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People with anxiety are basically way too aware of being alive

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since the holidays are comin up I thought I should share my wishlist *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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my experience with adhd

I don’t even remember putting that thing down but now it’s not in my hand and I don’t know where it went

‘what do you mean you can just think about nothing? what’s that like? I don’t understand’

*tuning out of a conversation halfway through somebody else’s sentence because I just thought of something interesting*

carrying my psychiatrist’s business card with me at all times because I see her once a month and every time I go I forget what floor her office is on. I’ve been there 8 times

‘Between A & B, A would be the right thing to do’ *a cascading thought process that takes a few seconds tops, justifying option B* ‘actually B would be the right thing to do’

somebody else, later: why did you think B was the right thing to do??

me: …. it’s not important, I’ll know better next time

(spoiler: I won’t know better next time)

I know you already told me this thing like 12 times but can you tell me again just one more time because I forgot

it’s not that I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to do this thing. it’s just that in that particular moment i thought it was okay to do it anyway for reasons that would take 48 minutes to explain even though it only took me 3 seconds to justify it in my thoughts, so it’s easier for me to just say ‘I forgot’

‘I already told you that’ ‘really? I must have forgotten, i’m sorry’ ‘it was FIVE MINUTES AGO. in this SAME CONVERSATION’

this internal conversation:

me: I feel motivated to do this responsible thing

me: if I don’t do this responsible thing right now I will get distracted and forget to do it for another 5 hours

me: so I should do this thing right this second, there is nothing stopping me

me: after I finish this one cell phone game

me, 5 hours later: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

almost flunking a class because I straight up didn’t know any homework had been assigned despite loving the class and always attending

trusting the memory of literally anyone else over my own memory

intending to do something for days. sometimes months. never doing it

*cuddling somebody* mm this is nice … *2 seconds later* bored now

somebody is mad at me. I might as well fucking d i e

the options in company are: overshare about the one thing I care about or not talk at all

insensitive or inattentive? YOU decide (and when you tell me that i hurt your feelings and I didn’t notice I’ll rejection sensitive dysphoria into fantasies of disappearing forever)

being excellent at my job for months on end, doing everything right and everything well, and then suddenly & without explanation being t h e  w o r s t at it for several weeks, making dumb mistakes everywhere for no discernible reason

when asked to explain something: well it all started when I was a baby

‘they don’t need that much explanation’ well YOU tell ME where to start b/c I have no fucking clue tbh

i can’t throw away anything b/c when I look at it I remember all the sentimental reasons I keep it around and they seem just as important as actually needing it and when I close the storage box back up I forget I had it in the first place until the next time I try to get rid of my clutter and repeat this process

i wasnt’ idle for a second all day and yet I didn’t accomplish a n y t h i n g

am i a speed-reader or was I so impatient for what came next that I read only half a page and then skipped to the next one?

getting excited about a project, starting it, then racing to finish it as fast as I can because when I get bored I’ll abandon it and never go back. must beat the boredom

edit my fics? working twice on the same idea? /uproarious laughter

well I fucked that up. too bad I can never rework it because I no longer have passionate energy for it

me, opening a bottle of adhd meds: I don’t have adhd. I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t try hard enough

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In terms of life average span proportions, leaving your dog at home for 12 hours is like you being left at home for 4.5 days. Assuming a dog lives 12 years and a hooman 84. No wonder they are so happy so see you when you get home.

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12:01am

Lift your anchor

Gaze upon the moonlight

I speak her name beneath the stars

Only.

Flowers are fragile

And fires are chaos

And I choose the flame

Over crumbling impermanence.

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Friendly reminder that Vincent van Gogh willingly checked himself into an asylum so that he could get better, resulting in him creating some of the most iconic paintings of his entire career, done in the asylum, when he was being treated 24/7, because he finally didn’t have to struggle with his demons and could instead focus on his muse, WHICH WERE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

Remember this little insignificant painting?

How about this one?

Check this one out:

All of these and more were painted in the asylum when he was receiving treatment for his mental illnesses and I know I just said that but I said it again and I’m saying it a third time until you dramatic abled assholes understand!

VINCENT VAN GOGH

- KNEW THAT HE WAS MENTALLY ILL

- WANTED TO CHANGE THAT

- WENT TO AN ASYLUM

- GOT THE HELP HE NEEDED

- PAINTED SOME ICONIC MASTERPIECES AS A RESULT!

SO DON’T YOU DARE COME OUT HERE WITH THIS, “I WISH I WAS DEPRESSED SO I COULD BE AS CREATIVE AS VAN GOGH” BULLSHIT BECAUSE EVEN HE KNEW THAT HIS DEMONS WERE HARMING HIS WORK, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HIS HEALTH, AND HE DID EVERYTHING WITHIN HIS POWER TO FIGHT THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS LIFE, UNTIL THEY ENDED UP WINNING! 

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//Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head//

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I have put together a few of the posts where people have been incredibly smooth

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tyler: hey my best friend josh dun is really awesome and talented

josh: aw shucks well my best friend tyler joseph is even MORE awesome and talented

tyler:

josh:

tyler: tru

tyler: that's probably why i'm the lead singer

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friends can break ur heart too

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Halsey being Logan Lerman/PJO trash

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How I Treat My Supplies 💰

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