colormeblue

[colormeblue]

Hi I’m back.

[colormeblue]

So incredibly tired of bad things happening. A very close family member is very very sick and like I can’t stop thinking am I just fucking unlucky in that every few months very bad shit keeps happening to people in my life or is this just a part of getting older. : /

[colormeblue]

[colormeblue]

Funny how one month of unemployment had me go from being all like “I’m gonna find my dream job where I will have true purpose and enjoy every minute of my life” to “I will literally do any job - nothing is beneath me - just pay me so I can make rent and travel”

Help - hire me -

[colormeblue]

I bought a thing. It’s the first thing I’ve every truly owned that is mine. It might just be an rv but it’s hella cute and it sits on a river and i know have my own vacation home. 😊

[colormeblue]

Just coming over here to say that if you follow someone on social media that makes you feel bad about your own life and self you can mute that shit and it will make you feel 10 times fucking better.

Also i treated myself to ice cream and took myself to spin class today and I’m feeling much better.

Also - about to dive headfirst into an intense month of active work on myself - cause life has been very very hard recently and sometimes you just need a little extra help to work on the things inside that feel supremely broken - because no one else is going to fix your life for you. It’s about how you feel inside about yourself and about the people around you and lately I’ve been not so nice to myself or the people around me and we all deserve better.

[colormeblue]

Wow hi I’ve reached a point where I hate most things and don’t give a shit about petty nonsense and I literally only want to spend every available minute away from this dumb city sitting next to a river under the trees hiking big hills mostly alone. This can’t be a good sign.

[colormeblue]

Wow hi how does an adult who doesn’t really like strangers make new friends cause help I need new friends.

[colormeblue]

[colormeblue]

You ever feel so stuck and paralyzed and like all the things in your life suck and every day feels hard and only bad things keep happening and you just want everyone else around you to also feel shitty because it feels immeasurably unfair that while your life feels like it’s falling apart people are just going about their day having a great fucking life. I’m utterly exhausted at having to be excited about other people’s good things.

[colormeblue]

for every 1 product or implementation job opening at any single company there are like 12568 engineering positions and honestly i’m over it. this is total bullshit. 

[colormeblue]

“ And I've made friends with arms wide open I've been broke and I've been broken I've found love and all that goes with it I don't know how but I did I've been happy I've been hurtin' I'll stay settled here I'm certain Find my stride before I'm thirty This is where my bones get, bones get dirty

Dirt so cold I can take it I'm a leaf on the breeze This distance grows And the pressure of a seven day week Cus' life takes tolls Gotta live with all the stress and rejection I don't wanna die and never knowI've made a lot of stupid mistakes But hey at least I did it my way”

[colormeblue]

Capricorn: 10 Things I Hate About You: 

Capricorn in love? Never. Forever cynical Capricorns deserve a romantic comedy that fits their ever-doubting souls and 10 Things I Hate About You does just that. While people under the goat sign are often seen as pessimistic and even unemotional at times, these characteristics ultimately protect a Capricorn’s delicate heart, just like Kat Stratford in this cult-favorite rom-com from the early ‘90s. Starring Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger, this film proves love can be great, if you let your guard down.

I mean…. accurate. 

[colormeblue]

Did that thing where I bought 2 jackets because I can’t decide if I want to be a “fitted, you might have your life together and maybe know how to style clothes” kinda jean jacket wearer or a “a bit baggy 90s grunge punk and am wearing this over my thrifted flannel” kinda jean jacket wearer.

Help!

[colormeblue]

Seem to have this inclination to head west every spring. Something about that big sky. T-minus 6 days till Im Utah bound.

[colormeblue]

as someone who over researches every single thing in my life i’m extremely disappointed in myself. i went in and got a tooth removed with zero preparation and 100 percent underestimated what it would actually mean. like not being able to eat real food or work out or drink hot things. I’m tired of eating soft carb loaded food and my jaw hurts and i go on vacation in less than a week and it better be fixed by then and wow it’s been a real rough week. 

[colormeblue]

I’d rather have a hundred mini anxiety attacks than suffer through the long slow dull pain of every lie anxiety tries to make you believe is true. Cause this shit is not fun and I am so over it. Im exhausted.