complexguilt

[complexguilt]

Old but nice sketch I just finished.

What’s happening here? Is it a vampire? Hades and Persephone? Are they kissing, or is he biting her? No one knows… it’s up to you

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er ken <3

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I’m always thinking about those little freaks

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anyway you should always remember that all those foreigners you see dying on the news are just as real people as you are who have just as much interiority as you do. there is nothing about you that makes you more important and it is by pure chance that you are not in their position. in fact, this holds for all of history. every person, no matter the horror of the fate that befell them, had just as much interiority as you do. i feel like some people haven't fully internalized this.

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Samira's direct honesty is something I find so fascinating about her as a character. She's the most empathetic doctor in the department, but she really isn't soft in the way one would typically expect of a character like that.

She asks Santos how thick her skin is, then provides blunt, direct feedback without being concerned about how to say it "nicely". When her patient with the butt injections from a guy on Tik Tok asks how bad it looks, she admits freely and without hedging that it doesn’t look great. She gets deeply offended at the claim she’s lying: both Whitaker and Pugliesi accuse her of it, and she points out to both of them that what she said was totally true – she gave him a morphine-like drug that binds to the same receptor to treat his symptoms. But most interestingly is the way it manifests in her relationship with Robby.

She tells Dana directly that just because Robby's having a bad day, there's no need to take it out on her. She defends her treatment choices, even when Robby is getting mad about them. The one time we see her not being vocal about something she knows? When Robby's working on Leah.

We see Samira initially helping there. But then after she puts in the IO, the next time we see her, she's working with Abbot on a different patient. The time after that, she goes to help Langdon. And when Langdon asks how Robby's doing with Leah, she doesn't answer out loud and instead shakes her head. She knew full well Leah wasn't going to make it. And later, she goes back to Robby's side and asks if there's anything she can do, more softly than we ever heard her say anything else, still not telling him that she thinks he should give up and go help someone he could still save. Robby is in so many ways the exception in terms of Samira's reactions to things.

It's such a cool example that highlights the differences between them. I'm usually more focused on the ways in which they're the same, but there are also these crucial differences. In the cases where we see Robby doing the "unnecessary tests" and spending too much time that he berated Samira for, he's often more motivated by the families than the patients due to his own Adamson trauma, whereas Samira is patient focused – wanting Joyce to feel safe and comfortable when she's terrified of intubation, trusting Nandi when she's scared her symptoms are being dismissed – and less concerned with the families. Her exception is Pugliesi, who is in some ways to her what Joyce was to Robby – she is absolutely, legitimately concerned about doing no harm and treating his symptoms. However, she's also reacting very strongly due to her own personal experiences losing her father and visceral reaction to the idea of someone rejecting help.

Robby's reaction to Joyce feels so similar – in contrast to so many other patients, he's not talking to her wife and trying to make her feel better. He's angry at the thought of any delay, driven by the idea that maybe they could have saved Adamson if they'd moved faster.

They're just so similar, but they're approaching their work through very different traumas, and it's all so fascinating.

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Conversation carried out throughout the shift

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one thing about me is that I'm looking stuff up. you mentioned something and I don't know it? I am pulling out my phone and googling that shit. an actor? theoretical physics? a world leader? a vocabulary word? I am on the wikipedia page as we speak

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I know I said he is true sub boy, but what’s that then?

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last one and I am shutting up. This scene made me fall in love with him,cause he reminded me of my forgotten love Kai Proctor (“Banshee, anyone?)

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Happy father's day 😄

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wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the devil. earth colored hat to hide from god

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

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I got blood inside my phone charging port and now it only works 50% of the time