coloradokiids

[coloradokiids]

[coloradokiids]

“we all solved a murder, i think we can figure out how to work a DVD player.”

[coloradokiids]

assorted craig headcanons !

-- prone to upper respiratory infections.

-- stuffy nose. chronic snotty nose. always sounds stuffy.

-- loathes cartman for cartman being a dick to him when they were kids. it’s on a level that craig absolutely cannot forgive.

[coloradokiids]

sentence starters: mimikyu edition

various things said MOSTLY by myself and one of my friends

feel free to adjust names/pronouns as needed

“ We all have that one aunt that sends us creepy dolls and clown paraphernalia. ”  “ Maybe I want to fuck Boo Boo the Fool. "  ” That’s when you throw the whole child out. “ “ I have one kink and one kink only. and that is, fighting [name] naked. "  “ it’s because he’s a daddy. ”  “ goodbye furries. ” “ it’s not hard, you just have to show that you have bigger dick energy. ” “ ‘give me blade’ …. in the straight way or the gay way?? ” “ is there any real straight way, though? ” “ we’ve forsaken [name] and given [name] material for the daddy board. ” “ do you know what time it is, shitlord? ” “ they know how to get to his/her heart, and his/her pants. ” “ maybe that was my plan all along. ” “ i am afraid of your power. ” “ this is my son, [name]. his/her mom/dad sucks so i basically stole him like he was a football during the superbowl. he likes chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, and hot dogs. ” “ i can’t believe it, i’ve made a spicy boy. ” “ i would call [name] daddy, and that’s a fact. ” “ lieutenant, it’s me, your son — FUCK. ” “ wear me like a beard. ” “ your art makes my heart bust a nut. ” “ i have a single braincell and it’s all lost and alone and scared. ” “ call me harry potter because i have a fuckin scar on my forehead. ” “ captain america is stored in the balls. ” “ i busted a nut doing that high note. ” “ it’s three and a half am… ” “ [name] i can’t count that high. ” “ you’re making an ass of yourself. ” “ ultimate smackdown: gay baby edition. ” “ not that bold when i know that you have the sleep schedule of like, a single mom with newborn triplets. ” “ YOU DIED AS YOU LIVED. SURROUNDED BY PUSSY. ” “ even thought [name] is a trick ass bitch, i miss him. ” “ you jack santa’s style, you catch santa’s hands. ” “ repent, repent motherfucker! ” “ don’t close the door you motherfucker. ” “ sometimes a possession happens during a sneeze. ” “ you got blue balled by freddie mercury. ” "i’m johnny knoxville and this is jackass. ayo ma why you gotta be such a bitch all the time?"  "if you sneeze again, i’m gonna slap you"  "its called a divorce, you should know all about that"  “ he just stood there and died like an asshole. ”

[coloradokiids]

@smacktheshitouttayou​ sent,  “ i’ve been digging through evidence for three days straight. ”

“wendy, you’ve been digging through the trash for three days straight.” it’s a little too blunt, but it’s honest. brutal and blunt honesty was what craig did best (thanks, it’s the autism) --- but here he is, digging through the trash with her. “’re you sure this is a good idea?”

[coloradokiids]

blah blah the clown sentences

these come from the brandon rogers BLAH BLAH THE CLOWN videos ! why clowns are stressed, clowns on a date, blood and makeup

“ we’re going to take a magical trip where we can be anyone we want to be! ” “let’s go, bitch! ” “ first of all, motherfucker, kids love me. ” “ i have three cocksucker roommates. ” “ my name is dumb bitch [name]. ” “ who the fuck said stairs were fun on acid?! ” “ your suffering PLEASES ME. ” “ one day you will be happy. ” “ i went to public school like everyone else. ” “ no one told me it came with a bunch of ASSHOLES. ” “ i’m on a date right now and i’m nervous as SHIT. ” “ why the fuck are you nervous, you’re the hot one! ” “ you’re the hot one! ” “ thank god my tits are extra goofy today. ” “ and i’d do it again too! ” “ i don’t know what we talking about, but i’m ready to fight. ” “ do your privates honk when you squeeze them? ” “ … my pesky clown boner. ” “ you know you’re not supposed to be here, right? ” “ his show was motherfucking iconic. ” “ how could anyone do this? ” “ probably with a knife. ” “ like staring into a pair of assholes. ” “ why can’t you lose your virginity! ” “ fuck school and fuck your family. ” “ … well that was very rude. ” “ want some candy?  ” “ honestly, fuck that guy. ” “ the fuck are you all looking at? ” “ you know what? i fucking hate clowns. ” “ that was the last time i saw the bitch. ” “ i’ve been wrong before! ” “ and i’ll do it again! ” “ everytime he got stressed, he started eating that chocolate like it was ass. ” “ it’s all a joke! ” “ little did i know, it was my heart that would be diddled. ” “ crime’s no joke, and i’m no comedian. ” “ … don’t tell my captain. ” “ look, whore, i didn’t do it. ” “ what the fuck did he/she say about me? ” “ there’s no time! plan b! ” “ i don’t wanna die here! ” “ i think you have your head up your ass. ” “this pussy is tough on crime.” “ i had no choice but to break her ankle with my actual pussy.” “ i hate clowns. ” “ i got the best men a cocksucker could ask for. ” “ get out of the lake you candy cane COCK. ” “another short fused shithead.” “ i just want my car back. ” “ i’ve been digging through evidence for three days straight. ” “ bro it’s nine in the morning. ” “ you think i’m innocent? ” “ [name]’s a dickbag, but he’d never hurt someone unless provoked. ” “my ass is gonna bite back.” “if i die tonight, i died saving my best friend.” “ you ever stick a clown horn up your ass?” “ don’t look at that, let’s go! ” “ what’s the plan now? ” “ you’ve risked enough just getting us out of there.” “ he’s going to release that candy tomorrow!” “ sayanora glitter dick.” “ it’s all wasted fear. ”

[coloradokiids]

FOR THE RECORD --- i absolutely wanna write, i have SO MANY thoughts and feelings on these characters

but my brain lags a lot and it’s like “heehee dumbass kids with dumbass plans...” so i mostly point and am like “that’s my son”

[coloradokiids]

“you guys really should talk me down from playing with gasoline while i’m drunk.”

[coloradokiids]

hayley: gets onto wendy

me, pointing: those are my friends

[coloradokiids]

@jeeplover​

“no, i seriously can’t die. like... i can die? but i don’t stay dead.”

[coloradokiids]

coloradokiids​:

starteercall

[coloradokiids]

“i know a thing or two about cults -- i used to be the leader of one.”

[coloradokiids]

starteercall

[coloradokiids]

craig has respiratory issues and a constantly stuffy / runny nose. he finds it annoying ofc

[coloradokiids]

@compatiissante​

“there’s no time for questions! grab a sword, we gotta fight a dragon!”

[coloradokiids]

     does it ever drive you crazy 

            just how fast the night changes

south park multimuse by gabumon – under construction

[coloradokiids]

“eat ass, suck dick, sell drugs.”