. so much so that you considered the chance of it happening next to nothing. you knew what you were getting into being in an relationships with him; lots of meetings and flights to other cities all meant extended time away from home.

you would've been a little more forgiving had he chosen to tell you these things. but no. morning after morning, you wake up to him gone without a trace, without consideration for how you feel. was he alive? was he with someone else? did he not care enough to call or even send a text?

it was as if you lived alone, and a stranger crashed at your place every once in a while. and while you shared polite exchanges, no amount of small talk could overshadow how bleak your marriage was.

it was eleven days before he showed up again. you were, surprisingly, awake when he returned. he was perfectly groomed, albeit a little jaded, but still regarded you with the same coldness you endured since he started leaving. you missed the warmth of your younger days, where he would hold you close and reassure you that you were meant for each other for life.

you decided today was as good a day as any. heck, he even might be gone tomorrow and it would be like you didn't say anything.

"i'm tired of you disappearing for days and then coming back like it was nothing." you said plainly.

he slipped out of his shoes, looking down at you. rolling his eyes lightly but sighing heavily, he started to pull off his tie. "better than me disappearing for good."

a wry smile spread on your face. oh, if he only knew. "is it?"

those two words sent an arrow straight through his heart.

rindou was silent, pretending as if he didn't hear what you just said. but when you scoffed and walked away, he knew it was too real for him to overlook.

"you don't mean that." it was less of a question and more of a please, don't mean it.

you shrugged and went back to your phone, too benumbed to even look at him.

he stared at you, utterly confused as to how to tackle this. "y/n." he said firmly.

you slowly raised your head to meet his eyes, void of any care. "what?"

"i said, you don't mean that." he stood like a tree in the middle of the living area, palms growing sweaty. he loved you. he couldn't lose you, not when you both went through so much to get here.

"don't i?" you responded, placing your phone beside you. not like i see you anymore, anyway. what's the difference?

"stop fucking talking like that and answer me." he snarled. you rolled your eyes, rising to your feet.

"look, rin. who the fuck cares what i think or say? certainly not you." you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "just—just forget i said anything." you turned towards your bedroom. "goodnight."

wait. he lunged forward, grabbing your arm and spinning you around to face him, backing you against a wall. caging you with arms on either side of you, he stared into your soul, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of you.

you just stared back.

his heart clenched. yeah, he was away for weeks at a time. of course he didn't tell you. why would he? why would he burden you with that information?

"you really think me going away forever is better?" his voice was a whisper, but held the sharpness of a knife. "huh? you want me gone forever?"

you sighed. "i didn't say i wanted that. i just meant that, either way, it doesn't matter. going away forever, going away for weeks and weeks but only staying for a night..." your eyes met his, glossy but fierce. "it's the same to me. i don't care what the hell you do anymore, rindou. just let me go to bed."

he studied the person he truly loved for so long, wondering when it all went downhill.

you were impatient, ducking under his arms. "shit..." you cursed, rubbing the back of your neck as you walked away.

he watched you go. and he never saw you come back.

the next morning he woke up, expecting to see you in the kitchen or watching tv, but his house was empty.

"y/n?" he called out. no answer. he pulled up his phone. no texts, no calls. he bustled around the house, looking for some indication of where you went and he found nothing.

he called his brother, thinking that he was the next best person you would've gone to, but ran had no contact from you.

rindou sat on the couch, nothing to do but sit and wait. he looked around. everything was well-kept, pristine, and sanitized. it was like no one lived here at all. no one except a lonely spouse in an eternal cycle of wait for a husband that wouldn't even give them the time of day to say, i'm heading out.

i love you.

goodbye.

he leaned back, closing his eyes. he doesn't even say goodbye.

he hated himself for it.

hours passed and he didn't move from the couch. he knew you sat there for much longer, day after day, waiting for him. no wonder you were uncaring. coming home meant nothing if he would simply leave again.

then he heard the click of the door. he practically jumped off the couch, racing over to the entrance. he saw you with a couple groceries hooked on your forearms, struggling to keep the door open long enough for you to slip inside.

he rushed over. yanking the door open with such force, it slammed into the wall causing you to jump. rindou winced a little, steadying the door from swinging wildly.

you eyes met his and your face immediately scrunched with confusion. "what are you doing here?"

"well... it's my house..?" he said dumbly.

you pressed your lips into a line. "hm."

you expected me to be gone again, he thought bitterly. he cleared his throat. "let me help you with these," he alleviated the weight off your arms, bunching up a couple bags and carrying them all in one go. "you know, you could just order them for delivery."

you sidestepped him and walked to the kitchen. "why would i do that?"

"so you can have them brought to you from the comfort of your home." he responded lightly. following robotically, he was unsure where everything was supposed to be put away.

you laughed, catching him off-guard. on closer inspection, though, he knew that wasn't a genuine laugh. "rindou, do you think i want to stay in this place any more than i have to?"

you said it so casually, grabbing a bag from him and stocking the cabinets and fridges.

his stomach swirled with much more unease than he'd ever experienced on the job. it was the way you simply didn't care anymore, talking about the rift between you and him as if you were reciting the weather report.

fight me, he wanted to say. kick, yell at me, scream at me, do anything at all to show me you're upset. he knows he fucked up. you definitely know he fucked up. so why weren't you telling him that? why weren't you cursing him out for being a bad husband? your nonchalance came from a long time being cast aside, so much so that you expected it to happen; so much so that you gave up on him.

indifference was the final nail in the coffin of your marriage, and you were about to bang it shut.

he observed you, thinking about how many times you'd busy yourself with mundane errands to feel like you were living. how many times you'd come back to this flat, putting away shit you'd probably never touch. how many times you'd listen to the silence ringing off the walls.

he set the bags down and held your shoulders, turning you to face him. "i've taken the next few days off."

you smiled insincerely. "great."

rindou felt like a kid again, when he had work up enough courage to ask you out. "we... we could spend them together."

your eyes squinted. "why?"

he spluttered. "what do you mean, why?"

you swatted his hands off your shoulders. "god, i shouldn't have said anything," you mumbled. "rindou, this is just you feeling guilty because of what i said last night, okay?"

he frowned. "it's not."

your eyebrows raised as you rummaged through another grocery bag. "it is. don't pretend like you're gonna change. what did you think we were going to do—go out together? like old times, when we were happy and in love?"

his face burned. anyone else—if it were anyone else speaking so flippantly with him, he'd have them beat til they're unconscious. and past tense? when we were in love? his brain was doing backflips trying to find a way to salvage the situation. "yes."

you laughed that fake laugh again. it grated on his ears. "that's funny. i was just feeling a little vulnerable last night, is all. had a couple of drinks and maybe was feeling sentimental about the days when everything was simple."

rindou stepped closer to you, ripping the bag away from your hands and towering over you. "it is simple. we can—"

"we can't do anything." you curled your hands into fists, your voice trembling. "can you just..?" go away?

rindou's breath caught in his chest, fully anticipating another heartless laugh.

he hated it when you cried. he hated it when you were angry. he would do anything for your eternal happiness, he realized, and he'd been falling short of his promises for far too long.

rindou leaned onto the counter, bending at the waist. his hand rested on your waist and his eyes were laser focused on your expression, a confusing mix of frustration, sadness, and the will to remain emotionless.

"baby," he whispered.

"don't fucking call me baby." you hissed.

he pursed his lips, unwilling to compromise. "pretty baby. i don't wanna go on like this." his fingers brushed your cheek. "i don't want to you to be sad anymore."

"well, isn't that righteous." you rolled your eyes though your heart ached. it ached for him, for the boyfriend he was and the husband he promised to be.

he glared at you. "would you just listen?"

"no, rindou." you shoved him away from you, despite the overwhelming urge telling you to pull him in and hug him tight. "stop acting like i'm the one making things difficult. like you're being a fucking saint trying to bring us back together when the only reason we're like this is because of you." your voice became watery, growing in volume as you finally succumbed to all the hurt and pain inside you.

"i tried to be understanding." you sobbed. "i did. i tried. you have your work and i know that it's dangerous. but seriously—you promised you'd make time for me. you promised." you sniffed, rubbing tears off your cheeks, ranting without any goal in mind. "you don't even say goodbye."

he stood frozen, your emotions hitting him square in the face and leaving him dazed. it was like the only thing he could do was stand and watch.

"i didn't want to do this." you said tearfully. "i'm sorry i said anything, okay? i'm sorry. just—leave me alone."

his eyes narrowed. "never. i'm never leaving."

your glassy eyes shot up to meet his with a hard look of their own.

"i love you, y/n. and i'm never letting you go." he said firmly, stepping closer and closer to you. he was done beating around the bush; you should know that no matter how many times you push him away, he will never leave you. he'd make up for his mistakes; all you had to do was give him a chance.

you scoffed. "love? you love me?"

he caged you against the opposite counter with two arms on either side of you. "yeah. i do."

you stared up at him, tears staining your cheeks. "you're a liar."

"y/n." he growled—a warning.

"can't go back into the world having the poor little wife weighing on your conscious, is that it?" you snapped. "never stopped you before."

"y/n."

"no." you ducked under his arm, leaving the kitchen. you evaded his attempts to pull you back, running to the closet. grabbing a coat and your purse, you slipped on your shoes.

"where the fuck are you going?" rindou yelled after you. "this conversation isn't over."

"it is for me." you mumbled, throwing the front door open and ignoring the fire in the pit of your stomach. you got into your car and started it up. the garage opened at an agonizing pace, enough time for rindou to come bursting out the door. he stood at your window.

"y/n, you are not leaving. get out of the car."

"fuck off." you grit your teeth, your eyes raising to the rearview mirror to reverse. you screeched to a halt when you saw rindou's purple hair in the reflection. you gaped, rolling down your window and whipping your head to face him. "are you insane? move!"

he shook his head, standing in all his glory right behind the car. his arms were crossed and his weight rested on one hip; the picture of stubbornness. "you're gonna have to run me over."

you scoffed, laughing breathlessly at the absurd situation. "i'll call the police."

"you won't."

you grabbed your phone. "i will, don't try and stop me from leaving."

"you won't call the police, and you wanna know why?" rindou let his head fall to his shoulder. "you love me. i know you do."

you opened your mouth to retort.

"don't even try to deny it." he chuckled lowly. "you're just protecting yourself, baby. you're protecting yourself from the nightmare you call a husband, right?"

your eyes rounded, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

he walked to your side of the car, reaching through the opening to flick the window button. he slipped his hand out as it began to slowly slide back up.

"leave, then. just know i'm not going to stop my efforts to get you back." he smiled as he went back into the house.

the window closed completely.

you were brimming with annoyance, yet you couldn't help but feel a pang of heartache when you pulled out of the driveway, leaving your house—and rindou—behind.

this was so self-indulgent lol. i know they mean well, but when people apologize so quickly and with such intensity, i just get frustrated that i had to get to such a low point to see any remorse or change from them. and of course, i can't argue without crying my eyes out. anyway, do we want a part two?

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coffeelovers-stuff · 3 years ago

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HEAVEN AND EARTH CAN’T SAVE ME NOW (7.4K)

SYNOPSIS: suna cheats on you, or that’s what you think.

CW: major angst, swearing, established relationship, cheating.

MORE: there will be no part two. i really did hurt myself writing this. sometimes i think about a part two and then i can’t think of what it could be.

you were walking across the cold streets laughing on the phone with your mum as you made your way to the jeweller after finishing up work at the office.

“Mum! don’t say that, i don’t know that he even wants to marry me.” you chuckle out

“haah? of course he wants to marry you, have you seen yourself? not only that, that boy is infatuated with you. I see it in his eyes.”

“yeah well i wouldn’t know, he brushes the topic off whenever its brought up.” you mutter as your mood turns sour, remembering how distant suna has been these past couple of weeks.

“he’s probably avoiding the topic so that it’ll be a true surprise when he proposes.”

“sure mum, we’ll go with that.” as you stand at the crosswalk across the jeweller, momentarily looking up and that’s when you saw him. you weren’t expecting it, to be honest but at the same time maybe deep down you knew that you were never good enough for him. you were standing on the opposite street watching as ur lover, or ex-lover now? you watched as he smiled with her, as he lovingly caressed her cheek, as they sat a little too close to be called just friends.

“oi? are you even listening to me? did you reach the jeweller? hello? ah the stupid connection i swear! y/n sweetie i can’t hear you.”

your mother’s voice rang out momentarily breaking your trance as you watched him with the girl sitting at the cafe.

“ah, I’m here. I’ll call you later, I reached the jeweller.”

You usually didn’t take this route home, you usually didn’t walk down this path on your way back, but you were heading to a jeweller in this area that coincidentally fell right next to a cafe. It was christmas time and suna had been speaking about wanting a piece of jewellery with the stone, obsidian, to represent his time at inarizaki and you had found a jeweller that was willing to make a custom piece with that specific stone.

Now here you were picking up the ring, and that cafe next to the jeweller was the same cafe that you were now watching as your boyfriend was on a date? with another woman? you honestly don’t even know if you were processing the information in your head properly. all you knew was that your ears were ringing, and your mind was racing. you felt your heart breaking and beating quicker the more you watched. but there was this sinking feeling within you, something that felt like you were drowning from the inside out.

What were you even supposed to do?

you decided against interrupting his date, instead sticking to the plan that was rapidly forming in your head.

grab the ring.

head home.

pack your things.

wait for taro suna.

tell him to be happy with her.

leave.

move on.

luckily when you walked to the jeweler he hadn’t noticed you. you entered and greeted the man. He brought out the specially carved ring for him. a fox, a tibetan sand fox to be specific.

“as you recall from our agreement, because this is custom we won’t be offering a refund.”

“yes, of course”

“Is this for your boyfriend?

you froze as you pulled out your card to pay.

“yeah. yeah it’s for him.” you stuttered out.

“What a lovely gift! I did my hardest to create the idea you had in mind and wanted to do your idea justice. You must be truly in love with him. He is very lucky to have you.” you feel another piece of your heart chip off, another brick added to the wall you were slowly building.

you just nodded before grabbing the box and your card and thanking him on the way out. You thought you were in the clear as you left the store, but it was an accident when you caught suna’s eyes. your eyes widened slightly. shit. he looks slightly perplexed and ready to rush after you but you don’t give him time. In an instant you turn your head and walk at an unnatural pace towards the train station. losing yourself in the crowd as you get on your train to head home. you see a familiar bob of brown as the train disappears through the tunnel. you find a seat and catch a breath as the moments from before replay in your head.

she laughed at something he said and a small smile played on his face as he silently watched her laugh.

he poked her in the side causing her to lean forward in an attempt to stop him from tickling.

He pecked her cheek as she was talking about something.When was the last time you kissed him? When was the last time he kissed you?

she leaned against his shoulder, slightly caressing his cheek.you thought he hated to be touched, even though he said his love language was touch, even though he was always touchy with everyone else, even though he was touchy at the start of your friendship at the start of your relationship, yet he always shifted away from you when you wanted to cuddle, keeping you at a distance but an arm around your waist nonetheless.

he tucked her hair behind her ear as she brought the drink to her lips.

he smiled as he watched her animatedly talk about something. Did he ever smile at you like that? never in public, barely in private, you always just said it was because he had an expressionless face. You were always making excuses.

dark hair. porcelain skin. beautiful eyes. beautiful body. a beautiful laugh.

Everything you wished you were. Everything that you were always insecure about.

you felt a couple tears fall into your lap as you notice the card that was attached to the bag

Merry Christmas baby x can’t wait to spend forever with you <3.

As soon as they were there, they were gone. The few droplets of tears carried all the emotion you felt in the past 15 minutes. The wall was finished. There was nothing left for you to give anymore. You had given him everything and the saddest part about it is if you were asked “would you do it all over again?” you would give him everything again. You would spend every moment, every memory, every second with him again.

As you got off the train to make the walk back to your shared house everything in your head was spinning and all you could think of were the softest moments between you two.

…

you awoke to him kissing all over your face.

“good morning my love. let’s have a good day today, yeah?” as he continued to kiss you all over your face, your neck, your body.

…

“baby it’s raining!” you heard him holler from down stairs.

“yes! I can see that! what about it?”

“Come dance with me in the rain sweetheart!”

…

“you are more than enough for me darling, don’t let some rando on the internet say anything that makes you believe otherwise”

he held you softly but tightly as you continued to cry from the hate you were receiving after announcing your r/s to the world.

…

“ugh taro get off me! you’re heavy”

“But i’m tired and you’re comfy.” he mumbled into your neck

“Okay, but you are suffocating me.”

“play with my hair?”

“tarooooo!!!!!” you groaned

“y/nnnnnnnnn!!!!!” he groaned back

“Fine, but I’ll be pushing you off if I need to pee.” as you card your fingers through his hair

“hmm”

…

“You did this all for me?”

as you looked at the picnic on the beach, there were petals scattering the surrounding area, the sun barely setting in the back.

he grabbed your hands pulling you close and tilting your face to face his.

“Darling, I would move heaven and earth for you.”

…

“doll? you awake?” as he played with the small strands of your hair

“hm,” you mumble into his chest as a response.

“I wanted to let you know I love you.”

you raise your head, looking at him perplexed.

“what.” it barely comes out as a whisper

“I love you. a lot.”

“Say it again, rin, please. so I know I’m not dreaming.”

“i love you y/n l/n. you and only you own my heart entirely.”

…

as you entered your house— god it wasn’t even an apartment it was a house because you guys wanted a family together— you were immediately intruded with his smell. The usual calming scent that would’ve brought you peace felt absurdly uncomfortable. It was like your mind was already erasing the moments together to numb the pain so that there was hope for you to fall in love again. But your heart had already built its walls. Heartbreak is usually felt in the chest, where a numbing sensation dawns and the entire inside of your body feels convulsing. Your heart is not used to that kind of phantom pain so it tries to release it in physical ways, puking, crying, yelling etc. While your heart was battling the pain that could be felt but could not be remedied with medicine your mind would look them all away, in a fortress surrounded by gates and large guards, keeping them secret for years to come.

but now as you walked through the house that you built with him, it was your mind begging for release. it was your mind begging for the memories to go away. it was your mind begging for the pain to stop. it was your mind pleading for you to save it. And your heart? Your heart was so shattered that you couldn’t even tell if it was beating or not. The pieces were so small that they were barely noticeable. The tungsten wall that was built around it barely gave it enough room to breathe, it was suffocating but for some reason you didn’t mind the pain.

you left the gift on the kitchen counter as you made your way up the stairs choosing to not look at the timeline of pictures from the start of your relationship till recently that decorated the walls. four years worth of pictures, they vary from the both of you traveling, to pictures from when the house was first in renovation, to all your firsts. you didn’t dare look because you didn’t want to know if you could see how uninterested he was in you. you didn’t want to know if you could see the love fade from his eyes throughout the years. Quickly ascending the stairs you enter your shared closet pulling out the two suitcases you had used to pack your stuff from your previous apartment when the two of you had finished building your house and it was finally time to move in.

every detail reminded you of him, every turn in the hallway, every wood panelling, every counter. you built this house from the ground up, quite literally. from the smallest details such as the door knobs on each door, to the marbled counters, to the balconies and outdoor space it was done together. there was not a place in the house that you could turn that didn’t hold its own memory. each wall art, each decor, each artefact from different places you visited together, everything down to the plates and the bowls and the cutlery that were in the drawers, to the placing of those cutlery in the kitchen you built together.

you quickly folded your clothes and placed them in your suitcase, manoeuvring like a robot. Quick. Calculated. Precise. When you were done with your clothes, you moved to your shoes, dumping those into a duffle bag before moving to the bathroom to grab your makeup and your hair products and dumping those into a big makeup bag and placing that in the same duffle as the shoes and zipping that up. you moved next to the winter clothes that were boxed and kept on the top most shelf in your closet. carefully getting it down, you emptied what was yours into the suitcase and placed the box back.

you were careful to keep the clothes that were his but that you wore on a daily basis back on his side in the closet. you moved next to jewellery, putting rings in boxes and the same with necklaces before tucking those into the sides of your coat pockets. before zipping up the one suitcase that was filled. you moved to grab all the bags and accessories that you kept on a hanger and dumped that into another duffle and zipped it up.

what else do you even pack from a house where all items were shared between the two?

you moved to the office room, and packed up your laptop and notes and other important paperwork that you might need. placing those into your backpack neatly and carefully. moving to the night stand to grab the valuables that you kept with you at all times; letters, cards, little knick knacks that you collected over the years. placing that into the second suitcase, then moving on to your chargers placing those in your backpack as well. you quickly moved downstairs to the laundry room before taking out the clean and dirty clothes, mixing them and placing them in a bag that would go in your suitcase to be washed wherever you ended up. you placed it in your second suitcase successfully zipping it up and carrying it down the stairs. you went back up and grabbed the other suitcase before bringing that down successfully as well.

as you move up the stairs for the last time to grab the last two duffles and your backpack you hear the door open and shut.

“y/n!”

fuck, his voice was enough for your walls to come crashing down.

you bounded up the rest of the stairs, grabbing the backpack from the bed and slinging the two duffles over your shoulder just as you were about to leave the room he came into view and the sight of him made your knees buckle and the brief thought of staying, of hearing him out floats through your head. you physically stutter as you take a step backwards as he moves closer to you.

“baby- i- just wait a second please let me explain.”

you were frozen in place, you felt him moving closer to you but you couldn’t move, you couldn’t even breathe. you could feel as his hands reached out to touch you and you promised you didn’t mean to flinch but you did and his hand retracted

“please- please just don’t touch me.” it was barely even a whisper, you couldn’t even recognise your own voice. It was fragile, hoarse. Your throat felt like glass shards, you felt like you were choking.

you felt like you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders as the duffle bag slipped off your shoulder. you feel your knees begin to grow weak and so you reach out to grab the bed frame to steady yourself as you stumble against the bedside table and find yourself sitting against it, when you get a flash of a memory.

“rin look at these tables, they are completely made out of tile and clay aren’t they sick? I mean look at this all black one?”

rin looked over your shoulder as he finished building the coffee table that was now resting on a fresh rug in the living room.

“wait, those are actually sick, we should get them for our bedroom. two so we can match.” he sends you a warm smile before placing a kiss on your cheek.

your body moved naturally, shooting itself upright as though it had landed on hot metal and it was burning to touch. you moved again to grab the bags that were on the floor now, you needed to get out of here and you needed to get out of here right now. you move to walk past him but he goes to grab your arm but hesitates, instead opting to step in front of you.

“please” he pleads

“please just let me explain”

“explain what? how do you explain this suna?” his heart burns hearing his last name from your lips.

“how do you explain being with someone else? how can you look at me and expect me to understand? I love you. We built our life together, this house we built together too. I gave you everything that I had left in me, I showed you parts of me I have never shown anyone before, I let you in even when YOU knew about my fears. I was patient with you when you weren’t ready to let me in. Do you even remember that? our first few months together were hell, and I stuck them out FOR YOU, for US. and now you want to explain? explain what? that you love them? that it was an accident. that you didn’t mean for it to happen?that you’re sorry for me having to find out this way?”

you looked at him now and you heard the echo of the wall that you had built crashing. his eyes were red, blood shot even and there were tears, from the boy who was emotionless. Four years and you’d never seen him cry, not to the saddest movie, not when he was frustrated as hell from practise, not from any mental breakdown you’ve witnessed. But today, he stood before you with tears in his eyes. His dark circles prominent, his olive green eyes dark, pleading, empty. He looked like he was in pain, like this was genuinely painful for him to hear. good. you thought.

“or are you gonna say that it was a mistake? that it was a one time thing? That she was a one time thing? can you honestly even say that? can you honestly look at me and tell me you still love me when I see the way you looked at her? The way you acted with her? can you honestly look at me and tell me she means nothing to you? i’m sorry that i didn’t notice the signs before, i’m sorry if i ever gave you a reason to make you not feel loved. i’m sorry that you thought you couldn’t tell me you had fallen out of love with me. but, please suna, just do us both a favour and not try and explain things. Go and be happy with them, yeah? treat her like she’s the world, go and move heaven and earth for her. sell this house and start over with her, let them love you in the ways i could never. you don’t have to worry anymore about me not knowing that you don’t love me anymore. it’s okay. just don’t for a moment worry about me, because i’ll be okay. i’ll always be okay.”

You reach out to place a flat palm against his chest, to feel his heartbeat one last time. To feel him one last time, before you let the hand drop and you feel the door shut on love. You move to walk past him as you hear him say.

“I love you, y/n. I always did.”

“I’m sure you did.” you mutter before walking out the door, feeling your mind slowly numb to the bruises that were the memories.

….

SUNA’S POV

That day at the cafe changed everything in suna’s life.

You will end your relationship with y/n

Half of him did not know why he went along with r/n. He didn’t understand why he was sitting there flirting with a girl who meant nothing to him. He didn’t know why he indulged her to go to this cafe. He wasn’t processing his actions as he sat at that cafe and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. In all honesty, suna wanted to puke, terribly. His entire body felt disgusting as he flirted with the girl in front of him. All he could think of was how he wanted it to be y/n.

My father owns the company she works at.

Every flirtatious giggle, every brief touch between them, every single minute that he spent at that cafe his entire body was shaking with absolute rage for the woman in front of him. He didn’t have a choice though, he was put in a compromising position so he sucked it up and he did what he had to do. He saw y/n walking down the street. He saw their face drop when they saw what unfolded between the two of them. He saw them walk stupidly fast past them, doing their best to avoid eye contact. He felt every moment chip a piece of his heart away.

If you don’t listen to me, I will end your career as a volleyball player.

He knew that getting involved with a girl like r/n was trouble. He knew that from the first moment that she started pestering him. He knew that from the first dm he ignored, then from the constant pinging of his phone which was her notifications. Constantly badgering him, constantly wanting him to give her his attention, constantly wanting to be next to him, constantly needing him. Yet something about her piqued his interest. Something about the way she dressed, the way she held herself. The way her mind processed things, the way she held herself. So he indulged in one dm message from her.

From then on, he found himself talking with her daily. But he never wanted to pursue a relationship. He never wanted anything more than a friendship. He never talked flirty or engaged in her flirty techniques. He made it very clear he was in a relationship and he made it very clear he had no intention of cheating on y/n. But she had other plans, other ideas, other motives for them. Them. it was disgusting to even think that, that was even a thing. But here he was, sitting at a cafe pretending he was on a date with a girl that he had no interest in. Could he even fake being in love like that?

He didn’t mean to make eye contact with them when they left the shop, but thats what he did and in that moment he thought fuck r/n and her threats. He knew where his happiness lied and he knew where he needed to be so he sprinted after her. Curse y/n and her fast walking pace. He felt his heart beating in his ears as he chased after her. He felt his heart chip as he saw the train doors shut.

The world was spinning when he made it back to their house. His eyes were burning as he saw the packed bags, as he saw her sprint up the stairs. His chest tightened as she flinched at his touch. His legs felt weak as he watched her slowly break in front of him. He wanted to reach out and wrap them in his arms. Let them know that none of it was real. That there were no feelings for her, that it was all just a great elaborate plan.

But he couldn’t, it was like he tried to voice his words all he could think of was how much he didn’t want to ruin your life even more than he already did. He felt like there was no way to forgive such actions. There was no way to explain what he had done. There was no way they would stand there and listen to what he had been asked to do, what he had been forced to do. No forgiveness would be shared, no happiness would be felt. All he could do was hear the pain in their voice and see them walk out of his life without a second glance.

When they finally walked out the door, he felt himself collapse into shambles on top of their bed. He felt frozen in time for god knows how long till he feels his phone buzz rapidly in his pocket. He shifts slightly, pulling the phone out of his pocket to see r/n flashing on his screen. Begrudgingly, he picks up the phone, not a word spoken between them for the first few minutes before he hears her laugh and the rage that fills suna was unspeakable.

“You think this is funny?”

“I told you rin~ I always get what I want.”

“Don’t call me that, you don’t have a right.”

She laughs again, “don’t worry you’ll end up falling in love with me eventually.”

She laughs once more before she ends the call and suna is left in the quiet glass room with the remnants of a life he took for granted. He looks around the now empty room, every single thing they had built and decorated was a mix of their personalities. They had intertwined their lives and their wants, and their desires and the outcome was their house and now he is left with pieces, a fragmented glass fractured by his own doing. He sucked at emotions and he never thought he could love, but he found out he could with y/n because of y/n.

Turns out now he could fake being in love as well.

…

4 years later.

you slipped your shoes off before placing them on the shoe rack in your new apartment. it wasn’t anything special and you knew you could afford way better, as in way better than this hole in the wall. but you just didn’t feel the need to buy a new one or even the desire to be in a better apartment. the apartment served you well and it did the necessary things to keep you safe and alive.

you grabbed the stack of mail that you had brought up from the mailbox and dumped it on the counter to open after dinner and before bed. quickly hopping in the shower, you rinsed off and washed your hair before moving to your skin routine. you finished up and placed food in milo’s (your cat) food bowl, waiting for him to come out of his little den to eat. you made yourself some food as well before heading to the couch to watch some netflix. as you were finishing up milo came up and curled up on your lap, purring as you petted him.

Once you were done, you turned the tv off and cleaned the dishes before heading over to the mail. junking most of the ads and free magazines. you were about to call it a night when you noticed a dark red envelope, calligraphy was daintily painted over the front. the quality too high to be mistook as a regular envelope, the regal feeling it sent to foreign for you to ignore. it was addressed to you and so you tore it open revealing a glass invitation. in calligraphy, it was written.

you are invited to the wedding of Suna Rintarou and r/n l/n.

for a moment you were at a loss of words, a loss of feelings. Your entire body freezes at the thought of seeing Suna, happy at the altar, being married off. inside the envelope was a RSVP card and in scratched handwriting was a note “you may bring a guest.“ The wedding was in two weeks, somewhere in the mountains of Osaka.

after the breakup you didn’t really find the need to be following suna on his socials so you unfollowed him and kept on moving. but you knew he still followed you when he liked your occasional posts. but the only reason the invitation wasn’t a complete and utter surprise to you was the fact that your mum had already told you about it. apparently she found it in her need to keep following his socials and staying updated with his life, you on the other hand didn’t really care. The only real question was why would he want you there?

Deciding that this could be the final goodbye, the answer that would cease your endless what if’s and scenarios that plagued your head on occasion.

….

two weeks later aka the day of the wedding

you were in a black cowl neck dress that was backless but the straps of the dress were evident. your hair was pulled back into a claw clip, but it was curled and done neatly so it would be acceptable to wear at a wedding. you had on gold hoops and a gold flat chain around your neck and your makeup was once again simple. your dress was definitely not something people would stop and stare at and think you were dressed inappropriately. you were aiming for simple, but you wanted to look good.

you were hoping to slip in and slip out. maybe a couple of words to the groom, a congrats, maybe before you were out of there. The thought process behind attending simply wasn’t there. all you knew is that you wanted to see him one last time, maybe it was torture or maybe it was for closure. Who knew? Because you certainly didn’t.

as you pulled up to the venue you already noticed how nice it looked. you also noticed the small details that shouted suna!

“i want our theme to be red and black”

as you walked into the venue you noticed it was all made of glass and the walkway was adorned with deep maroon and white petals, littered in a zig-zag pattern to identify the aisle. the chairs that lined the edge were also marked with white bouquets. the guests were quietly filling in and you noticed many of his teammates and people you used to be friends with and you moved quickly to avoid catching their eye. you found a seat in the corner of the glass room all the way in the back. where you could see the altar but hopefully they wouldn’t be able to see you.

“what do you think about a glass venue? we could do white flowers to off-set the red and black.”

you watched as the final guests made their way to their seats. you sat quietly and spoke to absolutely no-one. you watched as the groom and his groomsmen walk onto the stage when you feel your shoulder being tapped. you turn to see an old lady, you knew it was sunas grandmother but she made no efforts to show she knew who you were.

“do you mind giving up your seat dear?”

“of course it’s no problem.”

as you stood up, you accidentally caught the eye of suna. dammit. you let the old lady and the old man sit in the chairs that you previously occupied. making yourself move towards the back where the people with cameras were standing so you were unnoticeable. but it was already too late, he had seen you there. but in a flash the music began to play.

“i seriously don’t want to watch you walk down the aisle to canon.d maybe something romantic like say you won’t let go by james arthur”

The song that began to play sounded like “can’t help falling in love with you,”, but you were focused as the flower girls, the parents all walked down the aisle and then lastly the bridesmaids. Your gaze finds suna once again watching him carefully, and soon the song shifts and it is time for the bride to walk down. most’s eyes were watching as she walked down the aisle, but your eyes were on him. you watched as he took a breath in, you watched as his muscles went rigid.

“nah i seriously don’t think i’ll cry when i see you walk down the aisle. i’m not a pussy y/n”

it was only after she had reached the altar had you noticed that osamu (his best man) had his eyebrows furrowed and for a brief moment was watching you. you looked away and the ceremony began.

“i think the actual ceremony should be short and sweet, just how it should be done.”

that’s what the ceremony was, hearing their vows made you nearly tear up because at one point you imagined it to be yourself up there. you on that altar promising to love him forever, promising yourselves to each other. when the wedding ceremony was over, you waited as the groom and bride walked out first and you slipped out the side doors to go to the reception area. you knew that you shouldn’t stay much longer but you wanted to see the reception hall before you left.

you walked through the long hallway where you could see the guests congratulating the bride and getting ready for their picture to be taken. you continue walking down the glass hallway before you make it over to the reception hall area. It was packed with tables and there was a wooden floor designated for dancing. There was a bar and multiple tables lined with a cake and food to enjoy.

The backdrop, where a camera was set up, was a dark green bush with red flowers draped delicately. The final touches of “The Suna’s” written in Calligraphy plastered in Neon Lights. you noticed the table at the entrance, where there was a book for guests to sign, and take a picture with a polaroid and shots that had table numbers in them.

“my parents, at their wedding, had their guests take a funny picture and sign it in a book, i think we should do that. So we can keep the memories of what is going to be the best night of our lives.”

you walked out of the reception hall, out the doors and further down towards a gazebo that had been decorated. you needed a breath of fresh air. as you stood leaning against the railing in the gazebo hut, preparing yourself to leave. you hear footsteps approach you. expecting it to be suna, you turn only to be met with osamus now darker hair.

“what are you doing here?”

hostility, you were not expecting that.

“um, sorry. i wanted to see the reception area before i left.”

“i mean what are you doing at the wedding.” he retorted, a brash tone in his voice.

“i was invited.” you calmly stated back.

“i don’t care that you were invited, you shouldn’t be here. suna is happy without you.”

not wanting to bother to fight him or start an argument, you took this as your sign to leave.

“you’re right, please give my wishes to mr. and mrs.suna.” just as you turned to leave the gazebo you heard another voice.

“haven’t you learned any manners osamu? that’s not how we treat our guests.” suna.

you hadn’t heard that voice in so long.

“They are not welcome here.” he spits back. Why the hell was he so angry at me? i was invited and i didn’t even make a scene, he has no right to be angry. In the end it was you who was hurt, not him so what the fuck.

“it’s not your wedding, is it?” he retorted. He waits for a response and when he doesn’t respond, he whispers.

“Give us five minutes will you?”

osamu just grunts before you hear footsteps fading away.

“I know you rsvp’d but i didn’t think you’d actually come. Did you bring a guest?”

you let out a breath before spinning on your heel only to be faced with the man you love. he was breathtakingly beautiful. the red and black suit was tailored to perfection, it fit his body like a glove. he looked good, he looked really good.

“yeah, i didn’t have anyone to bring.” you muttered out. you walked towards the railing, not only to help lean your weight but also to put distance between you and him. but he immediately followed your step, leaning too against the railing.

“n/n, you should try to move on.” your eyes involuntarily shut as you heard that name for the first time in four years. no one calls you that anymore, fear that they would trigger too many memories.

“the ceremony was beautiful, and so was the reception hall. you look really happy suna and i’m happy for you.”

you whisper out finally and you could honestly say that you meant those words. you were also deflecting his comment. He didn’t look at you when you said that, eyes drifting off towards the view, giving you time to drink in his face. His eyes were still as sharp, his features just the same. His jaw is sharper than ever. His body looked more toned out, but the bags under his eyes gave it all away. He wasn’t sleeping, it was always hard for him to sleep when he overworked himself. But you bite your tongue to not bring it up, not to let him know that you still knew him from the inside out.

“thank you for coming.” he mutters back. you nod. you notice he tries to say something, but then fails and then tries again.

“i’m sorry-”

“Don’t, don’t do that to yourself and don’t apologise for something that is now in the past. it wasn’t your intention to fall out of love with me but it happened. you don’t need to apologise.”

they fall into a comfortable silence.

“your mum congratulated me on the wedding. i wasn’t expecting it, thought she would hate me after she found out ….” he trails off.

she snorted.

“what?”

“i never told anyone the truth.”

“What? What do you mean? ” he asked, a little more perplexed, eyebrows furrowing and his face visibly confused.

“I just didn’t want to and i also didn’t even understand it myself. my friends and family don’t know you cheated. I just told them that we fell out of love, that we drifted apart and it was unfixable the distance between us.”

“why?” he whispers out

“because they love you, my family loves you, my friends love you. i couldn’t change their perspective of you because of something that wasn’t, TO ME at least, didn’t really seem like your fault. i don’t agree with the way you chose to pursue things, but i can’t blame you for it either. you fell out of love suna. you found somebody new. so yeah to them we just never ended up working out. and none of your friends ever reached out afterward so i never told them anything either.”

suna doesn’t know what to say to that. He had no response because you didn’t know half of it. You didn’t know that he hadn’t found someone new. That he never fell out of love with you. That he was not happy, not for one moment for the past years did he even so much feel a glint of happiness.

“I’m sorry for the way osamu acted, i honestly don’t know why he’s been so angry recently. i told him the truth, as in all of it. I still don’t know specifically to who, but he’s been taking it out on everyone and i guess he doesn’t really like r/n but i think it’s just his bias that he holds for you and um r/n doesn’t really like you all too much, so i think he gets heated when she talks about you in a bad light. She thinks that you weren’t good for me. something about holding me back, and not pushing me to my fullest potential.” he whispers out, almost like he shouldn’t have told you but he did anyways, like he couldn’t keep anything from you.

the statement left a sour mark on your tongue. not pushing him to his best abilities? what does that even mean? Weren’t they the one who helped him voice his thoughts more? teach him that talking about his feelings and not just pretending he doesn’t care is healthy? Weren’t they the ones who taught him that breaking down was okay? Weren’t they the one to always encourage him to take the opportunities that were offered to him?

“obviously, i don’t agree with her. but she’s my wife.” and there it was, the final kick to her gut. The answer you were waiting for.

she shouldn’t have come.

“what the two of you have is beautiful, i can see from the way you look at her that you really love her and i am seriously happy for you suna.”

“i want that for you. you know?”

“what? happiness?”

“that yes, but to find someone who loves you.”

she lets out a small laugh before finally answering his statement from before.

“i have moved on rin. before i met you i knew that i wanted to be alone in life, i just knew i was better by myself and that was just that, a fact. then you came into my life and wrecked all those ideas and all those beliefs and i was ready and honestly willing to give my entire future to you, i gave up all my ideas for a life with you. then we ended and i tried to date again after working on myself and i just never felt anything with anyone. so I stopped wasting my time and focused on things i enjoyed doing. i have moved on, I just went back to the plans before you. I would like to say that I am happy as well. as happy as someone can choose to be.” she whispered out.

Once again suna was left speechless to your thoughts, to the way you held yourself, to the way you spoke. He felt his heart shatter as he realised that after this he would never get to hear you speak again, never get to hear your thoughts again this was it.

“Do you mind if I hold you one last time? A final hug for goodbye?” He murmurs, his eyes watching yours as your body freezes.

He waits, praying to all the gods in the world that you would say yes. Praying that he would be able to feel you in his arms again, for the last time. He watches as your body relaxes and you finally meet his eyes, turning to face him before taking a slow step towards him.

“One final hug as goodbye.” you repeat. As you bring yourself to your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck, his hands naturally find their way around your waist. The hug held every emotion that the two of you had kept inside for the past four years.

Yours. Feelings of love, grief and goodbye.

His. feelings of regret, remorse and reminisce.

The moment lasted longer than anticipated, complaints came from neither of you as you stayed within each other’s embrace. Before you pull away, stepping back and composing yourself before you say your final wishes.

“I’ll always be here for you, rin, if you ever need anything. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us. I wish you the best.”

Before you finally turned and headed back to the entrance of the venue, ready to get back to your mundane life, leaving all the fairytales, what if’s and wishful thinkings at that gazebo in the mountains of osaka. Though you felt light on your toes you couldn’t help but think;

if you had moved on, why did it hurt so much to say goodbye?

“This isn’t fair to either of you, you deserve to be together.” suna hears osamu’s voice cut through the silence.

“Yeah, well life’s not fair sometimes.” suna murmurs out, as he watches you slip into your car and drive off.

“We have to do something about r/n. She can’t just keep threatening your career. You aren’t happy, rin.” osamu pushes.

“Drop it samu, they’ve moved on. It’s not fair but that’s how life goes, not all of us get happy endings.” suna says before he walks off.

two lives, once previously intertwined in perfect harmony and a sudden catastrophe sends them both into cataclysmic destruction. the once previous thought of happily ever after non-existent to the both of them. Neither happy, neither satisfied, yet both living in the shell of their bodies in hopes that one day they can be whole again.

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