commonevilmastermind - Tumblr blog

[commonevilmastermind]

[commonevilmastermind]

To The Person I Returned The Expensive Shirt To - Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is now available to pre-order! Get it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

[commonevilmastermind]

there's actually a secret eighth deadly sin and it's exactly like gluttony except for textile projects

[commonevilmastermind]

bingewatching will never come close to bingereading. there is nothing like blocking out the entire Earth for ten hours to read a book in one sitting no food no water no shower no bra and emerging at the end with no idea what time it is or where you are, a dried-up prune that's sensitive to light and loud noises because you've been in your room in the dark reading by the glow of a single LED. it's like coming back after a three-month vacation in another dimension and now you have to go downstairs and make dinner. absolutely transcendental

[commonevilmastermind]

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

[commonevilmastermind]

took me 8 months and very approx 380m of embroidery floss, and I’m now finished. going to have it framed soon :)

[commonevilmastermind]

theres something abt those cunty 90s anime men thats so alluring i think it was all the estrogen they were putting in the water

[commonevilmastermind]

how is tin's melting point only 230°C / 450°F. that's the temperature I roast brussels sprouts.

[commonevilmastermind]

[commonevilmastermind]

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[commonevilmastermind]

Things that leveled me up as a Dyke Pt. 2

When I had dyke sex in the parking lot of the fire and brimstone church I grew up in

When a girl drew protective sigils on my arm for weeks after she overheard me tearing apart her old roommate for saying transphobic shit about her

When the sleep study doctor told me I have a medically large tongue and my wife shouted "I KNEW IT"

When the butch at the hardware store told me the shelf cutting machine broke and we spent 20min cutting shelves with bolt cutters for my wife's closet.

At the RenFaire, my wife tried the knife throwing but couldn't get it, then got huffy when I told her how to do it. She handed me the last knife and told me it's not that easy. I did not tell her I threw knives a lot as a kid, so with all her bags and jewelry balanced in one arm, I flipped the knife a couple times and sunk it into the wooden target guy. Felt like a damn hallmark movie and I loved it.

When an Aussie woman in a hotel lobby asked me to please please keep talking because she was fascinated by my american southern accent. I called her darlin and she blushed.

When my wife's grandfather was fine with her being a lesbian largely because I was such a big help with the cattle

When I moved an iron bedframe into the garden for my wife's coworker and she asked how long we'd been together. The answer was that morning. We'd been going steady for about an hour.

When I taught my wife how to waltz

[commonevilmastermind]

“Things Pile Up,” Oil on Canvas, 4′ x 5′, 2013

another I never posted

[commonevilmastermind]

Look at him just having the funniest of times.

[commonevilmastermind]

the right hand of the divine

in which the divine could probably win thedas arm wrestling championship 9:41 dragon

[commonevilmastermind]

[commonevilmastermind]

“what have you been doing over quarantine?”

well, uh…

[commonevilmastermind]

*J.C. Leyendecker looking respectfully from the afterlife*