cooltecher

[cooltecher]

0106

I only needed 4 days to give up on my original plan and write something everyday. Anyway, I still want to keep this up. I didn’t have time to write in the past few days as I had to go back to work. On Monday I had a lot of stuff going on but I still managed to start my workout plan which resulted in enormous pain. I hadn’t realized I was in such a bad shape. 

Yesterday we even did yoga together with my gf which felt good and I am really proud of ourselves. 

I also looked up writing courses online, maybe I’m gonna try one this year. 

That’s all 

[cooltecher]

0103

I spent the last two days worrying about going back to school. I left everything when the break started and didn’t even finish the tasks I was supposed to. Every time when it’s a school break I feel like I hate my job and I just don’t want to go back to work. And then, when it starts I realize this is still the (best and only) thing I can actually do. 

Still I wasn’t able to work ahead so tomorrow is gonna be horrible as well but I did a few small things. I’m planning to wake up earlier (lol). I don’t know why this is so hard for me, I’m already super tired. Its just 9pm here and I slept enough today and also I didn’t do anything tiring. 

I worked on my puzzle and I cooked again, and went to the market. Small good things. 

The whole idea of my life being like this frightens me. I don’t want to live every day just waiting for the weekend to be happy. But now it’s like this and I don’t know how to change it. I don’t hate my job it’s just makes me so tired that I have no energy to do anything else. And I always realize this when I m on a break. Sometimes I think I should have a job that lets me have more energy and I should find a good hoppy.

. I

I don’t know. Writing usually helps but now this just made me more depressed

[cooltecher]

0102

I’m not sure whether today was a good day or not. 

I finished the puzzle I couldn’t last year although one piece was missing (it’s probably the cat’s fault) and I started the one I got this year for Christmas. 

Also, I made brunch, lunch and dinner - I made some salmon with teriyaki sauce and bok choy. Too bad I don’t know how to take pictrues of food.

In the morning I worked on my story (the one about the depressed teen) and actually got into the mood. 

The cat was crazy in the morning and was sleeping all afternoon. 

[cooltecher]

0101

I promised myself that I’m going to write about something everyday. This is mostly for myself but I just like seeing my writing online (because you know, it’s almost like publishing my stories). At the very same time I don’t want my friends to read this. Not even my internet friends or whatever we call those who follow us online and we never speak to them.

I spent this first day of 2021 with searching for recipes so I could cook more this year. I got real excited about this although it’s a bit hard to find those dishes which are perfect for my gf and me too (I need to eat a lot she needs to eat less). Anyway I found some things and I’m gonna cook something this weekend.

As every year I cooked lentil. I think this was the third time when I tried to make it and I always forget how I did it in the previous year so I had to use a new recipe again. I also started to work on my other plan: I want to learn how to put a proper makeup on. So I watched youtube videos and I’m gonna go and buy some stuff tomorrow.

The thing is, I only doing this blog because I hope it’s gonna lead me back to writing. When I was a teen I wrote so much, like I got sad if I didn’t write anything for a day, and now days I even forget that I do actually (sometimes, rarely) write.

Anyway, let this be the first chapter of this year.

I’m not even sure if I want to write in English or if I’m just gone switch back to my mother tongue at one point. We will see.

Recently I’m thinking about translating my stories (they are not even finished) and see if it helps me gain more confidence or motivation to write.

Oh, I’m also not sure how much I want to share about my life or if this thing is just going to be me talking about nothing, or me talking about the everyday life of my gf, my cat and me or me talking about school and how I want to give up teaching every second day, or maybe me talking about why I couldn’t write a single story, or me talking about the depressing situation of gay people in Hungary, or generally about the depressing situation of Hungary.

I’m really not sure about anything, you see.

 So.

My ongoing stories.

There is one about a depressed eighteen years old girl living in the Hungarian countryside being gay with a crazy mom and mostly alcoholics around her. She falls in love with a slightly older girl who lives in the big city, and she seems to be living her best life. They have a complicated relationship mostly because they are both depressed and struggling with their own shit. I was thinking about bringing one more girl into the story but I never get that far with the story. Honestly, I think it would be a great story if someone with more confidence who is not as lazy as I am, would write it.

 I also wanted to write a bunch of lesbian Christmas story after Happiest Season turned out to be so bad but I lost interest since it’s not Christmas anymore. So maybe next year (but probably not)

 I also have a story which I started to write 10 years ago (almost eleven years ago!!) and it’s basically about my life but there is not enough lesbians in it so I also lost interest.

 I also believe I should write a lesbian fantasy but I have no original thoughts so that’s a dead end as well.

Welcome to my life.