commonalities-among-the-two

[commonalities-among-the-two]

A Place Only Voices Can Go

Inspired from: Children Who Chase Lost Voices

Mama told me about the place people go to before they die. She said that when a person is close to death, they leave for this place. Then shortly after they return, they would pass. I asked mama, “How they did know?  How did they know they were going to die?” She said they just did. One auntie told me it was like a calling. Like the place beckoned them there. I asked mama, “What does the place look like? What happens to the people when they are there? What do they do there?”  Mama told me that the place was a flat place. It had no trees, no plants, no mountains or hills. It looked nothing like our home village. As far as the eye could see, there was nothing. There was a sky, a sun, and clouds. There were even mischievous clouds that would find there way to the ground and float around there, but no matter where that person would walk, no matter what direction they took, the would always reach the edge of that flat place.

The edge went down for miles and no one knew what was at the bottom, if there was one. Beyond the edge was nothing. Mama told me that when the person would reach the edge of the flat place, they would stand a few paces away from the edge and sing. “What kind of song did they sing?”, I asked. Mama said that the song they sang was the song of the universe, but it was a different song for every person. This song was filled with their soul and their soul was released into the world for everyone to hear. When the song was sung, it felt as though the whole world stood still. A soft voice would slowly sing, almost as soft as a whisper, and those person’s feelings could be felt in their song. Some times the song was sad, sometimes happy, but most of all the songs were always filled with nostalgia.

“How do you get to this place? How do they come back?”, I asked. She told me that no one knew how to get there, only those who were beckoned knew. A person would wander away from the village and disappear for a few hours, then they returned. When they did, they always had the look of calm and peace on their face. I told mama, as I hugged her tightly, that I didn’t want her to go to the flat place. I told her that I wanted her to stay with me forever. Mama laughed and stroked my hair softly. She said that all of us, one day, will be called to that place. It wasn’t a place to fear, it was a place that helped you move on. I didn’t understand then, but as I grew up, I slowly understood the purpose of the flat place. I understood that it was a place where people gave their love to the world. They sang their love for our land, they sang for the people they cared for, they sang for us. That’s why it’s a place where only voices can go. When mama stopped and looked beyond the world, I knew, well all knew, it was her time to go to the flat place. When she left, there was an empty feeling in my heart, because I knew she would soon die. As the hours passed, I felt myself grow heavy, but then it felt as though the world stopped turning. The wind stopped blowing, the animals stopped scurrying, everything stood still and then...I heard her, my mother's song. What great joy and happiness I felt as it filled my emptiness and made my heavy body feel light. The love she had for her family, for her land, for the world was beautiful and haunting. I never knew that one person could love so deeply, so harshly and yet still feel so gentle. When she returned, we hugged her and kissed her and held her very close. That night, being the youngest, she let me sleep on her lap as the night slowly creep in and surrounded us. As the sun rose towards the sky, the shine of the sun woke me from my sleep. My mother was holding my hand, she was still sleeping...no...wait. She wasn't. During the night, she said good bye and went to the land beyond the flat place. As she knew she had to and as much as she wanted to go, she was finally able to leave and go home to where her soul belong. That was years ago and I've grown up and have had my own family. I even have grandchildren and great grandchildren. As I sit and ponder on my life, I too wonder when it will be my time to go. And then, I hear it. It is time for me to go to the place where only voices can go.

[commonalities-among-the-two]

Her.

Sometimes, I would catch her looking at me.

I spend most of my time in my university’s library. If I’m not studying or doing homework, I’m usually watching movies on my laptop or reading. The quiet of the library can be unsettling for most; the library is so large and the building itself is so old, but I didn’t mind it. There was a special spot in the back of the library I called my second “home”. The old librarian that had been working at the university for damn near 30 years told me about this spot back during my freshman year. She saw I was anxious and thought this particular space would help ease my anxiety.

It was a cozy little area and was hidden away by book shelves and tall file cabinets. You really couldn’t find it unless you were looking for it. No one was looking for it, it was always empty when I would set up shop, except for the occasional tea break the librarian took. It had a love seat, a small rectangular coffee table, an old 1960′s gold and cream lamp with a marble base that gave off a nice, soft, orange glow. It also had a rectangular rub about that was slightly bigger then the coffee table, but not by much.

I was a out of state college student, so I had to live in the dorms at the university. I would of have rather stayed home, but mom couldn’t afford tuition at any local schools and I got a full scholarship here. I miss her. Granted, she’s only in the next state over, but it’s always been me and my mom since I was 14. We argued a lot, yet that didn’t keep us from laughing together 10 minutes later.

I was completely lost my first day on campus. Mom and I couldn’t find the time to come down and do a campus visit because of her work schedule. So, I had to venture around and map out the campus on my own. We managed to find the dorms together, though. So that was nice.

My roommate wasn’t so awful. Her friends were alright and most nights she wasn’t in the dorm. She was either out with her friends or hanging out with randos at the bar. She asked me a couple of times to go out with her. I did, once. Once was enough for me.

I didn’t make very many friends during my freshman year. It’s not that I didn’t try, but I was too caught up in school work that I put it on the back burner. I became close with many of my professors and I can truly say the old librarian woman was my first friend ever in college. I never really made a lot of friends, but I had very many acquaintances. I usually kept myself busy with campus events, volunteering, and homework , that I got to know a lot of faculty and students. The few friends I did have were all older then I was. As I was rolling into my second and third year of college, most of my friends were a semester away from graduating or already had graduated. We still kept in touch, with the occasional text here and meet up there. It was enough for me.

Her name was Laika.

My special spot became my second home because one evening, my roommate brought a “friend” over for the night. I had no problem with it, I just wanted him out of our room by midnight. Of course, it didn’t work out as I hoped. Instead, my roommate passes out on her bed before 11:30 pm and I’m left with her “friend” as my company. When midnight rolled around, I asked him to leave. It was a simple request, nothing to crazy, right? Wrong. I guess the only real reason he even came over was so that he could potentially do the horizontal tango with my roommate. She was known to lay many a men in her bed, but hey you do what makes you happy. I respected her choices, she respected mine. Since she had already fallen asleep, he was irritated and horny. Ugh.

I asked him again to leave, but he wasn’t having it. He droned on and on about how he drove 3 hours to get here, how he wined and dined her (that’s why she passed out, she wined a little too much), and that he expected something in return for his most “romantic” actions. Fucking shoot me now. It was damn near one o’clock at this point and I listened to this guy bitch and complain for about an hour. I thought that if I passively listened to his rant while I typed notes into my laptop he’d get the hint and leave. Nah. He took my passive listening as an invitation. Now I wanted to fucking shoot him. 

As most dorm rooms go, there’s a decent amount of space in said dorms on campus. I happened to get very lucky and ended up in a building fairly new, give our take 5 years, so we had our own bathroom. There was a communal bathroom on all four floors of our building, but I usually stayed put in my room.

She was lean, tall, and had black hair with a two-block hair cut. With long bangs that stayed, mostly, to the right of her face.

He inched closer and closer to me while I did my typing. I knew better then to have my back completely face him. So I sat at an angle at my desk, that way I could keep an eye on him with my left peripheral. During his hour long rant, I would tell him to move back to his spot, for a good portion of the time, he listened. Sadly, when his rant was done, he decided he would move my roommates desk chair right over to mine. He was about 5 or 6 inches away from my left side at that point. When I looked up from my laptop, he had left his arm perched up on my desk with his head resting on his hand, just staring at me. I have to admit, the guy was not bad looking. He was tall, medium build, and seemed to have a good sense of hygiene. What really drew me in was his eyes. So cliche, I know, but man he had some hazel eyes that really sucked you in.

If he hadn’t refused to leave my room twice, go on a rant for an hour, and basically admitting the sole purpose of the date he went on with my roommate was to fuck her, I might of gave this guy a chance. Now, since I’ve seen a very harsh side of him, that shit was thrown out the window and landed in a trash can and the trash can was on fire. Yes, I am basically calling this man hot garbage. I felt like a serious confrontation and a reality check was in order. So I again asked him to leave. In a very sweet and sultry voice he asked why. I said because I have class at nine o’clock in the morning and I had to wake up early because it took 15 minutes to get to my first class. He said that if he stayed the night, he could drive me to my class, that way I wouldn’t have to wake up early. I thought about his offer, but I snapped out of that real quick, because either way, he was going to fuck my friend or he was going to fuck me. I was ready to commit homicide that night. 

He put his hand on my face and stroked my cheek, I quickly moved my face away, grabbed one of my pens and stood up. I asked him again to leave. He wouldn’t budge. He chuckled slightly, got up, and started to walk towards me. A stupid fucking grin on his stupid fucking face. Have you ever seen a scary movie and the demon kinda pops out of nowhere and screams a most horrendous scream in the protagonist’s face? Now imagine a similar scream, not as demonic, coming out of a 21 year old’s mouth. He instantly stopped walking towards me.

She was the most handsome woman I’ve ever seen. And she owned that.

I asked him one last time to leave. I had raised my voice to my outside voice, which I didn’t like using very much, but I had to let him know I meant business. This, however, did not wake my roommate up. Bummer. He looks at me for a little bit and starts to fucking grin again. What the hell man! Get out of my room, this building, this campus, this fucking state! Nope, instead he starts walking towards me again, telling me that I’m over reacting and that he would make me feel “good”. In that instant, something snapped. I took the sheath off my pen, exposing a small, but very sharp knife and I lunged toward him. If I was going to killer a fucker tonight, I was going to killer that fucker right. Mama ain’t raise no bitch. I getting this guy in the damn jugular. At that point, my roommate miraculously wakes up from her slumber and just sees me bolt towards her friend. She has no idea what’s going on and starts screaming.

Both me and the guy look at my roommate, he has his hands in front of himself and me, mid lunge. I snap back to reality and go into mommy mood. I have three young nephews, it’s a thing. I go over to my roommates bed and start to comfort her. She starts asking why I was about to kill her friend and explain that I asked him multiple times to leave but he wouldn’t. I kept out the bit about how he would make me feel good, because I didn’t want her anymore upset then she already was. She looked at her watch and realized it was already 2:30 am and she had fallen asleep. She always respected my rule of no guys after midnight. She felt bad that she fell asleep and left me with the responsibility of her friend.

At that point, her friend made his way over to her, then started caressing her hand; telling her that it was okay and that me and him were just talking. She didn’t believe that hot garbage. She knew from the beginning all he wanted to do was fuck her. So that’s why she had him wine and dine her at a expensive restaurant, downtown. Her plan all along was to get back to the dorm room and kick his ass out, but wine makes her sleepy, so she passed out before she had the chance. At that point I didn’t know if I wanted to applaud her conning this fucker or slap her for leaving me alone with said fucker. She asked him to leave, when he was about the retort, I gave him a look and told him if he didn’t leave, I’d kill me. Pen knife and all. Never saw a man move so fast out a door in my entire life. I never had to use that pen knife again, but I always keep it sharpened.

After that night and a couple of weeks later, she starts to steadily date another guy. I tried to be understanding and give them their space in the dorm room, that’s when I  started to stay a the the library for longer hours. The library stayed open pretty late, but it always locked it’s doors at 11. Around 10:45 pm, the librarian would come to the back and tell me I had 15 minutes to pack my things and head back to my dorm. She didn’t have to do it, but always insisted she give me a ride back to my dorm. Since the library was one of the first buildings built on this campus, it was one of the farthest buildings. It would take 20 minutes to get back; rather then let something horrific happen to me, she drove me. I told my mom about this. She told me I should pay the librarian gas money. The librarian wouldn’t take it. 

She had a minimalist look. Like that of male Korean fashion, with a twist of Cali skater boy style.

Since I was getting closer and closer to graduating, I spent most of my free time at the library. The librarian gave me a set of keys to the building. She said she wasn’t allowed to do it, but knew if I wanted to burn the place to the ground I would of done it already. She trusted me enough to have a second set of keys made; the first of its kind. She even told me that if I ever felt tired or didn’t want to go back to my dorm room, I could just sleep there in my special spot. I was moved to tear and hugged her. I didn’t let go for 5 minutes, She didn’t like that. Said my tears would stain her wool sweater.

Many of the students on campus choose to stay at the front of the library. Renovations were done 2 years ago, adding newer furniture, light fixtures, carpeting and new study rooms on two floors. That made it more popular for people to come hang out or study. They respected that they were in a library, so there weren’t ever any noise complaints. I didn’t really care for the renovations, so I always stayed in the back. Sometimes, I would go sneak a peak at the front of the library to see how many people had come in that day. there was usually around 30 people or more. Give or take, depending on the day in the year.

Mom would send me money throughout the school year whenever she could. I got a job as a TA for an online class with one of the professors I became close with. He taught the class every semester, that meant I always had employment. I would draw and sell my art online, but I usually sold my stuff for a couple of bucks, but with what little I made, it helped. Mom also liked sending me care packages. With the help of my older sister, she would send me packets Asian ramen noodles; not the American stuck. She would also send me candy, my favorite snacks, and drinks. I appreciated what little she could do for me since I lived away from her. Breaks and holidays, I tried my best to go up and see her. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to because I had to choose food over bus fair. I know I could of taken my car down with me, but I didn’t see any real practical use for it. The city I was in had a metro, good bus system, and their was always Uber or Lyft, but I spent most of my time walking. I usually tried to stay fairly close to campus most of the time. I was usually busy with school work, studying, working or running some event on campus. Also, I was a homebody when I lived at home, that didn’t change much when I came to college. It’s not that I don’t want to go out, it’s just that I don’t need to. Gotta save my money somehow. Books are stupid expensive; school was my responsibility. I wasn’t going to burden mom anymore. She’s been through enough.

The only reason I knew her name was Laika was because I over heard her friends calling out to her. I just happened to creep out of my spot because I needed to talk to the librarian about locking up that night. I wanted to ask her if I could just sleep in the library for the evening; my roommate was bringing a lot of people into our dorm and I had a paper due the next day. I kept hearing “Laika! Laika! Over here!”, so I turned around to see who was calling out. There was a group of people that were sitting down at one of the long tables in the main area of the library, the guy with the bleach blonde hair was waving at another guy that was just walking in through the front doors. I had to do a double take. This guy was amazingly cute. He had a suave style, a confident walk, and a smile that could melt your heart. The only thing that gave away that Laika was a girl was her voice. It was a deeper voice for a woman’s voice, but there was a melodic tone to her voice. She was telling the group to quiet down, “Guys, were in a library. People are trying to study and I don’t want to be that person” she said.

The librarian got really close to the right side of my face and said, “Hey, your drooling.” I yelped a little and backed up a few inches. This commotion caused Laika and her friends to turn towards us. I ended up making eye contact with Laika, she was smiling and I could feel my cheeks become warm. I got the fuck out of there real quick. I stayed in the back of the library for the rest of the day; finishing up my assignment. The librarian popped her head in at around 10:30 pm, telling me she was leaving early for the night and to answer my question from earlier. “Yes, you can stay for the night. I hope this doesn’t become a regular thing, though”, her face looked concerned now, “I know I can trust you and you’ve been an excellent student, but I don’t want you to get in trouble with the school. I may have been working here for a long time, but there is only so much authority I have” she said. I told her it wasn’t going to be a regular thing and that I would only use this place as a last resort. The look of concern didn’t fade from her face, but her face softened a bit. She reminded me of my mom and how she was always worrying about me. I thanked her for letting me stay and I told her goodnight.

I managed to get my assignment done at around 1 am in the morning. The paper itself wasn’t due til Monday, but I wanted to get it done and out of the way. When I looked at my phone, it was 1:10 am; I texted my roommate, asking her what she was doing. She told me that her friends we still over and that two of the girls were totally smashed, so they were going to spend the night. I told her it was fine and that they could sleep in my bed, but she was going to be doing my laundry. She said that she would and said thank you. Then she called me. “Hey, I wanted to ask...where you are going to sleep tonight? Are you okay?”, she sounded worried. I assured her I would be fine and that I was spending the night in the library. She chuckled and called me a nerd. I laughed too and told her goodnight. After I hung up the phone, I decided it was time I went to sleep. I had my pillows, blankets, and my stuffed sloth for company. I made a makeshift bed with my blankets and went to sleep.

I woke up the next day at around 9:30 am. I packed my stuff in my duffel bag, making sure to put everything back the way it was before and headed back to my dorm.  It was a chilly Saturday morning. I wasn’t expecting a lot of people on campus that morning, because it was the end of midterms and most people had left the previous day to go back home. Of course, I didn’t have enough money to go back home myself, so I stayed on campus.