coolequius

[coolequius]

idk if you even check this anymore. but idk how to say anything normally so. i’m not looking for forgiveness or anything just know i feel guilty as shit and i’m sorry for being a weak idiot and i’m trying to get better.

[coolequius]

in case you were wondering. all these apply to me. they cause me to make shitty decisions like leaving people i care about because i can’t take the anxiety anymore.

Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed

Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

Regards themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others

Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

[coolequius]

i’m a liar, but i’m trying to be more honest with myself, and everyone. i dont wanna hide shit anymore. i wish i could talk to everyone again. i wish i could go to school and be normal, albeit a different one. don’t think i could look them in the eyes anymore. i just want money and a home and some kind of success. i want to be comfortable but i want to have earned it. i just... need someone real, someone loyal and honest to help me, to show me what i’m supposed to do.

why am i being so dramatic here of all places haha

[coolequius]

i have avpd

[coolequius]

sigh

[coolequius]

i just have a terrible headache, i got no sleep last night, i’ve eaten nothing, and here she is giving me a fucking cookie it’s like she’s trying to poison me so i can die already. like what the fuck health is not a myth you gotta eat good or your body goes to shit what’s so fucking hard to understand /??? WHY

[coolequius]

you know your mental health is slipping when you have a breakdown over your mom giving you a cookie : )

[coolequius]

i’m sorry

[coolequius]

,,,,,,,my life is a joke lol

[coolequius]

why can’t i help feeling tht everyone hates me.... hmmmm probably cause i PUSHED THEM THE FUCK AWAY

i’m a fucking idiot, like a genuine, complete fucking idiot

i just

hate crying about this over and over again

[coolequius]

i wanna drown myself in wisconsin so my last memories aren’t in my fucking cage of a room

(not actually going to pls dont worry)

[coolequius]

why do i have to ruin literally everything.... why can’t i just be grateful for what i fucking have left.... why am i fucking like this

[coolequius]

my mom is a saint

[coolequius]

this next song is called:

“please kill my father cause he’s the cause of all my pain he’s a literal fucking cunt and then kill me”

thanks

[coolequius]

im trash im trash im trash im trash

[coolequius]

you can work hard for your entire life but still end up dead and unloved and unnoticed and one day that will be me so what's the point

[coolequius]

kill me! throw me off a bridge! drown me! it doesnt fucking matter!