coldhvrtzix

[coldhvrtzix]

PERFORMANCE 2

The Birth of My Misfortunes

In my 18 years of existence. I have experienced countless misfortunes in life. I've been through a lot of darkness and cried myself in silence. There are times I thought I was walking on an endless road that every time I moved my feet forward I would rather be stepping on a pit of emptiness that even if I shout my lungs out, no one could hear and help me out. My misfortunes first came when my mother left us. I remember that it was a happy family back then, however, in just one chaotic night my supposed to be a fairytale life turned into a bad ending. 

I was six when I experienced the most appalling sight every child of this age could have ever seen in which people around me were crying and shouting--stopping my lolo as he was about to punch him hard and forcing my mom to stay with us. It was always a fresh memory whenever I thought of this matter. And crying has never been stoppable. I lost count of times when I feel like my existence will never matter to anyone. Like I was just a person of no account, no one cares in the least about. And felt like nothing more than an insignificant static on a broad spreadsheet. I feel like such a cipher. I don't know if it's me or everything that happened because it was meant to be. But if it is--I was just so unlucky.

I never thought before that life was a precious thing anyone could ever have, that it is a gift that must be treasured. It's a privilege. I thought that everyone will die once they have reached their age limit and so I'm not afraid of dying. On top of that, I always believed that I wasn't anyone's favorite at all. For all the misfortunes in life that I have endured. I thought that even God was being unjust to me. My mom left us and so did my dad. Her reason was that she thinks she couldn't afford to give us life. On the other hand, my dad was because he just cannot simply live without a woman in her life so he starts collecting girls afterward. Yes, I may have parents, but I never weathered and feel I have one. 

Hence, for me to stop dwelling over my past. I occupied my thoughts and focused on studying hard. I gained a lot of genuine friends and I will be forever grateful for that. However, indeed, history couldn't be easily erased nor forgotten. It will still ransack our minds despite our efforts of putting up fences and pressing ourselves not to reckon anymore about it. Time flies. Yet there is still a portion of me, saying that I won't get over it. This will chase me forever until my demise. I was scared, scared of all "what ifs" in life. I knew I couldn't change the past but the future could be done otherwise. 

Forgetting wasn't easy but forgiving was a lot harder to do. I don't hold any grudges on them, I'm not even mad nor sinning against my parents. It was just I'm curious, so curious that I feel like I was always in a big case and so crazy about seeking answers and perplexed that if ever everything was just a pure misunderstanding, perhaps I'm still living a life I wanted: happy and content.

My misfortunes were my vitality. It became the core and root of all of my victories and successes. Somehow, I have realized that not all misfortunes lead us to a nonentity, but it could also engrave us and equip us to be even bolder and stronger human beings. Yes. I may have experienced bad things that happened in my past but now I would proudly and genuinely say that I'm grateful for all of my misfortunes.

LITERARY DEVICES

Alliteration and Flashback

I was six when I saw a scene in which people around me were crying and shouting--stopping my lolo as he was about to punch him hard and forcing my mom to stay with us. 

Metaphor

My misfortunes were my vitality. It became the core and root of all of my victories and successes.

Simile

Like I was just a person of no account, no one cares in the least about.

Assonance

In my 18 years of existence. I have experienced countless misfortunes in life. I've been through a lot of darkness and cried myself in silence.

Consonance

My misfortunes first came when my mother left us.

[coldhvrtzix]

Life Amidst Pandemic

Life amidst Pandemic

At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt clueless and trapped, knowing that I would be spending weeks, and now months, stuck at home with my family. It was totally a nerve-wracking experience; lying on your bed flooding with countless thoughts on how you will survive the day and how the world itself will survive the chaos as well were the end was not yet visible and people suffering multiplied every hour. Channels are broadcasting news related to COVID-19 every hour. Classes transitioned to online, and being accustomed to this kind of set-up was not that easy at all. I am sure everyone feels quite the same. 

During the first couple of weeks, there were citywide lockdowns. The only people that were allowed to leave home were “essential workers.” If you were pulled over by police after curfew and not deemed an essential worker, you were either fined or thrown in jail. Also, tissue, paper towels, cleaning supplies were out of stock; certain food items, like meat, were limited to one item per household. Times were hard. Everybody was scared. I had to find things to do so that I wouldn’t be so focused on negative thoughts or fall into a deep depression.

Years ago, I made a list of things that I’ve always wanted to do, and I would add to that list often. One of those things was acting. So I practice and practice my skills in front of the mirror until I am content and satisfied with my acting results. I had nothing else to do, aside from checking up my google classroom to look if there are some activities to do; helping my aunt's doing household chores, and such. I've been moved from one place to another. Like if someone needs my company, my only option was to say YES and YES. That's how my life goes during this tense time. 

Not long after the day I moved to my Auntie's house in Siete Y Media, Antipolo, one of my Uncle begged me to come over to his house in Cainta to help him in watching his 4-year-old son along with my nieces and nephew. Besides that, I am also helping them with their modules. I run errands for them, help them get groceries, cook and clean for them, the list goes on and on. I do believe that I’ve used my time wisely but the worst thing was that I haven't given enough time to do my thing--my modules, my school works.

These have been difficult days indeed. We've been doing things we were not used to and as for my situation, it was hard to adjust and adjust. Living with different people and interacting with people you are not closed to was a bit awkward. But I have nothing to do with it because it feels like I've been forced to and the situation just left me no choice after all.

However, a period shows a pause, a stop, and an end. It shows a definite purpose to continue after a long pause either on the first sentence or in the last sentence of a paragraph. Hence I was hoping for the day where this pandemic ends. But, when and where? Does it even have an end? How do we cope with this heavy burden and all the stress that comes with it? Questions where even a professional does not have an answer yet. 

So, this is my quarantine so far. I got through difficult times missing my loved ones, helping them out in the best way possible, my friends, and simply my daily routine. I have some good days when I am very focused and calm, but also some (very) bad days, when I feel overwhelmed or just worried and exhausted. 

Yes, this is exhausting and harms our emotions as well as mental health. But we should not lose our hope that easily, these experiences might help up somehow to be even a better person. And this pandemic just taught me a lot of things: 

Be kind to yourselves, don’t judge the way you are coping with your emotions during these difficult times. 

Don’t be hard on yourself because you are allowed to not be able to deal with a quarantine.

Everything will get better, sooner or later.

[coldhvrtzix]

Whip of the Dark Sea

Whip of the Dark Sea

Been overthinking lately,

going to bed with forty winks,

waking up yet still ready to drop,

like I've been always on a peck--

where I could only choose two things:

stay the course or call it a day.

Yes, people always tell,

whenever I reached out;

Keep the faith a while longer!

Hang in there, you can make it!

But how to put those in actions?

Does it even make sense?

Strong enough to stop the pain?

But what if you're already drowning;

on the depth of the oceans,

where you can vividly see its venetus;

feeling the frigid water embracing your skin,

sirenized by the birr of mermaids voices;

whispering through your ears--

vast of outrageous words that are all Greek to me.

"I'm scared!" I shouted,

even though there's nothing words to hear;

still tried hard enough to shout and scream,

holding a grip of something to touch--

grasping at straws;

A sudden epiphany held me back.

Move a head upward with an eyes wide open,

uncertain of what may see from above--

verendus by silenced,

trails of tears coursing down without warning;

flooding of questions creeping within.

How could you ascend to grasp for air?

Who could be your galad in the midst of darkness?

Can someone pull you up from the core,

or only a guileless orison and God Himself;

will lend His victorious hand,

and help you whelve the feeling of melancholy.

With the pitiful looks He's giving you--

displeased by what He saw;

the thought of nothing to hold unto,

there He was standing firm looking at you;

mumbling words like a canticle--

a quiescent lovely in rhythmic sounds,

saying, "So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

And with His powerful words--

lucid caim;

I stood up from the bed,

with tears dripping down my cheeks;

I prayed, cried out, and thanked Him--

for all was just a dream.

[coldhvrtzix]

Who Am I?

I knew I was not good--

not perfect;

miserable, life battles insane!

flying was a dream,

travel around the world.

Make the best out of it--

they said,

get up from the grave you made,

do not lock yourself up;

never ever think of hanging your head.

Nobody's gonna hear,

no one's gonna see--

you freak out;

but who cares when you cry,

even when you shout.

Living on a dream,

where choices was finite;

living on a life,

where battles can't survive.

Who else is gonna care? 

you're slowly drowning,

yet everybody's laughing,

mistakes you do never forgotten. 

Past couldn't be changed, 

memories will always remembered,

but who am I? 

just a typical girl from the corner,

could I be marked as a gold 

or will just die until old? 

[coldhvrtzix]

Blackout Poetry

LUCKY GIRL

Ever since we can remember,

hold your breath,

sunning it up together in

old entry.

had been ever long before,

that this decision hadn't caused any ill feeling,

just good friends,

body's guess as every fan agree,

she's a very lucky girl.

[coldhvrtzix]

The Light in the Darkness

I am an emotional type of person. I tend to take things personal, especially if you throw me hurtful words; can't help but take it deeply and beyond. Thus, your words really can bleed me. Your words matter. So, don't try to piss me off over it. I accept my fault and I am way more willing to face its consequences. However, what's upset me more is the fact that I already do a lot to get things better yet no one appreciates it. I poured efforts – so much effort yet people always look of all my wrong doings, without even getting a glimpse of all the good things I have done – without even realizing it, and that breaks me within. The feeling and emotions I couldn't bear as if there's no choice at all but to dwell on it though you know in yourself that you have to fight, that you have to be strong.

Sometimes, I feel abandoned by those people I thought would care. Small things upset me. I was too sensitive in a way where I felt like I'm not myself anymore. I always tried to escape from the real world and keep chasing the real me. I am tired of trying, I am tired of pretending.

But even if we felt like there's nothing that can stop us from pulling ourselves under the soil of bitterness, darkness, and sorrow. Like we have no one to hold on to. There was one person who will always stay with us and will carry our burden even if we didn't ask Him to. He is willing, selfless and welcoming. God invites us to talk to him and bring to him what concerns us. We don't have to get our act together first. It is his nature to be loving and accepting when we go to him.

His wisdom is unlimited. He understands all the elements of a situation. We do not have to update him, counsel him or persuade him to do the right thing. He will, because he is capable and his motives are pure. If we trust him, he will never make a mistake, never undercut us or deceive us. He can be fully trusted to do what is right, in all circumstances, at all times.

In the darkness, He was the light. That's why whenever I felt like giving up, I always pray and cried out His name. He is not just holy but solutions to today's problems. God is everything. What he says, we can trust. What he promises, can be counted on. And with Him, I am safe, without Him I am miserable.

[coldhvrtzix]

Thanksgiving: Honoring town's Patrons

Fiestas are more than just a spectacle of colorful costumes and dances: fiestas are celebrated in honor of an abundant history, a patron saint commemorated on, or a thanksgiving for the town's harvest. On the other hand, for the tourists visiting these towns, fiestas reflect the residents' positive nature, overlooking all adversaries to appreciate the finer things in life. It is surprising, how even those facing many problems in their day-today life set them aside and manage to participate in the preparations and actual festivities.

Well, for them fiestas are not just a celebration, it also shows the genuine and pureness of every individual who believed and honored their patron. It is a day wherein many Filipinos attend mass to praise God and everyone is in great cooperation and hospitality was really evident. 

Most people serve as much as they can. That's why during a fiesta, your house might serve food, but you may also go from one house to another to eat without any cost. Every house is happy and willing to welcome the visitors with open arms and wide smiles on their faces. 

Filipino is more carefree than other nations because of strong beliefs and spiritual faith. Filipino culture is unique compared to other Asian countries, and beliefs apply every day in the life of the Filipinos and reveal how rich and blessed the culture the people have.

Amongst all countries, Philippine is the most generous when it comes to visitors. They will make you feel how welcome you are and will entertain you in the best way possible. It could be seen not just during fiestas but also when you visited their homes even unexpectedly. You'll be treated as if you're part of the family by giving you so much care and attention and letting you have things they keep for you to use. 

The fiesta is a living tradition, like all living things, it has to be nurtured. It is one of the heritage of Filipinos as a nation. It is something that is transmitted by or acquired from the ancestors. It is part of what defines Filipinos as a group of people. Fiestas show how the personality of each of the towns are unique. Reference believes that the Fiesta is the only occasion when the entire community did something together. The Filipinos have such a strong sense for the fiesta because it explains his/her roots and his/her identity as an individual.