cooleststeak

[cooleststeak]

Hi, I’m Sam. And this is my villain origin story.

This is a response to this post on his public blog, therefore my reply will also be public.

First off, I have been pretty constantly abused emotionally, mentally, and financially for almost 6 years by tumblr user @happysadyoyo​, or Icarus, or Isaiah, or D mun. From March 2016 to August 2022 we were friends and rp partners and I gave him everything I had to keep him happy, but it was never enough. I can’t count the number of times he’s insulted me, unfriended me, threatened suicide, and treated me like absolute shit for not just one fucking year.

You haven’t changed, Icarus. At all. The only thing you’ve truly improved at is how to twist the blame off of you and back around to other people with a more therapist-friendly vocabulary. You didn’t own up to shit. The whole fight started because you acted just like you always have and got righteous over me having a life and not doing a request that you actually did not even make. A request that if you had made, I would have turned down, because I’ve changed since 2017. I have more responsibilities, and you are fully aware of that, since you’ve had a mental breakdown over every single adulthood milestone I’ve hit while being in your life.

That old system required me to bend over backwards, become a slave to my phone, withdraw from my old friends, my family, my husband, my job, and my schooling. You once got mad at me because sex with my husband took longer than you thought it should’ve taken. You got mad at me because I fell asleep. Yet I still tried my very best to do it because back then I was a willing doormat, and still that was never enough for you. You told me you’ll never be happy. You told your (then) spouse you’ll never be happy. Why are we subjecting ourselves to this horrifying ordeal of having to please you, never thinking of ourselves, when it will never ever matter?

And on the topic of spouses. Chase, my husband of 13 years, has done more for me than you could ever conceive of doing for B. He’s held me and comforted me countless times when you’ve repeatedly driven me to panic attacks and mental breaks. He’s seen every chat log, every text, every rp you have ever sent to me. You have no right to talk about him at all, much less talk about how much you want me to divorce the father of my child when you have done a million worse things to my psyche. I invited you to spend time with me on a wonderful vacation you wouldn’t be able to afford on your own and you still weren’t happy because you wanted me alone all to yourself. You wanted me to tell my husband to leave me alone for a day. On our vacation. And you’ve brought that up to me more than 3 times and a few more to B. 

B and I have been talking a lot ever since you had your surgery, I owe them the courage I now have to say enough is enough. After telling them about the hell my rp character has been through, they told me they don’t understand why Dwayne is dating D. That was the wake up call I needed, that your (then) spouse thinks our characters shouldn’t be together. That even this reboot is filled with more drama and immaturity than is reasonable. And of course it is. D is your self insert and the things Dwayne has been put through B has also had to endure. You once got mad that Dwayne wore a dress you don’t like. The funny thing about this post is that B feels similar to how I feel about the pressure you put on your rp partners. I started rping with B with John, and Moss with Luke, and I’ve been having more fun writing than I’ve ever had in years, and my rp circle is only getting wider. 

It’s been so much longer than just a year. I mourn all the long time friends I’ve lost because I chose to stand by you. I have lost so much of my life to depression caused by the weight of every day dreading your messages, what new hell will you bring that I can do nothing about, nothing but disappoint you and then have my failures repeatedly brought up as a grudge of yours for the rest of our friendship. You made me think I am a terrible person, an idiot who can’t keep to a simple standard or write with any creativity that is even a fraction of your absurd self-arrogance regarding writing and art. I thought it was just me. B thought it was just them. We compared pages upon pages of messages from you, how you talk to us, talk about us, and we realized that the problem is not us. We did not need to improve.

I once considered you my closest friend and now I struggle to separate what was real and what was trauma bonding. I want to say I loved you. I want to say that it was real. But if it ever was, you have long since beaten it out of me. It’s been made crystal clear that I was never a person to you, just a therapy trophy, an achievement, a statistic for you to quote as proof of how much you’ve “changed”

Now? I hate you. You are NOT a good person. You are a monster.

I know we will become the next Lile and Ashley when you talk of us to your next group of friends. They will fawn over you like we once did and hate us for how we’ve mistreated you and they will never understand the mental strain that lead to this. I actually genuinely fear for your next close friend, but my soul is so light now that B and I are both free that I cannot bring myself to care. No more walking on eggshells and fearing your moods! No more verbal beat downs! No more constant “rps on you”

Also: Fuck you. Get my baby’s name out of your head. Delete any pictures you saved. You are a stranger to my baby and always will be.

Now I have a tumbleweed to lay out the welcome mat for.

[cooleststeak]

Fall Victor and Yuri~

This will be the patron postcard of the month! Check out my patreon (Link in blog description) if you’re interested in receiving itt~

[cooleststeak]

REMEMBER SKIP-IT FROM THE 90’S

[cooleststeak]

ok spirits and suck is the funniest name variation EVER, it feels like something someone like ritsu would insult it as kgjfhjdkg

thirteen year olds are the worst

[cooleststeak]

All the time of the universe in our hands.

.Inktober Day 14: Clock

[cooleststeak]

me: Princess Zelda’s a pretty cool character and is way more than just a damsel in distress.

some nerd: source????

me: 

[cooleststeak]

#meetTHEGREATSPARTANSIBLINGS 

[cooleststeak]

ace attorney is as exciting as it is because it fulfills everybody’s fantasy of not just proving someone wrong but doing so in a heroically aggressive manner. ace attorney is about calling someone out, with receipts, so hard that they throw wild anime faces, scream, and tear their hair out, then get sent to actual jail

[cooleststeak]

Me, the DM, laughing: Does a 24 hit? My level 2 players: dOesS A 24 HiT???

[cooleststeak]

For DMs who have trouble coming up with names on the spot, or who’s players keep asking that godforsaken question!!

[cooleststeak]

tfw your entire wrist rotates

[cooleststeak]

Robes are stupid. My sorcerer dresses like Petyr Baelish.

[cooleststeak]

[cooleststeak]

Free worldbuilding idea:

Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.

“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”

“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”

“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”

“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”

[cooleststeak]

Critical Role Liches: unimaginably evil, consumed by ambition, hell-bent on destroying life as it exists to achieve godhood and subjugate all who would oppose him, a horrific decayed corpse animated by his own grotesque power

The Adventure Zone Liches: sought lichdom to save their families, the two that turned evil were fabulous as hell and ran a game show, the other two are major heroes of the story: one is a loving and badass lady who once apologized for destroying a 10-year-old’s macaroons once by accident, the other is literally named Barry Bluejeans

[cooleststeak]

i don’t mean to sound fake deep but the reason 2018 felt so long was because we’re being fed what’s trending at such a rapid rate that we literally can’t remember half of the shit that even happened anymore. “Black Panther came out in February!” Marvel releases so many movies a year that we completely forget about the last movie as soon as a new one comes out and it repeats in a vicious cycle. “Tide Pods/Ugandan Knuckles was in January!” The life span of memes have been rapidly declining for years and it’s gotten to the point where the average lifespan of a meme is about 2 weeks and then the next thing gets popular and then that lasts for 2 weeks and it just keeps going. We’re literally losing our sense of time because of our rapid consumption of media and pop culture.

[cooleststeak]

Happy birthday, Yuuri!