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i actually think it's criminal that i have not yet seen a single opossum post in this "with mama" trend. they carry their babies on their backs!

let's explore with mama

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The paw on the window

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themessangerpigeons

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wearing sky-colored shoes to hide from the devil. earth colored hat to hide from god

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My marching bands drum major did this one year, but it was "The golf ball joke". Similar premise but about the myriad stupid ways and reasons some old guy collected golf balls, and the weird mundane shit the younger person had to do to get access to the Reason for the golf balls. He dragged this story on for multiple sessions. It lasted literal hours (I think he liked the sound of his own voice but we were also all paying attention so this is also on us)

He finished it with the guy dying right before he could say what all the golf balls were for.

Our poor (asshole)(affectonate) drum major also almost died that day lmfao

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

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If your life is horrible and you need a new source of meaning and direction.... Do NOT find religion. Learn to identify plants.

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The way Elle Macpherson talks about her fling with Billy Joel is so funny. He offered to give her a ride back to the States on his chartered plane or whatever from St. Bart's but she was there for a photoshoot that wouldn't be finished for another day but they were so mean she was like fine I quit I'm leaving with Billy Joel and her friend was like oh my god Elle you can't just do that. He's going to think you want to date him (tbh he probably was just being nice). And then she got fired from her modeling agency because she quit the photoshoot and she was living in some kind of model housing so she also got evicted so Billy Joel was like you can live with me but they weren't actually cohabitating, he just had two apartments in some fancy building and he let her live in one of them. She's literally like "I guess we were dating but mostly we were friends."

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A girl and her carrots, a love story. No bond is stronger or more fibrous than these.

The wonders of scrap wood, some paint, scrap fabric and a dumb idea that would not leave my head. Special shout-out to Grem’s veterinarian who not only can sew internal organs, but also pillows. The duality of woman.

Growing cat grass in that little watering can 🥕

You can see the progression here.

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kupoh no

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This website is too mobile focused these days. Reblog and tell me what your desktop/laptop background is.

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Coolest thing about lord of the rings? The king of horses shows up. It appears he is no different from all other horses

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Esquie my beloved... I hope your day is a balance of Whee-Whoo-Whee-Whoo!

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happy pride month

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My favorite low-effort way to feel like i am treating myself is to fill up my water bottle with a truly excessive amount of ice cubes. The deliciousness of painfully cold ice water feels like sitting in the lap of luxury

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'farmhouse bouquet' dice set 💐 by knockoutdice on ig