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[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday, June 5th

New and exciting times...

J and I have been sending subtle and maybe not so subtle hints the last few days... I have been sooo in need lately too.

Like I sent him a pic of my nails on Friday when I got a manicure, they intentionally "looked like" I was holding "something" and he picked up on it. Then the usual back and forth... Slick comments.

I want him. He wants me. So.. we basically said.. if we can make it happen, let's. He is in a different area today... unfamiliar...which to me makes it more exciting. He told me where he was and I went to check it out. It's a gym so I wore gym attire and "Went to the gym". Legit!

It was really a camp type setting inside a rec center that his daughter was working. Too far from home so he was just hanging there until she was done but it was an all day event. When I get there, I'm unsure where to go.. I basically made a circle, kids everywhere.. weird. Then he says there is a back parking lot and I saw it just as he sent the message... he was coming toward me in his car and quickly kicks it in reverse. I'm impressed by his back up skills.

I'm a little later getting there than anticipated because I stopped to put in my old tongue ring.. he and I had a whole conversation about tongue rings so I surprised him by having it in.. kinds shocked it went in! It's been a long time since I've worn it!

Anyway we oukk tonthe back corner and he hops in. He wants me to drove us a little further away so I did. We parked in a corner then in the back we go. I showed him the tongue ring and he was like on damn babu show me... so I put him in my mouth. It makes me drool even more than usual so it was WET. he reached down my pants and starts playing with my pussy... now I'm soaking wet... mouth and down there.. sheesh

I worked the head, twirled my tongue, took him deep making me gag... he notices how wet my pussy gets when I do that and tells me to get in him. I had the blanket ready under him and I straddle him. He slips right in and feels so damn good. I reach down and put the seat back some so I can feel him even deeper. Omg, orgasm after orgasm as I'm riding him. Pulling myself into him. He is sucking my breasts and neck.. my one hand in the back of his hair and the other pulling myself into the seat. Faster. Then sloooww.. slow.. deep, grinding. He has me stop so he can let himself settle down. Tells me to tien around and he just starts fucking me so hard doggy style that I am constantly cumming... running, gushing down my legs... thank God for that blanket! He is pulling me back by my hair and I am making so much noise. I'm trying to quiet myself but just can't. He stops and tells me to turn over...

He then just starts fucking me that way, hard. Head in the door, almost screaming. I can hardly take it.. legs wrapping around him pulling him into me so deep. Soo wet.. fuck it's good! When he stops he wants me on my knees. We figures it a time or two ago that it works.. so I grt on my knees and start sucking the shit out if him.. I'm gagging and I can feel myself cum down my own legs while they're under the seat.. no matter I kept on until he came in my mouth. I was gagging, eyes watering, face so wet.. omg.. his face and aiu da were making me not want to stop but he couldn't take it anymore.. body jerking, teeth clenching.. fuck it was good. So sexy.

There was a lot of clean up.. hella baby wipes, luckily I was prepared. As usual. We cleaned up.. the damn seat got a little wet... I cleaned up best I could and then drove back toward his car where I let him out. We left it talking about a show we're watching. Weird I know.

No kissing again, not sure what's up with that. Maybe it feels less intimate for him. Isk. Either way, I was satisfied and headed back home to carry on with my day. Until next time.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Wednesday May 18th

J and I took kinda of a break. He had stuff going on and so have I... so we went a while without talking. I ended up breaking the ice after about two weeks by asking if this was kinda 'it'. We figured out that we still want to keep this going though we know it's risky. I am glad it isn't over... I'm not ready for it to end. I know it will have to at some point... but, that's not today. That's not what we're here to read about...

I don't really remember how the conversation that lead us here started other than J saying he wished he could see me on my knees... I said we could try. I mean the car is pretty roomy... might work.

It was pretty last minute, like.. can you be here.. yup I can so let's goooo... We met at the usual spot. He got in my car and we drove under the garage... kinda the same spot as last time. Not totally noticeable but not very conspicuous either.

I moved the passenger seat all the way up, and laid the middle seat, where J sat, back a little.. we're gonna try this!

Sure enough, my legs fit under the passenger seat and I can get totally on my knees for him. The angle was so much better too. He was so hard in my mouth, warm... thick. I could feel my pussy getting wet as I gagged in his dick. He was so turned on, saying "fuck yes, suck that dick" "Damn" and that turns me on so much! He was pulling out my breasts, squeezing them.. hands in my hair, guiding my mouth.. it was so hot! Soon he pulled me toward him as he was opening the box of condoms... he says "turn around, I wanna try something different" I'm thinking he is meaning doggy and I was all for it... but no, he said "now sit back on it". So we're reverse cowgirl now. I'm feeling self conscious, my ass is in his face... but he seems to like it. "Yes, like that.. damn" as I'm grinding into him, cumming so hard. I'm pushing back and down, deep.. cum running down my legs... J squeezing my ass, guiding my hips... squeezing them tight. Fuck man!

Seemed to go on for a good bit, then he had me stop.. we can only handle so much of that before we need to switch it up.

He situated himself and told me to lay back. I then situated myself and the blanket under me.. he started off slow, deep, pushing into me so deep. Jesus, I am already cumming. He makes this face that is just so sexy... almost like clenching his jaw but moaning through it.. my God it's sexy! He is just fucking me so hard, deep, wet, like splashing.. man I needed this. I wrap my legs around him so tight, not letting him pull too far away while he is working so hard in me. One hand holding myself up and the other squeezing his ass.. so nice btw! He can barely stand it anymore, he is sweating, panting, so am I. He sits back and I crank the AC. Then I take him back in my mouth while he squeezes me all over. Licking, sucking, drooling, gagging.. he is ready to cum and I was going to let him in my mouth... he couldn't take it so pulled back some, cum went all over my lips, side of my face and in my eye lol ouch! That stung!

We cleaned up and J went to get dressed and I guess because of being on my knees, his stuff was a little wet.. he said damn, need to being a towel for over here too.. he was smiling, kind of a chuckle. I felt so stupid.... I'm a little self conscious about how wet I get. Sometimes it's a problem, or seems like it to me anyway. I didn't say anything but felt some kind of way about it. I got dressed and drove back over to his car, said our goodbyes and then I hit the road back my way.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday, May 1st

It's been a super busy week. Kids are all into stuff that keeps me running... and the horny housewife mode has been crazy! It's that week after girl time, which then coordinates with wax day.. makes me extra 'in the mood' and apparently J has been in a similar mindset so our conversations have made me a little over the top. I need an escape. I need a wet fest session! So... I told him to make it happen.

Luckily, things worked out on my end that we could meet up today. Usual place and time. Though we went in the garage to try and be less conspicuous. Idk if we were successful in that or not but, either way we made it happen.

He hopped in the back and I drove us into the garage. We tried a couple different spots, they all seemed obvious but whatever. I was on a time constraint so we just stayed put. I got in the back with him and started to take off his pants... put him in mouth, so hard and thick feeling. Making myself gag as I positioned myself across the back seat. J rubbing and squeezing my ass.. I was so turned on. I stopped to unbutton my pants, mostly for comfort, and went back to it. J putting has hands down my pants... I wanted him bad...

I climbed on top of him, straddling him in such a way that I could feel him so deep! I was holding in to the back seat headrest.. pulling myself into him... cumming down us.. then my hands on his head and arms. He feels so strong under me... His hands helping guide me into him... thrusting my hips fast, hard.. deep. He could hardly stand it..

We took a break and he had me lay back... he got right to it... he feels so good. Pushing my legs back to get so deep inside me. His shaft pressing my clit making me cum so much.

He would move slower, then grinding so deep.. then fast. He had to slow down a little to keep it going.. Jesus though I can hardly take it now... He was losing breath. I was breathing so hard. It seemed to last longer than usual... his stamina is crazy.

Time check.. I have to be home by a certain time for a kid obligation.. he fucked me so good in those last few minutes. I was breathless, panting, moaning so loud, squeezing him, he came with me this time. Groaning, out of breath himself. Fuck it was hot.. then he sat back.. checked that the condom did its job and cleaned up... he was in trash duty this time since I'm in a hurry. I hate to have to rush off but I'm doing it feeling completely satisfied. I know he is too.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday, April 3rd

I don't know why but that first few days after my cycle, I am extra extra horny. Welp... that's where I've been the last couple days... I have dropped a few hints here and there and they were reciprocated. Yesterday was also wax day, I get a Brazilian every 4 weeks. That also adds to my desire... so last night I sent J a link to the "fake plants" at Ikea. He replied "what..lol" but he knew exactly what that meant. I said this was his not so subtle hint. Then I went to bed.

The next morning I got up early to get to the gym and get my cardio out of the way. I sent J a good morning text and asked if he wanted to help me pick a fake plant at Ikea later. I left it at that and went about my morning. Did my cardio and went home. Chilled out, then showered and by a little after 10 I had not heard back but that's not unusual so I headed out anyway.

Took my time. Stopped for coffee. I was in the Ikea area about 10:50 and still had not heard anything so I just figured he couldn't get out or didn't have sports so I decided to grocery shop. While I'm shopping I was listening to music not really paying attention to my phone but went to change a song and realized J had text me "good morning" about 10 minutes earlier. By this time I'm about half done shopping. We chatted a bit, he asked where I was and why I was there. I said I wanted "something different " from Ikea and when he asked what that was.. I said "a ride in the back" so.. the gist was, he was there waiting. So I finished up. Loaded my bags and all that and got over to "our Ikea". I pulled next to him and I don't think he noticed me. He was kicked back in his seat on his phone. I sent a text

Heyyyy

Need a ride?

So he got in. Didn't look like himself in the face so I asked was he ok.. he said he had a terrible headache;( I of course asked if I could help him feel better.. we chatted a bit. It was kind of awkward because I could really tell he didn't feel great...but I parked us in the corner and after not too long he got in the back.

I took off my hoodie and joined him. I sat there for a few. His eyes closed, face in hand rubbing his temples. I felt awful... so I asked "can I touch you" he said "yeah, of course" so I moved closer. I gave him this little blanket I got from amazon. Its a waterproof pet blanket... let's give it a whirl!

Started rubbing his neck and head... I could tell he enjoyed it but also that he was hurting. I kept rubbing him... head. Neck.. shoulders... then his thigh... I started to un-do his pants and pull out his cock... he was hard already. I slowly put my mouth on him. Twirling my tongue, I can feel him move into me... I start to go deeper, making myself gag a little... he likes that. His one hand rubbing my back and ass, the other on my head and neck. I start working my mouth deeper, harder... still rubbing his thigh.... he stopped me and took his hoodie off.. it somehow had spit all over.. oops. I put him back in my mouth for a few minutes... going deeper, gagging more...got him nice and sloppy wet..

I slid my pants off and started to climb on him... something wasn't working. He was too close to the door or something. I giggled and said "you'd think we've never done this before" he just smiled.. I asked him to move over a little so I could position my leg beside him... he did.. then we were in business! Oh my goodness...instant climax as I slid down on his dick nice and slow... my hands cupping his head and shoulders. Squeezing him while I slowly grind back and forth.. his sounds let me know that he is enjoying it. I'm glad because we both clearly needed this today. I slowly worked my hips into him. Placing my legs closer to him for leverage. Slow. Slow then faster.. deeper. Cumming back to back... it feels so amazing. So needed. And very much wanted.

I sped up and got kinda loud as I had an orgasm.. I was trying not to since I know he had a headache. Man it's hard to contain though.

He had me slow almost to a stop.. he then lifted my entire body up and in closer... so deep now! I pulsed my hips into him making myself orgasm again.. I'm so into it, he is too... like he forgot all about the pain he was in. It was perfect. He was squeezing my breasts as I leaned back a little. Arching my hips forward nice and slow. I had to catch my breath and I think he did too so I stopped and just looked down on him... he lifted me off again..

The condom was barely hanging on... again, oops. He fixed it and told me to lay back... I did. I grabbed that little blanket and cranked the AC first though🤷‍♀️ My legs are so sore, squat day yesterday, but I put one foot on the driver headrest and the other on the back of the seat. He laid into me, deep, grinding movements. In seconds I was cumming. He says "damn" breathlessly. His facial expressions are so sexy... he is working into me so deep. Hard. But not too fast. He feels so good inside me... fuck!

He picked up the pace making me orgasm. I'm panting, sweating. He slows and pushes my legs back even further... so DEEP! Then he started just fucking me... my strong legs wrapped tightly around him, hands all over him... he is looking down at me and says "open that mouth" so I do and he started even faster.. he says "oh I'm about to cum" and here comes the noises, growling almost... he pulls out and hops on the seat, takes the condom off... putting his dick in my mouth. He is fucking my mouth and I'm taking all of him... down my throat. I'm sucking him, grabbing his ass and back of his thighs. Never really felt in his ass before, it's nice! Then I feel that movement that he is gonna cum so I slowly backed off.. I let it hit my lips, cheek, chin and run down my neck but I didn't stop sucking. I sucked him clean. A couple deep, slow strokes before he sat back... Jesus.. that was so hot!

Thankfully I restocked the wipes. We cleaned up. He talked about how we probably can't keep coming to this lot... people living in the complex next to Ikea are like "there's those cars again" he is right about that. Been here like 4 or 5 times now. I was thinking I'm all clean, putting things in a bag when I realize I still had cum down my neck into my cleavage. That would be hard to explain!

Hop back to the front, I ask if he is feeling better. He said "ehh.. I'm going to go home and lay down" I guess that's a no.. felt better during maybe but still not good. Poor guy. I asked if he wanted me to back next to his car so he wasn't walking across the lot and he agreed.. well I just put it in reverse and I'm gonna back next to him so he will be next to his driver door.. I guess I was too close for his comfort, even though I was between the lines. He says "whoa whoa" I hit the brake, it scared me. I questioned "am I gonna hit your car?" And made a 😬 face... I said "that would be interesting to explain" he said "I know right. Some chick hit me on a parking lot... never seen her before in my life" I laughed.. "just say this crazy white girl said fuck your car, I'm not paying, and left" lol then he says "you don't need anymore claims " referencing the accident I had back in December... coincidentally on my way to see him 🤦‍♀️ smh.

Anyway... I'm trying to remember but I don't think we hugged bye this time. And no kissing either. Just some hot sex was all we needed I guess. We both left the lot at the same time. Going opposite directions. Now back home to relax... man I needed that...

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Wednesday March 23rd

Today was a special edition to the norm. It started this morning, I am not on kid duty tonight... no sports is a rarity for me!

I was telling J.. and he reminded me that he drives to DC on Wednesdays for sports. I told him I was thinking about getting a fake plant at Ikea🤔😏 I also have this blanket I wanna show him 😉 he quickly picked up on my hints asking if i needed to test the absorbency. It's been a while since I have gotten to see him during the week. Our schedules don't jive much.

It's cool and rainy.. kinda gross but it sounds like a fantasy he once shared. I reminded him of that and decided I'm going to help him make it reality.

I had not heard back in a bit but the drive is double for him that it is for me and he can't text when he is in the car. I wouldn't want to him to be unsafe anyway so I just went ahead and headed to Ikea. Same pillow blanket as last time but thinking I'll double it over this time since it didn't have me covered last time.

I asked him did I need to stop at a gas station and he said "thought you had it" (meaning a condom) but we used the last one last time. He didn't reply so I didn't stop, guessing he will. I got to ikea and parked in 'our spot' and let him know to just park next to me.

I got there first so set up the back and waited for him to get there. When he pulled up and got in I was just READY! He got right in the back so I hopped back there and immediately started kissing him.. open mouth, tongue, lip sucking, lip biting.. straight make out while he slipped his hand down my pants and thrusted his fingers in me... I came all over my pants. I started to go down on him as he aggressively groaped my ass.. I'm moaning on his dick while he is moaning with satisfaction. I swear giving head turns me on so much! I'm taking him deep in my mouth. Gagging and spitting... so much spit and drool... He sat me up by my hair and said "lay back".

So, I laid back and propped my legs on the seats... he Dove right in holding himself up with the door. He was just giving it to me. Losing his breath. Panting. Moaning. I was doing the same. Cumming.. staring at him.. looking so fucking sexy.. Jesus christ. I can barely stand it.. back to back orgasms... he slowed down... pulled back and made me cum with his fingers.. then dove back in and put those fingers in my mouth saying "thats all you baby" Mm my God... then he sat back catching breath. I needed to too.

After a brief intermission(lol), he patted his lap and I got on him.. almost immediately I start cumming... gushing between us and he loves feeling that.. he says almost breathlessly "Fuck your pussy gets so wet" I just kept riding him.. slow, slow, slow then deep and faster.. cumming so much you can hear it squish... Just incredible... I picked up the pace, he is holding my ass, pulling me in while I'm going faster and faster, cumming more and more.. moaning, panting... sweating all while its pitch dark outside and pouring rain.. it. Was. HOT!

He says "ok ok ok stop stop" so I hopped off... panting and just catching my breath. He looks over shaking his head and smirks "get back on" so I do.. positioned a little differently so I am more in his lap, giving me some more height.. I start making circular motions, and holding myself into him.. I was cuming so much and he was moaning through his breath too... so sexy. I kept moving faster, deeper then slooowwww.. arms around his head while he pulls my breasts out of my bra. Sucking them. Again breathlessly... he says "can you take it off" so I did.. he was squeezing them, I'm riding him so deep, so. Much. Cum! So much. Noise! He tells me stop and lay back.. he took the condom off and I was confused... we can't be doing that... I gave him a look.. eyes wide then I realized.. he is trying to put it between my breasts... he is so tall tho (he is 6'2) and I was on my back.. I tried sucking it a little while he slid between but it wouldn't work.. well have to try that again.

So I sat up and took every inch of him in my mouth.. I'm gagging so hard.. drooling.. my throat almost feeling closed.. him pushing me down as he shakes and moans loudly... I come up for air then right back down.. and again.. then he came down my throat. I could hardly breath but fuck it was so hot! Where'd all that spit come from. Jesus! I sit up and back.. spit, drool and cum just puddled.. that blanket didn't stand a chance... we used it a little to wipe off.. but the seat was saturated!

I realized we had used the last of the wipes last time and I forgot so all we had were a few napkins.... for all this.. wetness. Crazy! He couldn't even sit in the seat once he put pants back on it was so wet so he hopped up front. I was so hot and sweaty that I was struggling to get dressed. Almost embarrassing. I could not get my bra to hook.. my arms were limp from holding on so tight then my back was sweaty and it just wasn't working. He asked if I needed help but I felt stupid so I kept trying myself... finally after 3 or 4 tries I had to turn around and have him hook it🤦‍♀️ I'm glad he was willing to help and not just dipped but sheesh.. thats never happened before. I said maybe taking it off was a bad idea lol. He just smiled. We chatted for a few but I had to get home so we hugged and said our "til next time".

I lacquered the seat with febreeze, blasted the heat but left with all the windows down.(rain has stopped now).

It was a good night.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday March 13th

It started during the week sometime. Subtle hints...

Talk of shots.. I educated J on what a money shot is... that changed the course of that conversation as you can imagine. Then we talked about taking a "sick day".. and how I like his warm cum on my face.

Last night I took my husband out for his birthday. We went to a fancier place. I wore this sexy red bra under my blouse... well while I was in the bathroom I took a pic of just the top that you could see when I pull my shirt down... that lead into a whole thing.. ended up taking a better pic while in the passenger seat, next to my husband, in the dark, flash and all.

(I'm daring like that what can I say)

Then another in the kitchen that was my face and upper chest... then another close up of my breasts in the bra... all because J told me to. A sexy game we play sometimes.

Anyway... no action with the husband and I was all in the mood. Ugh. So.. instead I was falling asleep talking to J here and there when he told me I might need something from Ikea... that was a not so subtle hint that he wanted me to come meet him the next morning... so I did.

I got there about 11 and he pulled in directly behind me. Sexy ass getting out of the car and into mine. We chatted for a few and decided to pull to "our corner spot". He hopped in the back. I had thrown this pillow/blanket back there before I left so J set us up... tossed the kids seats, made note of French fries in the seat lol kids! 🤦‍♀️ and he laid out the blanket... I'm hoping it stops the seat from getting wet.

He started sliding down pants.. hard already.. I kissed him softly then put him in my mouth... some nice, deep, long, wet strokes. I can tell by his sounds that he enjoys it... I'm gagging, spitting, all the things and he is so into it but he kind of stops me.... I sit up and wipe my face.. start to slide my pants off and he starts putting fingers in me, rubbing my clit.. I came so fast... he knows exactly how to touch me.

He asks if I had a condom. I did, last one from that pack. I got it out and laid back as he put the condom on. He first rubbed the head of his dick on my clit to got me super wet... then he slid in me.. oh my God, it's been too long! He feels so good. I'm pulling my legs back as far as I can, pushing against the door so he can get as deep as possible. Jesus it feels amazing. He always does though. He slows down and pulls almost completely out.. slowww... then just flicks the head on my clit and that quick made me gush. Then he slid back in for a few long, deep strokes..

He slows again pulling out and is grabbing my ass to turn around.. mmm some doggy. Ok. I flip around, knees on the backseat, one hand gripping the door handle the other arm bent against the door and he just lays into me. My goodness, he is fucking me so good. Squeezing and smacking my ass. I am so wet I can feel it run down my legs... he pulls my hair a little to pull me back on him. He is so deep I can hardly stand it... that continued for a bit before he slows down.. sits back against the backseat where it meets the passenger door.... he is signaling me to get on top. I guess he really likes me riding, and I definitely do too. Still makes me a little nervous since I'm bigger than him but it is what it is.

I'm short too which is good for this car action... I climb on him. My big legs on either side of him, reaching under with my left hand to guide him inside me... oh. My. God! This might be my favorite position now. His curve hits me in the exact right places and with just some slow hip movement I am already cumming. He likes it. His sounds give it away. I speed up a little...cumming again! I am so loud, I need to chill but Jesus I can hardly take it. I have a hand on his head and one on the back seat, gripping tight. Pulling myself into him while he has both hands in my ass, also pulling me into him.. I am moving faster, deeper. Grinding movement and he says "ooh stop stop stop".. so I quickly hop off. Laugh a little.

He is like damn... shaking his head. Then says "ok get back on, slow"... oh shit, ok. He just needed to chill for a sec. This time I'm moving very slow, very deep. Grinding my pussy into him while I'm just cumming like crazy . He tells me "make that pussy cum for me" and damn if I didn't again as soon as he got the words out. So fucking HOT! I kept moving my hips slowly into him, he is squeezing my ass so hard... I can tell he is getting close so I slow even more. Looking down on him, I slowly back off. He is covered in my juices! It's insane how wet I get on him!

He slid the condom off and I immediately put him in my mouth... I can taste myself. I'm rubbing his inner thigh and its soaked.. dripping wet with my cum... incredibly sexy! I'm so deep on his dick, I feel so much drool forming a puddle in my mouth so I use that to soak his shaft.. sucking, gagging, gagging more... eyes watering. Maybe even snot.. idk.. Just All. The. Juices!! I'm rolling my tongue around the head while stroking from the bottom and he is about ti cum.. I back off just a little and let it hit my lips.. then use that to keep going. He can hardly stand it, shaking, making his moans... fucking sexy.

Then.. we cleaned up. Used the last of the wipes cleaning my face and his dick. We chatted for a few about what else we had to do that afternoon then we hugged bye. Until next time.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Friday Feb 11th, 2022

I needed today. The last few days have been super stressful. Work stuff. MIL had her surgery, all went well thank God. Some stuff with my older son in school. Making moves financially. Been having headaches again. Then more work stuff! I needed some stress relief.

J and I always text good morning. Sometimes I'm first, sometimes he is. Today, he was extra early.. like before 8. Didn't think much. Just said Good morning back. Then we chatted about how nice it is.. it's been amazing out! We went back and forth some... then came the hint.. he had to go into his office today... that never happens... well his laptop having an issue so.. now we have an opportunity. He usually works from home, and so does his wife, so it's rare that he can get away during the day.

I of course picked up on the hint and gave it right back. Offering to warm him up since it was still cold... he said I should warm him up with my mouth 😏

Then I messed up; when asking where he was... he said 'Fridays.. I'm around there.

Well today is Friday.. so I thought he was telling me he was around MY WAY on Fridays 🤦‍♀️ so... I was waiting to find out where to go.. a whole hour goes by then he texts.. he was about to leave. Well... I'm still home lol. Luckily it was early so once we figured out that I misunderstood, I hopped in the car and headed that way. To TGI Fridays that is!!

Well I got there pretty quick, again it's early. Like noon. So not much traffic. I get there and decide to "set up" the back while I wait for him. I'm done and back in the front of the car, fooling with music, when I look over and realize he is next to me. Made my stomach drop lol...

Sidenote: This is the same parking lot we met on months ago.. my first time seeing it in the daylight though.

He hops in and were talking about how it's so light out. And lots of people around. We decide I'm going to follow him somewhere else. He knows this area.

After a LOT of turns through various lots and streets, and a few lights... we find a place. He parked kinda close to the line so my dumb ass hits the curb trying to pull in the corner spot🤦‍♀️ anyway I get in there and I'm super close to him. He straightens out and I can tell he is looking around... People everywhere. He leaves.. I hurry and follow. We ended up on the back lot of an apartment complex. Just about 100 yards from the lot where "this" first went down... when we met the first time. I still need to share that story here...

We had to reminisce a little when he finally got in the back. He got in on my side so once he moved over, I joined him. We looked around... chatted about the area but.. didn't want to move again. No one would pay attention to us.

He already has his pants down with his cock out and mostly hard. I unbutton mine, mostly for comfort and then I put him in my mouth.. so warm.. getting harder in seconds. I started real slow. Working up the spit.. one hand on his thigh.. squeezing as I stroke him with my mouth. My other hand behind him.. I am kind of laying on the seat.. his hand rubbing my ass down the back of my pants.. feels like exactly what I needed.

I'm drooling, gagging myself.. so much spit. His hand in my hair. I was out of breath from gagging back to back.. had to stop for a sec.. then back to it.. then the same.. gagging so hard. He stopped me. Said "take off your pants". He has a condom. Interesting he was prepared 🤔 he says "lay back"..

I scooted under him. One leg is just up toward the ceiling the other on the console... he immediately started DEEP.. Jesus and I'm cumming. My one hand is pushing against the door to hold myself in place, the other on him. Up his shirt, squeezing.. holding on.. maybe even some gouging. I'm pulling my legs back even further.. one is on the driver headrest now while the other is wrapped around J... he is just pushing so fucking deep that I cannot stop cumming. He is looking at me squirm, hearing me moan and he keeps situating himself closer and closer to me.. I swear I think I was bent in half! He started just pounding the pussy.. I was definitely digging nails into him.. I realized it and stopped. I'm cumming so much.. we're both covered in my juices.

Then.. he pulls out and starts rubbing the head of his dick on my clit.. well I can't hardly stand it. I'm squirting now and he was like "damn!" Then goes back in and again.. super deep. Grinding in me. I'm covering my own mouth to calm my sounds. Looking at him. Fuck he looks hot when he fucks me.

Then he does it again. Rubbing my clit. Making me cum like a damn waterfall before sinking back into me.. just looking at his faces is such a turn on.. omg.

He is making these sexy fucking noises.. I'm thinking he came.. maybe didnt mean to.. so he stands up.. slides the condom off and is just dripping cum.. trying to get it all in the condom. So hot!

I start to suck him clean.. he is COVERED in my juices. Not gonna lie.. I taste good on him. I suck him clean, twirling my tongue around the head. He is so sensitive.. I'm gagging a little, he says he wants to cum on my face.. "get down there" he growls.. he is stroking himself.. making his sexy sounds.. I'm looking up at him, tongue out as I feel his warm cum hit in my mouth.. he missed my face but still sexy. I licked him off again.. then it was time for baby wipes... we both wipes ourselves clean. We're getting dressed, talking some. He tells me he hurt his foot trying to position himself.. Oops. The price you pay for fucking in the car I guess lol.

I learned the hard way that my bleacher blanket doesn't stop the flood.. the seat was WET. I mean like a puddle. I sat in it.. whole pant leg and ass.. WET.. So febreeze to the rescue. I sprayed it all down as J climbed to the front seat.

I was telling him how soaked it was and he said that's because that pussy is like a waterfall. Lol definitely true.

We chatted for a bit. Told me his plan for the rest of the day.. asked for a hug...which he got from the backseat, told me to be safe driving home then away he went.

I put the back seat back the way it belongs. Kids seats.. arm rest down, rolled up that blanket and threw it up front... then I climbed in the front.. I figurd that move out last week lol, it was easier this time. I'm thinking... we never even kissed this time. That's unusual.. but that sex was phenomenal so I'm not complaining.

After I situate myself, I'm outta there and headed back home. Completely satisfied.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday February 6th... almost 10am

Update at 1130🤦‍♀️ he text me. I'm not gonna ask why I didn't heard from him yesterday. Is what it is and not my place to question.

Well... I guess I fucked up with that surprise visit Friday night. Haven't heard a word from J since leaving him Friday night. No texts. No response Friday night or to my good morning text yesterday. Nothing. Totally unlike us. We haven't gone a whole day without texting since we met.

Not gonna lie, this sucks. And hurts. I know it has to end at some point but not like this. On my birthday weekend too, ugh.

We had already talked about seeing eachother today too... just wish he would say something. Anything.

Sigh. Hope I hear something. I'm not gonna reach back out though. Don't want to sound desperate.

Well.. I'll try not to anyway 😔

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Friday February 4th, 2022

It's my birthday weekend. And none of my friends are around to make plans.

I reconnected with D. We have been chit chatting for the last day or so. I missed our conversation. Nothing sexual, just platonic mostly. I'm glad because I really do feel a connection to him.

All that being said.. it's J that I want physically, sexually. I wanted to take a ride this last Wednesday but it'd be hard to explain going to Happy Hour on a weeknight while the kids were all home so, we didn't meet up.

Well have been sending hints all day today. Him saying he is out of work early and going to be out running errands. I was out early too but not early enough to make it to Happy Hour before having to circle back and pick up the littles from school by 4.

My oldest is off tonight, so I made some solo plans to treat myself. I let J know that. I had a brow appt and then a wax appt at 6, that's about half way to him. After my wax appt I was going to go-to the mall that's near there... while driving around looking for parking, J text me. Said he was going to a basket ball game with his daughter and named the place. I took that as a hint to come there and see him. I mapped it, it wasn't too far.. and like I said. I was already in the car, so I headed that way.

I let him know that but when he is driving, especially with people in the car, he doesn't check his phone.

I get there just before 7:30 and said "Here". His response came a few minutes later

"you came here? Lol"

" wasn't expecting that"

Now I feel kinda silly. Was he just telling me where he was going to tell me and not to invite me?! I say basically that back to him. He asks where I'm at, I tell him and then I see him walking toward my car. There are a lot of cars on this lot. A big game so lots of students and parents I guess.

Well.. he gets in the back. Still seemingly surprised that I came there. While we are talking about that, he is putting the kids seats in the very back. Clearly this means he wants me to join him in the backseat. I ask "do you think people will notice if I get back there?" He says "no, come on" then I asked do we care if people notice and he just gave me a look.. so, I hop out of the front and join him in the back. He is taking off his coat, unfastening his pants.. I am taking off my jeans. Grab the bleacher blanket and just throw it under us...

I lean in to kiss him, his mask partially covering his lips so I pull it down and kiss him. It seems unexpected... like he wasn't prepared.. so I move down and put him in my mouth.. mmm warm, semi hard.. he is already sucking wind and enjoying my mouth. He grabs at my bare ass. Squeezing both cheeks. I don't know why I enjoy that so much...

One-hand on my ass, the other in my hair he says "you got a condom?" I nodded. He says "get it" so I did. As he is putting it on, he says "you're gonna have to clean up, I'm just dropping wrappers" as he chuckles. I said "ill get it" giggling a little.

He is leaning back... "get on it" I tell him to get the blanket under his ass and he does.. then I got on him... I guided his dick inside me... instantly feels amazing! I ride him kind-of slow and speed up some making myself cum.. we feel the warmth.... my one hand on the door, the other on the back seat then on his face and head. His hands on my ass, helping to guide me. He then squeezing my breasts.

He was making his noises like he was going to cum, clearly enjoying me riding him... but puts his hands on my sides and slows me... so I stop.. look at him awkwardly as if to ask "did you just cum?" but I didn't say the words. There was this odd silence between us so I get off and sit next to him.. he says "yeah we can't do that.. damn. Lay back" so I figure he is trying not to cum and I lay back.. he slides in me... always feels so good!

He is giving it to me slower, makes me cum again... I'm wrapping my legs around him as he is again making noises like he is cumming so he stops.. pulls back. He sits back and I sit up. Unsure what to say..

He took the condom off and is kind of looking at it.. I think to see.. did he cum while in me.. because as I have mentioned, he doesn't do that. He is pinching the condom, running his fingers down it... again I think double checking it's stability. I ask if its ok, he says I think so... I ask what do you want to do now... he says I think I already came.. get me hard again.. so I put it in my mouth. I was wedged between the seat and the floor so I had great leverage. Taking him deep in my mouth.. working up the spit. I'm drooling as I gag some. He loves that shit! So he holds my head, he can't take it... I go a little deeper, gagging and there are the noises again.. as he is cumming down my throat. I can hardly breath but love hearing him. "God damn" he says as I am finally coming up for air.. I do a few more light strokes with my mouth, cleaning him off. He is jerking lightly.. too much stimulation.

I sit up... he is getting dressed while I sit there. He asked the time. It's only 750... this was quick. He is fumbling through his coat pockets for his phone. I'm guessing to be sure of time and to make sure no one called or texted.

He says "shit I gotta go. Gonna get me in trouble. My daughter is very inquisitive and I don't want her asking questions". I just said ok and asked him to grab the baby wipes that were on the front dash. I had left them on the heat vent and couldn't reach. He grabs them and says "I hate to fuck and run but I gotta go." I said "cum and run, its what we do" he smiles and agrees "its what we do" he asks "hug?" I lean in and hug him. He is telling me he usually empties all his pockets before coming in my car so he can't drop anything so now I'm nervously looking around the back. It's so dark though. He hops out and I keep looking. I see something on the floor on his side.. I knock on the window to get his attention but he didn't hear.. now he is on the other side of my car.. I knock again and he doubles back. I put the window down just a little and realize it's my own jeans 🤦‍♀️ he says "you giving me your clothes" and smiles. I said "sorry, see ya later" and he turns and walks back toward the school.

I am now embarrassed... still pitch dark and I'm trying to clean up and dress myself. Reset the seats. Pick up the trash. Put the blanket away which I gave up on and tossed it up front. All with the phone flashlight.

Then I'm thinking, I don't want to get out of this backseat and risk someone seeing me.. so I awkwardly climb my upper body to the passenger seat the kick my legs over into the driver seat. I did it! Yay!

I start the navigation and am situating myself to leave. I haven't seen anyone coming or going so thats good. It's like 815 now and I'm leaving the lot. Everything cleaned and gathered up except the blanket.

I get down the road a good ways, gas light has been on but don't want to use my card for gas somewhere not close to home so I wait til the last minute. When I am not far from home, I stop at a gas station.

While pumping I get out to do a walk around and make sure I got all the trash. I triple check what's going into the trash can.. all good. I fold the blanket and put it back where it goes. It's a little wet but oh well. Back in the car and almost home. Another successful Happy Hour.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Tuesday February 1st, 2022

I am going to use this platform to wrote out my dreams. I am so interested in them! Always very vivid.

I dreamed that I was on a field trip with a chorus or something but we were staying in old run down houses. I was in a house with J.. the kids on the trip were all pretty grown and in their own houses.

We were laying across this all white, silk bed. Im wearing this outfit that i recall wearing on my 21st bday. Tight jeans and this white, around the neck shirt and boots. Back is exposed. My whole back was tatted up... We are Making out and him rubbing me.. me grabbing at his clothes...then my phone rang and it was a student that I had to go help.. her car was stolen 🤷‍♀️

Then its night, I'm at a night club.. naked people everywhere. Fucking. Dancing. Drinking. Standing at a bar.. there were no chairs. Then I'm outside and someone pulls up.. mad at me because I'm dressed like a hooker. They're saying 'we were supposed to be there by now'.. no idea where . I'm asking how he knew where to find me.. asking if he was tracking me... it was too dark to tell if that was supposed to be J or someone else.

Then I was back in the other clothes...trying to drive J's car. Could not reach the pedals. I'm moving the seat up and back. Sitting the back of the seat up all while asking if he would drive and he kept saying... "no baby you have to learn.... I'm right behind you.. "

There were two older ladies in the front. Apparently they were someones mother and grandmother... both dressed formally and squeezed into the passenger seat. I finally get going... J sitting behind me in the back seat while I was driving. Rubbing my neck and shoulders. Running fingers along all my tattoos.. along the edge of my pants and then down my ass.. and saying I better hurry and get us there.

I want to know what these dreams mean!!

That's all for now;)

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday January 23rd 2022

Well today was jam packed! I was up way past my bedtime last night, didn't get enough sleep but hit the ground running at 8. Laundry. Grocery shopping. Took items for donation. Had some retail therapy. All. The. Things!

This afternoon though.... Finally, after six long weeks, I got to see (and feel) J.

Oh my word!

We were not totally sure our schedules would jive and he only had an hour window.. and I was late ugh. I would have been sooner but I had to pee so bad that I had to get off route and got all turned around due to road work. Anyway.. I pulled up next to him and he hopped right out and got in the back. I immediately joined him.. taking off my hoodie.. it was cold out but it was about to get sweaty.

He kissed me as soon as I was next to him.. sent chills all down to my parts.. I knew what was coming. We had some sexting the night before (which is why I was up late.. like til 3am) and he said he wanted some sloppy sloppy head.. so.. that's what he got.

He was fumbling with his draw string on his joggers while I was kissing him. Licking his lips and him doing the same. My hands groping him.. he finally gets the string undone.. I didn't even know people used those lol I'm a big girl so there is no need.. this ass holds my pants up without strings.

So I immediately put it in my mouth.. as usual he was already hard from anticipation... my God it felt good having him in my mouth! He was rubbing me so hard.. hand down the back of my jeans grabbing a handful of my ass over and over... uhhh. Man it felt good.. I was sucking him so good.. hair was going everywhere.. forgot a hair tie 🤦‍♀️ but no matter.. he grabbed it for me..all of it wrapped into his one big, strong hand.

I was gagging.. sucking, drooling and spitting all over him... he was definitely enjoying it too.. "Damn Dawn, you suck that fucking dick so good" that went on for a bit before he was ready to lay me back...

I reached to the back and grabbed a bleacher blanket I had to protect my seat.. I was already so wet I knew it was gonna be a flood...

I then had to fish out the condoms I had bought on Christmas eve that we didn't get to use... they were hidden in my console. Trojan Bare Skin...never used this kind before. He was putting it on while i was taking my jeans off... he said it felt thin, tight but.. it worked...

He started to kiss me.. I still had spit on my face.. he leaned into me as I scooted under him.. we seemed to be missing the spot for a few seconds as I giggled.. "you ok" but then he slid in me and I almost instantly came.. long, deep strokes..

I had one foot on the driver seat headrest and the other up toward the ceiling while he was just fucking me so good. Kissing me, making his faces of satisfaction. At one point I could hardly stand it as I had the best orgasm.. he put his fingers in my mouth. I was sucking on them. Biting a little.. trying to quiet my moans. Then he started to go faster, harder...deeper.. oh my fucking God. I came so much. Thank goodness that blanket was under me! I can feel the warm cum between us as we're kissing and he is just fucking the shit out of my wet pussy.. my God!

He stops to catch his breath.. I needed to too.. he says turn around.. guess we're trying doggy again. He is such an ass man. And loves my big ass so.. not surprised..

We had one knee on the seat, the other foot on the floor and my God can he fuck me so good. Squeezing my sides. Reaching under and squeezing my bouncing breasts. He slapped my ass. Once, twice.. then the third was a real stinger.. made me cum... I feel it down my legs... he is really just laying into me.. face damn near smashed into the door. One hand on the handle the other on the window as I'm trying to push myself back... a sweaty, streaky hand print was left behind.

The sounds he was making.. so hot!!! I almost thought he sad cum with me.. I was surprised.. he doesn't do that. Even with a condom.

He stopped again to catch his breath and I sat down.. that blanket was WET.. LIKE A PUDDLE. Jesus!

He sat back.. against the other door.. asking "you gonna get on it" WOW..I haven't ridden him before. I was nervous.. I said kind of shyly "if I can".. he said "move the seat up" referring to the passenger seat "I don't think I can reach" I was too short.. he grabbed the handle from the side while I reached all the way up to the front and grabbed the bar to move it up... it moved! Here we go...

I straddled him.. one knee on the seat the other leg was on the side of him on the floor.. he couldn't quite get it in the right spot so I reached under and repositioned his dick into me... oh. My. God! .. I haven't ridden a dick in yeaarrssss... wasn't sure I could.. but it. Felt. Amazing! His shaft pressing into my clit as I'm rocking and bouncing my ass some.... I came so much. Hips thrusting harder, faster. "Fuck you feel so good" I said through my fast breathing as I kissed him. He is pulling out my breasts, sucking my nipples as I'm riding.. cumming again.. almost continuoisly he tells me "sloowww... Slow". I think he was trying not to cum.. so I slow down.. move up and down real slow.. rotating my hips in a circle... cumming the whole time "yes, cum on my dick Dawn" he growls.. "I'm cumming all over that dick baby" I say breathlessly as I'm panting. Biting my lip to quiet myself.. trying not to breath so damn heavy.. geeze

A few more long, slow hip movements and he says "ok. Ok stop.. where you want this cum" I stuck out my tongue and climbed off him.. dropping to my knees.. as much as you can in the back of an suv anyway.

He slides the condom off and put it back in my mouth.. I was taking his entire dick at this point.. gagging so hard a little regurgitation came with it.. gross! I stopped for a sec to get it together... then again. Taking every inch.. again gagging so hard as he says "let me feel that throat" a little more comes up and i had to make sure not to actually throw up.. yikes... that would be a buzz kill... so I sit up.. "jesus I might actually throw up" panting, smiling.. he says "don't do that. Get down here" he then strokes just a few times and I feel the warm cum hit my tongue and lips.. I open my eyes to see his face.. ah the face of satisfaction.. so incredibly sexy.

I licked my lips and sat up.. reaching for the baby wipes.. he did good controlling it this time lol but.. one small.. wet problem. The blanket wasn't under us while I was riding him.. there is a big ass puddle he is almost sitting in. His joggers are gonna smell like sex. Fuck! Good thing I come prepared for this.. I have febreeze oder eliminator and disinfectant cleaner.

We check the clock and it's just a few minutes til 2 and he has to be back at pick up at 2! Shit! Gotta go.. he asks if I can handle the trash.. and I can.. we kiss bye.. it seemed a little like we weren't ready to leave eachother yet.. but he had to. We kiss again and hug.. he says his usual smart ass line "thanks for coming out. See you next time. God bless" I smiled and giggled.. said "see you next time"

He was in his car and I just just lacquered the whole back seat with febreeze. Put the other condoms away, put away the wipes... I opened the vents and blast the heat in the back hoping it'll dry quick.

Then.. I had some more retail therapy before making the drive back home.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday January, 16th 2022

Today was a bit of a whirlwind. I know I usually talk about exciting stuff but that's just not real life all the time.

I haven't seen J in about 5 or 6 weeks. Who knows if or when I will and while going to a bar and getting hit on by some good looking dudes is fun.. it's also not real life. It's one night, right... so... I have started so many projects in my house, to distract myself and keep busy, that it's getting overwhelming now.

Today I went from room to room and just tried to get things put back where they go. I feel like every room is just disheveled. And I cannot live in chaos like that. I am a very "put shit where it goes " person and when shit is all outta sorts, I get anxiety.

Well.. today my MIL decided to invite us all over for a family style dinner. She has never done that so it kinda raised some flags for me.. but we all went and enjoyed some homemade lasagna 😋 my sister in law must have had the same vibe as me so while it was just the three of us sitting around, she asked why the dinner. What was up. And my MIL said she just wanted to do it and couldn't before because she was working.. she is currently on leave preparing for a hip replacement. Well then she decides to tell my SIL and I about her will. And her wishes. This is a pretty major surgery and she does have a heart condition so she is worried. Mind you, my MIL is a nurse so she sees the worst of the worst that can happen post surgery so thats not helping.

I have lost both my parents at only 40.. my dad to cancer when I was just 21 and my mom 6 years ago to COPD.. so my MIL is the only parental figure I have. And my kids only grandmother. It was not a conversation I was ready for. If I die this, if I end up in a coma that.. my will, my funeral.. and take care of her husband ugh.. it was like re living the nightmare of losing my mom all over. We laughed some of it off but she was serious. Wanted to be sure we know her wishes and all that.

My husband was watching football with my FIL and BIL so he did not partake in the talk at all. It was ok in the moment but now that I am back home and trying to relax, I am full of anxiety over it. Too much to think about.. so I had to write it out. Get it off my mind that way... sigh

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Monday January 10th, 2022

What a weekend! I went out this past Saturday to celebrate with my friend Beth for her birthday. Well this is a local bar so I almost always run into someone I know.

I said before I left I was not going to drink much.. I'm just getting over having covid, just starting to feel normal so I don't want to over do it.. well.. as soon as I got there, they were ordering shots and got me one. Some blue raspberry bomb.. I'm like ok fine. Then I order my drink and think I'll just sip on it a while... we go back to the VIP area where Beth had us sitting and I guess I was thirsty so before I know it, my drink is gone.

I went to the bar and just got gingerale... while I'm back in the VIP section, I can see everyone so I spot a guy I used to work with and decide to go say hello. Well that turned into being introduced to his friends, his wife and son. All super cool people.

Well... one of his friends was a fine ass, well put together, clearly buff, black man.. named B. I definitely got a vibe from him. He would touch my shoulder while talking to me. Then my waist.. gave my a solid hug.. I was like.. ok damn.

He walks off to see some other friends as my friends are at the bar calling me over and getting more shots. Same shot.. different person paying. Again I'm like ok.. and order another drink and a water. Gotta stay hydrated. While I'm back in the VIP I'm looking for B.. I have to talk to him again. Beth asks who I'm looking for so I'm honest... tell her the short version of how I feel at home. She was shocked but she is in the same boat and also talks to other men on the side. Like shit.. I guess it's not just me after all!

I spot B.. he is walking around the bar to what appears to be some other friends. I take Beth and say let's go get a bday shot.

So now we're ordering a shot and another drink. I got us two pineapple upside-down cake shots.. delicious! And I spot B and his two friends across the bar and we make eye contact. He waved me over so.. we go. Beth is super flirty, even more than I am so she introduces herself before I had the chance. I point B out to her and how stacked in the back he is.. B's friend, Jay (not that J.. I know.. confusing.. but keep up) asks if I want to touch his ass... I bashfully say nah and laughed it off.. well Beth says she does and asks B if she can touch his ass... he nodded in agreement and she grabs a hand full of ass cheek.. well then naturally I'm jealous and also want a feel. I ask "I'll let you touch mine if I can touch yours" so we exchange ass grabs... mmm it felt good to be touched... and his...very nice.

We chat about working out, I tell him I powerlift though I don't look like it... he days that's cool. A little bit into our conversation he asks where my Mr. Is... he noticed my ring.. I said he was home. We kind if live separate lives. He just says ahh ok. Seemed uninterested in talking much after that. But his friend Jay.. was all about it. I admitted to Jay that I have recently stepped out, things are not great at home and we're roommates. He seemed super interested though I think he thought I was just gonna give it up.

Beth asks me if I want to go to a local diner for some breakfast.. it's about midnight.. I declined and said I'd stay and chat with my "new friends" so she left. So there I was.. at the bar, alone, with three guys who I had just met. The conversation turned very personal which I didn't really care. I'm pretty open. Maybe to a fault. At this point everyone has commented on my ass, and breasts... most women would be appalled but not me. I welcomed the attention. How pathetic.

Anyway the talk keeps up.. I order my new friend Jay a drink...Jameson neat.. and the bar keep made me one too along with my crown and ginger. Ugh. I'm gonna need to eat.. Stat!

Before leaving.. I slide my phone over to B.. he puts in his number. Then I slide it to Jay... he also enters his number. I sent then both a selfie so they won't forget me. I picked up that B maybe didn't like that I sent him and Jay both a pic but.. too late.

I ended up leaving at the same time as them. Jay walked me to my car and made sure I was ok to drive. I was. I went straight to McDonald's and got a burger. Ugh.. gonna feel this tomorrow...

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Monday November 29th, 2021

Well another holiday has passed. Let's talk about the last few days...

Nothing particularly exciting about Thanksgiving. Turkey and the usual. Saw my brother and sister which was nice.. but not much else... stores don't open up late anymore so that tradition went away.... I felt bad about it at first but honestly... it's ok. Folks deserve to be home with their family.

I did not even do any black Friday shopping. I ordered two ancestry kits on Amazon and a Barbie Dreamhouse from Target to give as gifts for the kids but that's about it. I'm so not in the spirit.

Saturday was Christmas Tree Day! That's usually a pretty fun day, and it was. It took an hour to get there and all of 15 minutes to decide on the perfect tree lol everyone picked out a new ornament and then we did a little market shopping and had a late lunch. Pretty successful day.

Sunday though...

My older son decided he is ready to really shift attention on to weight loss, the last year he has been building strength.. so we went grocery shopping together. This guy! Almost 400 bucks later we have TONS of healthy options! So proud. Can't wait to see how it goes!

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Tuesday November 23rd, 2021

Somehow Thanksgiving week brings all the emotions 😢 this is my mom's favorite holiday.. this will be my sixth year without her and I can't find my way out of this head space lately.

So much to do. I should be enjoying the season. Preparing for Christmas. But nope.. instead I'm dwelling over what I am missing.

Then... as if I need another reason to feel sad... J has been real distant... I'm trying to back off but damn if that isn't hard. It's only been a day but this is totally not like us to not even text. I have sent the last four messages and they have gone unanswered so I guess I need to stop now and let him be. Why is life so hard?! Like, stupid hard. I don't like feeling like this. It's the whole reason I am even in this situation. I need attention. Validation. Why do I need these things?! Ugh life can be so confusing and upsetting.

Well I guess I better go occupy myself by diving into work and stop fretting over something I cannot affect. So much easier said than done. Wish me luck.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Sunday November 14th, 2021

Sunday night.. sitting here. Alone. Again. I spent most of the day watching TV. Alone. He hates my shows. Picks them apart. It's irritating... and I like to hear the dialog. Know whats going on. Who said what, who did what. Not him. It's just background noice to his commentary. Ugh I sound so petty. Bothered by something so trivial. I should be ashamed of myself.

Its just one of those days as they say I guess. Feeling annoyed. Down. Irritable. Probably of my own making. I just want to FEEL.. something else. Happy? Wanted? Sexy? Idk.. just not this. So mundane. Day in and day out. Living with my roommate.

I dis get to text with J a bit here and there. He has his own family so I try not to burden him. Why am I always a burden though.

The worst part... my best girl friend told me last week that my unhappiness is bringing her down so she needs a break from our friendship. Talk about a gut punch. And they just keep coming. I need a break. An escape. Wonder if I'll ever see J again? Surely would welcome that right now. Man this feels heavy. I should just go to bed but even that doesn't make me feel better. I just lay there, next to him and feel lonely until I finally drift off. Meer hours before the alarm.

I should pour myself into the gym again. Fuck everyone. Look out for me and only me. I always listen to people's problems. Try to offer advice. Help... but my crippled marriage it too much for others to hear of so I keep it inside. Then at least it only cripples me.

[confessionsofamarriedmama]

Friday November 12th, 2021

It's a rainy cool Friday here and I have decided I need to start getting all these pent up thoughts out.

All I can think about is snuggling up in bed, with a warm body next to me. Not necessarily my husband's body though.. you see.. we have been very distant for a while now. As in probably half of our 9 year marriage.

We are like 2 ships passing in the night. I'm sure some can relate... it's lonely here.. I work days and then tend to the kids at night... he works morning til night. Often late. Barely notices me when he gets home but he sure notices when things are out of place. Or a mess even. Or if, God forbid, I'm still working.

Ever since covid, I have been working from home. Much like many others I'm sure. That has only made my loneliness feel suffocating. I don't see other adults anymore... except my husband when he actually gets home before I'm in bed.

I am convinced he stays out of the house as long as possible so that there is no responsibility for him.. and that hurts. It hurts so much that I have stopped asking. Stopped caring. I might as well be a single parent.. I handle everything from wake up, to lunch packing to evening sports and bedtimes. All! Of! It! It's exhausting.. and makes me resentful.

Do I need a therapist? Who even cares enough to listen.. no one it seems. Except maybe "D".... he's my virtual friend I met online over 3 years ago... he and I are in very similar situations in our marriages.. we both feel alone. No intimacy. Little sex life. Little connection. We have never met in person, just friend to text with. Though he does make me feel... something I can't explain. Well.. he used to anyway.. he kinda ghosted me when I told him I'm ready for us to meet. He was ready too.. or so he said... then... poof... next to nothing for weeks...

So I did what any other lonely woman would do... I met someone else... I'm sure that's what other lonely housewives do, right?! Of course not... clearly I have a problem here... but I don't know how to fix it. Ive tried talking, writing, begging, counseling, crying. And now I'm just like fuck it... I'll find a connection somewhere else... and.. I did. His name is "J". Within a week or so of messaging, our conversation turned exciting... I needed to meet him. I dropped a hint and he picked right up on it... so.. we planned it! I was so nervous, I was shaking. Was I really doing this... is this happening...yup.. it was. We met at a restaurant about six weeks ago... WOW.. he was so attractive... tall, athletic.. so handsome. Well the restaurant was too busy and it felt nerve wracking so we decided to just take a drive. It didn't take but few minutes for him to steal a kiss... omg my heart sunk right out my ass. It felt amazing... exciting. Scary. Gooodddd.... all the things... more about that night a little later but sheesh... it got steamy!!

So.. yeah... Life is a bit complicated. But I am navigating the best way I know how and that's by fulfilling myself with the attention of other man. There. I said it. Now you can judge away.