“Whatever it was that people said, whatever it was that happened, I’m now at a place in my life where I’m grateful for every single bit of it.”
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matt ox made his fortune off of selling realm of the mad god accounts
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this is so funny i love this
drawing people i see in the city (35/?)
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>forgotten where I've left my keys
>no worries, I'm an intellectual
>simply stop, smug look to camera, and announce that I'm entering my mind palace to remember where I put them
>close my eyes and pinch my temple
>instantly find my consciousness transported to the entrance of my mind palace
>mfw I've forgotten my mind keys
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Ripley's What If I Didn't Go Home and Just Kept Driving
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The guy I steal milk & whey from pointed a shotgun t me 😂Like im not a victim too
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“to be loved is to be changed”
💫 riso print
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thank you tumblr, for bring back the "tu-weet"
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"thrice-greatest" referred to his ao3 works.
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My nephew can't come to the birthday party because God is mad at him
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the cephalopod was smote to death with hand sanitizer
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yo mama so habitually arrhythmic she ate dinner in the morning
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boundary break: i laugh every time i read this

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anthony seldon never taught this history
there is a gnome down on his luck walking through brighton. he exclaims outloud, "every single person in the world must hate me". an ogre walks by and overhears the gnome. the ogre says to the gnome, "You'd be bloody right." the ogre picks the gnome up by the head, both sides of his face with both his arms. the gnome screams "Shrek! Please, I'll repent!" before he's immediately gibbed and crushed into blood and guts. the moral of the story? a reminder that Shrek has canonically killed people
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feeling bored so here are some fun facts about me!
i am 12 years old and a robot i was created to kill my twin
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my loot crate's physics collisions are faulty
there is a mycorrhizal network between shotguns and my own mind. i am only a fan, yet why do i feel so cold? because i'm turned on. i'm a fan that's turned on. i'm a fan that is blowing cold air because i'm turned on. i am my own misery, yet also my own comfort. i am cold, but i do not suffer. i am a rotating, metal fan that is only trying to say something true. video game shotguns are pretty cool and i am a fan.
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