colgatewouldnever

[colgatewouldnever]

i do think id look good as fuck after receiving an obviously lethal blow. like i feel id do a great job looking down at my body to see a gaping hole in it, making eye contact with you, saying “oh” very quietly before i keel over… stuff like that

[colgatewouldnever]

i feel like getting shot would feel so interesting for two seconds and then it would probably feel bad

[colgatewouldnever]

Dick, tired after another session of being bullied by his own siblings: God, do we even have someone in this family who is accepting?

Tim: Well, not me and Steph, obviously

Damian: I am not in this particular competition. Perhaps Cain?

Stephanie, scoffing: Absolutely not my beautiful Cass. She judges you hard every day in my dms.

Dick, hopeful: Duke?

Damian, who had been shit-talking about others with Duke for a year now: You have a wrong idea in mind, Grayson.

Cassandra, appearing out of nowhere: Jason.

Tim, instantly protesting: No! He is like, professional hater.

Cassandra, shrugging: Does he hate things? Yes. Does he judge? No. Try admitting the most different things to him — you will see.

Everyone: ...

Everyone: On it.

Tim, eying at Jason, who sits in the Batcave during one of the missions: Jason?

Jason: Mhm?

Tim: Urgh... I fucked up. Forgot about Bart's birthday.

Jason: Okay? Just aplogise and gift him stuff.

Tim: ...Okay, wtf, since when you are so understanding?

Jason: Wtf?

Duke: Urgh, Jason?

Jason: What?

Duke: I got in the fight in school.

Jason: Well, you clearly won?

Duke: Yeah, sure.

Jason: Cool. Have fun dealing with the aftermath.

Duke: ...

Duke: ...Thanks?

Stephanie: I eat pineapple pizza and coat my watermelon with Nutella.

Jason:

Jason: ...Okay? Bon appetite?

Stephanie: !!!

Damian: I probably killed someone by the accident.

Jason: Aha. Is that a request for my cleaning services or just an information to keep in mind?

Damian: ...Second one.

Jason: Ok. Have fun.

Dick, a week after: Man, okay, you are clearly not high, I checked. What is the secret of such an angelic level of acceptance while being a hater????

Jason: I follow the Idk+Idc rule. I don't know and I don't care.

Dick: But don't you feel outrageous? At least sometimes? LIKE, MAN, WATERMELON AND NUTELLA?

Jason: I don't know. I don't care.

Jason, after a beat of silence: Unless it is Bruce. Him, I judge.

Dick: ...Of course.

[colgatewouldnever]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[colgatewouldnever]

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[colgatewouldnever]

Tim : *from the backseat* can we stop for fro-yo before we get back home ?

Dick : i'd say yes, but I'm not the one driving

Tim : Jason ?

Jason : what

Tim : 🥺

Jason : the fuck is 🥺 use your words I don't speak bottom

Damian : feel free to let me out here Todd *jiggling his locked door handle* I'd like to walk the rest of the way before your lie gets the car struck by lightening

[colgatewouldnever]

what was that joke i made about wales once i dont remember