conversationswithmel

[conversationswithmel]

Closed Mouths Don’t Get Sisters

The Origin Story of Melaina Nicole Valentine

Mel: You were around 3, 4 years old. You said, “I want to talk about something.” We were sitting around the table. Marsh and I looked at each other and muttered, “look at this child running the show!”

You looked at us and said, “Daddy, you are funny but I want something else.”

I named every animal in the zoo.

“Do you want a dog?” “No.”

“Do you want a cat?” “Nooo.”

“Do you want a giraffe?” “Nooooo.”

“Do you want an elephant?” “Nooooooooo.”

After a while, it became old.  We looked at each other and asked you, “Do you want a brother?”

“No.”

We were silently cheering.

“I want a sister.”  DAMN!

We tried to say Melissa you’re it. When we finished, you looked kind of sad.

A month went by and I keep thinking about it. Marsha had Kenny. I had seven brothers and sisters. I talked to Marsha and said, she (Melissa) won’t have anyone to cling to, anyone to be with. Marsha said Ok, let’s do it.

I called an announcement. [Ed. note: You see where I got that from.]  We said, Melis, you can have a brother or a sister. We tried to explain that you can’t choose what the baby will be, but you were confident. “It’s going to be a girl. Ohhhh no no no, it will be a girl.”

...Time Goes By...

I was the only person in the waiting room and wearing a 3-piece gray suit. (Unsolved mystery: was it for the occasion?) I was the only person in the waiting room when you were born too.

The nurse came out and said, “Mr. Valentine you have another daughter.” Melaina was criiiiiiine.  As soon as I picked her up, she stopped. Just like that.  The nurse said “Oh, she knows you!”

That picture of you holding her?  That is you like, “Yeah, I asked for this.”

[conversationswithmel]

THE SOUND AND THE FURY Mel and I are walking in my neighborhood on the way to breakfast. Mel: One thing I do not miss about the city is fighting for a parking spot. Me: Yeah. If I owned and place and was paying a MORTGAGE and property taxes, I need a least one guaranteed spot. Mel: When we lived in Rochdale (NY apartment complex), I had a space. We had a Gran Fury; it was my first 'nice' car. I came out one day and saw that this guy had got home, ran into my car and pushed it into another car in front of mine. You could see the tire marks showing how it happened. I knocked on his door [Mel makes a rap-rap-rapping knocking sound] and said, 'Hey, you ran into my car and need to pay for it.' He said, 'No! That wasn't me.' I said come on...the marks clearly show what happened! [Quiet] I got my money though. Me: Through insurance? Mel: No. I told him I would tell his wife.You see, he would drink too much and I saw him fooling around with a woman who was NOT his wife. Yeah, I got it fixed. #TeaReport

[conversationswithmel]

MAKE A MAN GET A CAR PAYMENT

Mel: I was at a party and danced with this girl. When it was over, I went back to the girl I was rapping to like, “so where was I…?” Later the girl came over to where we were sitting and said “Benita, call me at this number.” She made a big deal about it and I remember thinking, why wouldn’t Benita know where to reach her friend? Later, I thought about that girl. She was chubby, wearing this jumpsuit that may as well have been a parachute. Not my type. I said to Benita, “Did that girl leave her number for me?” Benita said, “why don’t you call her and find out.” So I called her and we made a date.

It turned out to be a big snow storm. She was staying at Drunk Jerri’s at the time. I called her from a pay phone at 72nd street and said, I don’t think this is going to work out today. She said, “Ok, call me in 2 weeks.” I thought, who the hell does she think she is? I’m not calling her. Days later, Benita asked if I called her. I said, “she told me to wait 2 weeks, I’m not doing that.” Benita said I should call her. We went back and forth; really argued about it. But I called her.

We went out. She had on a rabbit fur and we were standing on the bus stop. For the first time I thought to myself, I need a car. Little did I know, she was thinking, this nigga needs a car!

And then, they got married. FIN

#ConversationsWithMel

n.b.: a. My mother played my father into getting her number. b. She told him to call her in 2 weeks! And he obliged! c. My mother wore a black rabbit fur on the first date! All impressive!

P.P.S. - I have heard the origin story a thousand times, but do not recall ever hearing the fur coat on the bus stop.

[conversationswithmel]

Purpose

Mel: A reporter asked me, do you think you are going home? I said, I KNOW I am going home. I am not finished yet. You may die out here before me. #NamChronicles #ConversationsWithMel

[conversationswithmel]

APPLE OF HIS EYE Picture it: We were at the Maryland House rest stop today, Fauvas Day. The place is overrun with Dads. I walk past this father with his baby to table where Mel was sitting. Me: Was that us? Mel: (laughing) I was thinking of the same thing. It made me think of the time I changed your diaper in the car and this woman came over and brought me a basket of tomatoes. Me: It was apples! (Forgive him it was over 35 years ago.) He leaves to go to the bathroom. I hear him talking to the new Dad, relaying the story. Since today is Daddy Day, here is a flashback story he told me last year: "Melis! I saw a father changing a baby's diaper today, and I had a flashback. 1 time, you were about a year old, and your mother was at a doctor's appointment. I was changing your diaper in the backseat of the car and when you were all done, I picked you up and I said, 'do you feel better? I feel better too!' When I turned around, an old lady was there and she told me that it was 1 of the most beautiful things she had ever seen and she gave me a basket apples. Those apples were delicious!"

[conversationswithmel]

THIS IS NOT A PODCAST Listen to my actual Conversation With Mel, in which we talk about his job at RCA Records in 1972. 'Tis a tale full of dampened career advancement, studio shenanigans, and a literal run-in with a legend. (SN: At some parts, I thought I was listening to my sister, Melaina. Genetics are crazy.)

[conversationswithmel]

When Cuba Gooding Sr. passed away on April 20, 2017, the first person I thought of was Mel. I remember him with stories of working at RCA records when Papi Cuba’s group, The Main Ingredient, was recording. I asked Mel about it one afternoon while we were on I-83-N in Baltimore, driving home from the Baltimore Farmer’s Market.

Me: remind me of when you saw main ingredient at rca records.

Mel: It had to be ‘72. I worked at RCA records in the mail room with the potential of going to the RCA Institute. {Editor’s note: See the next post for more general info on the job at RCA.}

That’s were I worked when we got married. Cuba Gooding was there. There were other groups there, but I remember his; the main one. I remember Tony Silvester - he was the light skinned guy with the beard. And there was Luther, I think his name was Luther, who was the dark skinned one…one of them died early, I think it was Luther, I am not sure. . . . He was a replacement. The first song that came out did not have him [Cuba] on it. . . . I saw a looooot of action. I was allowed to go into the recording studio and see them. I saw situations where their wives or girlfriends would show up and they would get caught. There would be a lot of violence going on in the hallway. One time, of them - his wife came out of the elevator and another girl was sitting on his lap. Everybody ran! I was gone too! I don’t know which one it was, I don’t think it was Cuba. He acted a little silly to me. He used to be in the elevator [Mel mimicks goofy sounding vocal warm up sounds], you know. And he wore tight pants with little skinny hats. He couldn’t dress to save his life. . . . Me: So did you ever hear them recording?

Mel: Yeah. The one I heard was Happiness is Just Around the Bend (click the title for the song). I actually like Cuba Gooding’s voice. I like his singing. He is a great singer. A knucklehead, but a great singer.

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 6: Ens in Arms

(In the car, listening to the Delfonics leads to a conversation about soul music) Mel: I didn’t tell you about the time I met Issac Hayes outside the Apollo? Me: No. What is it? Mel: There was a premiere of Native Son, a film about the the Richard Wright book. Elaine (Mel’s sister) took me. Jimmy Baldwin was there…James Earl Jones…that woman who started Essence magazine… Me: Susan Taylor. Mel: Yeah, her. She was sitting right next to me on this side, and Elaine was sitting on the other side. Victor Love was the actor. After the movie, Elaine was talking to Issac Hayes in the lobby and she called me over. She said, “Issac, this is my brother. He had Hot Buttered Soul before you finished producing it.” We shook hands and started talking. … We [me and Issac] walked outside, talking. There were barricades and everything. People were taking photos. Someone shouted out, “That’s Issac Hayes!” Someone else shouted out, “Hey Issac, Who is that other nigga with you?” We looked at each other and laaaaaughed. He hugged me, and that was it.

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 5: If This World Were His

Riding along, and If This World Were Mine, one of my FAVE duets with Luther Vandross and Cheryl Lynn comes on the radio.

Mel: Is that Cheryl Lynn? [Yes] Ah yes, my dance partner. Me: Wut? Mel: I was with Elaine [sister]. It was after Luther’s concert at the Palladium, where we were sitting on the side at the front with all of the CBS people. Women were screaming and throwing their panties on the stage. It was the first time I heard Elaine say, ‘They think he is up there thinking about them, but he is up there thinking about YOU!’

[Side note: I’ve heard this before, so I am not scandalized. Love. Me. Some. Loofah.]

Mel: The after party was at a mansion on Staten Island. A 25 room mansion! And the owner was Black! We walked around and there were piles of cocaine set out in the kitchen and people would just go up and snort some. The owner came out in a court jester uniform, with the pointed shoes and everything.

I went outside to dance and I asked this woman to dance. She was chubby and light-skinned, she reminded me of your mother. When we were dancing, I told her that I was at the show that night. And that I had saw when she was on The Gong Show. She said, 'you saw that?’

I didn’t ask for her autograph. There were a lot of famous people there and I didn’t want to stand out.

#protip

[conversationswithmel]

Drink Tales My best contribution to a party is likely going to be one, or all, of three things: my smile and good nature, some form of an appetizer or cheeseboard, and/or a stiff drink. On a recent rainy Saturday evening I was at the Barnes Foundation to soak in free cultural experiences. The feature exhibit is of works by Nari Ward, a Jamaican artist who took root in Harlem, New York. (Mel is a NY artist with Jamaican roots.) This "LIQUORS" sign doubling as a trellis immediately reminded me of a classic little Mel yarn: According to Mel Lore, he and Little Melissa (LM) were rolling around the streets of Harlem. LM was too small for what surely was a late 70's/early 80's monstrosity of a vehicle featuring Detroit's finest factory work. LM insisted that she could not see out of the window and repeatedly complained about it. "Daddy I can't see. DADDY, I can't SEE!" To quiet the annoying child, Mel let her stand up in the seat next to him (perhaps it was a bench before consoles became a thing) and drove around with one hand on the wheel and another around LM's waist, allowing the little bugger a front row seat to Black Harlem. The complaining stopped, but the questions began. "Daddy, what's that? Daddy, what is that word?" "Um...it's liquors." Mel: You kept seeing the word everywhere. It's a shame that a kid would pick up on the fact that the area was so full of liquor stores. This is the origin story of #MixologistMelissa Mel is not a man with many vices; it is one of the ways in which he is a stand up guy. His worst habit was smoking but he gave it up immediately after his stroke in 2000 (or was it 2001? Bad memory.) The family joke is that he does not know "how" to drink but married a woman who liked to party and whose parents had a bar built into the walls of their Queens apartment. Here are two of my favorite Mel/alcohol stories: 1. When Mel was dating Marsha, he traveled out to the aforementioned apartment in Queens and met her parents. My grandfather, a tall man whom everyone called Bubby, welcomed Mel into their home with the offer of a drink, likely a martini, which I have seen in lots of family photos. Mel: It's before noon; isn't it too early to have a drink? Bubby: It's my own goddam house and I'll have a drink whenever I want to. BLOOP! 2. Non-drinker that he is, Mel likes what he likes, jokes be damned. I remember he went through a Manischewitz phase, with the square-bottomed bottle of what looked like grape juice sitting in our refrigerator for occasional after dinner nips. At one point, he developed a fondness for Arbor Mist and went to our preferred neighborhood liquor store on Liberty Road to get a bottle. (Shout out to Shoppers Discount Liquors!) Lady cashier, upon seeing his selection: Why don't you put this juice back and get a real drink? Mel: Why don't you just ring me up?! BLOOOOOOP! Nari Ward, Loisaidas LiquorsouL (2011) Exhibit on display until Aug. 22: http://www.barnesfoundation.org/exhibitions/ward

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 4: You Can’t Take Down Spartacus

Mel: I was crossing the street one day and almost got hit by a car.  This man and I ran to the sidewalk together to avoid being hit.  When I finally paid attention, I saw that it was Kirk Douglas.

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 3: Take the A Elevator

Mel: I worked at RCA records. One time, I was in the private elevator and when I walked out, I hit a man straight in the chest with my face because I was reading something.  I looked up and starting saying “humina humina humina”.  The man said, “It’s alright son.” That man was Duke Ellington. I was star struck and couldn’t talk, like if you met Idris Alba.

Me: ELba, Daddy.  Like ELLington.

Mel: Mmm hmm, yeah. I didn’t want to wash the whole side of my body for a month.

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 2: Puff. Puff? PASS

Mel went to the High School of Art and Design in NYC.  He took photography and learned to play the stand-up bass.  He was HEAVY into jazz, “while your mother was listening to Motown”.  Mr. Hubert Robinson, Jr., a jazz manager lived in the neighborhood and when he learned that Mel was a “jazz nut”, took him under his wing a bit.  Mr. Robinson was poooor, but he dressed:

Mel:  He is the one who taught me about aftershave and double-breasted jackets.  He had a beautiful wife and they lived in somebody’s basement! But when he walked out, you thought he had a million bucks. He also used to make me sit at his table and mash seeds with two spoons.

Me: What kind of seeds?

Mel: Marijuana seeds!  He was too poor to buy a joint!

Mr. Robinson gave Mel a front row seat to the bold-faced names of jazz by taking him to east Greenwich Village to the Five Spot Café.  

Mel: One time, I saw Charles Mingus breakup his bass because he got mad at the audience.  A tear rolled down my eye because I had just taken up the bass and I could not believe he destroyed it.

On another memorable occasion, Mel and Mr. Robinson went to Carnegie Hall. 

Mel:  Mr. Robinson put his arm around me and told the guard, ‘This is my man Mel’ and we walked through the gate.  We went to the Green Room and in there were Thelonious Monk, Charlie Rouse, and some other greats!  I just sat in the corner in a chair reeeal quiet. At one point, Monk came out of the bathroom smoking a joint.  He nodded and said hello to me and handed me the joint.  I pretended I took a puff (puffed my cheeks out, held my breath, everything) and gave it back to him.  I did not want to smoke in front of them.  I did not want to appear immature.  I didn’t want to be high in their presence. That was my high.  We watched the show from the Green Room because it led right out onto the stage.

People knew Monk was strange and lived behind Lincoln Center.  He would put on his bathrobe and stand outside on the corner under a street light.  One time, Mel was traveling with his bass to his friend Peter’s house in the same area. Monk saw him and whistled him over - “Come here”.  Monk kicked his bass (“I didn’t care, it belonged to the school”) and put his ear to it.

Mel:  He said, ‘I could tell you all about it [the bass].’ There could be a song out there by Monk about my bass.  It could have inspired him.

Me: Umm, ok Daddy, let’s relax.

[conversationswithmel]

Celeb Encounters, Pt. 1

Native New Yorker-dom has it’s perks, especially when you are a free wheelin’, multi-job havin’ young man growing up in BK and Manhattan in the 1950s and beyond. Mel has had a number of celeb encounters. As part of a series within a series, I will list some out. If you want more details, you have to request them…we’ve discussed the length of my memory.

1. He got into a jazz club when he was underage because he was dressed more proper than the older woman he was with. Once inside, Betty Carter (jazz singer) kissed his cheek.

2. As part of an arts program, he went to Romare Bearden’s studio. Mel knew he was an important artist, but was not impressed by Bearden’s work. Even worse, he thought Bearden looked like Khrushchev.

3. He went to a formal event with my aunt who works in the music industry. A “tall, bird-like woman” sat in front of him and blocked his view of the stage. Her name is Carly Simon.

[conversationswithmel]

Kids Are Dumb (at least this one was)

Even though I want this blog to record spontaneous conversations, I’ve been thinking a lot about one particular story this past week. So I called Mel and badgered him into telling me the story of The Time He Played Santa Claus.

Mel: “You were at a black preschool and they asked me to play Santa. I was pretty popular and they said they didn’t have anyone else to do it. So they bought me a suit. I wanted to make rosy cheeks so I got some make up. I even put white on my eyelashes and eyebrows.

The day I was coming to the school, Mommy drove me. As we were going down the street, people were honking their horns and calling out ‘Hey Santa!’ When I got to the school, they had all of the kids on the floor, waiting. I got outside of the door and yelled, No, Rudolph! Slow down! I started stomping my feet to sound like the reindeer wouldn’t stop. I had a burlap bag and they gave me some empty boxes to put inside. I put some bells on it and shook the bag like the sleigh was coming. When I came into the room I bellowed, HOHOHO! And the kids started going crazy. They were jumping up and down, and saying ‘It’s Santa!’ At one point, I heard your girlfriend say to you, 'Melissa. That’s your Daddy.’ And you said, 'No it’s not, that Santa.’

About 20 minutes later or so, I was at the front reading the story. You came over and pulled my pant leg and whispered, 'Daddy is that you?’ And I said No, I’m Santa! And you were basically like 'oh okay’ and walked away. I almost wanted to pee myself, I was so proud that my own kid didn’t even know who I was.

A few days later I was with you at the school and some kid yelled out, 'There is Santa!’ I was wearing my own clothes! And you looked at me, still in disbelief. This is why I still feel the need to tell you whenever someone asks me to play Santa.”

[conversationswithmel]

Scratch 'N' Sniff

From my sister -

Younger M: Well, my last boyfriend was only 5’ tall. He was HALF A FOOT shorter than me. Mel: Oh man, did you pat him on the head a lot? Younger M: No, not at all. Mel: I was gonna say, he knew EXACTLY what deodorant you were wearing.

[conversationswithmel]

Pieces of You

From my sister -

Mel: You know what else I saw today? Younger M: What’s that? Mel, traces the top of his top lip: Your upper lip. Younger M: What about it? Younger M: It’s mine. Daddys [sic] ❤️💛💚💙💜💙💚💛❤️