cope-arion

[cope-arion]

nothing makes me realize how broken and incompetent i am like packing for a move

[cope-arion]

i love when you’re one week away from the biggest shift in your entire life where you’re leaving behind how you’ve lived your life every day for the past 10 years and exiting everything familiar and comforting in order to enter the biggest and most baffling unknown, and for a very specific unrelated reason you have to look through all your physical photos and your camera roll from the past 7 years, and gaze upon all the lives you’ve lived and the person you were, only to swallow that you are no longer her but no matter how hard you try you will inevitably carry her into this journey with you.

[cope-arion]

[cope-arion]

when u can’t think of something because it literally hurts your heart too bad. cwazy

[cope-arion]

weird watching the once-essential pieces of your life fall away

[cope-arion]

Love is not a feeling, but the characteristic of a productive relationship. Failing to understand this is our great error in a time when all of us are chasing love as a life goal, but finding only an extraordinary lack of love, for which we then blame ourselves. Our misunderstanding of love continues to make this situation worse. A world in which love exists in fantasies but has no actual potency loses the ability to facilitate fair negotiations, bestow meaning, or produce anything other than purely monetary wealth.

Matter and Desire: An Erotic Ecology, by Andreas Weber

[cope-arion]

Windflowers by John William Waterhouse, 1903

[cope-arion]

I did it. I’m leaving e-mail hell. I’ll never make an elevator pitch again. My hands will be working in the dirt, building things, and wiping away snot from children’s faces.

[cope-arion]

ayguldavlletova

[cope-arion]

never mind. going to go immerse myself in the river and weep.

[cope-arion]

today i walked past all the places i’ve lived in the past 6 years. i even played specific songs i listened to on repeat from those various eras as i walked by… to try to stir something in me. i felt very little. no familiar pang. no gnawing ache. no wistful yearn to return to that time… it was just… stillness in me. i don’t know how to orient myself when those pangs and yearnings were what motivated me all my life. i suppose maybe God allowed me to continuously grieve these past 6 years, so i wouldn’t have to feel it all at once now. there are certain things returning to me i forgot i had. the things i’ve lost recently i thought were ALL I had. i feel like the old me would’ve had so much to say about all this…. being on the precipice of the complete unknown, leaving behind everything comfortable, and familiar, and entering the most momentous timeline of my life so far. i don’t have much to say about it now… except beneath all the desire for intensity, the craving for novel experience, there was a small glow in my heart growing. the call of God, guiding me to stillness, to routine, to gentleness… I trust that call now, I trust Him, for in His glory He has transformed my inner self to closer parallel what will soon be my outward life.

[cope-arion]

And you could have it all,

My empire of fun :)

I will let you smile :)

I will make you nice :)

[cope-arion]

God forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for believing I didn’t need anyone. Forgive me for building a wall so others couldn’t get in. Help me to forgive those who handed me the bricks.

[cope-arion]

when the thought is so diabolical you can’t even post it on tumblr

[cope-arion]

Bokeh Dream

[cope-arion]

one thing they don’t tell ya about being shown love is it doesn’t always feel like a warm and comforting blanket. it feels like you’re naked with a spotlight on you.