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So I’ve really been struggling to create art these last two weeks. I’ve been drawing or sketching every day but I couldn’t do anything I was happy with. So I decided to sort of start over with posing, clothing, and coloring. I want to add more detailing into my clothes. Not creases exactly but, more in depth outfits. For coloring, I’m trying a new style by creating some gradients on the flat colors and then using a super simple cell shading and coloring the lineart. I think I’d like to use thinner lineart but we’ll see. This is Yew in an outfit and hair change up because I wasn’t happy with how she was looking before. It still needs some work. But I at least like how it looks enough to post it.

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So I decided to try something a bit darker. Which was basically me just scribbling with a paintbrush. I like this one better and it suits her more. This is Yew by the way. My living dead girl.

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So one of two characters I designed today. The other one isn’t colored yet. I mean...it’s cute. But I don’t know about the coloring style. It took forever. I like it and I don’t I guess. The hair is a mess. Coloring it always is though. I don’t know. I might like the polkadots better. Or maybe I need to use some more contrasting colors for shading and highlights. Or I should put the lineart back. I don’t know. Something about it is just off.

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Laundry Day

So, taking a break from the art thing today. Well. Sort of. Did some studying earlier but now I’m taking a break. Bought the laundry day expansion for the sims 4. Was pretty excited about it. Something as mundane as laundry, go figure. I like anything that makes the sims game more realistic and complicated. I even have a document I created for a lineage type thing. (If you don’t want to read all this tl:dr is at the bottom.)

Lucid ~ Inheritance: None Savings: Current Loans: Life Insurance Policy: Premium Life Policy – Weekly Payment: $300  Interest Rate: 10% Total Payment Upon Death: $445 Total Household Funds (Before Insurance Payout): Total Household Funds (After Insurance Payout): Funeral Costs: $20,000 Debt: Total Household Funds (After Deductions): Living Will: None When the person, Matriarch or Patriarch of the family dies their debt from loans and funeral costs get deducted, they write up a living will when their elders, the dole out inheritance. And if their debt is substantial it gets split up among the children so that they have to pay it instead (sorry no inheritance for you). I am on the second generation of this (the third was just born today, a bouncing baby boy named Icarus because go figure I like to name my sims after my characters.) Lemme tell you a little bit about the Dream family (Yes, her name is Lucid Dream, original I know.) So, Lucid Dream is the daughter of Mae Dream a single mother (made in cas along with the toddler Lucid). They lived in a shabby little apartment that had rats, a bad fuse box that was always going out, leaky pipes, a strange grate in the bathroom that sometimes leaked some weird sludge, and a mysterious bad smell that cropped up on occasion. Her mother was unemployed (at least on paper) and made her money from her list of gentlemen callers. (Each time she seduced someone she would get 500 dollars for the first um...encounter, then 300 if she slept with the same one again, and after that a mere 100 dollars per time.) She made about 300 dollars a week (on average) Despite all this Mae tried to provide for her child and pay her rent. Most of Mae’s callers were sporadic but there was this one guy who kept coming around (he practically lived in that apartment, showed up whenever he wanted) and after Mae’s second accidental pregnancy by him (yay mods) she decided it was time to get a real job. So she became a dishwasher at a local diner. Now, Lucid, her younger sister Enid, and her brother Louis all shared a cramped little bedroom in this cramped little apartment for much of her childhood. They were all born pretty closely together. Enid and Lucid spent some time as children together while Louis was a toddler. Lucid was a driven child aspiring to be the best she could despite her circumstances. In grade school she got straight A’s and received the trait “creatively gifted” for her lovely refrigerator art. However in high school she only managed to get A’s by the skin of her teeth. She got a part-time job working retail (poor thing) to help pay the bills, and spent all of her free time taking care of her brother and sister. By the time she became a young adult (and proudly earned the responsible trait), her mother had managed to become part of a catering crew and was doing alright for herself. So Lucid decided it was time to move out. She went on to pursue an art career (due to her creatively gifted skill) and spent some time focusing on that career until she met her next door neighbor Johnathan. Johnathan, as it turns out, was not only a vampire, but also had the trait of being evil. However, he treated Lucid alright and (thanks to the influence of her mother’s behavior in her upbringing) they moved in together. (This was before she knew about said evil trait.) Now, Lucid has almost gotten to the point that she has reached the top of her career (Patron of the Arts), so she decides that she wants to start a family. They try and try but for some reason it seems like it’s not meant to be. Lucid is distraught, the neighborhood has pretty much named Johnathan public enemy number one (because he keeps feeding off everyone), and it seems like Lucid’s hope for a happy family home will be forever out of reach. Until bam! One day those magical streamers and sparkles appear and Lucid is pregnant yay! The very next day however, while having tea with one of the neighbors and trying to mend their bad relationship, Johnathan thinks there shouldn’t be any harm in just have a little sip of Xander (said neighbor’s) blood to just get him through the day time. Unfortunately this little sip causes Xander to keel over dead in their living room (yay more mods). Now, Johnathan is actually pretty broken up about this so to keep his insatiable appetite in check he now has a coffin in a closet where he spends his time hibernating. Only coming out to write books and feed and shower before going back to sleep. But the kicker is that despite Lucid not having ever really spoken with Xander, (and probably due to some weird glitch) Lucid is in mourning OVER A LOVED ONE? (She actually had a negative relationship with the guy so I have no idea why but yeah). So, she spends the remainder of her pregnancy, literally right up until the point of giving birth, completely and utterly depressed. Crying all the time. Sleeping a lot. Until late that night, she goes into labor, rushes to the hospital, and has her darling baby boy. (We don’t know if he’s a vampire yet, still waiting to see.) Now Lucid is taking care of her baby, forgetting to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and trying to stay sane. But she’s happy. Johnathan has gotten a job as a writer, but still spends his time sleeping in Lucid’s closet unless he’s going to work or having a quick snack after work. TL:DR Lucid had a tough childhood with a prostitute mother and two younger siblings fathered by one of her mother’s Johns. She moved out right after becoming a young adult, started an art career, met the not so friendly vampire next door, and fell in love. She continued to strive for success in her career, after failing many times finally conceived the child she’s always wanted and has a vampire boyfriend who lives in her closet and only leaves to suck blood and work on his tragic vampire poetry in the tough world of writing. Still don’t know if Icarus is a vampire and not sure what’ll happen next. Also the new laundry day stuff pack is pretty cool. The new outfits, super cute. New hair styles, also cute. I do wish that clothes would get left scattered on the floor instead of automatically dropping into the hamper but maybe that’s just me. I happen to like the extra micromanaging step of something like having to put the clothes in the hamper themselves. Overall though, worth the ten dollars I think. Anywho! Thanks for stopping by! Arra

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Drawing of someone’s oc.

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Another commission piece using my new style. Though not the cartoon one.

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Small commission piece.

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Playing around with artstyle today. I wanted to add something more cartoony into my work for comics and stuff. If you’ve been following me a while you’ve seen the disasters that were my old attempts at something cartoony. I like this one much better. I like coloring with the dots. My only problems is deciding if that’s also how I’d color backgrounds. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll try out a background with it soon.

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Some commissions I did of someone’s ocs. First is my fave.

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Dark Lucid instead of bubbly Lucid. She has conflicting personalities.

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Commission I did for someone.

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Concept Sketch - Ten minutes of scribbling before deciding on a pose. Not bad. Messy Cute Final sketch - Five minutes. Super easy. Love it. Coloring - Four hours, three different coloring styles, and two mental breakdowns later. Welp. I don’t hate it.

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A year ago I drew this sort of...Red Riding Hood picture with Red riding a wolf through a forest on fire. I was super proud of it back then because I’d only been drawing a few months. But since then my art style and color style and basically everything has changed. So I decided to recreate the image (sort of) using Lucid and her strange creature that is still in development. I tried out a new coloring style. I like the image. I can see mistakes and the ground is sort of whack. But I like most of the trees. And the colors. And I’m too tired to try and go through and redo what’s messed up. But it’s a step in the right direction. It took me three days to do between composition, linework, and coloring, because I can’t draw very consistently since I fucked up my shoulder. But I’m glad I was able to draw something.

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Lucid wishing a happy new year.

(Also trying to figure out best resolution/size for posting.)

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The New Year is almost here. And so too am I.

These bones were cast long ago.

I re-read the Bell Jar's sorrows to remind myself that I feel more than nothing – that feeling everything so strongly is more honest than honesty. To prove that a broken vase can be glued together with liquid gold and black blood and become more beautiful than it was before.

I play with these simulated lives of mine like they are lifelines pressed between ceramic tiles. I make mosaics miles wide and you must be this high to see the big picture.

So too must I be bigger than the confining space of body that this world has given me. I must create my own universe where lightbulbs are my suns and cigarettes burn bright to mark the paths of my nebula daughters.

I am wrung dry and spread inky black and vacuum packed into void. Endlessly growing and changing and cold like winter's breath. Contained by infinity all the same. I am too old to live in a body so fragile as mine.

But Lucid sleeps beneath my skin and dreams, drifting, slipping into a reality she can control. She makes me more (w)hole than I was before. She is a womb, an open door, giving birth to the best and worst pieces of me that I secreted away beneath years of therapy and mistakes.

Honesty is all it takes to be free. And Lucid is the belljar breaking in me.

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It’s a mermaid.

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Messing around with painting styles and trying out some background stuff.