comfortablynumbx

[comfortablynumbx]

“But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.”

— Lemony Snicket (via sunsetquotes)

[comfortablynumbx]

Hey, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

There I hold my head high

Get everything right, delusional maybe

Yo, this whole last year was a shit show

Just finding out now what I didn't know

Seems like each time when I get low

I place blame everywhere that it shouldn't go

And that's what keeping me up

Falling apart, man, I keep it a buck

You still act like I'm holding you up

I still feel like I'm totally nuts, so

Tell me what I should've said and I'll pretend to know that

Things come out my mouth that I should probably learn to hold back

Why do I expect to have the patience that I don't have?

Over and over, expecting a different result, yeah

Hey, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

There I hold my head high

Get everything right, delusional maybe

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

Where I'm better than we both know I could be, oh

Still, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

They're like, "Hey Mike

You can't keep kicking yourself for the things you say, like

There's some people that you could never make right"

And really, do I wanna sweat shit? No

I don't know why I don't let this go

Hold it inside, let it take control

Tell me what I should've said and I'll pretend to know that

Things come out my mouth that I should probably learn to hold back

Why do I expect to have the patience that I don't have

Over and over and over and over and, oh my God

Hey, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

There I hold my head high

Get everything right, delusional maybe

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

Where I'm better than we both know I could be, oh

Still, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

I keep telling myself to stop carin'

'Cause they live for keeping me staring

And they'll drag it on and make me respond

To get more retweets and more sharing

I don't need the manager, no Karen

'Cause what's wrong seems so apparent

'Cause I'm too alive for bad fucking vibes

And I'm so damn sick of being stuck inside

Side, side, side, yeah

Hey, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

There I hold my head high

Get everything right, delusional maybe

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings

Where I'm better than we both know I could be, oh

Still, at least in my mind

I'm feeling like I'm the hero that saves me

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings?

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You're a motherfuckin' piece of shit,

And you'll never amount to nothin

[comfortablynumbx]

I feel helpless, stare in disbelief

How can you sleep at night?

Hold her with just one look,

Just one foot she's innocent

Put your hands around my neck

Stripping me of all my dignity

Vendetta black against her

Your bloody mouth against hers

Raped of everything she owned

It's so lonely at the bottom

Putting pieces of a puzzle

Back together we've forgotten

Hold your daughters down

Throw your daughters down

Seeing beauty turn to waste

Let your ego be the death of me

Hand held tight behind my back

Stealing all that's precious to me

Would you do this to your own?

Breathing, lying to my face

I can see you're still the same

Kill before and kill again

I will fight until the death

[comfortablynumbx]

Come hold my hand, hold it tight

We're in a weird time of life

Don't wreck your brain, it'll be alright

We're in a weird time of life

My best friend's mom died this morning from an apparent suicide...its still under investigation. My heart is broken for her. I am devastated knowing shes going through the feelings i went though almost a year ago now.

I fucking hate this. Shit like this shouldn't happen anymore. 2020 is over.

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[comfortablynumbx]

Darkie, why you looking so sad?

Go and take a walk or write a song up on your notepad

For what you have you should be grateful, why aren't you more glad?

"Yo, keep on killing shit", "I'll see you later", "Oh, for sure, man"

It's been a fat ass minute, ain't been feeling right

A hypochondriac dissatisfied, my room got no light at times

Fuck all of the people judging, you got no right

And neither do I

The sight of new eyes, a side of you cries

Man, it's been a minute I been feeling bad but I been fighting

I'm enlightened to the fact that I have limited time

I get to spitting these rhymes

And lay a shit in your mind

They want my lips intertwined

So they can leave me behind

But I will not submit, I will survive

Go make a difference while you are still alive

To be the bigger man requires that you standing high

The bigger man, the more time he fall before he die

There will always be a clown here to fake a smile, for you

Running through the town laughing, I despise you too

Oh, did I surprise you? Cool

"Get up", "Do I gotta?", "Why don't you arise, you fool?"

Look at me I put a face on, wow

Look at me I put a show on, when I go (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)

Laugh at the clown and his makeup

How does he feel when we wake up?

I don't know and I don't care

I'm unaware of how he faring

Glaring, staring at him so intently

At the fair inside the tent he

Dance for the people

Dance like you mean it

Motherfucker, everybody be too pussy to move

But grip they dick in they room

How the fuck did we ever put a stick in our moon?

It's funny I'm a cartoon

But keep it realer than a bitch

Or her nigga that wanna feature

Lemme teach ya how I deal with these reachers that tryna leech us

Keep the fuck to myself

And my spiders we throw a circus

For the good of my health

I make entertaining the purpose of it

Sing along, have a ball

When the clown slip and fall

When the jester get mad

Put a gun in his hand

Rest in peace to Robin Williams

Here to act for God and villains

Brightest person, darkest feelings

Interfere with Satan's dealings, yo, yo

[comfortablynumbx]

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.”

—

Stephen King, The Stand

[comfortablynumbx]

Nothing like feeling so alone and so tired emotionally you are having fantasies how to off yourself while your significant other is locked away in his computer room laughing and talking to his friends.

I was up last might 230-5ish am with racing throughts of my mom laying in a pool of her own blood with her brains seeping out of the back of her head and thinking of scenarios of what happened leading up to her boyfriend deciding to murder her and kill himself. I don't know how long i cried last night.

I had the thought of just walking out of the house and walking to the highway and walking infront of a semi.

I'm so tired.

I miss my mom and her stupid boyfriend so much.

This sucks.

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Sitting in my living room and heard two bangs. Definitely wasn't fireworks because it wasn't right after each other.

Here's me thinking if a murder suicide just happened nearby i heard it. And that my mom's neighbors are in fact assholes and lied saying they didn't hear anything.

I so badly want to know when exactly my mom died. Time wise. The coroner is a piece of shit and listed time unknown on her death certificate. Saying since it was inside it was impossible to tell when exactly it happened.

It could have happened shortly after i got off the phone with her that morning because eggshells and pancake mix were left on the kitchen counter.

It could have happened around 3 or 330 when my mom mysteriously left a Facebook group chat she created. Which my friend and i think her boyfriend took her out of the group. But who knows.

Answers i still have that i will never know.

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Never watched the rocky movies but this quote is great.

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.  It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!

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🌕

[comfortablynumbx]

Giving my son a bath always reminds me how alone i feel. I used to call my mom during his baths.

Now i probably couldn't do that now thats hes almost 2 and is a little monster but 6 months ago it was okay.

Currently giving him a bath now and I'm still not used to this.

She would be so happy we are finally weaning him off his binky. We were gunna do this before but then all this shit happened and my life spun in a whole different direction.

I still find myself thinking this is a bad dream. I get random clarity during the day when i see her urn or look at my moms obituary i still have on the fridge.

I'm watching dexter now and he was talking to a senile priest and was confessing how he killed people. The priest said it was a mortal sin.

Mortal sins won't get you to heaven if you don't confess them before you die. So if you murder someone then kill yourself your double fucked right? Sure hope so.

I don't know what i believe in but i sure hope he's suffering.

According to my aunt's medium friend hes still stuck at my mom's house. And will be stuck until hes forgiven. Well fuck that. Your stuck there buddy. Hope your fucking happy.

Real life murder house for sale soon!

[comfortablynumbx]

Home

A place where I can go

To take this off my shoulders

Someone take me home

Home

A place where I can go

To take this off my shoulders

Someone take me home

Someone take me

Look, I didn't power through the struggle

Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position

And interrupt the vision

After everything I witnessed, after all of these decisions

All these miles, feets, inches

They can't add up to the distance

That I have been through, just to get to

A place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe

I still ache from trying to keep pace

Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith

Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?

How did I lose it when I was right there?

Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces

Tell me why the world never fights fair

I'm trying to find

Home

A place where I can go

To take this off my shoulders

Someone take me home

Home

A place where I can go

To take this off my shoulders

Someone take me home (it's been a long time coming)

Someone take me

Home, home

Home, home

Someone take me

Home, home

Home, home

Look, I been through so much pain

And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face

'Cause there's madness on my brain

So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map

Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at

I need the (memory)

In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better

And if I have any (enemies)

To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe

Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?

How did I lose it when I was right there?

Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces

Tell me why the world never fights fair

I'm trying to find

Home

A place where I can go

To take this off my shoulders

Someone take me home

Someone take me

I found no cure for the loneliness

I found no cure for the sickness

Nothing here feels like home

Crowded streets, but I'm all alone

I found no cure for the loneliness

I found no cure for the sickness

Nothing here feels like home

Crowded streets, but I'm all alone (someone take me)

Home, home

Take me home

Home, home, take me home

Someone take me

Home, home (someone, someone, no place like home)

Home, home

(Someone take me)

[comfortablynumbx]

@comfortablynumbx

5 months 18 days

How long have you been grieving your loss?

shared by everyone on @grievingyoung

@nixie-dust

1 year 8 months 😞

@littlebird419

3 Months 3 days

@lewatigress

24 years

@presidentjoker

1 year 4 months 🤧

@fangirllock

5 years 4 months

@lt-callahan

3 years, 9 months, 2 weeks and 2 days…

@therightbrandofsass

In 3 weeks it’ll be a year. Just spent the last 30 min bawling about it 😕

@green-bean-s

6 months today.

@monkhh

1 year 13 days

@iamsherlokidinthetardis

15 years in 9 days time.

@katieamazinggrace

2.5 years

@sad-bitter-angry

1 year 8 months

@cute-optimistic-nerd

550 days 😔

@psych0wolf

12 years

@emilyteigan

Lost my Dad 8 & a half years ago and lost my boyfriend Craig 2 & a half years ago.. my heart is so empty without them. 😓💔

@poppy-eva

9 months

@x0foreverinadaze

11months

@blindhuntress

1 year and almost 3 months

@ryantheolo

2 years, 4 months and 9 days

@lewatigress

24 years on 7/28/18

@insanetrioduck​

Around 9 years and 2 months

@kammons-2019​

A year next week…

@coffeeandicecream​

4 years and a month and 2 weeksish

@menageryl​

Just over two years now. Though the grief and loss began a whole 18 months earlier due to… circumstances… Everything just got worse, and darker, and deeper and… final…. later.

@alexintheskyy​

12 years for one, 8 years for one, 7 years for one, 6 years for another, 5 years for another and then two months for my fresh loss. never gets easier.

@silvrdragonfly

491 days

@buckeroo1

404 days 😢😢

@purple—-h4ze​

6 years

@what0da0fuck0man​

6 months

@pinkie-rose​

2 ½ years

@self-criticismm​

1 year. It’s her birthday tomorrow 😭

@littlebird419​

10 months and 9 days.

@emilyteigan​

3 years and counting

@tomkesblog​

A bit over four years now.

@spreadyourwingslove

1 year 2 months and still hasn’t gotten any easier

@haleybalayley​

13 days

What about you?

- Grieving Young

[comfortablynumbx]

I told my therapist how i have a huge hole in my heart. She told me over time the hole will get smaller, not completely go away. I feel like that's wrong.

The hole will always be big. It will always hurt. I will just learn to live with the pain.