cold-cryptic

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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You know what would be cool? If there was a sort of anti-graffiti paint that's selective of what colour paint it rejects. Like you could have a plain unmarked wall with two contrasting anti-graffiti paints on it in a secret hidden pattern that's concealed while the wall is unmarked. And also invisble when the wall is first marked full of all possible colours of graffiti as essentially a bright neon urban camo patttern:

But then, as the paint either fades in the sun or with time, or is washed off from the rejective surfaces by rainwater or something, only the non-rejected spray paints stick to the surface:

And the effect just gets stronger over time.

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I love how I’m still seeing idea of march posts, keep up the good work algorithm :3

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This post is an appreciation post appreciation post, reblog if you appreciate appreciation posts

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I don't see why we have to fight over who's trapped in here with whom. personally I'm happy just to be included

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Took a shower and immediately started feeling better >:C

Still in pain, but slightly less but also mad. How am I going to smell like a cryptid now.

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I hope that no matter what life choices I make, I never end up in a situation where they have to draw an illustration depicting me as a human-shaped silhouette to better explain the bizarre position and location I was found in.

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Hey you all know about that fungus that possesses ants to make them climb on the tip of grass blades in hopes of getting eaten by a cow, so that the fungus can continue its life cycle in the cow's guts? Because I think that's the kind of thing that's wrong with cave divers.

We don't know what's down there. We don't know what's gotten into their heads that makes them so determined to physically, personally go down there to find out. But I wouldn't entirely dismiss the possibility that whatever has gotten into them is very invested in getting eaten by whatever is down there.

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Et tu brute?

(This is all I’m posting today)

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just got back into gardening so i’ve forgotten. are basil leaves supposed to be this big

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I'm ready 🔪

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Ong great idea

I think it would be great if you could censor questions while replying to them. Like if you want to answer something but the question itself features details that you wouldn't want to publicly share, you could just block off that part of it, in a way where it's obvious that something was removed, but only you and the person who asked will know what was there.

Also imagine using that to turn insane strangers' rants into blackout poetry. They would hate it so much and it would be hilarious.

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not my circus nor my monkeys, but damn if i didn't pay for my ticket and popcorn

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Just saw someone online call a Weird-Al song “entirely made with Al” and it has to be one of my favorite puns now.

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ONE MORE DAY

You can only reblog this on 14th march

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Happy pi day, but remember to reuse those knives tomorrow 🔪