consange-interviews

[consange-interviews]

Love & Stigma: An Older Sister's Feelings

The freedom to fall in love is often taken for granted, but in many countries there are still laws legislating against adult, consensual relationships. Often touted as protection for children, laws against gay or consanguineous relationships do nothing more than cause anguish for those who have found themselves with these feelings.

Feelings of love should be cherished, and law dictating such feeling does nothing but harm those who would otherwise have a chance to grow their feelings into something beautiful. In the following interview, I have the privilege to talk to a young lady who has romantic feelings, and has continued to be affected negatively by these laws.

How would you describe yourself? Your gender, age range, romantic orientation?

Well, I guess I would say that I'm a lesbian trans woman in her early 20's, that's a succinct description.

And the person you have feelings for? How would you describe them, and your relation to them?

She's my younger sister, also early 20's, and she's cisgender and bisexual.

Could you elaborate on what feelings you have for your younger sister?

So many feelings, honestly, I obviously love her like a sister, just, I'm also *in* love with her too, romantically, very gay in fact.

Most people would view having both romantic and familial feelings as a contradiction. Do you find these feelings come in conflict often? Or are they complimentary?

Hmm, I wouldn't say they come into direct conflict a majority of the time, in fact I would actually say they are mostly complimentary, a lot of what goes into being a good sister and being a good partner has to do with caring for and respecting who you love; though, they do come into conflict in, at least, my own desire for romantic connection versus the platonic expression of familial and sisterly love.

How long have you had the romantic feelings for your sister?

Honestly? I couldn't say definitively. A lot of my childhood and teenage years were emotionally muddled from a variety of factors, not least of all being trans gender without realizing it.

But I do know that I've always cared for my sister and can say for certainly that I knew I was in love about 4 years ago now.

In those four years would you say you experienced self-hate or hardships due to your feelings for your sister?

Yes, I dealt with a lot of self-hatred and self-loathing, compounding my love for her with a variety of other issues.

If there was a lesser stigma against these feelings, do you think you would have had an easier time?

Absolutely, just meeting other people dealing with these feelings online helped me immensely, if I didn't have to worry about the social stigma or consequences, can't even imagine how much that would've changed things.

Do you think your sister would be supportive of people in relationships similar to the one you desire?

I don't know, honestly, she's been very progressive and accepting of others, even supporting me in my transition, but I'm not sure how much that would translate when it's something widely considered "taboo" and "disgusting".

If incest were legal where you lived, do you think she would have an easier time accepting it?

Perhaps, definitely wouldn't hurt though, at least.

Do you have any plans to talk to your sister about your feelings?

At present? No, none at all, trying to repair a relationship and be closer as sisters is hard enough without adding more pressure and risk like that, unfortunately.

Maybe in the future, maybe.

Would it change if the law were to change in the near future?

Absolutely would change my plans, probably wouldn't immediately confess my undying love right then and there, but I'd be more confident in sharing that part of myself with her, even if she didn't reciprocate.

Thank you so much for talking to me. Before we finish the interview, do you have anything you'd like to say to people who experience similar feelings?

Thank you for having me! And to anyone else struggling with these feelings, it's okay, you're not broken or perverse, you're just in love and that's wonderful <3