comfyplace - Tumblr blog

comfyplace · 7 months ago

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I create this blog on 12/05/2024.

I sometimes face high distress from living with my mom who takes medication for anxiety and lives with multiple conditions, affecting overall wellbeing. Whenever I face such shady situations and have no option to hang out as it’s typically late night screaming, I crawl under sheets and listen to the lord of the rings audiobooks to escape.

I am currently studying Economics, but have little money, and I feel so alienated from my peers. I look online for soothing images of nice, warm, safe, healthy homes in an attempt to feel better.

It’ll surely be better, I just have to hang in there. My dream is to live a healthy lifestyle, being able to take proper care of myself and not work until exhaustion. Also I want to be loved for who I am as I am someone too. I’d like to not cook everyday for everyone and instead go to the restaurant at least on my birthday. I’d like to dress up and travel and see the world.

This blog is for anybody who faces the same challenge and feels the need to keep their mind busy during crisis by browsing to a soothing, hopeful blog.

Be it a missed hug, or the feel that basic personal care has become a luxury, as you’re constantly controlled.

Be it whatever success you have is transformed into something bad, not worthy of celebration.

Be it you’re tired from performing all tasks required, or you’d like to live your own emotions but actually cannot, as this will be too heavy on their side.

Be it you started bruxing as a copy mechanism at night.

Be it that whenever you’re out you are now programmed to think about what they would want you to do, how to please them in order to live peacefully for a day or two. And be it you’re preparing for confrontation whenever you come home.

Be it they think you’re sleeping but you actually can hear they badmouthing you, after all day spent doing chores for them.

Be it you’re left with little time to study and you feel left behind by peers.

Be it that studying and putting in effort has become self care.

Be it you feel no support in what truly matters, and cannot share personal own hardship with someone who understands, as it seems all experience a functional familiy growing up.

Please always know in your heart that it will be better. Don’t give in to bad thoughts and try everyday to be the best you can, be kind, find happiness when you can.

I went trough a lot, at times I slept in a cold room under a leaking roof during terrible storms. I lived under a family of unemployed scammers doing drugs and making noises all day and all night. Had to take pillls to be able to close my eyes and sleep and carry on to get my high school diploma. The other option I had was that of exhaustation as a copying mechanism. I experienced hunger, cold, mistreatment. I walked everywhere until my shoes broke. One pair of good sneakers and when it’s broken, replace it on Christmas or on your birthday. As a teen there’s plenty of energy to bounce back from this. I couldn’t care less about what others thought about me wearing the same pair of jeans all year. One summer I thrifted a Polo Ralph Lauren jeans jacket for 5 bucks and it was the best thing ever.

Nowadays energy is lower, but things are WAY better. I live in a different place but still I don’t feel safe and whenever I am clearly not welcomed at home I run to the public library, where I try to spend a lot of time.

Right now I’m almost done with my studies. Hope I can get some money from teaching math but I guess getting the degree will change everything.

My dream is to move to a different country. I really wish the best for all children and young adults out there.

As I’m typing this in the bathroom I can hear “where are you? Are you acting up? Angry at me? I am too tired to deal with this behaviour” and I know as I’ll join her she’ll tell me “dear dear come here” with a sweet voice.

I really hate this. She even opened the door to check: “there you are!”.

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