collideintosound

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

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haha thats so funny [face gets gravely serious] but were you not a staunch and trusted ally i would have you executed for such a joke

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LOL but seriously release the hounds

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"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

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it doesn’t have to be good it just has to be done

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"ohh my god you can't just-"

Am I yours to command? Does the collar 'round my neck have your name on it? I kneel to no king nor god, and I see no crown on you.

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earlier my husband opened our snack cabinet and something fell out and he put it back and then a second later i heard him say very quietly “no, it chose me” and then he took it and walked away

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I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

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10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

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OOHHH FUUBLBLBLBLB

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Happiness Will Come To You.

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