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[confusedagedcheese]

Day 4. 1st March. I went on a tour of blue mountains. Was looking forward to the socialization but boyyyy was I awkward. I’ve never felt more Asian in my lifeeeee. All these white peoples can just join convos so easily. I felt a bit excluded and lonely, but at least I wasn’t alone. Wouldn’t say I enjoyed it so much. The view was great! But I just didn’t feel that magic I felt when k saw Yosemite for example. But I guess these feelings can’t be orchestrated. Anyways, I cannot do climbing!!! I have this really intense fear of falling or slipping so I move soooo slowly!! I was wondering why am I always last when there were bigger Americans and old people on the tour! But then I realize it’s my fear that’s crippling me! I swear I was focusing a little too hard on not falling. I was really so scared of slipping. It was insanely steep! I ended up not going down to the waterfall with the rest of the group cos I knew I would be so slow!!! So I stayed up on the lookout. I felt a bit exhausted at the end of the day because it was hard socializing. :/ mannnnn I kinda beat myself up a little at the end of the day cos I was upset I wasn’t more charming and I was questioning whether or not I was interesting and fun. Had a bit of a self doubt moment. But it was nice going back to my room knowing I knowing I only had 1 full day to go. I ended up eating Thai again for dinner and called Leonard for a long time :) which was nice! Talked to my parents for a long time too!

[confusedagedcheese]

Day 3 28th Feb! I skydiveddddddd! I got up super early to wait for the bus and while waiting I made friends with these 2 Filipino girls who were in Sydney for team building. They were so nice and it felt so comforting to not be alone. The other people on the bus were also Asian, 1 from Taiwan and 1 from Indonesia.

Skydiving

I didn’t feel anxious or scared until the very last second. The flight up was amazing, we went above the clouds and I saw views I’ve never seen before in my life. When it was time to jump, the first part was the scariest, the free fall was insane and the instructor spun us. I was screaming the whole time my mouth was so dry!!! When I asked the instructor if it was normal, he said “oh u left ur mouth open?” HAHAH. I was so thirsty when I landed. The adrenaline mannnn crazy. The pics came out looking sooooo funny!!! I had such a laugh. Afterwards, I was really dreading going back to the city and being alone again, but I decided to go outlet shopping and it turned out okay! Shopping is me in my element so I was alright :) bought a sweater and 2 dresses and an outfit for Eli too! Also spent agessss in kate spade (thank you kiara for helping me, I realize I did not adequately explain singlish to u) anyways after that I left, I reached back at about 7, then went to get Thai for dinner. It was sooo expensive! But it was a better night than the previous one. Also I called my dad and we talked for a while

[confusedagedcheese]

Day 2 27th Feb. left the room at about 11am. First stop was the harbour bridge. For some reason I felt very light headed, so the morning was not good. The walk on the bridge was not enjoyable cos I wasn’t feeling welling. Once I got off I immediately looked for a place to eat. Not before I went to rock market to walk around! I saw stickies and got Leonard a boomerang (regretted thoigh cos later I found cheaper ones) I had lunch at this Italian place ($30 for pasta!!!) there were so many pretty cafes but I was just too hungry to eat there. After I was done I was too full (haha) I took a walk to circular quay, that’s where I tried the selfie stick, failed so badly. Luckily I found nice people who helped me take really nice photos. After the opera house I stopped at this chocolate cafe for a coffeee. I then went to strand arcade (CBD) their shopping district. It was nice to walk around, saw a lot of familiar brands but too expensive. This uniqlo dress I wanted was $20 more expensive. Oooo speaking of that,near where I had lunch, there was a sale on Rip Curl, and there’s a sweater I like (might go back for it). Anyways , after shopping around I went to Chinatown. I helped this nice Dutch old lady out and proceeded to find dinner. I choose this dumpling place and ordered siu mai but instead received that (refer to photo) it was not good. After that I was pretty much drained, my feel were killing me. So I just took a bus back, bought some groceries and called it a day. There were points throughout the day when I was okay, and felt proud that I’m actually doing it, but other points where I just kept counting down to going home. Plus my room isn’t very comforting:( so I don’t find joy in going back to my room. This feels different from exchange, I haven’t quit adjusted yet :(. Hopefully soon, till tmr!

[confusedagedcheese]

Day 1. 26th Feb. I’m posting a day late. So I landed and cleared customs. I was sooooo worried at baggage claims cos I thought something must have gone wrong with my luggage. ( I couldn’t lock it properly) all was fine and I proceeded to find my way to the train. The train was really cool! 2 floors! Really comfy. When I got to central station, I was sooooo overwhelmed and scared, I keep telling myself to get to the hotel and just take it step by step. I managed to find my way to the bus stop, and I almost missed my bus cos there was 3 bus stops all side by side. On the bus ride I saw so many beautiful signs and shops, it looked like a cool neighborhood. I found my to the hotel and the lobby was very pretty and Chique but my room was not. It was extremely small. Either ways I was happy to be settled, one thing down! I took a shower and called Leonard and my parents. Then I went out to get dinner at hungry jacks (it’s Burger King everywhere else I know, I just wanted to try for the laughs) after that I went to a grocery store to get water and snacks. I wanted to see some shops but a lot were closed. I got back and went to bed around 6.30pm cos I was just soooo tired. I woke up at around 10 and was feeling extremely anxious and claustrophobic. It was not a good night at all. I was just so fearful and homesick. I still feel a bit claustrophobic:/ anyways I was able to go to bed at 1am again and woke up at 9 the next day.

[confusedagedcheese]

*FAT* it doesn’t feel good when someone lays their flaws right infront of you. It’s not like I don’t know that, or that I’m trying to argue that it isn’t true, I’m not blind I know that i am. I guess I just don’t like the reminder. Lenny and I broke up over this reason before, and I just don’t wanna rehash that. I don’t want to always feel like I’m not good enough. I feel so uncertain, not in my relationship with lenny, but in my marriage with lenny (if there even will be one) Cos I just feel like his family has a lot of issues with me. There’s only so much lenny can do before he has to pick a side. I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to be the reason he leaves them. I may be overthinking this, but my rationale is, if they can’t even be supportive of their son now, and they can’t see beyond my looks, what’s my future going to be like with them?

[confusedagedcheese]

Tuesday!!! Ryan and I went for breakfast at eggspectations! Then we headed to Eaton to shop! I bought a really expensive bra! Afterwards he followed me to Ryerson to help me take photos! By the way he was obsessed with th PMD driver scandal thingy, so the whole morning his mind was just not present! Hahah but it’s okay! The waitress at the cafe looked at me like “I’m sorry the guy u are with is a jerk” that kind of look! We went to Chinatown after and we HTHT about ways to show love!!! I told him the whole Lenny story too!! After that we went to DQ for a break and for ice cream! Which is where we waited for kai ling! We did some last minute gift shopping then we headed to the Nathan Philips square where they had some winter wonderland fest. Looked pretty lame, maybe it’s also Cos it’s a Tuesday! After that we went to the Christmas market at the distillery district! It was beautiful!! But also a little underwhelming. Like all the stores sell food, and those that don’t are like damn Atas!! So meh didn’t buy anything except a Christmas ornament for Noel 😊😊😊 after the market we went to get chick-fil-a!!!! And we headed back to Sherbourne where we just chilled in the game room and ate! Quite a nice way to spend my last night :) back in the room, I had my last CG!!!:( really thanking God for those 4 people!! While I had CG, one of Ryan’s friends was also having a crisis so like we were both on the phone! Hahah! Once that was done, he stayed up with me Cos I had work to do!!! And we HTHT a lot about exchange and life! Really glad we got super close! I mean we were alr close, but I’m glad we are closer. OH BUT IM NOT ON HIS TOP 5 close friends...smh. HAHAH yeah CG was a nice way to spend my night as well because Ethan asked a lot of relfecting questions! Anyway the night ended so late, after CG, and midnight talks with Ryan, we only went to bed at 2.30am! I think it’s my fav night of exchange so far! 10th dec😊

[confusedagedcheese]

Monday! I woke up early to finish my philo, then I waited for Ryan to come! We wait to Thai boat noodle for lunch!!! It was not bad!!! Haven’t had boat noodle in a while Cos as much as I love salad king, the one there isn’t great. After that we walked the mall and Ryan had ice cream while we waited for Elisia!!! She came to school to say goodbye to me!!! And Ryan was there to help me take photos. I think his presence helped to undercut the sadness a little! Elisia asked why I have an accent and he doesn’t! HAHAH so I had to explain to her that I don’t actually have an accent and I only talk like that when I’m talking to her! She was like omg show me ur SG accent!! Anyway after saying the goodbyes we went back to Sherbourne Cos Ryan was really tired!! That’s him hugging fluffington real tight. HAHAH. Once he woke up we walked to Domino’s for dinner then he went to Spadina to check out Travis’s apartment for next sem! Once he got back, we went to the study room with kai ling to do work! It was nice just sitting and chilling there as friends

[confusedagedcheese]

Sunday! I woke up early to go to mass at st micheals so that I can go to the church store afterwards and get gifts for Caitlyn! Initially I was supposed to go back home to study for a while before leaving but I just decided to sit at Balzacs cafe!!! It was a peaceful time, plus it was really bright and pretty outside. After that I went to missauga.Last day I spent with Jasmin! She took me to mandarin, this huge “Chinese” buffet. HAHAH the food was all very American like but it was still damn good. I think my buffet skills have decreased though! HAHAH. After the buffet, (by the way it had so many sections!!) we went to Jasmin’s house to say goodbye!!! We chilled in her room, FOR THE LAST TIME, and I got to say goodbye to the house!!! We also went to the basement to get some photos with her parents, and her dad wanted to change! HAHAH but when he came back he was wearing a full on suit, with a BLAZER and all!! HAHAH! I’m gonna miss them a lot, they have been such a great host to meeeee! I just really love their family man😌 saying goodbye to Jasmin wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, maybe because I know that we will text and still keep up the friendship. (Right Jasmin? ) HAHAH anyway it was a good day! I am super grateful as alwayssssss. When I got home though I had to do my philo take home, and omg Remy was really annoying me man. That dude is hopeless and he asked me for help on literally ALL the questions. Goodness

[confusedagedcheese]

Saturday! The day of my exammmmmmmm!!! I was fairly prepared! Before my exam I was chatting up this random girl, hahaha we were talking as if we were BFFS. Like “oh my god I’m so not prepared” “ya girl me too” HAHAH. Like I love it, she literally was a stranger to me! After the exam I didn’t feel satisfied at All!! It was a really uneasy feeling. But afterwards I got to go to Natasha’s house to hang out and say goodbye to her fam! We just HTHT in her room till it was time for dinner! And once dinner was done we watched a movie Cos he bro wanted to!!! After that he even wanted to play monopoly with me! It was sooo sweet! HAHAH. But Natasha was like “ no we are gonna talk” and he wanted to come too! Her dad drove me home afterwards and they got gifts for me!!!! I was so touched. I really feel so overwhelmingly greatful for them and for all that God gave me!! It was fun family wholesome day with them and it made me feel better about my exam

[confusedagedcheese]

Friday!!!! I just studied then I went to meet valentine for beavertails!!! FOR ONE LAST TIMEEEEEE! I love her so much! She’s the one that I first met when I contacted Ryerson Catholics! By far the best decision I’ve made in life!!! We had such a great time and I actually didn’t expect this, but I almost cried when we said goodbye! It’s was sooooo bittersweet! IM GONNA MISS U VALENTINE! And I’m gonna miss u beavertails! So blessed. Truly blessed! She kept calling me golden boy haha Cos I told her my name means the golden one in Hindi

[confusedagedcheese]

THORSDAY! I didn’t go out at all! I just stayed in to study but I barely got anything done!!! Cos I just felt SO BURNT OUT. So instead I just watched murder on the orient express!!! Loved it. Very Wes anderson-y. And yeap. I checked my Spotify decade update thingy. That’s about it. Nothing special about Thursday accept for the fact that I lazedddddddd way too much and ordered Thai! AGAIN

[confusedagedcheese]

WedsSss!! I went to school to submit my stuff! At first the computer couldn’t print and I got so anxious. Then I went to the library building to study where I saw MJ!! Not Ming Jie hahah but my friend Mary Jane!! I was so happy to see her because she couldn’t make it to the dinner that day so I’m glad I got to say a proper goodbye to her!!! Oh and in the morning I took that pic with serene and kai ling. Meh

[confusedagedcheese]

I slept soooo well that day! I even slept through Jasmin’s alarm! Anyway I woke up and sent Jasmin to the subway station for work. Then I headed back to start studying before meeting serene!!! The photo of the bunk is just some photo Lenny sent me Cos they trapped some poor dude sleeping in there. HAHAHAH! Anyway Tuesday was pretty meh. I met serene and kai ling for dinner at SALAD KING! My fav! And after that I felt really stressed Cos I had to study!!!! And I wasn’t feelin their company u know. Like they wanted to drink and I told them I didnt, but like they came over and made a lot of noise and I felt bad cos my roommates were in. I just wasn’t really in a socializ-y mood!! But kai ling and I did walk back to the apartment together, and that was nice!! Oh and I selected my seats that day too!

[confusedagedcheese]

Mooooonday! Wooot wooooooot!!! Went for lecture with Julie and Christine but forgot to take a photo! After school I went to meet Jasmin and she took me to the CHEEEESECAKE FACTORY in this super pretty mall as u can see! Omg the food was so expensive but everything was amazing! So good! So GOOOOOOOD. We had a waiter from Ireland? Was it Ireland Jasmin? Anyway she didn’t believe that the dude had an accent at first, but we eventually asked and he was so nice about it! We had a good time. I ate brown bread! Fancy. HAHAH. Afterwards we went shopping, and I was not supposed to but I got some cheap stuffffff! Then we headed back where Jasmin helped me pack using her Marie kondo skills!! HAHAH.

[confusedagedcheese]

Okay sooo i have mistaken. SUNDAY is the day I had HTHT with benneth, not Monday. It was Sunday. Anyway didn’t really do much on Sunday! The weather at one point was soooooo bad! I only left the house to go to church! Church was great! I went to st micheals basilica, a different church from the one I usually go to. It was sooo beautiful and I was reminded of the promise I made to God on November 1st!!! The priest even talked about how to get closer to God using the three S’s which are silence, scripture and soul?? Hahaha I forgot. Anyway it was a good sermon! That photo of the baby is Noel! And his first baptism! Which I missed sadly :(

[confusedagedcheese]

Saturdayyyyy! Ignore that photo of benneth. I put that in Cos I wanted to show the screenshot of my instastory! The one about my roommates throwing my soup away! Omg I remember how pissed I wassss!!! I went to school to meet Christine, that’s Christine in the photo! We wanted to work on SPSS together! It was really fun! We aren’t that close but I do feel really comfortable with her! I stayed in school till 6 I think. And then I headed back. Not sure what else I did that day. This is what I get for taking forever to update

[confusedagedcheese]

Hello Friday! So when I woke up I was very determined to start studying and stop lazing! I felt like God gave me a hugeeeee wake up call!! So I got up and went to the gym!!! I think before that was also the day I had like a HTHT with benneth about Fiona! Nice. Anyway after working out I had to recap all my stat notes before I started doing the assignment since I skipped so many classes! It took sooo much longer than I thought it would! I went to school to use the com lab for a while and after that I was craving a beavertail soooo badly! But the nearest one is at habourfront! Well I had to take a bus there, and I stoood in the cold while waiting for the bus, I STOOD IN THE COLD THE EAT IT AS WELL!! Cos I just couldn’t want till I’m home. There was chocolate sauce all over my hair, coat and scarf! a HAHAHH. That’s how much I love beavertails! Anyway that’s about it for my day