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TOM HOLLAND Gets Vulnerable About Mental Health & Overcoming Social Anxiety

[coolitsriver]

the hardest goodbye | self.

when: helping hands care home

where: september 15th, 2023, at 7:15 pm

triggers: death, mentions the word 'hospital' once

description: river says goodbye to his favourite resident at helping hands care home.

River's alarm clock blinked at 6:30 AM, and he groaned as he forced himself out of bed. It was another work day at the Helping Hands Care Home, and as much as River would rather stay home with his girlfriend and their animals, he was ready to tackle today's shift. He had been working at Helping Hands for a few years now, it was a job that he'd always planned to be temporary. He'd stay for a summer and then find something else. However, months turned into years. River fell in love with the rewards of the job and its residents but there was one resident in particular who had captured his heart—Poppy.

Poppy, an 88-year-old woman with snow-white dreads and a mischievous glint in her eyes, had been at Helping Hands for as long as River could remember. She had a vivacity that seemed out of place in a care home. River often said she was a timeless beauty, and she teased him about his endless charm. Their bond was more than just caregiver and resident; it was a genuine friendship. River had never had a motherly figure in his life and Poppy had never been given the opportunity to bear children. In a way. they fulfilled positions in one another's lives. If you asked Poppy, she'd tell you she had a son. Just not a blood-related one.

It was bright and early when River started making his rounds. He always left Poppy til last so that he could spend extra time with her without worrying about other residents needing his help. He smiled to himself when he made it to her room, knocking once before entering. She was in the same place as always, her rocking chair by the window - glasses on and a newspaper in hand. "Morning, flower."

Poppy looked up from her crossword puzzle, her eyes twinkling. "Ah, River, my handsome boy. Come, help me with this tricky word."

As they spent the morning wrestling with crossword clues and sharing stories, River couldn't help but admire Poppy's spirit. She had lived a full life, filled with adventures, love, and heartbreak. Her resilience had become an inspiration to him, and he was grateful for every moment they spent together. River would often sit with Poppy, reading her favourite novels or playing her cherished old records. Sometimes, they would take strolls in the beautifully landscaped gardens around Helping Hands, and Poppy would share tales of her youth—dancing under the stars, traveling the world, and falling in love. He'd tell her about what was going on in his life. About his family, his friends - she was the first person he'd told when he realised he'd fallen in love with Cleo. Poppy had even gotten him birthday cards to give to his family and friends - remembering every person who meant something to River. For, in a way, they now meant something to her.

River wished he'd met Poppy earlier in his life, for maybe things could've been different for him if he had. Still, he reminds himself that everything he'd gone through had led them to meet. However, he still wished he had. For he would've been able to have more time with Poppy. Because, life has its seasons, and as autumn leaves fell, so did Poppy's health. Her visits to the hospital became more frequent, and River was by her side through it all, holding her hand during those long nights, and offering comfort with a reassuring smile.

It was a cold September evening when River was on shift. He was where he always was - in Poppy's room with her Mighty Sparrow record on. She'd always embraced her Trini culture and River loved to learn more. Thus, how they found themselves here, River and Poppy dancing together.

"My boy, I don't know how you learned to move your hips like this. Even in my 20s, men couldn't move that freely."

"I have a pretty good teacher, what can I say?"

"Well, your girlfriend is very lucky."

"Oi, down girl."

They both laughed at that before it was abruptly cut off by the sound of Poppy's coughs - stopping their dance as she struggled to keep standing. All sense of joy left the room, River quickly wrapped his arms around her and helped her to her bed. As soon as he was sure she was safely in, he went to turn off the record player.

"Well, didn't that just kill the damn mood?" Poppy tried to joke through her coughs. River made his way to her side, picking up a glass of water for her to help her drink.

"That's alright. We can try again tomorrow." River said confidently, almost as if he was avoiding the decline in her health recently. Avoiding the truth that tomorrow for them wasn't promised. Still, he chose to avoid that thought because he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to be without her.

Poppy smiled, though it didn't meet her eyes. Almost as if she knew. "I suppose." She got out, letting her body relax and lying propped up in bed. She settled, glancing over at her favourite helper. "River, you've brought so much light into my life. And I've lived a long, beautiful life, so, that's saying something." She teased while looking lovingly at the young man. "I adore you, you know that?"

"Course I do." River smiled, taking her hand into his to gently squeeze. "Where's all this coming from?"

"I just wanted to say it," Poppy admitted. Usually, she'd have some playful quip to say in response. But, not today. Again, it's like she knew they wouldn't have tomorrow. "You've been my rock, my confidant, and my friend. You deserve the world, my boy. I know you don't want to be at this home forever. You have your movies to make and a life to live. I just want you to live a long and beautiful life like I did."

"I'll have plenty of time to make movies. I'm not leaving while you're still here." He kissed the back of her hand. "This is where I wanna be right now. I promise."

Poppy smiled sadly, she had learned that about River over the time she'd gotten to know him. He had a habit of putting everyone before himself. She hoped one day, he'd do something purely for himself. "Put yourself first for once, you idiot." She teased him before shaking her head. She motioned to her bedside table, "Well, as you're here, make yourself useful. I've got $15 in there - can you go to the store to get me a lottery ticket?"

River rolled his eyes, opening the drawer to take out the money. "88 years old and still doing the lottery. Shameful." He teased before he got up properly. "But, of course. You want anything else?"

"Just that, thanks." She watched as River walked to the doorway. She grinned, "I want you to bring back all of my change, you hear? Not a penny less."

"Yes ma'am." He teased, winking at her for the final time before he walked out towards the staff room to grab his jacket and car keys. He wasn't really meant to do secret store visits for residents but Poppy was always the exception.

It wasn't more than 20 minutes later that River made it back to Helping Hands. Quickly jumping out of the car, he made his way inside - wanting to deliver Poppy her lottery ticket before his supervisor or any one of his colleagues realised he was gone. Making his descent down to Poppy's room, he was shocked to find several employees and his supervisor outside Poppy's room and in her doorway. The sight of it scared him, his pace picking up.

"What's going on?" River asked worried. There was only one reason why he'd ever seen everyone gathered like this outside of a resident's room before and it wasn't for any good reason. His supervisor, Kim, walked out of Poppy's room at the same time he asked. The look on her face said it all.

"River," Kim started, "I'm really sorry. I'm not sure how to tell you this." She started, watching the colour draining from River's face with every word she spoke. "One of the nurses went to check on Poppy to give her evening meds and she was ... gone by the time they came in. She's passed away, Riv."

"N-No. No, that can't be. I-I was just with her. She was fine! She was tired but she was fine!" River knew his tone was getting louder, he really hadn't meant it to. But, all he felt at this moment was panic and disbelief. "Are you sure-"

"The home's doctor called it. Workers from the medical center are coming within the hour to take her to the mortuary." Kim and everyone at Helping Hands knew just how devastating this news was going to be for River. Everyone knew just how special the bond River and Poppy had. And everyone also knew how devastated he'd be that he wasn't with her when she passed. "Do you want to spend some time with her? I'll get everyone to clear out so you can have some space. Say your ... goodbyes."

He still couldn't believe this was happening. "I-uh-" He stuttered, a rare moment of River McGrath being completely speechless. "... Y-yes." was all he could get out. He watched in slow motion as Kim ushered everyone away, leaving him standing next to the open doorway of Poppy's room. He was scared, truthfully. To walk inside and see her so lifeless. However, he knew he had no choice in the matter. He had to say goodbye, to deliver her lottery ticket one last time. He took a deep breath and made his way inside.

The silence was eerie. All her belongings and items were left as he'd last seen them. His eyes finally made it to her bed, Poppy lying in bed peacefully above the covers with her eyes closed. She looked like she was sleeping, but the closer he got to her, the more he realised she'd lost all life and colour already.

"You couldn't have waited til I got back, huh?" He teased, feeling the shock transform slowly into sadness and grief. "I brought back all your change. $3.50. Not a penny less, like you said. What if this is finally the time you win the lottery and you die? You have the worst timing."

He placed the lottery ticket and change on her bedside table before he sat next to her. "You would've laughed at that." He uttered like a whisper. "Please laugh." His voice broke. The reality started to settle in and River, vowing to always hold back his tears, let the floodgates loose.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here." He sobbed quietly, taking her frail hand into his own. "I'm not ready to lose you, Pop. I feel like I have so much more I had to learn from you. I had so much I wanted to say." He rambled, "I just ... I wish we had more time. I wish you were in my life sooner. You've been the mother I've never had. I'm never gonna be able to thank you enough for that."

He sniffled, "I love you. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad but fuck, I'm gonna miss you terribly." He let out a chuckle through his tears. "Your strength and grace will always leave me in awe. You were such a bright person and I really do hope there's some sort of afterlife cause I don't wanna believe I'll never see you again." He kissed the back of her hand, letting himself lean down to rest his head against her body. He held her, sobbed, and allowed himself to grieve the loss of a remarkable woman. He knew there was no future for him at Helping Hands after this, having meant what he said that he wasn't going anywhere if she was still here.

"This is the worst fucking pain I've ever felt in my life but it's worth it from having you in my life even for a short amount of time." He whispered gently to her. "You'll never understand how much our bond meant to me. I hope I did the same for you, flower."

As River sobbed, sobbed, and sobbed, he came to understand that Poppy's gift to him was not just their friendship but the realization that love and compassion have the power to transcend generations. And in the heart of the Helping Hands Care Home, a river of compassion continued to flow, connecting lives, memories, and the enduring legacy of a remarkable woman named Poppy.

[coolitsriver]

[coolitsriver]

TOM HOLLAND for The Hollywood Reporter (2023)

[coolitsriver]

Tom Holland photographed by Isaac Anthony for The Hollywood Reporter - 14 June, 2023. Tom wears Prada sweater and jacket

[coolitsriver]

"Yeah, no kidding. Something's been in the fuckin' air these past few months." River agreed. There were only a couple people who knew that didn't have anything happen to them in the past few months. For River himself? A mixed bag. He shrugged, "I mean, I had a medical thing with my mom a couple months back. Like, pretty bad. Not like she and I are close or anything but my sister's still little and living with her so ... that was something." He tried shaking it off, "Fuck it, we gotta start talking about positive shit for a change. There's gotta be some good news happening with one of us, right?"

𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 : 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : 𝗍𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗌𝗊𝗎𝖺𝗋𝖾  𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 : 𝟦:𝟣𝟤𝖯𝖬

"God, I am just so tired of hearing about things going terrible lately. Am I tripping or have these past few months been so shitty? Like, what's in the air right now that's making folks go insane? Everyone's breaking up, getting hurt, robbed, or something! Please tell me you're okay, at least. You're humanity's last hope", Azalea opted for a playful ending to her tirade, irked by her own whining. But still, there was truth to it. It seemed as though misfortune had taken a liking to following her around as of late, whether it be directly or indirectly.

[coolitsriver]

cleo-somers​:

“Oh, god, Riv…” she wrapped her arms around herself for a moment as he explained what happened and wrapped them around him once he was done. This could’ve been a lot, a lot worse, but that didn’t mean this wasn’t bad enough already. “I’m glad they found her in time. I can’t even imagine–” she pulled away and shook her head. She didn’t even want to say it. Think it! “Where’s Alex right now?” she asked. “If you want, I- I can go pick her up later. If you want to stay here, wait for news. I’ll take her to lunch, distract her a bit, and then…” she trailed off. “Are we- um, telling her about this?” She asked. She wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. “And what have the doctors told you? Have you talked to anyone yet?”

“I-uh-I asked her friend’s mom if she could let Alex stay for another night. You know, just to make Alex happy and unsuspecting that anything’s wrong. Gives me time to think about what I want to tell her when I do go to pick her up tomorrow.” River rambled, his mind all over the place since this morning. “Spoke to the doctor in charge of her care. They think she’ll be okay but it’s a long road. They have to do something called blood rewarming? Withdrawing her blood, warming it, and cycling it back through. They got her on a bypass machine too just to monitor her heart. I saw her briefly now, she didn’t really recognize who I was which, you know, not a great sign.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes and just trying to make sense of it all. “I just ... dunno what to do, Cleo. I mean, I guess there’s not much I can do right now. I just really didn’t want Alex growing up how I did, dealing with what I did and I just ... can’t help but think I should’ve done more to prevent that from happening.” 

[coolitsriver]

there’s something about men and their slutty little forearms (x)

[coolitsriver]

Tom for The Crowded Room press

[coolitsriver]

TOM HOLLAND at the Lakers vs Warriors: Game 2 Chase Center, SF | 5 May 2023

[coolitsriver]

hellyeahjer​:

Time: Afternoon

Place: Outside Vivienne’s Beauty Bar

Talking to your character. “My sister just got a job at Vivienne’s as a colorist and insisted that I be her fist customer.”

“Oh yeah? I think you’d look amazing in hot pink.” He smirks. 

[coolitsriver]

ephemeraldan​:

aesthetic themed ask list

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

fin.

river - talya - chelsea - quinn - clementine - asa - miles - saffron

[coolitsriver]

[coolitsriver]

cleo-somers​:

“Hey,” Cleo said as she walked up to River, jogging the last couple of steps to wrap her arms around him. “How are you doing? Have you eaten yet?” she asked, gently brushing a piece of hair away from his face. “I brought some food from Eddie’s. I was on my way to class when I got your text; I thought maybe you hadn't–” she tried to explain but realized she wasn’t exactly sure why she’d stopped to get the food. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly– “I don’t know. Are you okay?” she asked, squeezing his arm as she tried to gauge how he was dealing with all of this. She knew they weren’t close, but Cleo knew complicated relationships sometimes carried the most weight. Even if you don’t want them to.

For the first time today, River was able to let go. Feeling the muscles in his body decompress when Cleo wrapped her arms around him. He was in a safe space, finally.  “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stop you going to class. I just ... didn’t really know what to do with myself this morning.” He answered honestly, feeling bad about having near to no appetite despite her bringing his go-to meal. He didn’t even know how to tackle her question, how to sum up in a few words what he was feeling right now. “I’m fine ... I think? I don’t know. It’s been a really weird morning. My mom and I hate one another so much and yet I was the first one down here when I got the call.” If it had taught him anything, deep inside, he was still the little boy craving love from his mother. “Neighbour found her passed out in the front lawn. Obviously had been out drinking all night and never made it to the door. She almost damn near froze to death from hypothermia if her neighbour hadn’t found her.” He explained what had happened, “I’m just glad Alex was at a sleepover. How the fuck could I explain that to her? I can’t even imagine.”

[coolitsriver]

“Yeah, I’ve still got a spare key. I’ll go round to see if I can get a suitcase together for Alex so she can stay with me for a few days until we know more. I just don’t know what to tell her when I pick her up later.” River spoke down the phone to his father, pacing back and forth outside Abernathy Medical Centre. What had started as a stressful day at work had only gotten worse since receiving a call that his mother had been hospitalized. He was chatting back and forth before he said his goodbyes, hanging up and leaning against the wall when he saw your character walking up. “Oh, hi.” He forced a smile. 

[coolitsriver]

TOM HOLLAND NMACC: India in Fashion event | April 1st 2023

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TOM HOLLAND | THE BROTHERS TRUST hoodies are back