controlthepower

[controlthepower]

She's not used to this, to having someone hold her, touch her, comfort her. It's a weird feeling and she doesn't know if she likes it or not. She hardly ever touches people and if she does, it's for as short as possible. She doesn't know when she started distancing herself from people. She used to be happy, open, but ever since she found out about her powers, she's pulled away. From touch, from feelings. She has friends, but they're never close enough.

Dorcas wishes she could let people in, tell them everything, all her thoughts, her feelings. It's not like she doesn't try, but she freezes most of the time. She's too dangerous, she thinks, it's better this way. And it hurts herself to do it, but she knows it's better for them all in the end.

She lets him brush her tears off her face and even though she manages to keep from sobbing, the tears still manage to fall down her face. She sniffles, dragging the sleeve of her shirt across her face, trying to get rid of the tears, but they continue to fall. She feels a flash of irritation and she shoves her hands into her pockets, hiding her fingers before they sparked.

"Y-you missed me?" She blinks at that, then lets out a huff of laughter. "I..." she starts, then frowns. "I didn't mean for anyone to miss me. I... honestly didn't think anyone... well... would..." She can't look at him, and her eyes drop to her feet.

He’s always hated the concept of touch. His father had ingrained it into his head that there was something wrong with needing it, that there was something in the act of being touched by someone else that made Sirius inherently weak; and that had stayed with him, as ingrained into his being as the Black cheekbones on his face and the grey, grey eyes that marked him out as one of theirs. But even with all of that, Sirius had discovered quite quickly that he couldn’t live in Gryffindor Tower and avoid touch entirely.

He learned not to mind it from some people – when James clapped an arm around his shoulder and kept it there, the brief moments when Pete’s leg would brush against his in recognition of some shared moment, or even Remus’ body closer to his than normal and the heat of his lycanthropy seeping into Sirius’ close. With his brothers, he could handle it.

But Doe had always been like him – he’d only noticed it because of his own history of touch. He’d always assumed it was just part of her reserved personality, part of the fact that Doe has always spent her time one step away from her friends – while still very much with them.

But as her hands wrapped up and tangled in the nape of his neck, as she murmured into his chest her little apologies, and as she choked out a little sob – all of his aversion to touch melted away, and he just needed to be as close as possible to someone right then.

“Hey, hey no – come on Meadowes,” he grinned a little, brushing the tears off her cheeks, “It’s alright. I’m just so happy you’re alive and okay, and …,” Sirius shrugged a little, bringing his hand back and running it through his hair nervously, “I missed you.”

[controlthepower]

Dorcas nods. "Yes, I suppose so. But it makes me wish thatthey could've put forth a little more effort instead of just... deciding on what we have here. More information would be pleasant," she says, before sighing. She hopes they'd put out another paper with more information, but she knows that won't happen. She's stuck trying to figure out just with what they were given. She look away for a moment, biting her bottom lip as she figures out how to answerr Lily's question. "Yeah... I'm okay.." she says, before turning to Lily with a smile. "How are you?" She asks, genuinely interested. "It's been a while since we've last seen each other..."

It was more than a simple decision they all had, this was hopefully going to cause good for their world as long as people were willing to cooperate. “Yeah, a small spread in the Prophet doesn’t do much as far as swinging me toward one candidate over the other. I guess they were a little rushed with everything happening so soon too.” Lily sighed rubbing her hands over her face. It should have been alarming that the Ministry was moving so fast, but she felt comforted by the fact that they were obviously alert now. “You doing okay though? All things considered and election aside?”

[controlthepower]

Dorcas looks up, smiling when she sees Daisy. She likes the girl, hasn't been able to get to know her as much as she'd like to, but now may just be the time. She knows that Daisy wants to be in the Order and half of her wants Daisy to join, while the other half just wants to protect her from the war. She gives a short nod at Daisy's question, turning her full attention to the other woman. 

"Yes. I am. I'm trying to read deeper into everything... try and... see if maybe there's more than what's being told. But so far... nothing. I'm not sure who to choose..." Dorcas informs Daisy, shrugging.

At that, she looks down. "Yes... it does. I... I just wish that none of what happened... well... happened..."

 Daisy looked up, and, even though she knew she probably shouldn’t bother an Order member with something as trivial as her questioning - especially since it was probably something very important and Order related, Dorcas did look particularly worried. She glanced down at the paper in front of the other girl, and bit her lip a little.

"Choosing who you’ll vote for?" she asked tentatively, "I … didn’t know who to pick either. I just went with Warwick because the Prophet said he’d be good, and they seem to know better than I would.”

Daisy offered a little smile, “It seems strange to be choosing someone new - especially after … after what happened to Minister Weymouth.”

[controlthepower]

She should have realized it was Sirius from his scent. He doesn't look any better from the last time she saw him. No, in fact, he looked a lot worse. He looks like he has a lot on his mind, more than he already has. Her heart aches for him and the soft smile that she had placed turns into a frown. She mentally chastises herself even more for leaving. Her friends have needed her. Yes, they have each other, but she cares for her friends just as much as they care for each other. And she wants to help, wants to be here for everyone else. She's an idiot and she wishes she could turn back time. Or at least take away everyone's pain... and make the world right again.

Her eyes widen as he looks at her in shock. And then he's striding towards her, crossing the distance between them in a few short steps, and pulling her up. She doesn't even have time to at least stutter out a word as she's pulled into his arms, into a hug. She tenses up, just for a moment, before she relaxes, one hand rubbing his back and the other gently running through the hair at the back of his neck as he buries his head into her neck

It's not often that she's touched, or hugged, so Dorcas rests her head against his shoulder, taking in his warmth. His words, his reaction, makes her vision blur and her lower lip wobble. For a while, she doesn't say anything, just leaning against him, taking in as much comfort from the hug as possible. She doesn't know what to say, how to say it, but she knows she has to. "I... I just had to get away... I'm sorry..." she whispers, voice muffled by his shirt.

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying hard to keep her emotions under control. But that never works well. She lets out a choked sob, her fingers clutching onto the back of Sirius' shirt. "I wanted to try on my own... I wanted to see what I could do by myself. Turns out nothing. Not really. I just... wanted to try and get under control but... I don't know how..." she tells him, pulling back to look at him as tears stream down her face.

"I... I never wanted to make anyone worried... that was my last intention... I'm so sorry..."

Sirius had been spending far too much time in the Headquarters kitchen lately.

Truth be told, he was avoiding his apartment. He hadn’t cleaned up since Ted and Mary’s visits. Hadn’t wanted to walk in and see the devastation he’d wrecked all over the place – and worst of all, he really didn’t want to be alone. Not now, not with the smell of liquor still on his clothes and without a single cigarette on his person. There was too much at stake, and too much he’d lose.

One step back into his apartment would mean the smell of liquor all over the walls and floors would drag him back in, and he’d be lost in the bottom of a bottle in no time. And, for the first time in his life, Sirius Black really did not want to spend a three day bender remember all the bullshit that had happened over the past week – Mary’s confession, their fight, Ted’s disdain, Wormtail’s questions that Sirius couldn’t answer, his father, all of it.

So, he wandered into the Table room, where he finds the last person he’d expected to see.

“Doe?” he mutters in utter shock, “Fuck, Doe I thought … I didn’t … where have you been?” but before she can answer, he’s pulling her from her chair into a hug, his own face buried in the crook of her neck. Dorcas Meadowes may not have been one of his best friends in the Order, but fuck if she wasn’t a welcome face at this point and time.

One less person dead, was one less person to drink to in mourning.

[controlthepower]

So Lily understands. Dorcas perks up a bit, a soft smile on her face and she leans slightly towards the redhead. "So have I. I haven't heard much, not really. I've been trying to read deeper into what is being said, but there's nothing there. It makes it ten times more difficult that there's not much said about what they plan on doing to help us during this war."

Dorcas was more than right in regard to how important the election is. Part of Lily was having a hard time grasping the idea of not voting as some chose to do these days- how could they try to make a difference without it? The redhead dropped the paper onto the table as she laid her hand against it, “You’re telling me. I’ve been trying to hear if there’s anything more being said around the Ministry about all the candidates, but it hasn’t been really that easy. I think everyone is questioning who to pick just as much as we are.”

[controlthepower]

Dorcas looks up as soon as she hears the papers shuffling. She watches what he flips to, before lifting her eyes to his face, studying him. Probably a bad idea, but at the moment, she couldn't care less. Half of her is ready to stand up for herself, but the other half of her, the slightly stronger half, is about ready to bolt. But he hasn't done anything... yet, so there was no reason to leave. They were just having a simple conversation... so far. "And... you have read between the lines? What... what have you seen?"

She bites her bottom lip, looking away. She has no idea what to say, not really. She knows what most of the Order members would do, play the innocent civilian and see what they can get out of him. But would she be able to pull it off? She feels a flash of panic rush through her veins and she quickly places her hands under the table, trying to act casual, but really hiding the fact that her fingers spark with her power. She takes a deep breath, before shaking her head. "Do... do you think they have darker intentions in mind? I mean... after they get rid of the Dark Lord" She asks, quietly, her fingers nervously playing against the seam of her jeans.

He looked at her with sheer attention, his eyes drifting away from her face only after she chose to look at her paper like a grounded child would look at their feet. Well thank you for giving me the upper hand, he thought. Amused, he gave a look at his own paper, flicking it open on the Quidditch page, which he found much more interesting than wondering which liar he would vote for by the end of the week.  Biting on his lip, the ex Slytherin seemed to focus on the rumors of transfer from Chudley to Montrose. Well good riddance, he thought. "It’s called reading between the lines," he looked up, something feral in his smile. She seemed to have grown a pair since the last time he saw her, which was a while ago, but now was time to see how big it was.

"Well, not really. It would be the end of democracy," the words rolled off of his tongue with something to it that betrayed his sarcastic intents. "Their priorities are frightening however. What happens once they get rid of this Dark Lord they talk about? No one knows." William was not only convinced that they had no clue of who it was they were dealing with, but also that those gullible candidates were too eager to last on the long term. People would end up hating them. In times of war, leaders were never exactly appreciated, unless they won the war and opening a history book sufficed to know that.

[controlthepower]

Alice is smart. Dorcas knows that. And she wishes to soak up the older woman's words, her wisdom. At Alice's words, Dorcas looks down, giving a short nod of her head. "I know things aren't easy. They never truly are," she says, hesitating just for a moment. "I... just wish they were..." She feels foolish for saying that in front of Alice, but she couldn't hide that inside of her. So many people need hope, especially now, and she wants to help everyone else find that hope. "You don't think the Ministry will help? Even a tiny bit?" She asks, raising her eyes to Alice's form.

Alice realized how blunt she must have sounded at Dorcas’ reply and sighed. She looked over her shoulder at the girl, offering the smallest of barely there smiles. “Sorry. I just meant that, well, I’ve stopped expecting things to be easy a while ago.” You’d do well to think the same. But if this girl wanted hope that someday things wouldn’t be as hard, who was Alice to take that away? Though, it was crucial for her to realize that they’d have to fight for that. Her question, though, had Alice exhaling and taking a sip of water before leaning against the counter across from Dorcas. “Truthfully? I don’t think any of them. At the end of the day, we’re on our own, you realize that, yeah?” The Ministry wasn’t supporting either side and while those in power clearly wanted to remain their, Alice could only hope that, when it came down to it, they’d lean in the Order’s favor, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.

[controlthepower]

[controlthepower]

He looks worse for wear, but when hasn't he lately. The fake smile falls off her face and she takes a few steps towards him, already wanting to help him look better. While he helps her with her powers, her control, she just wants to help him period. Half the time Remus looks like a kicked puppy and she wants to get that look off his face.

"Just wake up, did you?" She asks, a soft smile on her face. She can't help the small laugh that escapes her lips as he rubs at his eyes, sleepily. She turns around and picks up some of the muffins she had made, seeing as that would probably be healthier for him at the moment, and sets them on a plate just for him. She knows his favorites, having studied him whenever she makes any treats and gives them to him and they are on the plate now.

She doesn't even think, reaching out to grasp his hand and pull him towards the table. Dorcas sits him down, pushing butter and a knife his way, as well as a fork, just in case he wanted it. She busies herself, grabbing a tall glass and filling it with milk and then placing it in front of him. "Eat to your fill. Can't have you eating a horse, right?" She jokes, although she's almost positive that it falls flat. She's not very good at joking and she looks down at her feet for a moment.

It takes her a moment to decide, but then she's sitting next to him, taking a cookie from the plate nearest her and breaking a piece of it off. She chews, staring down at it, before lifting her eyes back to his. "Are you okay?" She questions softly, concern etched across her face. "I... um... haven't seen you in ages..."

Sometimes it was easier to stay with the Order. He still had to pretend when he was with them, but it wasn’t to such an extent. In Muggle London… he had to pretend that he wasn’t a wizard. He had to pretend that there wasn’t magic flowing through his body just as well as blood. He had to pretend that it didn’t sing to him to be used and wielded and crafted to his advantage. He had to pretend that he wasn’t doing everything the hard way because there was a much easier way that it could be done. At Headquarters, he just had to pretend that he wasn’t a monster. It was a task that he had gotten used to over the years.

Sleeping the day away in a singular bed that he really couldn’t call his own would have been entirely too easy. Instead he only allowed himself a few hours, allotting a few minutes more to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. He shouldn’t be there, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. There was nothing else that he should have been doing all the same. Still, laying in bed for hours on end was a luxury that he would not allow himself the pleasure of enjoying.

Ruffled hair and rumpled clothes evident but nearly impossible to fix without supplies of sorts that he did not have on hand, Remus walked down the stairs to the kitchen. He would leave out soon, maybe go on the hunt for another job so that he would not be evicted from his flat. First he was going to grab a bite to eat though.

Seeing Dorcas standing in the middle of the well lit kitchen had definitely not been what he was expecting. He hadn’t seen her in… how long was it? He wasn’t sure — couldn’t do the math with his muddled mind — but it had certainly been a while. His mind was drawn almost immediately to wondering how she was doing with her control lately, but it was certainly not the time to ask.

"Um…" he said slowly, giving himself time to process her question as he rubbed at his sleepy eyes. He was famished all the same. "Yes, please. I could eat a horse." She didn’t need to know that he wasn’t exaggerating.

[controlthepower]

Dorcas tenses up immediately, fingers curling into her palm. It was halfway because she knows this man is no good and because his words don't agree with her. She eyes him as he sits, biting her bottom lip. She stays silent, looking back down at the paper and taking in a deep breath. She should probably just run, knowing just who he is and what he can do to her if he wanted to. But she doesn't, instead gathering courage and turning to look at him again. "And how do you know that?"

She nervously plays with the edges of the paper, taking in his words. She's not sure what he wants her to say. Did he want her to shoot down the candidates like he was so ready to do? She looks down at her fingers, lifting her shoulders in a small shrug as she purses her lips. "Ridiculous to find a new minister after what... what happened?"

"Because they all sound like assholes and they are all a bunch of liars anyways," pulling a chair out for him to sit, William gave her a smile, although there was nothing comforting about it, really. 

"Really, don’t you find it ridiculous?" He didn’t say what was ridiculous, wondering what would come to her mind. Obviously, he was talking about how the candidates all focused on the common enemy, in a vain attempt to assemble a bunch of scared, stupid people behind them. Politics was all about manipulating stupid people, and William told himself, that if he was a bad person, he probably would have made a career out of this. Thankfully, he was not a bad person, he was a teacher. Lesson n°1: Mudbloods were an atrocity and they ruined magic.

[controlthepower]

Dorcas watches Lily as she sits down, a small smile on her face. She takes in the words, before nodding. She's silent for a moment, picking the paper up in her hands again, and biting her bottom lip. "You're right..." she murmurs, eyes skimming across the words once more. "It's just really hard to figure out who is going to be right for everyone... and for the war..."

Lily had heard plenty at work about the new candidates for Minister that she almost had no need to pick up a Daily Prophet to read all of their credentials and thoughts. Instead of going with word of mouth, Lily decided to venture on her own to grab a paper to do a bit of reading on her own. She hadn’t made a decision as far as who to vote for, but she hoped this would seal the deal. She heard another voice at a table a short distance away as she grabbed a copy of the paper and clutched it between her hands. “That’s because we’re all a little reluctant to move on so quickly I suppose. And the fact that they’re going to have a lot on their plate doesn’t help either,” the redhead offered to the girl before unfolding the paper to start inspecting it herself.

[controlthepower]

Dorcas gives Alice a small smile as soon as she sees her walk in, but then it turns into a frown again. She gives a small nod of understanding, letting out a sigh. "That's true... at least you're being honest about it." Most would try and ease her into the truth, but she appreciates the honesty. "I... how do we know who is going to be the right one for us? Who's going to help us in war?" She asks, softly, fingers playing with the edges of the newspaper. 

Alice had just spent most of her day running around, trying to take head counts, handing out new missions and she’d only just stopped a few minutes before walking into headquarter’s kitchen. She ran a hand through her hair as she walked, seeing Dorcas set down the Daily Prophet. Though she knew the question probably wasn’t for anyone in particular, Alice answered it anyway. “Because politics are messy and war is even messier.” She shrugged, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. “And because hundred of people seeing the minister murdered before their very eyes doesn’t inspire much hope, I’m afraid.” She realized that she wasn’t incredibly reassuring either but it was the truth.

[controlthepower]

Dorcas blinks at the answer, used to people ignoring her for the most part. She was so timid, so quiet, that people hardly bothered her. She eyes him for a moment, before turning to face him fully, deeming him harmless. "No, I wouldn't. That's what makes it ten times harder... especially with all that has just... happened." She speaks up, just loud enough for him to hear, and grasps the paper in her hands once more. "Just when one person stands out, another seems more worthy. And then I have to start the process all over again."

"Because if they were we wouldn’t be in good hands." Barty responded to the question that had been thrown out from his side, turning to face the woman seated at the table. "You wouldn’t want some door knob trying to keep us all safe would you?" He questioned with a soft chuckle as he took a seat at the table behind her, ordering a warm drink and nothing more.

[controlthepower]

Dorcas sighs, frowning down at the Daily Prophet. She has been reading and re-reading the picks for the new Minister of Magic. This was important, she had a choice, and she was going to use that choice wisely. Just as she was leaning towards one candidate, she would begin to doubt herself and start the process all over again. She wanted to make sure the right candidate was picked. She knows she shouldn't be fussing over this, but here she was, doing so anyway.

"Why are these things never easy?" She sighs once more, shoving the paper to the side and staring down at the table in front of her.

[controlthepower]

She was a coward. It was safe to say that. She hates using that word, but to herself? It sounds pretty accurate. She had ran, as far away as she could possibly get, trying to run from herself, but she just ran from the people who care about her the most. And that was the worst thing she could have possibly done. 

She shouldn't even be here, in the kitchen of the Order Headquarters, but she's here anyway. Alastor hadn't sent her away, in fact, he looked almost glad to see her, giving her a huge clap on the shoulder that made her knees buckle and almost sent her sprawling to the floor and a smile. She had given him a weak turn of the lips in return, before heading to her safe haven. She immediately began baking, and before she knew it, the table was littered with plates of cookies and cakes. She hadn't realized it but she's been there for hours.

The dim light of the setting sun has her looking up at the window and she wanders over to it, placing a hand on the cooling glass. Dorcas bites her bottom lip, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She feels an unwanted tingle behind her eyes and she quickly rubs at them with the heels of her hands, willing them away.

She knows how stupid it was to run away, to just take a bag and head off in the middle of the night, not uttering a word to anyone. At least she had the decency to leave a note, with just the words 'don't worry, I'm safe', scrawled across it. Her hands begin to shake and she sits down at the table, just staring at the flowers in the middle of the table. It's almost funny, seeing the baked goods around the table, and the beautiful flowers in the middle of it.

She trembles, hearing footsteps approaching and she turns to look behind her. For a moment, she doesn't know what to say, seeing the person, but in the end, she offers them a small smile. "Would you like a treat? I've made more than enough to feed a... well, an army..."

[controlthepower]

stellavagus:

Sirius is more than aware of the effect he can have on women, and is only mildly surprised to find Dorcas is no different from the rest of them. It’s not that he doesn’t see her, watching him in Order meetings, he just never really thought quiet little Doe Meadowes would ever even think about something like fucking him. He shrugs in answer to her question about his shirt, and it’s genuine. He can’t even remember taking the shirt off – though he supposes it must’ve been to shower, judging by his slightly damp hair.

Guess he’d drank more than he’d thought.

He follows Dorcas into his kitchen, more than a little detached from the situation. The bottle of whiskey’s heavy in his hand, and he sets it on the counter as she opens his cabinets and casts a critical eye over the mess that he calls a home.

He shrugs at her questions again, “Nothing to do,” he murmurs, “Was just gonna have a quick drink and then head over to James’, but he volunteered himself for the damn mission. Been a week since Remus’ left for the werewolf camps, so I couldn’t go to his. Pete stayed at Headquarters to help Moody with that coded message,” he picks the bottle back up, “And Mary’s off with Marlene or something.”

Now that he’s reminded himself why he was drinking again, it’s really all he wants to do. He wanders back into his living room and takes up his position on the sofa, feet up on his very less than clean coffee table, and takes a long sip of the whiskey.

Family always makes him end up back here. Whether it’s his blood or his new one – blood doesn’t want him, and new always had somewhere better to be.

He half forgets Doe’s in his kitchen, and rolls his head to look at her through the little bar window there, “What’re you doing here, anyway?” he asks, “Didn’t expect to have you on my doorstep tonight.”

At his shrug, she sighs. "Well, I think you should put a shirt on..." she says, before biting her bottom lip. "Please?" It was embarrassing for her to be around a man with no shirt on. She knows it's probably a bad idea to ask him to put on a shirt, seeing as she wants him to be comfortable and it is his own home, but she was uncomfortable. She would have to admit that Sirius is an attractive man, but she's not attracted towards him in that way. She wants a relationship, not just sex, like it seems to be happening these days. She knows about sex from her friends, but she has more conservative views than it seems everyone else has.

She pauses, raising an eyebrow. "And so nothing to do prompts you to drink?" She listens to his explanation on where everyone was, blinking a bit at what he says about Remus. "Werewolf camps?" She asks, turning to look at him fully. "What's a werewolf camp?" She's never heard of something like that before and it confuses her. She has no idea what Remus is doing at a werewolf camp and she has no idea what one is. 

She opens her mouth to ask if he'd want to help, but he's heading back to the couch, taking a long drag from the whiskey. She watches him for a moment, pausing in cutting up the fresh ingredients while the spaghetti noodles cook. She wants to take the alcohol from him, to help him stop, but she's not brave enough and knows she can't deal with the consequences that will come from it. Instead, she sighs, before starting back her work.

She adds the herbs to the sauce, stirring it before she looks towards him again. "I... sorry, should've sent you an owl or something," she murmurs, feeling a bit guilty. "I just thought it'd be nice to give you a home cooked meal," she says, offering him a small smile.

food for thought | sirius & dorcas

[controlthepower]

caeliardentis:

It might have been a surprise to some that Marlene was a morning person, but she was. Normally. Most mornings she woke up easily before her first alarm with a spring in her step and enough fake optimism to get out the door. Not this morning. The night before had taken a lot, almost too much, and she hadn’t been able to make it home before feeling a blackout coming. Which was how she came to wake up in a somewhat familiar room that wasn’t hers. Awareness came slowly, like a fog lifting on a cold morning, the exhaustion from last night clinging to the edges of her mind. 

A prod made her groan and squirm away, but there was no room to go anywhere because she was already on the edge of the bed. As it was her only option, she cracked open an eye to regard the face close to hers. Waking up next to someone was rare for her, and for a moment she panicked that she had done something idiotic until her mind placed a name to the face and she relaxed. “Dorcas,” she greeted her with a yawned mumble, eyes closing again. “Five more minutes. Don’t wanna get up yet.” The bed was too comfortable to leave, and the weight of another body next to her was sublime. Marlene snaked a hand out to curl around the other girl’s waist, tugging her close. “Breakfast later. Too early.”

The mumbles that fall from the blonde's lips are met with a smile. "You sound like a child, Marlene," she teases, softly, before allowing herself to be tugged closer to her friend. The warmth of another person, the touch, it was wonderful and she sighs, content. She rests her head on Marlene's shoulder, wrapping her own arm around the blonde's waist. It was rare for her to allow touch, but she trusts Marlene and she knows that she won't accidentally hurt her.

"But it's not that early," Dorcas protests, glancing over at the clock on the wall. "It's only a little after ten." She's more than happy to stay here, with Marlene, relishing in a simple touch and the warmth and comfort of a friend, but the lure of food also makes her want to get up. "Besides, you don't have to make the breakfast, I will. You can just eat it."

wake up call | marlene & dorcas